Crazy stories from your job.

i couldnt find this thread for some reason...anywho.

i worked at this movie theatre 2 yrs ago as a projectionist and running the audio equipment, i was friends with this dude that was a year older at that time i was 21,

anyway this dude was really perverted and liked to make sex jokes all the time and was really touchy feely but a funny dude..there was also a bar/lounge type place upstairs,

and the bartender was this dude that was in his mid-30's and had a banging hot wife, she was a red head and she was stacked, never seen a ginger that fine..well one day that bartender invites my boy to go hangout and smoke n whatnot so he goes and they're chillin drinking and whatnot then they smoke and the girl does some coke and the wife and the bartender start kissing and my boy was really freaked out so then he tries to get up to leave and the chick grabs him by the arm and tells him to sit down, then she starts kissing on my homie, and he didnt know what to do so he looks at the bartender dude and he gives the thumbs up..so its all good..things start to get crazy and somehow they all end up naked 
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they are about to get it on then the bartender reaches to touch my boys ish...my homie freaks out and says timeout and is freaked out and he tells him he dont get down like that so the couple is aiight and are all cool about it and my boy just ends up going home,so he says 
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...well later my boy tells me she showed up at our work and wants to chill with him ALONE...and he does for a couple of months,then one day my boy doesnt hear from the chick for 3 weeks or so..and he txts her if everything is ok and he gets no response, a couple of days later bartender dude comes into work just walks past everyone and punches my homie right in the face knocking him out...then he goes and clocks in and works like it was just a normal thing..the bartender ended getting fired for coming in high on heroin and falling down the steps with a bunch of drinks in front of customers, i guess the dude was one of those ****old types and LOVED to watch her get plowed by the brothas..
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DJ Voice: NEW RUSTY!!!!
There is another LP story. Sorry for the length but it is like 2 stories in one. Like I said before, I could go one about the LP for days. Wild M-fer

There was this one guy who always used to steal from the store. The LP is not there everyday so dude got us a couple times when the LP was out and another time out ran the LP to escape. Employees in the shoe and apparel section had a pic of him, and everyone was on high alert if homeboy came back in. So one late afternoon the thief comes back in with one of his homeboys.

They split up, one heads for shoes, the regular thief for Northfaces. At that time our Northface jackets were not locked down, anyone could take one off the rack and try it on. The thief does just that, takes off his jacket, put on the Northface, puts his jacket back on top of it. An apparel associate spots dude coming out the dressing room and immediately runs to get the LP. Another apparel associate being an idiot goes over the PA system and says “Security to the Northfaces”

The LP wanted to sneak up on dude but *** soon as that announcement went over the store it was like the Ultimate Warrior's music hit. LP comes sprinting out his camera room to the front of the store. He knows the thief must now be on high alert. The LP stops right at the front of the store, looking around to see where dude is and how he could cut him off. The clothing section is set up in such away that there are clothes at either side and one big aisle down the middle. The dude stealing the jacket is in the aisle, all the way at one end and LP is at the other end in the front of the store.

LP wasn't subtle, thief sees him run up. They make eye contact, and it was like and Old Western Duel, both of them knew it was on. What happens next to this day might be the greatest thing I ever witnessed. The dude stealing starts sprinting toward the LP. Even the LP was shocked, he doesn't know what to do at first but quickly squares up and crotches like he is guarding a ball handler. So the thief is sprinting at full speed toward the LP. I think he is trying to run the LP over but homeboy had other plans

The dude gets within feet of the LP and stops on a dime, some real Barry Sander type sheet. Hits the LP with a mean juke/jab step. The LP takes the bait and gets shook hard, even customers checking out are like “Ooooohhhhhh”. But homeboy was just checking to see if the LP would bite, word to Iverson crossing up MJ. The dude squares back up, lets the LP set his feet and hit him with two more filthy jukes. LP takes the bait again and it looks like the LP is playing a game of hopscotch after the second jukes. At this point the customers are “ohh and ahh” like they in Rucker Park. The LP is grabbing for the dude but only coming up with air. LP's legs are now doing what now looks like a callabo between a Crip Walk and the Stanky Legg. To finish off the LP the thief takes two steps backwards to avoid the LP's arms. Then Harlem Shakes in front the LP for a good couple seconds. The shoulder motion of the Harlem Shake makes the LP get his roll on, word to the Big Tymers. Then the thief hits a slick duck under like Mayweather in the pocket and he is out, off to the races

After that the LP falls forward, his ankles were shaking more than Muhammad Ali during a earthquake (forgive me lord :smh: ), he falls right into a table filled with Under Armour shirts. The crowd goes wild like they just seen Hot Sauce violated someone's ankles. Real talk if we had recorded that **** we could have sold it as “The Sports Authority Mixtape Vol. 1” at the front of the store and put the LP's asz on a bus for the summer. It was that filthy brahs. LP needed to see a Podiatrist after that that one.

The LP is pissed, his is a dude that got pride for days, he gets up immediately and gives chase to the dude who was already going out the door. LP is chases the dude out the door, through the street and is giving chase through the parking lot. I run outside to get a better look at things, I can't get in trouble since I'm off the clock and I couldn't miss what the LP would do if he caught him. This was after witnessing the Pedigree, so I knew the LP left all dambs at home when he came to work

LP is fast so he is gaining on thief . The thief looks over his shoulder and sees this. As thief is running he takes off the his jacket. Looks back one more time, and then throws it in the air ahead of him. At first I had no ideal what the hell he was doing. Like was the jacket slowing him down or something? Little did I know that the thief was a graduate of the League of Shadows, and knew more tricks than me. The jacket goes up into the air and lands right on top the LP's head, blinding him.

