- 1,513
- 2,518
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2010
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
Too soon?
Last edited:
Anyone Got Jokes. Part 2
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Spectacular23,
- Start date
- 50
- 11
- Joined
- Dec 24, 2012
Was it this one...
What does eating your vegetables and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to do it as a kid you're not going to enjoy it as an adult
- 23,088
- 36,520
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2013
Keep this going 
- 10,196
- 4,584
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
How does a Jewish man make beer?
Hebrews it.
Hebrews it.
Last edited:
- 10,196
- 4,584
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
Two deers walk out of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "I can't believe we just blew 30 bucks in there."
---------
A stack of pancakes walks into a bar.
Bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.
---------
What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
they can smell it but they cant eat it..
---------
Whats the difference between a jobless bum and a park bench?
Park bench can support a family.
---------
Knock knock
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop-who?
(Smell mah poo)
---------
A stack of pancakes walks into a bar.
Bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.
---------
What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
they can smell it but they cant eat it..
---------
Whats the difference between a jobless bum and a park bench?
Park bench can support a family.
---------
Knock knock
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop-who?
(Smell mah poo)
Last edited:
al audi
Banned
- 29,810
- 4,562
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2009
Some great work material in here.
- 10,196
- 4,584
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where's pop corn
-----------
So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street.
They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.
------------
What did the grape say when it was squeezed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
--------------
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers
Where's pop corn
-----------
So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street.
They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.
------------
What did the grape say when it was squeezed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
--------------
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers
Last edited:
- 44,169
- 73,170
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2004
Yo moma so black when she put on lotion the b**** look like patent leather.
Yo moma so tall she did a backflip and kicked jesus in the mouth.
Yo moma so tall she did a backflip and kicked jesus in the mouth.
- 29,634
- 39,326
- Joined
- May 25, 2004
Yo mama so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck.
celticsfan9783
Banned
- 5,318
- 665
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2010
- 10,196
- 4,584
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
There were three guys in a forest.
They were being attacked by cannibals.
The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.
So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.
The first guy comes back with 10 apples.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your butt without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves the first apple up his butt and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him.
Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your but without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.
Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"
They were being attacked by cannibals.
The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.
So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.
The first guy comes back with 10 apples.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your butt without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves the first apple up his butt and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him.
Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your but without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.
Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"
- 575
- 186
- Joined
- May 7, 2013
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left leg got cut off? He's all right now.
- 1,506
- 719
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2007
Two men are hunting when one accidentally shoots the other.
He freaks out and calls 911 on his cell-phone:
"I just accidentally shot my friend while we were hunting! I think he's dead! What do i do?! What do I do?"
"Ok sir. Calm down. First let's make sure your friend is really dead. . . "
"Ok! Hang on! "
BANG!
"Ok. He's really dead. Now what?"
He freaks out and calls 911 on his cell-phone:
"I just accidentally shot my friend while we were hunting! I think he's dead! What do i do?! What do I do?"
"Ok sir. Calm down. First let's make sure your friend is really dead. . . "
"Ok! Hang on! "
BANG!
"Ok. He's really dead. Now what?"
- 1,506
- 719
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2007
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
lobotomybeats
Supporter
- 9,181
- 18,481
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2004
A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walks into a bar.
He orders a drink.
He orders a drink.
Last edited:
- 1,506
- 719
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2007
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
- 2,727
- 2,252
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2012
DEAD
2throwed
Banned
- 497
- 66
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2012
A drunk dude leaves a bar and takes a piss in the alley and sees a genie
Genie gives him one wish
Drunk dude says 'i wana piss tequila'
Goes home amd tells his wife 'baabee get two shot glosses'
He pisses in em they drink it amd get drunk
Next day he says the same thing 'babe get two shot glosses' pisses in em amd gets drunk
Third day he says 'babbe get me one shot glass'
His girl say 'hey what about me *******'
He replies 'babe your drinking from the bottle tonight'
Genie gives him one wish
Drunk dude says 'i wana piss tequila'
Goes home amd tells his wife 'baabee get two shot glosses'
He pisses in em they drink it amd get drunk
Next day he says the same thing 'babe get two shot glosses' pisses in em amd gets drunk
Third day he says 'babbe get me one shot glass'
His girl say 'hey what about me *******'
He replies 'babe your drinking from the bottle tonight'
Last edited:
lobotomybeats
Supporter
- 9,181
- 18,481
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2004
It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.
The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.
The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man's life.
"Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistible to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"
So the man told his story.
"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.
"For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.
"For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.
"Ok, sir. But that doesn't explain why you have an orange for a head" the bartender replied.
"for my third wish I asked for an orange for a head."
The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.
The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man's life.
"Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistible to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"
So the man told his story.
"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.
"For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.
"For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.
"Ok, sir. But that doesn't explain why you have an orange for a head" the bartender replied.
"for my third wish I asked for an orange for a head."
Last edited:
- 21,870
- 9,649
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2012
yo mama so fat when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.
- 4,469
- 2,198
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2011
A man and his wife are going to marriage counseling. The counselor asks the man, "How do you feel about your wife?" The man replies, "I hate the *****." So then the counselor asks the wife, "How do you feel about your husband?" The wife replies, "I can't stand his ***." So now the counselor asks, "Well, how's your sex life?" The couple look at each other then the counselor and say, "Fine." The counselor asks, "How so?" The man then tells the counselor, "We have oral sex every day." The counselor asks, "How if you guys hate each other?" The wife then explains, "Every morning when we wake up, we say to each other '**** you'"
A man is driving down the highway, when he is stopped for speeding. The officer asks why he was speeding. The man says his wife is pregnant and going through labor. His wife starts laughing hysterically. The cop asks why she is laughing and the woman replies, "He always lies when he's drunk."
A man is driving down the highway, when he is stopped for speeding. The officer asks why he was speeding. The man says his wife is pregnant and going through labor. His wife starts laughing hysterically. The cop asks why she is laughing and the woman replies, "He always lies when he's drunk."
- 10,196
- 4,584
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2006
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
- 1,995
- 874
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2012
How do you make a tissue dance??
Put a little boogie in it.....
Put a little boogie in it.....
- 18,115
- 11,769
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2013
i dont get a lot of these jokes
- 3,127
- 1,402
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2004
no more?
Similar threads
