Hinge Takeover >>> Tinder, Bumble Pof

the visual of this actually happening
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A little modification I did to Omari's opener that also works

You: Hey I need to ask you something really important

girl: what?

you: Can you beam your sunshine on me or can you bless me with your sunshine
 
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I've been on POF/OKC/Tinder/Match for a quite a while now and actually sat down today and thought about my experiences..I can't believe the things I've seen, and females I've met on those sites; here is my ......................

Memoirs of an online dater

Part 1

Gangsta *** White Girl

Met on Tinder

Race: White

We talked for a little while before actually going on a date, through text, only had one phone conversation. She was a ditzy, air headed blonde who was extremely sweet. We finally met up and had some drinks at Fridays, she was busty with obvious fake breasts, but they looked spectacular. Had a couple drinks and she started kissing on me, she told me to take her home; I took her to the crib and smashed and this girl was a MACHINE, after smashing, during the recovery phase, she went down, the next morning, she went down, I was like wow..So we would mess around from that night on and she became a regular smash/dome whenever, however, wherever, she was always down! So one day she wanted to chill, I was tired and I told her not tonight, shorty FLIPPED! She was like "Listen mother ****, I'm coming over, why all of a sudden you don't want me? Why you acting like a b*tch, you got another b*tch over there? Don't f*** with me" I'm like whaaaaaaaaat? What happened to the sweet girl?! I said you are crazy and hung up on her, shorty called my phone back to back to back and text after text threatening me, telling me she knows the Italian Mob, blah blah blah she has to have texted me at least 60 times..I never responded and deaded her quck. 

Depressed/Cutter/suicidal girl

Met on OKC

Race: Brazilian  

I honestly thought of wifing this girl, she was crazy talented, knew how to play the piano, made actual hip hop beats with different programs, wrote some awesome poetry, great sense of humor, we even had a texting rap battle and she was actually writing some hot bars! This girl is almost every guys dream girl..One problem....she was an alcoholic and severely depressed. Some days she was chipper, laughing, happy, and then some days she is down, she is quite, and in a bad mood..I found out things about her as time passed, she told me she is a cutter, she thinks about killing herself on the regular (she even asked me where can she get cyanide from). Our conversations basically became me being her psychologist and trying to help her so she doesn't kill herself. She would text me things like "She wishes someone kills her so she won't be labeled a suicide" Crazy stuff! She had no family support and I was all she had. I once called the suicide hotline for advice, I was on hold for 10 minutes listening to elevator music, I hung up like are you serious?! I couldn't deal with her, I actually became depressed talking to her. I was afraid to stop talking to her because I was convinced she was going to kill herself if I did, but as faith would have it, she got another job out of state and moved!! I was so happy! Last time I checked she is doing fine and in a relationship.

Rich Girl

Met on tinder

Race: Colombian/Jewish

First date, picked her up at her condo, I thought I was lost..The GPS took me to this super expensive high rise in Miami, overlooking the ocean and other condos, I called her and verified the address and she was like yup you're at the right place. I was in shock! I didn't go inside on the first date, we went and got drinks. She was digging me and we decided date number 2 another day. I told her lets go to Chili's..She said..What is a Chili's? I said ummm ok, lets go to Friday's, she was like...Fridays? Is that a buffet? And I said oh boy..I told her to pick..So we go to this gourmet sushi spot, 90 dollars later I was like wow..I can't keep up with this girl! So date number 3 she invites me inside her posh luxury condo because she wanted to cook for me. It was Valet only, no parking spots,  and when I went inside, I felt like a groupie going to a NFL dudes house, I was in awe. The view of the ocean was amazing, the kitchen was straight metal and wood everything, her fridge was the size of my room with like 50 compartments filled with wine and champagne and organic everything. I was loving it! I smashed that night, even her moaning was elegant. I slept over and the next day she wanted to hit up the beach, one problem I didn't have any beach wear. I told her, lets stop by the mall and I buy some burberry swimming trunks or something..She was like nah, lets go to your place, I want to see your place..I live in a one bedroom apartment, good area, but come on, compared to her spot? My place looked like a rat hole. So we went inside my apartment with a view of the dumpster and parking lot. I saw in her face she was disgusted of how low I was living compared to her. I drive a brand new BMW, so that's what I guess made her think I had money. Never heard from her again after that day. I never knew what her parents did for money (she was in school so the money wasn't hers) I came to the conclusion her pops was Pablo Escobar..She told me her mom wrote books, I don't know. But I didn't want to be tacky and ask her how the hell she lives in such an expensive place.

Girl with the sixth sense

Met on Tinder

Race: Spanish (don't remember what nationality)  

Basically this girl came to my apartment the first date for some drinks, and during our conversation, told me she see's dead people, it's a gift she have always had since a little girl, and she has a spirit following her everywhere she goes. I FREAKED OUT because this chick was in MY APARTMENT, I jokingly (But oh so serious) said..."So when you leave, your friend leaves too..right?" She laughed and said, don't worry, your apartment is clean, I don't sense or see the evil spirits here and the one following her is stuck with her for life. I didn't smash, we fooled around, got half naked but she was on her period. It's cool, I wasn't up for a threesome anyway. After she left my place, I never talked to her again! 

Girl with Herpes #1 

Met on POF

Race: Trinidadian 

Drove 3 hours to see this banging chick. Amazing body, fine in the face, and sexy as hell! So when I finally get to her spot (I was going to stay the weekend) we had some much sexual tension from our phone convos so we drank and was ready to get it cracking! One f***ing PROBLEM...In the midst of getting undressed, she bust out crying! I'm like da hell?!?! She says she has something to tell me, I'm like...What? (I'm thinking she is a emotional drunk) she says she has herpes, her ex gave it to her on purpose I was like whoaaaaaaaaaa and fell back! I say "its ok, it's ok" knowing damn well it's not ok..I say I'll be right back, I really have to pee. I go to the bathroom and on my phone google "what are my chances of catching herpes"? Web MD tells me, smash with a rubber (of course) smash with my boxers on, make sure she doesn't have an outbreak, and what ever I do, don't touch her genital with my genitals. Niketalk brahs..This girl was top notch bad, and I drove 3 hours, so stupidly I rubbered up, kept my boxers on  and dived in. I was young and stupid (this was about 5 years ago). I didn't stay the weekend, I had my homebody call and I was like dammit I gotta go, it's an emergency. I think she knew I was BSing. Got home, sobered up, and realized what I did. I freaked out, and got tested for years after and it came back negative. The doctor said chill, I'm good. I said never again will I do something stupid like this.........................But then again, the title does say girl with herpes #1...What does that tell you? SMH. 

Part 2 is to be continued tomorrow. Stay tuned online daters, and make sure you wrap it up! 
 
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Unfortunately it is real, it's one thing to think about situations you been through, but to actually write it out and read it makes you realize how crazy it is. Wait for part 2, it gets better (worse for me). 
 
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A little modification I did to Omari's opener that also works


You: Hey I need to ask you something really important

girl: what?

you: Can you beam your sunshine on me or can you bless me with your sunshine

You must be good looking cause that is garbage :lol:
 
:lol: chick has no sense of humor, mediocre personality, better off becoming privy to that right away than later on on a date. if you can't just chuckle and notice that's a joke and play off it, you're not for me.
 
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she right tho. Don't see why people gotta lie about meeting someone online in 2015

On to the next one bruh. Online dating is trial and error and honing your skills as you get deeper in the game
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but thats the joke, that there is a stigma about it when its really not a big deal.

After her first reply i had a feeling she was gonna be uptight. 

still a good opener
 
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