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Vagina
Anyone Got Jokes. Part 2
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Spectacular23,
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I don't get this one
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He pisses tequila, he tells her for 1 shot glass (for himself), she's drinking from the bottle aka his caaaack
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[quote name="2throwed"]
A drunk dude leaves a bar and takes a piss in the alley and sees a genie
Genie gives him one wish
Drunk dude says 'i wana piss tequila'
Goes home amd tells his wife 'baabee get two shot glosses'
He pisses in em they drink it amd get drunk
Next day he says the same thing 'babe get two shot glosses' pisses in em amd gets drunk
Third day he says 'babbe get me one shot glass'
His girl say 'hey what about me *******'
He replies 'babe your drinking from the bottle tonight'[/quote]
The bottle is his penis.
A drunk dude leaves a bar and takes a piss in the alley and sees a genie
Genie gives him one wish
Drunk dude says 'i wana piss tequila'
Goes home amd tells his wife 'baabee get two shot glosses'
He pisses in em they drink it amd get drunk
Next day he says the same thing 'babe get two shot glosses' pisses in em amd gets drunk
Third day he says 'babbe get me one shot glass'
His girl say 'hey what about me *******'
He replies 'babe your drinking from the bottle tonight'[/quote]
The bottle is his penis.
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This one is kinda dirty but is really not.
An Asian man comes home at 5 a.m drunk. His wife is in bed all worried and yells at him "WHERE WERE YOU?!? He responds "It doesn't matter, I just want some 69 right now baby!!!!"
Asian wife says "REALLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? You come home at 5.AM in the morning and now you want me to make you some KUNG PAO CHICKEN WITH SNOWPEAS?!?!? -_-
An Asian man comes home at 5 a.m drunk. His wife is in bed all worried and yells at him "WHERE WERE YOU?!? He responds "It doesn't matter, I just want some 69 right now baby!!!!"
Asian wife says "REALLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? You come home at 5.AM in the morning and now you want me to make you some KUNG PAO CHICKEN WITH SNOWPEAS?!?!? -_-
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Light chuckle.
Here's a meh joke.
A man boards an overnight train. He shares his bunk car with a young couple named Becky and Ted. Later that night, the old man can hear in the bed above him the young couple getting intimate but doesn't want them to know he's awake so he pretends to be asleep. Soon after he hears the sound of whistling and heavy breathing. Ted says, "I don't feel anything. I don't think you're doing it right." In his tiredness the man, goes, "Suck Becky, suck. Blowing is just an expression."
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That reminded me of one I got from my Gramma.
There was this place where men used to get blowjobs from Whistling Wendy, who would whistle while she blew. So men from all over would travel there to experience this impossible act. As such, a group of three friends decided to go. The first man went in n of course asked for Whistling Wendy, about ten minutes later he comes out the room smiling n telling his friends how amazing it was. The second man goes in n, of course, he comes out n is doing the same. So the third man goes in, n as he walks in, Whistling Wendy asks him if he'd like the "special". He obliges n Whistling Wendy asks him to turn off the lights. The man does so n begins receive the best blowjob of his life. As this is going on, Whistling Wendy starts whistling. The man cums n thanks Whistling Wendy for this unbelievable experience. However, the man is curious as to how she can perform while whistling. So he asks how is it she can do this. Whistling Wendy begins laughing, then pulls out one of her eyes n tells him, "It's easy to whistle when your mouth isn't full"
There was this place where men used to get blowjobs from Whistling Wendy, who would whistle while she blew. So men from all over would travel there to experience this impossible act. As such, a group of three friends decided to go. The first man went in n of course asked for Whistling Wendy, about ten minutes later he comes out the room smiling n telling his friends how amazing it was. The second man goes in n, of course, he comes out n is doing the same. So the third man goes in, n as he walks in, Whistling Wendy asks him if he'd like the "special". He obliges n Whistling Wendy asks him to turn off the lights. The man does so n begins receive the best blowjob of his life. As this is going on, Whistling Wendy starts whistling. The man cums n thanks Whistling Wendy for this unbelievable experience. However, the man is curious as to how she can perform while whistling. So he asks how is it she can do this. Whistling Wendy begins laughing, then pulls out one of her eyes n tells him, "It's easy to whistle when your mouth isn't full"
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I dont the whistling one...but im curious. What?
