Confessions

Lil Cao said:
With the end of the year approaching, I can say this year has been one of my most accomplished yet.

Got my first IT certification, got straight A's while working full time, and also slowly advancing in my career. I'm working on getting more IT certifications next year (hopefully be an engineer somewhere down the line) and also applying to grad school.

In terms of relationships, I wish I could say it's all perfect. My little bro basically ditched the fam, wasn't home with us on thanksgiving and I doubt for xmas. Last I speculated he was on drugs, but I can't say for sure. I've grown to be more independent from friends, something I've always attributed myself with. At the end of the day no one cares about yourself more than you do.

I've lost count with the number of females I've been with. Most were hit and dip, with the exception of one or two I really liked. They play with you man, just don't let that **** get to you. I feel what all of you are saying, we'll never really get what we want. To top it off thought I found someone that might be worth a shot, but I'm gettin the same vibes that's too familiar. Just a reminder to not stop focusing on my grind. Treat em and leave em, it is what it is

If it's anyone that's been with me through all the bs and gave me all these blessings, it's the man upstairs.
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Real **** man.

I have to start working on myself. School, work and staying healthy. Going to go that route for the new year. Not gonna look for anything relationships wise. I think I need a break and just smash these jawns for awhile. Too damn young to be focusing on one thing.
 
Lil Cao said:
My little bro basically ditched the fam, wasn't home with us on thanksgiving and I doubt for xmas.
 
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my sister (adopted) did that...

she enlisted and ended up in Alaska, was medically discharged, got married and moved to Hawaii with her still active duty husband, and might have a kid on the way...i haven't talked or seen her since my grandmother's funeral in May 2012...i feel bad for not reaching out, she's not a bad person, but me and her didn't get along growing up, so I'm not sure if she even cares to speak to me

i raided my brokerage (not 401K) and saving accounts to pay off $33K in private student loan debt...got my savings back up to and was able to put back some cash back into my brokerage account, only owe about $6500 left...
 
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EyeSeeSoles said:
Andretti said:
I don't know what to say.

I'm hurting yo
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Damn cuh you good?
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I'm not man I got into a fight with me mother on Monday and unfortunately I'm no longer living there anymore due to me temper

She and my dad said I scared the **** out of her when I was angry . I never thought I would do what I did. That night

I didn't hit her but I put her life in danger man
She didn't deserve what I did she really didn't

She said she forgives me but I can't live there anymore
As 21 year old man I would have to agree
That house isn't for me I have a lot of mental growth to do man

I'm currently drunk

All I have on me is 200 cash a van and a jjob

If I can play my cards right I'll be fine

I just didn't expect it to happen like this yo


I shoulda left immediately when I lost it

I can't take it back man I cant
itlk work out ine day

Maybe it's blessing in disguise I just wanted to be a better person in life
 
Al Audi said:
Told a girl I love her today.

She is super persistent with me always has been. Even today I questioned her wtf is it, why she does all the things she does. She feels I understand and get her and accept her like nobody else. She is 27 now an I've been smashing her on an off since she was 19. I'm attracted to her but it was def a side girl in situation in my younger years and we always had good sex. Life is weird. I can't predict the future but right now I'm willing to give her a real shot.

I've screwed this girl over so many times in the past it blows my mind. Like I know I have. Real tears and hurtful things. Visiting me all summer even when I tried to tell her not too and gave her **** because I didn't want any drama at rehab from unannounced women coming.
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Is she better than that crazy bird you were with before?
 
I need a backup account. :lol:

Been holding a lot in. Nothing I can't handle, but sometimes you gotta tell somebody and I know my gf still lurks, even though she'll never admit it.
 
