Confessions

KILL MOVES said:
If you smoke everyday its best to find a girl that smokes too.
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def true me and my ex used to get into all the time cuz i smoked but at the end of the day I wasn't gonna stop. If anything she probably woulda irritated the hell outta me if I wasn't fried lol. But my girl i have now smokes we've been together 3 years and everythings just fine.
 
I often purposely starve myself throughout the day and eat bare minimum so when I get home at night I can binge eat throughout a entire movie. I enjoy eating, but not gaining weight. Not a great balance but meh
 
I been having the craziest insomnia since I put down the tree, went from at least 1 blunt a day everyday to stopping completely. It's been almost 2 weeks, I can't lie though I feel better and I been saving a lot of cheese not spending that 10-20 a day [emoji]128553[/emoji]
 
The 7th Mile said:
I been having the craziest insomnia since I put down the tree, went from at least 1 blunt a day everyday to stopping completely. It's been almost 2 weeks, I can't lie though I feel better and I been saving a lot of cheese not spending that 10-20 a day [emoji]128553[/emoji]
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..

One of the reasons I won't stop
I'll drink if I don't and that's worsen always need that vice in my life
 
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^Have you guys tried working out? I don't smoke (though I do know how great sleep can be after doing so) but I've been working out the past month or so and changing my diet and insomnia hasn't been as bad as the past. The only reason I think I still deal with insomnia is because my schedule can be inconsistent at times during the week depending on how long I stay at work and I'm still in the process of seeing what works for me diet wise (planning out my meals). Sometimes all it takes a little change.
 
Working out had helped me lose some weight,

Srs post but I gave up on girls, cause I can never find one that's not heavyset and actually likes me

School is ehhhh right now, met a couple people tho

Work is chill af
 
mwalker said:
I have some real up and down days

On the up days I feel confident in everything I do and do feel more careless about what people think of me and I'm just myself

On the down days I'm paranoid of what people think of me, I have no confidence and feel empty, anything that I'm doing in life is getting me no where. Feeling alone is the worse feeling out of all of this:frown:  
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This just about sums it up. I know im only 19 but im still just so lost, have good days and bad just like those listed above. Im out of my element here at my college but I'm really trying to make the best of it but i dont know if i can see my self doing this for the next 4-5 years.

Also I'm questioning if i can make my dream job a reality it takes money to make money and my parents aren't Will and Jada.
 
301216baller said:
just grind harder....I got a boy who played juco ball, dropped out of school to take care of his daughter went back to school last year and transfered to another school this year just so he could play college ball and possibly go over seas and he's 26...its never too late just use this to fuel you to make it to the next level


I gurantee the first person to talk **** about you not making the team is gonna fuel you so much...
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AgentZero said:
This pales in comparison to college ball, but I was the last cut on my high school squad so I know the feeling. :lol:  I also felt robbed especially since all the guys who made the team projected me to make it and wanted me over the guy they took. Hey at least got to live out some hoop dreams in high school right?

I felt like I was never going to touch a ball again when it happened to me, but I ended up developing more as a player after it happened than I ever had before since I was still raw back then. The point I'm trying to make is not to give up on the sport you love because of this, you're a sophomore in college in your prime and should try and enjoy it.

Who knows, if you keep working at it maybe you'll have a shot next year (unless it's not realistic at that point). Is club an option?
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Thanks for the support. Been a couple weeks, took some time off from the game. Wanted to quit for good but I haven't given it my all, I don't see my power level capping anytime soon. I'm not going to give up because someone else said I wasn't good enough, I'll go out on my own terms. Biggest reason why I'm not where I should be at the moment is my mental game. I get nervous and **** the bed too often. Got to just man up, I put in too much work to play scared or believe the next man is better than me. Just have to stay strong and remember why I'm doing this
 
I got my state boards coming up. I've came up short a couple times. I've had so many setbacks. Hope to God it's my time.
 
i used to be tree tree tree. 

it started with 3-7 1g blunts a day

smoked every day.

left school came back home

and did about a 3 Js a day

stopped for the past 5 or so months. 

took a toll on my mentallity and my relationship with my girl

smokings wack tho bruh 

all my boys are still doing it and its getting lame

the condensending comments, the over-analytical thinking, "catch up talk" every time, 
 
for anxiety: desensitisation, exposure therapy, and other behavioral approaches. unlike benzos or other drugs it will work long term and won't leave you worse off. put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable, or at least play them out in your mind. find ways to recognize and control your anxiety as it arises. when all else fails I call on some moderate alcohol

for insomnia: exercise, make yourself busy all day, etc.
 
