Wedding Gifts - How much to give?

drama23

drama23

468
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Joined
Oct 9, 2003
I've come to the age where everyone and their mother is getting hitched.  Some specifically ask NO gifts, $$ only.  
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To the older NTers, how much do you normally give?  I'm sure its different from cities or region or lifestyle...

I live in NY, regular banquet.  Normal Acquaintances? Close Friends?  I heard of ranges from 100 and even 500 range for close friends...
 
Originally Posted by Da R Entertainment

The minimum IMO should be $50.  You're pretty much eating and drinking free(if there's an open bar).
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agreed.
$50 friends.
$100 family
 
If you make decent dough, then $200-$300 for close friends & family is good ($100 for acquaintances). If not then $40 for acquaintances, $50 for friends, $100 for close family.
 
For friends you should always give at least what it costs for the married couple to feed you & your date, more if there is an open bar. On average $75 if you go alone or $150 for a couple. Obviously, close friends and family you would give double that if you could afford it. Also, I think it is extremely poor taste for people to ask for money only but that is just my opinion.
 
Originally Posted by Lou Baton

For friends you should always give at least what it costs for the married couple to feed you & your date, more if there is an open bar. On average $75 if you go alone or $150 for a couple. Obviously, close friends and family you would give double that if you could afford it. Also, I think it is extremely poor taste for people to ask for money only but that is just my opinion.
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You give what you can, but I always take what you said into consideration....open bar + plates + the hall etc. are EXPENSIVE!!!!

  
 
Some couples have a honeymoon fund set up, If they don't never buy a gift, give them money, it's greatly appreciated...if you have a +1 no less than 200$ if you are going solo, at least 150$..
 
atleast 200 for family the very least is 100. im sorry if u give like 50 bucks to start off someones life ur mad cheap.
 
Originally Posted by tim teufel

atleast 200 for family the very least is 100. im sorry if u give like 50 bucks to start off someones life ur mad cheap.
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what about those of us who will never get married, won't have kids, etc... when do we get gifts to "start off our life"??

  
 
Originally Posted by TimCity2000

Originally Posted by tim teufel

atleast 200 for family the very least is 100. im sorry if u give like 50 bucks to start off someones life ur mad cheap.
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what about those of us who will never get married, won't have kids, etc... when do we get gifts to "start off our life"??

  
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you dont... sorry, thats just how the game works.

$100 per guest ($200 if youre a couple) is baseline for me.  If its a nicer reception with open bar, maybe scale up to $150/$300 couple.  If its one of your close/best friends, scale up to what you can comfortably afford.  For family, you can put them on the same level as close/best friends or even more (depending on how close you are to them).

I was lucky/unlucky enough to be one of the first of my core crew of dudes to get married.  My closest friends (bestman and groomsmen) hit me up with $500/ea (they didnt bring a date either).  I was also the first of my siblings to get married and I am fairly close with my brothers.  Older brother kicked me down 2 G's, kid brother gave us a grand.  With my cousins it was significantly less.  In all fairness though, I missed the wedding for the 1st cousin who got married cause I straight up forgot about it, went to Vegas with all of my boys, and avoided all calls from my parents.  Needless to say, I had a S-storm on my hands from my parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins, etc... about missing the first cousin wedding.

  
 
Originally Posted by DREdwards

why give anything?? their getting married now their income is combined.. give them a card and be done with it...
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You'll learn....

  
 
For friends you should always give at least what it costs for the married couple to feed you & your date, more if there is an open bar. On average $75 if you go alone or $150 for a couple. Obviously, close friends and family you would give double that if you could afford it. Also, I think it is extremely poor taste for people to ask for money only but that is just my opinion.
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Thats the thing, how do i know if theres open bar, whether the food would even be any good? Banquet food are the worst...  Some acquaintances probably overbooked and just need to fill seats... Or even high school friends you never spoke to in 5-10 years decides to invite you? How do you reject?
 
Originally Posted by Drama23

For friends you should always give at least what it costs for the married couple to feed you & your date, more if there is an open bar. On average $75 if you go alone or $150 for a couple. Obviously, close friends and family you would give double that if you could afford it. Also, I think it is extremely poor taste for people to ask for money only but that is just my opinion.
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Thats the thing, how do i know if theres open bar, whether the food would even be any good? Banquet food are the worst...  Some acquaintances probably overbooked and just need to fill seats... Or even high school friends you never spoke to in 5-10 years decides to invite you? How do you reject?

If it's someone you really care about, going to the wedding shouldn't be that hard of a decision (I understand if travel may be an issue...but you can still send a card + money)....if it's someone that comes out of the woodwork after 5-10 years of not speaking, that's an EASY decline.  Besides, as someone else said in another thread...if you haven't talked to someone, or cared to contact them in that amount of time, they're a non-factor in my life....especially with how prevalent things like social media are in today's day in age. 

    
 
Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by DREdwards

why give anything?? their getting married now their income is combined.. give them a card and be done with it...
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You'll learn....

  
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People keep notes on this man... don't ever have a party if that's the route you'e going. I had a huge HS grad party way back when and even then my Mom insisted I write everyone's gift down. No shame in her game. The lack of reciprocity will not be forgotten.
 
true story... i just got married and one of my co-workers gave me a macy's gift card for $31... yeah $31. i aint mad, but this person coulda tried harder to cover up a re-gift.

i would say at least $100. thats how much a typical meal costs per person at the reception.
 
Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by DREdwards

why give anything?? their getting married now their income is combined.. give them a card and be done with it...
Click to expand...
You'll learn....

  
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no gift is shady.  i had a couple of acquaintances straight up stiff us.  what kills me is that i wanted to leave them off the invite list.  these deadbeats run in the same circle of friends that me and my wife do, but they werent necesarily people that i would call up individually to come by the house or hang out or anything like that.  the wife and i actually had a pretty heated discussion about it cause i did not feel like we should cough up the $150/per person to have them at our wedding reception when i honestly couldnt care less if they were there.  wife won out, and they got the invite.

i guess it comes around though.  one of those acquaintances is getting married this december, and we got invited.  you better believe that im gonna show up, drink all the booze i possibly can and then cruise on out without dropping a gift or card.  

edit:

HankMoody wrote:
People keep notes on this man... don't ever have a party if that's the route you'e going. I had a huge HS grad party way back when and even then my Mom insisted I write everyone's gift down. No shame in her game. The lack of reciprocity will not be forgotten.
The wife and I kept a spreadsheet on it for a couple of reasons.  It helped to know what we received from each guest so we could personalize the thank you cards we sent out.  it was also helpful for my parents, so that they knew how much their friends had given us (so that my parents dont shortchange their friend's kids at their wedding).  lastly, it helped us find out who the non-gifters were.
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Originally Posted by DREdwards

why give anything?? their getting married now their income is combined.. give them a card and be done with it...
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You can't possibly be that cheap, it's gonna cost them at the very least 125$ to even feed your *%*. SMH
 
I stated what I give, but I got no problem w. folks giving what they can without having to go beyond their means. If $25 is the best you can do, then so be it. But the logic that DreEdwards came up with is moronic...not giving for the sake of not giving
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No rhyme or reason other than their income is now combined
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What type of mentality is that? Like I said before...you give what you can. If you LEGITIMATELY can't give anything, I'm sure the bride/groom will understand and it will be no biggie.

And Hank Moody....my folks did the same thing.
 
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