When I was 18 back in 2010 I started petty crimes like stealing food from stores and gas stations. Walk into a kangaroo or any service station slyly pocket 3 bags of candy and two drinks and walk out. Hit up 24 hour Walmarts and lift things I needed.
Clothing stores I cleaned up on shirts, socks, draws and everything. I carryed a wire cutter for the security tags went in dressing room popped them wore the shirts as pants under my real pants could get 5-6 polos and deposit tags under some display clothes leaving the store with a grin.
Worked at Subway and started fake ringing my stuff up. Ex: 3 cookies is a dollar something I pretend to pay with $20 :smile:lol only had $1 on me) so I push 20 on the register pocket the 18 sum and change and only put the $1 in the register. Graduated to punching $50 then $100.
Was hungry for something riskier/more so I started peeping the midday cash pulls being made seeing odd amounts like 160, 360, 250 being taken and put in an envelope and placed in a safe hidden somewhere in the back.
Used to pretend to get something from the back and go fool with the safe which was unlocked swiped an envelope waited till I got home was like damn $300 in $20 was like [emoji]128563[/emoji], and the cycle continued in the 4 months (bringing in $6000) until i finally got caught on hidden office corner camera the last lick i hit which was $400.
Got called in the back office after my shift on a rainy gloomy day a week before Christmas and asked did I understand and know what was going on? I was like somewhat boss replyed we have footage for you to see.
To see yourself on camera committing a crime was a rock bottom moment I was caught red handed had to wait for the cops to come to arrest me first time in a cop car, first time in jail, first time in a holding cell for 5 hours distraught AF first major L ever.
By the grace of God he didn't press charges because he and my dad were friends and that was how I got the job. Dad took it really bad didn't speak to me or acknowledge me for months basically disowned me.
Was fired obviously, had to come back on a busy day three days before Christmas for the walk of shame to pay back what I took on camera which $460, forfeited my last paycheck & the rest missing was the stores loss. Messed up the Christmas mood in the whole house. My guilt was bad turned down gifts and everything. Was jobless 4 months into 2011 before getting another job at the movies and getting caught up in a stealing ring smh months in and quit that December.......I never could be comfortable working with other people ever again because of situations like that.
So I've working by myself as a groundskeeper where I live currently (I live where I work, and work where I live) for 3 years now getting ready for the Navy in March.
Moral is NEVER STEAL EVER.
I Lost my integrity, self respect, family's respect, everything that memories haunt me for life......sorry for the long post
 
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Mr Marcus said:
Not at all not at all

Especially if the family is religious

"It's just the devil playing tricks"

It's preachers faults too for substituting real life issues with "the devil"
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Mr Marcus said:
Not really a confession but I gave up organized religion about two years ago. Mentally I've never felt so free in my life. Truly believe life begins when the church ends. I do believe in a god. But Christianity can kick rocks
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SOML

Beacon ave south said:
I'll be turning 28 in a few months, and i've noticed within past year or so, i've become very careless. More so towards the people around me. Like before, i would randomly hit up people just to see how theyre doing, but now its the other way around and i could care less about responding. Its not that im trying to be a **** or anything, i just genuinely dont care about their situation. I feel like me being this way, ill end up being alone in the long haul, friends and relationship wise. i do have trust issues, ive encountered too many phony "friends" and scandalous *** females who did me dirty. Im wondering could that be the reason why im just giving giving the middle finger to everyone and anyone around me. dont really know what im trying to get out of typing all this, just feels a little better to vent. thanks for reading bros
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SOML


Lolcomin said:
I feel like i'm too deep into the rabbit hole

Psychological Scars: Although my parents might call it discipline, I was heavily beaten, even to the point one of my school's counselors had to send a social worker and a police officer to my house. And if any of you have African parent's, you know that that doesn't stop ****. I mean this continued up till my junior year in high school, I went to Nigeria for my 9th and 10th grade there and let's just say anything is legal. All growing up, everybody around with kept on sayin i was stupid, retarted, ****** up mentally etc, especially my parents, and that's stuck with me

It's to the point where i don't like people touching me cause i'll start flinching or it's like my body tells my mind to start getting upset.