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figured i'd post here since ive seen some good posts. dont really talk about it but the long and short is, ive been told im depressed but i think its something different. with the job i do (gov't) i see how a lot of **** actually goes down worldwide. couple that with deployments etc my mind is always spinning. ive always been an out of box thinker (the "teach me something" thread here is one of my favorites) and i dont really have an escape. with the job i have drugs are a no no (although ive never really considered them) dont drink much because im a single dad of 2 and like to always be good to go if theres an emergency or we need to leave the house. i just feel like im staring at the world thats behind the curtain and its ******* sad to see. people want to travel and i have, although its been mostly military and it didnt make me happier, all it did was shrink the world to me and let me see poverty on a level most americans can only imagine (those that've been to third world countries may know what im talking about) outside of my little ones, most of life seems bland, i try not to judge but when i see people up in arms over **** like the kardashians, or what shows on i just shake my head. i stay off facebook because when i see my young people dying over stupid **** it hurts my heart. hell i went to the underground in ATL last week and saw how the shorties were in little *** skirts and chasin any dude that walked past. as a father i just hung my head. im only 29 so im not really an old head. i just fear where the world is headed. people say its the same as generations past but its not. i had to make repeated trips to chicago to check on my grandma because little kats wanted to play the knock out game, or targeting old folks, all for "likes" of people they'll never meet, hands they'll never shake. i wonder where my new age gentlemen are but i open up facebook and get bombarded with kats cross dressing for cyber high fives all my questions are answered

idk man, dont even know why i posted. ya'll give good reads none the less.
 
sckid20 said:
People tell you youre depressed?



Quality post.
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all the time. it just seems to be the easy answer to give me. its why i just keep **** to myself. i feel like at this point, all i can do is teach my son to be what a man is supposed to be, hug and love my daughter so she knows she never has to accept anything but the best, kiss them both every night and prepare them for a world  of "twerk to show your love and curse women out to show youre a man"

beyond that, just deal on my own with everything else i see.
 
You don't sound depressed. Much of the world and life is depressing and you've just had your eyes opened to it.

You've seen things through your military deployment and your job that most people will never see, let alone consider on a daily basis. If they did, I'm sure many of them would be shaking their head at certain things like you are. You sound mature and sound like you are doing a good job of raising your kids, especially with that added perspective you have.
 
god i cant stand engineering school any more man. im really afraid of dropping out. it's making me depressed having to learn **** that makes no sense at all.
 
I just got 4500 in bills come in this week and my cars ******* up. Feel so pissed off, drinking whenever a bill comes in. Hate this **** sometimes, parents said theyd give me a grand more then 2 tikes and I can't take it. Even tho I need it. Its not how I roll in life
 
matters7 said:
I just got 4500 in bills come in this week and my cars ******* up. Feel so pissed off, drinking whenever a bill comes in. Hate this **** sometimes, parents said theyd give me a grand more then 2 tikes and I can't take it. Even tho I need it. Its not how I roll in life
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Were the bills a surprise? Surely you had to know a $4500 knock to your bank account was coming.
 
APlus18 said:
Were the bills a surprise? Surely you had to know a $4500 knock to your bank account was coming.
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Massive surprise. Mail didn't get delivered on some. Bill hikes. Random bills I don't usually get
 
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overworked and underpaid.
Sometimes I don't want to go to work, but I only get paid if I do. Also not going in, would put the workplace in complete chaos in the morning hah
 
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There's this rash I used to get when I was little , I always noticed it after football practice
After all these god awful tests, the doctors concluded that I'm allergic to grass
Well excuse the pun but I smoked some grass today and wouldn't ya know it I start breaking out in the same hives I used to get after football.
And I haven't been outside since yesterday

Anxiety is weird man.
What I find is that when I'm not inhaling deeply (I'm rejecting the world around me) is when I'll subconsciously go elsewhere for an "intake"
Because my intake of breath is insufficient, my body will tell me i need some form of intake
and I'll end up eating an ungodly amount of food, or chain smoking, or binge drinking bc my body is telling me that it needs
I believe you can see this in people's eyes- their eyes truly overwhelmed- glazed over and out of focus
An example would be the classic "1000 yard stare" of soldiers who return from the horrors of war and they just can't take it anymore- they don't wanna see

