Confessions

gamble said:

Got a couple:

Only used a rubber a handful of times in my life. Def haven't done Wilt Chamb numbers but I've smashed quite a few chicks, lucky as hell to not have caught
anything/ had any kids. Used to be an anxiety issue, literally couldn't smash a chick with a rubber on unless I was comfortable with her, grew out of that tho.


Caught up with an ex recently. She's begging to suck and **** the boy like old times, sending noodz daily and planning a trip down here specifically to eat me up.
The broad is engaged & getting married next year on my birthday, which is no coincidence whatsoever. Minutes after sending me a fresh set of noodz she posts
a wedding announcement on her IG, kissing her fiance in the mouth

. The old me would've let her come down here and wear her out, capture the visuals POV style & sent it to her fiance on their wedding day. Now? I want no parts of that bad juju. This whole time I'm thinking homie knows nothing about this, his woman is literally at my disposal & he's about to wife that up. May not seem like a big deal to some but crazy to me, shows me ppl have no limits.

There's one ex that I just can't get over. I think about that girl every single goddamn day and at this point I hate it. Its been almost 4 years since we were together &
at this point I'm not sure if I'll ever find a woman like her.

One of my biggest desires is to just find a cool chick & start a family. One of my biggest fears is that it will never happen.

I took emerging infectious diseases last semester, made a B and didn't learn a damb thing. Simply because it was an online class. I hate them.

I have a deep distrust of White folk. I'll be cordial & never be rude unless that's what I receive, but I honestly don't think I could ever be really close friends with one.

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Yoo.. I would definitely let ol' boy know about this. Dude's about to get married to this; grimy  

I feel like I won't ever quit smoking weed (21 now)

Recently beat a drug test with somewhat ease. I didn't have enough notice to stop in time so had to just beat it. Knowing I could do that I dont wanna ever stop

Don't abuse other drugs though. Moderation for those with a non addictive personality is fine.

I'd definitely tell him his girls a *** man, good karma for you and you're greatly helping someone out at no cost to you

just nikes said:

I feel like I won't ever quit smoking weed (21 now)

Recently beat a drug test with somewhat ease. I didn't have enough notice to stop in time so had to just beat it. Knowing I could do that I dont wanna ever stop

Don't abuse other drugs though. Moderation for those with a non addictive personality is fine.

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What'd you use to beat it if you don't mind me asking? I recently just stopped as a conscious choice and because of this great job opportunity. Up until last week I had been smoking weed everyday for about 4 years realized that it makes me so complacent in life when I'm at a point where I'm trying to achieve goals. I've only been clean for a week, just drinking water any time I feel like smoking and I've bought some stat flush from Starship that's suppose to be a masking agent for about 5 hours just in case the job calls me for the piss test before I'm naturally clean...

lamekilla said:

What'd you use to beat it if you don't mind me asking? I recently just stopped as a conscious choice and because of this great job opportunity. Up until last week I had been smoking weed everyday for about 4 years realized that it makes me so complacent in life when I'm at a point where I'm trying to achieve goals. I've only been clean for a week, just drinking water any time I feel like smoking and I've bought some stat flush from Starship that's suppose to be a masking agent for about 5 hours just in case the job calls me for the piss test before I'm naturally clean...

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Not at all. Had a friend pee in a tightly sealed cup the night before. Kept it on ice from 1am to 9am. My physical appointment was at 10. 9:15 I pour it into a travel shampoo container. Have a temp. strip that are used on reptile tanks, etc. on the container. Warm in hot water til you get around 98 degrees. Wrap a handwarmer around it with a rubberband place under the nuts with tight underwear. I get there at 10, have to do a half hour worth of paperwork. End up getting a quick physical from a nurse which took another 15 mins. At this point I'm nervous as **** wondering if it held its temp. I also was unsure about if my friends pee would come up as old. From what I've seen online, it'll last: less than a day room temp, 3-5 days in the fridge, a few weeks frozen. Anyways, last part is the pee test. I get told to go in the bathroom, pee in the cup, don't flush of wash your hands. I have this attendant standing right outside. So I go in take it out and it is at perfect body temp. Fill the cup, spray the rest in the toilet and that was that. If it is a lab test, they'll check to make sure your temp is good as soon as you step out and you will fail immediately if its no good.

few days pass by, no calls, got the job Those days were agonizing tho

Now this definitely may seem desperate but it is the only sure way to pass.