I hate being around my parent's, picking up their phones, etc and it's wierd cause whenever i'm not with them, usually summmer programs or my 2 years away in Nigeria, I don't wake up with raging headaches, i actually wake up on time or even early, i want to study and do hw and not just be a lazy slob. I know some of that is me but somehow i've developed a mental block that's kinda annoying

I'm on track with completing one of my best semesters at school tho

Connections/Friendships/Relationships: I really don't know how to go about these anymore, like i have classroom friends but can never take it out of that stage. As the years went on, i started becoming less and less social and i rarely talk anymore and i don't know why. I try opening and it doesn't work at all. I prolly won't ever know how to spit game as the only way i can talk with aa girl and make them laugh is by ******* around with them and that **** pisses them off. I'll go in with the mindset that i won't do that but i always do that.

I'm just a generally a lonely person when i'm not at school or work

I try nofap, but it just builds up test and makes me edgy af which then leads me to break by watching some wierd as porn ****

Recently my wrist and shoulder started ******* up and i can't workout anymore, which i actually liked to do.

Looks: I've been ******* all my life about my looks, even here lol, and although it doesn't affect me like it used to, it's just hard to come away from it. I mean it's different when people say **** but when your own family ***** on you about **** i can't really change except through plastic surgery, It's ****** up and those are really the only people that i have and i don't really **** with them or trust them

Yeah
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Lolcomin said:
Nah I don't have a girl, can't find/keep one for my life.
I just haven't felt unconditional love for a real long time and I really don't have any motivation anymore, even though I'm doing pretty good in school.
I feel like my chemicals receptors are messed up cause I experience highs and lows wierd and I get these wierd feelings. I've kinda stop giving ***** about my appearance cause I don't have anyone to impress.
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Same boat

Andretti said:
In my 19 years in this planet Ive only been trick or treating twice :smh:

What a childhood......
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Try being 23 having my first ToT. **** having sheltering *** parents :smh: :smh:

beh235 said:
My dad and I don't have the best relationship. I wish I could be better, but he doesn't seem to want make it better. I have a half brother and sister that don't really know who I am. My biggest fear is my father dying and our relationship not being back to what it once was. Hell, another fear I have is my dad dying and his wife not even telling me. I just wish he's be honest about our relationship and just try to repair where it went wrong. 
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Pops doesn't give af about me so deaded that relationship. I'll do better with my future kids
Don Adidada said:
I suppress my feelings about everything. And I don't know how to stop.
Guilt? I can suppress it.
Anxiety? I can suppress it.
Happiness? I can suppress it.
Sadness? I can suppress it.

I suppress everything.:frown:
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Your parents used to spank you while telling you to shut up? That **** scars you smh. Can't hold back emotion while receiving pain
 
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Al Audi said:
 
Don Adidada said:
I'm becoming comfortable in my mediocrity. I need to become hungry again.
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why?

i swear you were looking to start a business, and moving and other things ive seen on NT


unless maybe im mixing you up with someone else
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Moving is a long way away. Starting a business...yes. I've been slacking. But so has my school work. IDK how I managed to get the good grades I have.
 
Don Adidada said:
Moving is a long way away. Starting a business...yes. I've been slacking. But so has my school work. IDK how I managed to get the good grades I have.
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Well thank god for that


I got phase 1 of my lawsuit in the mail today it literally feels like Christmas because it happened today. Lot of things going thru my mind about the future and how to handle all this. I'll be debt free just off this check from the guys insurance policy who hit me and hefty amount after all adjustments. The big boy money is from the bar policy already o table then negligence on top of that my lawyer feels very confident about.

I need to make sure I don't blow this all and be cautious.
 
I like girls with the nice feetz

400
 
Al Audi said:
Well thank god for that


I got phase 1 of my lawsuit in the mail today it literally feels like Christmas because it happened today. Lot of things going thru my mind about the future and how to handle all this. I'll be debt free just off this check from the guys insurance policy who hit me and hefty amount after all adjustments. The big boy money is from the bar policy already o table then negligence on top of that my lawyer feels very confident about.

I need to make sure I don't blow this all and be cautious.
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Congrats man! Enjoy yourself pleighboi! :nthat:
 
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