Ehhhh, kind of liked it the least of the three.
There were quite a few issues I had with it. First and foremost it was PG13. What the hell man. Part of the reason that I loved the first two Expendables films was because of how over the top it was with it’s gratuitous violence. Shooting peoples arms and legs and heads off? Great! It helps suspend my disbelief when I actually see blood flying from people when they’re shot. It doesn’t help when this film has the most ridiculous stunts of any of the films, yet we can’t have any blood. Plenty of cursing throughout, but no blood. Freaking weak.
I understand wanting to bring in new blood for the third film, young blood, but completely replacing the older cast? Hated it. Not to mention, they were all pretty horrible. A kid from Twilight (knew this only because my girlfriend saw it with me, ), some other guy I’ve never heard of, and Ronda Rousey/Victor Ortiz, neither of which could act their way out of a cardboard box. They are undeniably the worst part of the film. Too corny. They could have had any boxer on the face of the earth rather than Victor Ortiz and I would have been satisfied. Hell, throw Paulie in there and I would have at least had a good laugh. But Victor Ortiz? He’s the bumiest of all bums. Kelsey Grammer would have been better served if he would have recruited some of the older cast of characters, but nope, just another throw-away character.
As for the main Expendables crew…
Stallone was his standard self. A little too much self-deprication for my liking, but whatever. He’s pulled that same gag three movies in a row now. Just go in there and bust **** up.
Statham and Arnold were probably the most consistent. They kept their characters on par with where we had left them off. Statham is the best friend who’s going to be there no matter what, and he does a decent enough job. Didn’t dislike either of them one bit. Plus two chopper lines from Arnold? Sold.
Harrison Ford? Oy. He was great when he was on screen, but they didn’t have to take jabs at Bruce Willis EVERY FREAKING TIME Ford was on screen. Christ. It was overkill. I know Stallone was a bit mad about what happened, but by God get over it. Ford looked like he was having a blast though, and that’s more than you can say about a lot of his last films.
Lundgren/Couture/Crews were all kind of throwaways in this film. Crews served as a bit of a MacGuffin for the film, which is fine, but I would’ve preferred him up there with Arnold with the heavy artillery. Couture has always been the weakest link to me, but I would have loved to see him punch Victor Ortiz in the face. Shame we didn’t get that. Lundgren actually is one of the characters in these films that I enjoyed the character arc of. He hovers around good/bad in the first film, and is quite the comic relief in the second film. Here? Throwaway. A few jokes here and there, but for the most part? Meh.
Gibson was awesome though. He definitely was having fun with his role. It was fun to see a demented Gibson, but it was almost a carbon copy of his portrayal in Machete Kills. I mean like, same exact thing. Motivation and all that? No, but in terms of his performance? You could paste his character in either film and it wouldn’t skip a beat. Not bad, it was still good, just kind of odd.
That leaves Snipes and Banderas. Easily the two most fun parts of the film. I can’t remember Antonio playing a part like this, and if he has, I need to go back and watch it because it was a lot of fun. Spanish parkour has-been. . His interaction with all of the characters, his unending desire to be apart of the team, his wit and charisma, it was all fun. Snipes just looked like he was happy to be out of prison. . I honestly couldn’t tell at times whether he was overacting on purpose, or if he was just being a goddamn nutcase. Both proved to be valuable additions to the team that stand out in a much more pronounced way. Banderas uses his environment well similar to Jackie Chan does, while Snipes relies on use of daggers and such. Both much more melee-centric characters, which is nice after having every other character focus on using guns.
The main issue I had is that we didn’t see the whole gang together a lot. We see Arnold and Stallone together. We see Stallone and Statham together. We see Lundgren, Couture, and Crews together. We see the kids together with Stallone. We see Ford and Stallone. But we don’t get enough interaction with all of these characters together. I just wanted to see them all hamming it up together. The scene rescuing Snipes and their first venture trying to kill Gibson was fun, but after that, we don’t see banter between the characters too much. That’s what I loved about the first two.
Even though the names are bigger here (additions of Banderas, Snipes, Ford, and Gibson), I actually prefer Expendables 2 over this just because we got Chuck Norris briefly, Bruce Willis in a featured part of the film, and JCVD as the main villain. And it’s not that I really like Bruce Willis that much, it’s just that it flowed so much better than Expendables 3. This one? It just kind of dragged on.
So. Apparently Jackie Chan is on board for Expendables 4. I don’t know how they haven’t gotten Kurt Russell yet, but that’s a goddamn mistake. The Rock wouldn’t be bad either. Guys like Vin Diesel or a cameo from Clint would be fun, but there’s ONE man that needs to be in the next film. NEEDS to be. Think Rocky and Predator. He’s worked with them both. That’s right. Get Carl Weathers in there man. PRONTO. You give me Kurt Russell and Carl Weathers in the next Expendables, it’s easily my favorite. Hell, give me one Arnold/Weathers handshake, and I’m there. Hell, Bill Duke would be cool too!
i thought expendables 2 was pg 13?