I've heard a million mixed reviews on the masking drinks. Synthetic urine was apparently a good route but labs are getting better and better on picking up on that. Good luck with yours. It definitely can keep you complacent if you let it so maybe a forced break is a bit of a blessing to see you shouldn't abuse it. But I feel ya I've been smoking heavy for about 4/5 years too now. Longest break in there was a month and a half. It was call boring at first but that goes away after a week tops. The short term memory recovery is nice too

at homie talking about being sprung on a girl since 7th grade.  AND she said, if only you asked me out 1 year ago?! in the 6th grade?  

Toretto said:

c money 88 05

Don't be so hard on yourself, my guy. Honestly, from reading your post in its entirety, I harkened back to a few years ago where I was in the same exact situation. Literally everything you described, I did..I thought, nah..I just KNEW she was the one lol, let it slip away (froze like Bron against the Mavs smh), simped, all that...couldn't accept (or, more importantly, counteract) her leaving at the time because I was so green in female situations. Enough about me tho...pretty sure you didn't write a letter to your chick while playing Take Care && then go deliver it personally, so trust && believe you could've done worse ...IMO you've still got a decent chance.

But...what you gotta ask yourself is...do you REALLY want to be back with her, or is it a case of wanting what you don't have at the moment? I get the vibe that it's more of the former, so, the next question would be...are you willing to sacrifice your 'friendship' (I use that term VERY lightly in this case, because females are great in terms of articulating BS rhetoric) in an attempt to do so? Because it's possible that you'll have to do just that. Right now, your best bet is to cease any && all contact for at least a month (delete contact info && text history if you have to).....she'll likely hit you up within a few weeks, which is what you want. But you initiating the convo at this point isn't gonna help, you'll just be pushing && she'll be trying to pull away even more. Dive into a hobby, go out with friends, etc, && let her come to you, breh...that way, you'll be already progressing towards moving on for good && finding someone better if, in fact, y'all don't get back together.

Keep me posted man, here to help if need be. Either way, good luck my dude.

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So 2 weeks later I'm back, first off thanks @Toretto & @eyeseesoles for the words(sorry if anyone else commented, I was just not in a huge reading mood but happened to see theirs.
That first week was HARD, & I worked out harder than I have been able to all this year due to injuries & just a mindset change. My body was loving it & hating it at the same time, but it kept me busy. I went out to watch games by myself or with people, stayed strictly focused at work, made a lot of changes to the way I approached everything I was doing. Finally got rid of my 2nd car that was nothing but a liability, have a plan in place to maybe move, sold a pair of shoes I probably needed to sell but made up excuses to keep, started reading a book for the first time since we were FORCED to read in HS, deleted all my texts/pics of her in my phone(well in my camera roll, can't lie I do still have them on my phone in a separate locked app...), & I've been focusing just on talking to more people/being more open & honest with myself/my feelings about things.

So far everything has been pretty ok, me & her are still somewhat friends but I keep a lot of distance between us. I love her a lot still for sure so it has been kinda tough just letting her go, but when we talk she brings up a lot of changes she's making & "him"(her new guy that she's talking to) so it's somewhat easy to break the thought of her really in that aspect. Part of me knows I would still do anything for her to this day, but I quoted this response in particular because you mentioned something Toretto...you asked me "if I REALLY want to be back with her or is it a case of wanting what I don't have at the moment"...and I really do want her, I would marry her, spend my life with her, & everything...but part of me thinks we don't work all that well with each other which is why things were how they were in the first place with us kinda in a holding cell just stuck stupidly in love but not growing. I miss her still, I miss trying to make things work with her, & I would spend the rest of my life trying to make things work with her if things came to it & I'd be just fine...but that's not the way I should be looking at it & since she's moved on & I've seen how much less stress there is on both her and me & how much happier she is now that she's not dealing with all this craziness it's making me feel somewhat better too.

