Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters Vol. 2012

angryostrich · Jan 6, 2012

Shout out to Datnggag

Iight heres my story

Iight I posted this story on NT before but here it goes..So lets rewind to 2001 or 2002..im living in VA with my moms after HS..I didnt know anybody their so I do what any other teenager did back in the day hit the AOL chatroom. so im chating up with this chick and i hit her with the A/s/l/P so she gives me the info..but no pic..so im like cool..describe yourself..shorty descibes herself.short a lil thick in the right places..(im not into skinny chicks but not FAT chick eithers) long hair.so im like iight bet i can work with that we exchange numbers..we talk on the phone shorty has the :

voice, we did the phone bone thing.so she is like tues is my birthday, I want you to smash..so im like bet..now mind you im a Virgin..so we schedule the time..so the way the complex was set up..I could see who parked where..so im looking out the window waiting for shorty to come through..so i notice an unfamilair car pulling up to the window so im like this must be shorty..so i do a last minute inspect of the living room..make sure I got 2 condoms in my back pocket..so when shorty knocks on the door. i look through the peephole.. SMFH she aint nothing how she described herself..yea she is thick in all the right places..if all the right places happens to be everywhere..but im like F it shorty drove along way..im in the mood lets get it poppin..So we sitting on the couch..talking chopping it up watching southpark the movie..so i start nibbling on her ear (she told me thats her spot) so we start touching..shorty goes down..so then im like lets proceed to smash..i take off shorty pants and from her mid calf to her ankles is ashy as hell like her car had flour buckets as the pedal and the brake..so i stop hit her with the

and she is like "oh i was so nervous about coming over, i must have forgotten" so boom now that im looking at her..she isnt very moisturized she looking something like a camels lips..but once again im like F it..i dont went this far..so i lay her down throw on the condom and proceed to attempt to smash..no matter what i did..shorty couldnt spread her legs..i just couldnt get it cracking so @ this point im like you know what this isnt gonna work..I popped both the condoms..and shorty is like forget them..im like hell no..so we back on the couch chillin by this time im ignoring shorty.im on aim..chillin..she watching tv..she is like im hungry as hell..and goes in her jean jacket pocket and pulls out them soft oatmeal cookies with the cream in the middle

..im like where did that come from..so my homegirl came and knocked on my door..so i went outside to talk to her,and about 10 min later the fat chick comes and says im leaving..so im like iight peace..i give her a hug and she told me shell talk to me later..so about 2 weeks later i see her @ the mall but she didnt spot me..i bolted the other way...she sent me an email saying how she was @ the mall getting me a gift some phat farm outfit..shorty had MONEY..her pops passed away and that tues she came to my house she turned 18..she finally got the check and wanted to buy me something

23kidd · Jan 6, 2012

Im dyinggggg!

Carreraa · Jan 6, 2012

Link to OG thread

I'll share one of the wild ones i have. So it was the summer before Senior yr and i was beatin the muffins outta my JO daily. So apparently on this day, i was getting dome and she supposedly had the house to herself for the whole day so it wasn't anything. While she's giving me dome, i thought i heard somebody come up the stairs but i figured it was just the TV being wild. Im boutta buss and the door flies open and i nut on my JO's face in front of her niece. Turns out she was home and sleeping downstairs earlier. Crazy thing is it happened so fast so when my JO turned around she already swallowed half the ishh that was on her face and

everytime i see her niece i feel so disgusted.

cole world · Jan 6, 2012

I went down on my girl (which I don't mind at all and actually enjoy it) but then I guess she didn't shave for a while....as on finishing up I realize one her hairs from down there are in my mouth....I try to play it off by continue to smashh and by licking her neck. why she no shave? this happened.twice btw.

