Please help me get out of a lifelong social jam (could help many others too)..

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govols234

govols234

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Alright guys,

To put it short, I have been an entirely huge +*!$$ regarding girls my entire life. Girls have always told me I have been attractive and make great impressionson others, but regardless I am a +*!$$. I have a lot going for me..Im in the honors program, play guitar, in one of the best fraternities on campus..BUT, myentire life I have been scared of girls and been a complete biatch about. For the first time in my life, there is a girl in college that is the girl of mydreams, we hung out all day today and I made up my mind that I wanted to date her. She randomly told me several times that I have really pretty eye lashes(Whatever the @$%@ that means), but obviously she must have some interest.

My problem is that I have been extremely self conscious my entire life. I had a terrible acne problem earlier in life and was on accutane for several years,which honestly has really hurt me socially from 7th grade to a sophomore in college. Girls always show interest in me but I am naturally so self conscious fromacne and what not that I do not take them seriously.

This is the first time in my life that I have met a girl that I really want to get in a relationship with...but since I have been held back and jammed my wholelife, i have NO IDEA what to do. She told me she wanted me to get a christmas tree for my room and she would bake cookies and get her and her friends to helpdecorate. Should I add her on facebook and message her or what?

I seem like such a$%%%*!# because im so self conscious, but it is my biggest guilty fear i have ever had in my life. Everyone I know assumes I get laid all thetime but i Dont, because i am a +*!$$. What should I do with a girl that is the girl of my dreams, and she would take some work...facebook her, call her tohangout to hang up christmas lights..or what?

I realize that the majority of the people on the board are in the same position as me, so they will likely poke fun at me. But honest to god, this it thenumber 1 thing my life I want to change and I am going for desperate measures right now. This is honestly something I would never tell a soul in real life andI am scared to death it cannot change. It really is the number one goal in my life right now to change my social ability around girls. So, if you have anyadvice..let me know
 
yo man you need to get your swag up then everything else will fall into place
Indeed. Confidence is vital when dealing with women. If you don't have it then you're nothing more than a friend to them. Women won'talways say it but they want a MAN, forget that metro garbage perpetrated by the media.
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I have been an entirely huge +*!$$
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YOOOOO!

NT Admins are wild.....
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tell me you guys replaced a curse with ISS intentionally.
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you need to open up and trust these females have good intentions, that they're not just waiting for you to show interest and then shut you down becausethey think you're ugly. this girl seems genuinely interested. i say you should go for it, but take things at a comfortable pace. open up to her as therelationship progresses. definitely allow her to decorate your dorm, though you should ask her to leave her friends at home. that way, you two can spend somemore time alone, which will allow you to become more comfortable around her.

oh, and don't forget to show her that you're interested. don't be stiff and cold; open up, let her know your interested. if not by telling herdirectly, then by your actions.

hope that helped.
 
i can relate.....but u hang with her and u dont have her on facebook???? what in blazes
 
Jay and others,

Really appreciate the replies. I just feel so upset because pretty much my entire life I have had girls showing me interest, but I had been so self consciousbecause of my acne problem. I havent had acne in about 4 years and I am still self conscious because of it. I always seem to make great impressions on girlsthe first time i meet them (most of the time im drunk) but then I never talk to them again. It seems like a never ending cycle since my freshman year. I getreally drunk and go to parties, talk to girls and make great impressions..then I was so drunk we never really contact each other again and im back at squareone.
 
i see two possible solutions.

1. make sure to get down a number, facebook, SOMETHING! that way, you can contact them afterwards. if you do this already, then force yourself to make contact.REMEMBER: they showed interest in you as well. you're not hopelessly chasing; they're willing to meet you halfway.

2. try meeting new girls whilst your sober. crazy, i know! but seriously, im sure you can work your charm just as well without the influence of alcohol. makethose moves; if they bite, try to let go of your insecurity slowly. they wouldn't show interest if they thought you were hidious and wanted nothing to dowith you.

juxtapose reality with your insecurity. if you were, in reality, hideous then NO females would be into you. but, the reality is that plenty of females are intoyou. therefore, you must NOT be hideous, but quite the opposite. its simple algebra:
ugly = no girls
attractive = girls
if you get girls, you must be attractive..no whitemeat.
 