Can't remember if I said this initially but the thing I always told her is I care about her being happy more than ANYTHING else, her happiness was always & forever going to be mission #1, even if that meant removing myself from the situation. Well I guess this was calling my bluff because that's exactly what's happening, but I really am cool with it(well let me be honest, another part of the last 2 weeks has been this bipolar *** Jekyll & Hyde personality imbalance & the Jekyll side of me is cool...Hyde is ready to **** **** up lol) but I'm really cool with things with her because I can tell she's really happier now after getting past things with us. It's bittersweet knowing she's happier without me but I would only be selfish to wanna put myself back in a position with her where she wasn't as happy. Maybe she'll see the changes in me one day & if things play out that way we can revisit being with each other, but I can't want that for her now if this new guy & the changes she's going out & making are leaving her happier now. It has brought me to peace in 1/2 of my brain(but Hyde is still fighting with me now even, chick literally drove me crazy man).

I have started talking to other females, that's also helping a lot more, & I think dealing with this situation will help a lot in the long run(but I gotta get back there first & not mess up the early stages lol), it's crazy how life is sometimes...how love is...our emotions & all this other stuff.

& Also man...I didn't write a letter while listening to take care & personally deliver it to her but that week we were on the break before all this went down I wrote this poem "inner thinking" that basically put into words how my heart was feeling. I sent it to her that day everything went down so she'd kinda see how I was really feeling inside, then we had the talk we did later that day. It was a similar level I imagine haha, you are not alone!




you know what...**** it, I'm posting it here. Just because:
"Inner Thinking"

I never mentioned the way I think about the way you look at me/
with those eyes that seem to look right through my inner-most thoughts that I always tried to hide/
& how I try to return the same but fall to putty in your presence/
because like my favorite present I'm giddy with joy as if I'm 8 or 9./

The truth is I savor every moment I have the eyes of the most beautiful woman/
even in moments you leave me gasping-breathless-you send my heart floating.../
listen again, I mean your look captures my soul & empties my body where I then fill it with excitement for your existence so excited.../
you don't get it you've taken control of my every breath as "I" died inside & I'm grateful for it for your every moment you've given me new life knowing "WE"./

Is this love? This might go deeper, I don't know these levels but I'm well-equipped so I guess that's for you to see/
to think, feel out, to have your doubts & prove I'm really about/
just know I have a lot to go for & nothing to lose if I've already lost you/
so be ready for your outlandish because that's nothing more than my starting mount./

Just on the pitcher's mound prepping for what'll be my first no hitter/
& win the heart of my lifetime on a grand slam in the name of your victory.../
thing is though you don't know the game being played it's a mystery.../
guess it wasn't meant to be./

But those moments, they were close to perfection & all too precious/
nothing short of astounding but still nothing worthy of your acknowledgement/
alas a goddess amongst mortals you rule over my better judgement/
& loyal I serve to please & smile hoping you see me as your better man...but do you see it though?/

BUT DO YOU SEE IT THOUGH???/ Ugh. I feel as if there's another level to this, problem is this is a game of SHOW and TELL & I can do neither/
like ether dripping through my organs my time is expiring with the loss of every missed evening/
until the untimely death of the unified love that was left unborn...& I wish you could see the expressions of my inner thinking.

Oh boy.

:x

bamez said:

 
at homie talking about being sprung on a girl since 7th grade.  AND she said, if only you asked me out 1 year ago?! in the 6th grade?  

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Dude when she told me this I played it off laughing but when I got home I had like a small breakdown/crisis lmao . I've never regretted anything this bad  

@lamekilla aint nothin like true friends

Lamekilla, your story is probly ducktales with the jumping and stitches but if you're really getting THAT bothered that an acquaintance is going out with your girl, you have some jealousy issues man. It's one thing to be upset at a friend for doing that. It's another to be upset at someone you've hung out with a couple of times. Pretty silly.