crunchyblack9 · Jan 6, 2012

I got a couple of them but the worse one was when I was a Jr in high school messing with a freshman at SJSU. I met her through a friend with no intentions of getting down at all. Over the coarse of about 3 weeks we started messing around. Mind you I had been with a few girls since the 7th grade, but this chick was on another level. She kept telling me how she only messes with black dudes (shes vanilla) and her past dealings with them. Some of the stuff was out there, like real brutal stuff, but she seemed to have liked it. So one weekend my moms left out of town and and I called her up. Initially we were gonna stay at my house and hang but we decided to go to a late movie. We get back to my place and I start acting like an infant at dinner time.For a skinny chick she had some full C's. By this time it was about 3:30 or 4 am. In the middle of the third coarse I started to nod and yawn. I told her she should stay the night or she could go home, it was up to her. She bounced.
So like a week later we were hanging out at my spot again, messing around the whole day. My moms came home around 6 so that was the end of that but we still hung out and watched tv. Well earlier that day I must have ate something that didnt agree with my stomach, so I had mudd butt fo sho. 11 o'clock rolls around and everybody is asleep. We start messing around again, but I still had the mudd butt issue. So being the young and naive boy that I was, I thought a little sink wash up would suffice and make me Zest fully clean. We are on my bed messin around, and I let my fingers do the walking until she got hers. I'm laying on my back now and she asks if I wanted her to go down. Hell yeah!! So she is down there for a few minutes and I guess she caught a whiff because she got up quick and threw he cloths on and bounced. That was my first lesson in making sure you wash ya stankin %%@#!

solefood229 · Jan 6, 2012

Who was the nter that ended meeting some girl online that turned out to be a dude, fam was simpin hard too. I think it was chocolate boy or something

proper english · Jan 6, 2012

- caught mad poo under my thumb nail.
- wiped it off on her bed sheets

- got caught

- she had the nerve to get mad at me for having a dirty booty hole

KMante · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by Mangudai954

Originally Posted by ksteezy

you were thinking too much bro...lol

For me a while back I was hitting a girl from the back, guess she had done #2 earlier before coming over, didn't wipe properly and I ended up with skid marks on my white tee....it didn't smell, to save her the embarrassment, I took my shirt off immediately and acted like I caught a cramp...never hit it again after that

Click to expand...

She just got out of the shower. I was laying on her bed..she comes out gets on the bed and we start kissing..take my clothes off and she starts doming. I guess she took a #+%* after she showered and didnt completely wipe. She turns around in the 69 position and I can see the *++@ that's still between her %*! cheeks and I start groaning out of disgust. She starts talking *++@ thinking shes putting in work all the while im trying to figure out how to get out of this. That night was horrible.

g14 · Jan 6, 2012

we was going to do round 2 and i was like "damn baby u got the bed wett, i can even feel it on my socks"

i touched my sock and was like what the hell ...:sniffs: oh crap

it was her lil dog poop i stepped on that she had running around the room

i left her crib barefoot that night ...never came back around

i washed my feet in her tub go to piss and her toilet overfloods along with a big roach spits out the toilet

now whenever i see a shorty with dogs "IN" the house...its straight trife to me cant do it anymore

thenewjs23 · Jan 6, 2012

I met a chick. Smashed in the back of my car and she left a streak on my back seat. We called her streaky after that.

ksteezy · Jan 6, 2012

Surprisingly enough, a lot of chicks need to wipe their !$# properly...

Would love for the female NTers to chime in on this.

destination kicks · Jan 6, 2012

1. Went to a party at these girls place who I'm friends with and we were all getting pretty drunk. Me and one of the roommates always messed around about being married and stuff and we always flirt so I'm putting in some light work and it's getting late and the parties dying down. We head to her room and open the door... her gay friend (capt. c**k block) is laying in her bed passed out. We look at eachother like %#$^%a$#^%$^$T$$T. I asked if I could just push him off the side and she shot me the dirtiest look. So I'm like whatever I'll just sleep in the living room and smash at a later date. So her roommate who's a little bigger (but she has a pretty face

) comes out and is like, "Hey do you wanna' crash in my bed?" I was hammered so I said screw it. It's a blur from there on. Next thing I remember I wake up in the morning with just my socks and shirt on and there's condom wrappers on the floor. I've never gotten dressed so fast...

2. My former JO came over and we start fooling around and she's like, "So I'm kind of on my period." Me: "Kind of? How the hell are you 'kind of' on your period?" She's like, "well it's been a few days since it started so we're fine, we're fine. don't worry about it." So I go about smashing, finish up and go to the bathroom to grab some toilet paper to clean her off and I look down and the bottom like 1/4 of my shirt is a light maroon color. I almost vomited.

golfalphabravoecho · Jan 6, 2012

I had been chasing this Shorty for a hella long time, like half my life long time and I ha smashed once but I aintbreally get the chance to REALLY get up in there. So like three years later I get another chance. So I'm in there stroke is on point and Shorty says "Make sure you pull out, I cannot get pregnant right now." (Yes, irresponsibly I was going raw.) So I'm like "Yeah, of course." I get to the finish and go for the tummy money shot but I've been churn in and burn in wanting this for too long. It totally clears her torso right into her nose. Must have been the perfect rythmn because she inhaled it and started coughing uncontrollibly. She ended up in tears Ruined the nut, ruined the moment.