Thanks for the advice man, I really honestly do appreciate it. I have battled confidence problems my entire life. Honestly, I was the most skilled basketballplayer on my team and middle school and never started because of confidence problems in games. I was one of the top 3 freshman in my high school and my coachtook notices to it, but i lacked so much confidence that I got progressively less playing time throughout high school and was cut my junior year, although itwas known by most people that I was one of the most skilled players.

I dont know why the $$+@ i have been like this my entire life, but I have trying to get over it forever but i just cant seem to do it. BUT now seems like thetime I need to grow a sack and be a man, and try my absolute best. Im sick of being scared of everything my entire life
 
just go for it man. shorty i'm hella feelin right now seems like she has no interest in me whatsoever, but i would have never found that out if ididn't try... it hurts a little to feel rejected, but the plus is i can now move on and i know not to !#$% with her cause i'll just be wasting my time.if a girl don't like you back, its nothing personal, you just may not be her type. theres tons of girls out there in the world, some won't like you,and some will. if you dwell on one girl but never do nothin about it, you really just wastin your time man. do you, get at her, and keep it movin.
 
You sound like a carbon copy of how I am now (except for the fact that I'm a senior in high school). I have god awful acne and like you said, "I amnaturally so self conscious from acne and what not that I do not take them seriously."

Even though I can't be much help to you due to the fact that I'm in the same situation as you, I'd just say to take it one step at a time and justlet things fall into place. If it's meant to be, then everything will work itself out. Just don't try too hard and go out of your way to do things to"make the situation right". You said you hung out with her all day today, so friending her on Facebook wouldn't seem out of place. After Facebookfriending her, just take it one step at a time from there. Talk and hang out with her more and more, accept her offer to do the Christmas lights thing, so onand so forth.

That's the only thing I can really think of. Best of luck to you.
 
no problem, dude. just trying to help out. get at me if you need any more advice.

it's a shame that your lack of confidence has had such adverse effects, but now is the time to help yourself and gain some confidence. start with females.when you're good with that, the confidence will begin to ooze in other areas. just remember, don't get cocky. confident is good; cocky is gay.. no punintended.
 
Just try to talk to them as if you're not interested in them, shut down the emotions you feel when you're around someone you really like.
 
i have the same problem as you, with the acne and everything and how it makes me feel.
i need help too.
it sucks pretty bad because a lot of girls think i'm a good looking guy, but i'm too afraid to talk to them because how i feel about my acne.
 
Yeah you guys are honestly right, i just have to step it up..Its just ironic I havent had a pimple on my face in 4 years yet the lack of confidence lays in myhead to this day. I think about stuff too much and I have my entire life. I see so many drunk idiots in my fraternity being so creepy that I hope I am not thatway..and its got to the point i dont even add chicks on facebook cause im afraid its creepy..I really just need to be myself regardless of who I meet, becauseI have simply avoided girls my entire life..Im not a virgin at all because for some reason I can get drunk and put great game on chicks and get laid, but forthe first time in my life I want to be in a RELATIONSHIP, regardless of whether the girl is a virgin or not
 
first off stop the negative talk because it reflects in your actions and speech. so do things that may build your confidents up
like you said chicks are feeling even with your acne so your good go to go.
talk to the girl and DATE her first don't rush things because you might scare her away.
 
every man comes to a point in his life where he desires a steady relationship. i think you should pursue this and use such an intimate relationship to freeyourself from your own phsychological chains. be free...don't hold yourself back. think about it, all these girls are inviting you to play with them.you're the one c-blocking on yourself. not only in regards to girls, but to life in general. that's not a good look, not in the least.
 
I kinda had a similiar problem, but mines was because of my weight. I just honestly couldn't believe that people would wanna date me so whenever anyoneshowed an interest I'd kinda freeze up, and kinda is being kind about it...then I ended up losing a good amount of weight and my confidence went up bigtime. I was still kinda "ehhh" about people approaching me, but I'd take numbers and call on my own time. I'd set up dates in places I wascomfortable (cafe at my job, parties where I knew my friends had quiet spots, basically places I knew we safe because the anxiety of meeting a new person in anew place was kinda too much). Its damn hard at first but as you do it more you get the hang of it..to use a line from Blind dating "maybe you're a 1in 10 man. Outta every 10, one is gonna say yes. So just think of every "no" bringing you closer to that one "yes"...its hard but you cando it!
 
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