This thread is underrated
In a good way

mgrand15 said:

Lamekilla, your story is probly ducktales with the jumping and stitches but if you're really getting THAT bothered that an acquaintance is going out with your girl, you have some jealousy issues man. It's one thing to be upset at a friend for doing that. It's another to be upset at someone you've hung out with a couple of times. Pretty silly.

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Ducktales? The fact that dude barely knew me but I let him into my circle, my home, introduced him to my ex when she was around and then he hollers at her and starts pillow talking with her bad mouthing me and telling my girl everything I was doing why she wasn't around warranted his *** whoopin. In the end I saw a girl I cared about for what she really was but learned a lesson about who you should let around you and in your business. I don't understand what guy couldn't see the principles in this

lamekilla said:

Ducktales? The fact that dude barely knew me but I let him into my circle, my home, introduced him to my ex when she was around and then he hollers at her and starts pillow talking with her bad mouthing me and telling my girl everything I was doing why she wasn't around warranted his *** whoopin. In the end I saw a girl I cared about for what she really was but learned a lesson about who you should let around you and in your business. I don't understand what guy couldn't see the principles in this

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Got sharks out chea.

You konw, I'm starting to think I have a fap/porn addiction. Nothing OD, but it's gotten to the point where soon as I'm bored or when I get home from doing something I'll just fap.

I also have a problem with talking the talk but not walking it, and just not coming through like I'm supposed to.

currensy said:

You konw, I'm starting to think I have a fap/porn addiction. Nothing OD, but it's gotten to the point where soon as I'm bored or when I get home from doing something I'll just fap.

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Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Lol tf

DJosey said:

 
Yoo.. I would definitely let ol' boy know about this. Dude's about to get married to this; grimy  

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agreed.

I'm confessing more Sin City stories tonight. My mind is prepared.

Also to the dude about to marry home girl who wants her ex..R.I.P my *****

Y'all better get to know these women first.

sometimes i feel like i dont give a *$&% about anything


like..................NT.............go to gym an im good, i talk to ppl through out the day an of course NT............i dunno

i dont stress over yambs either..............i dont even think im horny i only smash when females reach out to me these days, i dont pursue at all

i at times wonder if i was just RICH today what would really change....i honestly dont feel like much

id still be on NT an chillin.....

Al Audi said:

sometimes i feel like i dont give a *$&% about anything


like..................NT.............go to gym an im good, i talk to ppl through out the day an of course NT............i dunno

i dont stress over yambs either..............i dont even think im horny i only smash when females reach out to me these days, i dont pursue at all

i at times wonder if i was just RICH today what would really change....i honestly dont feel like much

id still be on NT an chillin.....

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I can say I feel some what you are saying. I just chill, NT, Gym, Drank and sometimes I'm on....if the yambs come they come.

Suberzat1 said:

I can say I feel some what you are saying. I just chill, NT, Gym, Drank and sometimes I'm on....if the yambs come they come.

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lol yea you seem chill like myself

To the dudes saying I should tell ole boy, I could. Seems like the right thing to do but I don't feel like it's my place to do so. I've been in this situation before, presented evidence to dude & he ends up saying I was salty me& the chick weren't together anymore. I'm like bruh I broke up with her dude didn't care that his girl was a sloot at all. I think some dudes just are happy being ignorant to it. Now that I think about it that may be the case in this situation too, homie is 30 (she's 22) and from what she's told me dude is a weenie, doesn't seem to be the type to get girls on the regular. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't party, church every sunday. I feel like if it's meant to be found out, it'll def happen but I don't want to be the one responsible for homie finding out. I think it would crush dude, no way I want any parts of that.

gamble said:

Got a couple:

There's one ex that I just can't get over. I think about that girl every single goddamn day and at this point I hate it. Its been almost 4 years since we were together &
at this point I'm not sure if I'll ever find a woman like her.
.

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I feel you. I broke up with this chick about 3 years ago and I still think about her everyday.

I don't have a problem getting girls I just can't shake this one, even though some of the girls I have taken down since her look way better. I just don't get it.

Me and my bm been on and off... now we're completely done and the bish won't let me see my kids... man hindsight is a mutha...