shorty doo wop · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by GolfAlphaBravoEcho

I had been chasing this Shorty for a hella long time, like half my life long time and I ha smashed once but I aintbreally get the chance to REALLY get up in there. So like three years later I get another chance. So I'm in there stroke is on point and Shorty says "Make sure you pull out, I cannot get pregnant right now." (Yes, irresponsibly I was going raw.) So I'm like "Yeah, of course." I get to the finish and go for the tummy money shot but I've been churn in and burn in wanting this for too long. It totally clears her torso right into her nose. Must have been the perfect rythmn because she inhaled it and started coughing uncontrollibly. She ended up in tears Ruined the nut, ruined the moment.

214 · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by solefood229

Who was the nter that ended meeting some girl online that turned out to be a dude, fam was simpin hard too. I think it was chocolate boy or something

Whatever that thing was, it was hideous. Dude was tellin NT how she was beautiful, nice body and everything. NT asked for pics, and dude posted with sheer confidence. My exact facial expressions......

That had to have been a man........

ooiron manoo · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by af1 1982

Was chillin with my roommates slightly heavy Filipino friend because he needed the room with his girl. We smoked a bowl and I expected her to go to bed afterwards while I watched Boy Meets World in the lounge of my dorm. I just wanted to watch it in peace but she insisted she join me. We watch a few episodes and I'm starting to get horny after watching Topanga. Then my roommate texts me saying it's cool to come back to the room. We stand up and she grabs my face and started making out without me. I was in such shock because I wasn't attracted to her in the slightest. I literally stood there for 5 minutes while she made out with me. Had she not known I wasn't kissing her back? Who knows. Then all standards went out the window...when I got a boner. It was game over from there. I grabbed her !#+. She grabbed the pipe. I took her to the study room next door and turned off the lights. Within 3 minutes my fingers were up there. She knew the true meaning of my nickname, "Sticky Fingaz". I asked the girl "Can I get some head?". She proceeded to give me fellatio and she was damn good at it. I guess the urban legends were true that fat girls gave the best head. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to smash. I thought to myself, I don't have a condom so now I really don't have to go any further than this. Then she whipped one out. It was really game over. I asked her to put on the condom because that is a turnon when girls do that for me. She proceeded to play dumb. It took my high !#+ about 2 minutes to put the damn thing on. She spread her legs and I proceeded to smash. At this point I was blueballed from the fellatio and I just wanted my nut ASAP! She wasn't my girlfriend so it didn't matter to me whether she got hers or not. I then proceeded to pound like I've never before. It sounded like lard smacking back and forth. Within 30 seconds, I easily came. At that point I realized what I had done. I @%%*%! a fatty. She turned to me and asked, "You're done already?". I said, "Yessir, time for bed". We put our clothes on and proceeded to the elevator. She turned and tried giving me a kiss. I turned my head in disgust, not so much because of her but because of me and what I had done.
After that night, I came to realize that I truly don't have any standards. Vagina is vagina to me. They call me "Sticky Fingaz" for a reason

We've all been there with girls that size, once the seal is broken...*shrugs*

Nothing embarrassing here, popping a nut early has happened but that is expected when time passes between sessions.

mycoldyourdone · Jan 6, 2012

she might have a nose baby!!

frostythepoptart · Jan 6, 2012

Honestly its tough to clean butts if your not using water which most of the time
People dont. Baby wipes ftw. I be extra paranoid after deuces and meeting females lol.

moreuptempo · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by GolfAlphaBravoEcho

but I've been churn in and burn in wanting this for too long. It totally clears her torso right into her nose

I yelled.

redman · Jan 6, 2012

I have to short stories.

The first story happened between my summer fling and I. While she was home from college she would stay at her parent's house so trying to find a time and place in her parent's house to smash was a task in its self. Bringing her back to my place was not an option as for I didn't want my sister to clown me because this girl was not the best looking female. Shorty calls me one day and tells me that her parents and brother have left for the day and I should come over so I could smash. In my haste to make it make it to her parent's house and smash I forgot to bring the protection. I didn't realize I forgot the protection until my pants were down and I was about to hit her with the long stroke from the back, so I said ef it i'm going in raw. Little did I know how great raw sex feels. I hit her with two long strokes and I felt my nut coming already. I didn't want to bust inside of her and I didn't want her to know that I was going to bust so I jumped back into my jeans and busted in them. She asked me what happened and I told her that I thought I heard someone downstairs. She told me that she didn't believe me because she dropped her family off.