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Two buddies in a town went hunting out to the woods, one gets bitten by a poisonous snake right in the ***, so the other buddy says "hang on I will go back to town and get some help"
He rushes to the Dr, and says "Dr. my friend just got bitten by a poisonous snake, what do I do" The Dr. tells him to locate the wound and suck the venom out.
The buddy rushes to his buddy who is still alive laying on the floor and the buddy on the floor asks "what did the Dr. say?"
His buddy responds "he said you were going to die."
John was in Physical Education Class, and the Coach asks " kids, what are the biggest balls out there"
1st student responds "a beach ball"............coach responds "ok very good, anyone else?"
2nd kid responds...."mmmm what about a dodge ball?".........coach responds " very good answer, anyone else?
John responds " the bee".........Coach asks "the bee? why so john?"
john resonds "because the bee stung my dad on his balls and they grew enormously!"
He rushes to the Dr, and says "Dr. my friend just got bitten by a poisonous snake, what do I do" The Dr. tells him to locate the wound and suck the venom out.
The buddy rushes to his buddy who is still alive laying on the floor and the buddy on the floor asks "what did the Dr. say?"
His buddy responds "he said you were going to die."
John was in Physical Education Class, and the Coach asks " kids, what are the biggest balls out there"
1st student responds "a beach ball"............coach responds "ok very good, anyone else?"
2nd kid responds...."mmmm what about a dodge ball?".........coach responds " very good answer, anyone else?
John responds " the bee".........Coach asks "the bee? why so john?"
john resonds "because the bee stung my dad on his balls and they grew enormously!"
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John and his to buddies are walking home and all of a sudden a Genie comes out and says
"kids since I am in a good mood I ill grant you all one wish"
1st buddy says " I want a Ferrari" ....Genie says "ok I will bring it to you tomorrow"
2nd buddy says " I want a $100,000...Genie says "ok I will bring it to you tomorrow"
John says " I just want ping pong balls"...Genie says "done, I will bring it to you tomorrow"
next day Genie comes, with the Ferrari, and $100,000 but looks worried and asks John" what did you want again john?" john replies..."ping pong balls"...genie replies "ok I will bring them tomorrow"
Next day Genie comes with his hair messed up and asks" John, what did you want again?'
John says "Ping pong balls".........genie replies "ok done deal tomorrow i ill bring it"
Next day comes and the Genie has a black eye, and limping, with a bloody nose and he asks John "what did you want again"
John replies " some PING PONG BALLS!!!".............
Genie responds relieved "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i thought you said King Kongs balls"
"kids since I am in a good mood I ill grant you all one wish"
1st buddy says " I want a Ferrari" ....Genie says "ok I will bring it to you tomorrow"
2nd buddy says " I want a $100,000...Genie says "ok I will bring it to you tomorrow"
John says " I just want ping pong balls"...Genie says "done, I will bring it to you tomorrow"
next day Genie comes, with the Ferrari, and $100,000 but looks worried and asks John" what did you want again john?" john replies..."ping pong balls"...genie replies "ok I will bring them tomorrow"
Next day Genie comes with his hair messed up and asks" John, what did you want again?'
John says "Ping pong balls".........genie replies "ok done deal tomorrow i ill bring it"
Next day comes and the Genie has a black eye, and limping, with a bloody nose and he asks John "what did you want again"
John replies " some PING PONG BALLS!!!".............
Genie responds relieved "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i thought you said King Kongs balls"
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yea, childhood joke
Ox.
formerly oxpenguin
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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I thought so, but refused to believe it cause then that woudve been a ******ed *** joke.
I dont the whistling one...but im curious. What?
I don't understand how people don't get some of these, dude was getting orbit son. Skull f$$$##$
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?".
The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?".
The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.
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wow, some TERRIBLE jokes in here.
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So a magician turns into a driveway...
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Probably in a rush to get to the Sex and the City premiere
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The horse says
"Why the small ____?"
"Why the small ____?"
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whats blue and not heavy ?
light blue.
light blue.
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the knocking over a few tables is what made me laugh so hard
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A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
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