And the opposite is true for when I'm preventing my exhale
When I'm not letting myself BE MYSELF- I'm slouching I'm squinting I don't want to be seen
That's when I get bottled uP and I'll do anything for a release. Angry outburts, sex, violence

That rash I was talking about earlier?
It's a stress rash. I'm now sure of it.
I tend to inhibit my exhale and breath realllyyyy shallow
if Ithe psychologist in me feels like speculating I'd say it was the way I was treated in my youth

I deal with anxiety in every cliche negative way in the book.
But one thing that me therapist told me that ****** me up, albiet incredibly obvious
Cigarettes don't calm you down. nicotine is a stimulant. It's the deep breaths that relax you.
:lol: sounds ******ed but I seem to have the most difficulty with the simplest of things


Here's a simple thing.
Most people say "concentrate on your breathing". Doesn't work for me. I'm too in my head lately, and I'll monitoring my breathing technique to make sure it's 100% correct, which increases my stress load.
I need to get out of my head, and let anything else in.
Visualization makes my rash disappear. Or really just closing my eyes when i have a source of stimulation- music, or an instructor leading me through a session of visualizing.

I would like to get to the point where I can lead my own visualization.
Internal dialogue is is an ability I do not have yet. I envy you if you can do it.
I need to write something down or talk to myself, whereas some people can come to full blown conclusions in their head!
It's really hard to explain, but through my habits I've made it way harder than it has to be.
 
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calikev34 said:
There's this rash I used to get when I was little , I always noticed it after football practice
After all these god awful tests, the doctors concluded that I'm allergic to grass
Well excuse the pun but I smoked some grass today and wouldn't ya know it I start breaking out in the same hives I used to get after football.
And I haven't been outside since yesterday

Anxiety is weird man.
What I find is that when I'm not inhaling deeply (I'm rejecting the world around me) is when I'll subconsciously go elsewhere for an "intake"
Because my intake of breath is insufficient, my body will tell me i need some form of intake
and I'll end up eating an ungodly amount of food, or chain smoking, or binge drinking bc my body is telling me that it needs
I believe you can see this in people's eyes- their eyes truly overwhelmed- glazed over and out of focus
An example would be the classic "1000 yard stare" of soldiers who return from the horrors of war and they just can't take it anymore- they don't wanna see

And the opposite is true for when I'm preventing my exhale
When I'm not letting myself BE MYSELF- I'm slouching I'm squinting I don't want to be seen
That's when I get bottled uP and I'll do anything for a release. Angry outburts, sex, violence

That rash I was talking about earlier?
It's a stress rash. I'm now sure of it.
I tend to inhibit my exhale and breath realllyyyy shallow
if Ithe psychologist in me feels like speculating I'd say it was the way I was treated in my youth

I deal with anxiety in every cliche negative way in the book.
But one thing that me therapist told me that ****** me up, albiet incredibly obvious
Cigarettes don't calm you down. nicotine is a stimulant. It's the deep breaths that relax you.
:lol: sounds ******ed but I seem to have the most difficulty with the simplest of things


Here's a simple thing.
Most people say "concentrate on your breathing". Doesn't work for me. I'm too in my head lately, and I'll monitoring my breathing technique to make sure it's 100% correct, which increases my stress load.
I need to get out of my head, and let anything else in.
Visualization makes my rash disappear. Or really just closing my eyes when i have a source of stimulation- music, or an instructor leading me through a session of visualizing.

I would like to get to the point where I can lead my own visualization.
Internal dialogue is is an ability I do not have yet. I envy you if you can do it.
I need to write something down or talk to myself, whereas some people can come to full blown conclusions in their head!
It's really hard to explain, but through my habits I've made it way harder than it has to be.
Click to expand...

That's deep. I feel what ya saying though. We have complex minds, sometimes some of us make it even more complex and that can lead to our issues in this thread. I live in my head myself, and eat myself alive whilst doing so. I hide from my issues via smoking and drinking myself and it never avoids the situation, just makes it worse for when a actual decision has to be made.
I always say to ppl, the smartest person to listen to, is yourself. After all, you know you, better then anyone will ever. But listening to others as well does seem like a benefitial thing to start trying though >D

My PM's open
 
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It sucks when you try to put effort into a situation that doesn't merit any more effort.

You just gotta pick yourself up and push forward.

Never be afraid to fail, it's just a chance to learn.
 
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