The second story is about my ex girlfriend. Just before I was going to hit my ex girlfriend with the doggy-style position for the first time she said that she had to warn me. I'm like what does this female have to warn me about. She said that she has a hairy butt crack. I told her that i'm cool with a hairy butt crack and I bet you don't even have that much hair back there. Man, this chick was not lying as soon as she turned around I saw hair creeping out the side of her thong. I'm less than 60 seconds from hitting her with the long stroke so I'm like whatever I will get her to fix this later. I pulled her thong down and she said ouch, I asked her what was wrong and she said that I pulled some hair with the thong.

gagjr · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

Honestly its tough to clean butts if your not using water which most of the time
People dont. Baby wipes ftw. I be extra paranoid after deuces and meeting females lol.

nah son, if a chick grown enough to take the d she is grown enough to wipe her &#% right

redman · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by ksteezy

Surprisingly enough, a lot of chicks need to wipe their *+% properly...

Would love for the female NTers to chime in on this.

I heard it is hard for females to wipe their butt correctly because if they don't the female will get poop particles in their lady parts.

Carreraa · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by RedMan

I have to short stories.

The first story happened between my summer fling and I. While she was home from college she would stay at her parent's house so trying to find a time and place in her parent's house to smash was a task in its self. Bringing her back to my place was not an option as for I didn't want my sister to clown me because this girl was not the best looking female. Shorty calls me one day and tells me that her parents and brother have left for the day and I should come over so I could smash. In my haste to make it make it to her parent's house and smash I forgot to bring the protection. I didn't realize I forgot the protection until my pants were down and I was about to hit her with the long stroke from the back, so I said ef it i'm going in raw. Little did I know how great raw sex feels. I hit her with two long strokes and I felt my nut coming already. I didn't want to bust inside of her and I didn't want her to know that I was going to bust so I jumped back into my jeans and busted in them. She asked me what happened and I told her that I thought I heard someone downstairs. She told me that she didn't believe me because she dropped her family off.

The second story is about my ex girlfriend. Just before I was going to hit my ex girlfriend with the doggy-style position for the first time she said that she had to warn me. I'm like what does this female have to warn me about. She said that she has a hairy butt crack. I told her that i'm cool with a hairy butt crack and I bet you don't even have that much hair back there. Man, this chick was not lying as soon as she turned around I saw hair creeping out the side of her thong. I'm less than 60 seconds from hitting her with the long stroke so I'm like whatever I will get her to fix this later. I pulled her thong down and she said ouch, I asked her what was wrong and she said that I pulled some hair with the thong.

space doodoo pistols · Jan 6, 2012

oh man, this is where i shine.

about 3 years ago i was getting my meat washed by this 32 year old virgin... i wasn't too terribly impressed but then the thought of the fact that my meat was in a virgin's mouth made me erupt... i said "oh fudge my bad" and she coughed up a storm that made my lap look like ghetto gaggers was in the house... apparently eating spicy foods makes your baby batter spicy too.

christmas eve '99... i took this chick home from work, and she wasn't attractive but 'tis the season. she starts to buff the pickle and i, feeling generous, tell her to drop trou and start 69ing... in my truck. right about the time that i start washing her dirt button (it was immaculate) a light shines and a cop knocks on my window. he's trying not to laugh and asks us to dress and get out of the truck. he starts trying to ask us questions but can't get anything out. he's laughing at seeing me eat this chick's mass. after he composes himself he says "i was your age once. finish and get home. merry christmas." what a great guy.

there's more but i want to pace myself.

sammietheboss · Jan 6, 2012

Originally Posted by RedMan

Originally Posted by ksteezy

Surprisingly enough, a lot of chicks need to wipe their *+% properly...

Would love for the female NTers to chime in on this.

Click to expand...

I heard it is hard for females to wipe their butt correctly because if they don't the female will get poop particles in their lady parts.

Thats why u wipe from front to back

Search

Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters Vol. 2012

angryostrich

23kidd

Carreraa

cole world

crunchyblack9

solefood229

proper english

KMante

g14

thenewjs23

ksteezy

destination kicks

golfalphabravoecho

shorty doo wop

214

ooiron manoo

mycoldyourdone

frostythepoptart

moreuptempo

redman

gagjr

redman

Carreraa

space doodoo pistols

sammietheboss

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