The LP struggles for a couple seconds of get the jacket off, and those seconds were precious. LP kept on running while the jacket was on his head so he misses his step and trips over one of those concrete islands they got in parking lots. He falls forward and hits a minivan that was slowly driving through a road separating the fist parking lot from a second one. The LP completely wipes out, but like I said homeboy got so much pride he is trying to get right away. He's having problems now because the jacket, trip, and car hit made him completely lose his barrings. The thief sees the state the LP is in and knows he is home safe, so he starts acting like Dion Sanders returning a punt in Primetime. High stepping, looking back, taunting the LP. Dude reaches the end of second parking lot and there is a four lane road at the end. The LP spots the dude, and knows the highway is cutting him off so he gets up and continues to give chase. The LP didn't know one thing, that the thief also gave no dambs. Dude turns back, flips the LP off, beats his feet for a couple seconds (Real talk homeboy was acting like Go-Go music was playing), and runs into the street, into 4 lanes of traffic. Homeboy had no regard for human life, word to Kevin Harlan. Not even his own.

I'm standing at the edge of the first parking lot. The LP is now at the end of the second one. We both think dude is done for, a car is gonna take him out. LP is kinda freaking out because if dude gets hit, that's his ***.. Homeboy must have had Lightweight Pro and Marathon Pro equipped because he makes it across the street untouched. But like I said, dis thief was Ra's ah Ghuled trained. And he is beating his feet from across the street. And from what I can see, he is battling the LP from across the street. Pretending to take LPs heart and kicking a field goal with it.......By the looks of it the FG was good, btw.

I'm wilding out at this point. I run back into the store to tell everyone what happened. The LP is standing across the street cursing at dude, waiting for a break in traffic, this what he's doing when I leave. Now when I get back to the store I'm excited to tell my homeboy what happened but the store was busy while I'm gone. The dude the 1st thief came in with was still in the store. And he was grabbing ****, shoes, and coats . He got a box cutter in his hand so everyone is staying away. The manager called the police but everybody is just looking shaking their heads. Homeboy thought the LP was gone, the 1st thief had given him a run for the LP's money so he ain't worried. My coworker said it looked like homeboy though he was on a episode of Supermarket Sweep. He is just finishing up and getting ready to leave as I get back

The store got double doors, you go through the first door and there is a vestibule where we display seasonal products, then the second exit door. It being the holiday season, game table were being displayed, specifically poker tables (this fact will play a key role is a couple seconds). Now this dude has won, he beat the system. He should have cut his loses earlier. While he is leaving the store, going through the entrance door, an Asian guy and his little kid are coming in. The Asian guys is holding the door open, at first I think it is for the 2nd thief , but then I notice the Asian guy looking back, and he got this weird look on his face. He keeps holding the door and suddenly I see him try to grab his son and try to pull the kid out of the doorway.

The thief is out the first door but he turns back to mock us and shout out his street/neighborhood/set. :smh:

BIG MISTAKE

MY NIGS, BIG MISTAKE

The 2nd thief must have been a Victor Ortiz fan because he forgot the golden rule, protect yourself at all time. Suddenly I see the LP flying through the air, over the lil Asian Kid and his dad who is bent over trying to pick the kid up. LP nails the 2nd thief flush with a Jon Lynch type tackle, straight into the poker table . The LP was Terry Tate and the thief didn't refill the coffee. Poker table shatters, chips go flying everywhere. Asian dad is like “Hell Naw”, grabs his son and he is out. LP gets up and his celebrating like it was 4rd & Goal and he just make a sack. And after getting the Smackdown laid upon him, the thief pops up right away, but his legs where Zab Judah wobbly and he falls right back down on his face. To add insult to injury LP is beating his feet mocking the thief like the 1st one did to him (homeboy was from Eastern Europe so it looks like a wild River Dance), then picks up a couple chips and sprinkles it on top of homeboys face before slapping the cuffs on him. :lol:

Me and the other associate that saw the spear are wilding out. We are throwing **** on the ground joking “flag on the play, excescive roughness”. For an entire mouth after that whenever I saw the LP, I would just go “Goldberrrrrrg, Goldberrrrrrg, Goldberrrrrg, Goldberrrrrrrrg” in honor of that filthy spear. That spear completely made up for the first thief treating the LP's ankles like how Asa Akira gets treated in a gangbang. Disgustingly Violated

TL;DR
-A thief steals from store constantly, comes in one day with 2nd thief
-LP catches up with dude
-Thief violates the LP's ankles
-LP forgot to buy insurance from Kobe
-First thief gets away
-2nd thief not so lucky
-LP retains the title, Who's Next?
 
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Rusty u not from daly city are you?that sports authority sounds like the one by serramonte mall... Anyway them metaphors and hyperboles be killin a *****h
 
I never understand these LP dudes and employees that are willing to go on some hero chase or hurt people who steal from a store... Like it's not worth it.. It's some multi million dollar company getting THEIR property stolen why do you care so much?
 
I never understand these LP dudes and employees that are willing to go on some hero chase or hurt people who steal from a store... Like it's not worth it.. It's some multi million dollar company getting THEIR property stolen why do you care so much?
In the case of Rusty's LP, it had to be pride at that point
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Man, I hate reading and I could read Rusty's stories for days
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.  My dude kills it with the metaphors and WWF references
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Son said Grad from the League of Shadows :lol:
 
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 LP's legs are now doing what now looks like a callabo between a Crip Walk and the Stanky Legg too. To finish off the LP the thief takes two steps backwards to avoid the LP's arms. Then the Harlem Shakes in front the LP for a good couple seconds. The shoulder motion of the Harlem Shake makes the LP get his roll on, word to the Big Tymers.
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Yo this gotta be the funniest **** I ever read on NT.
 
VERY slept on thread just went thru and read some of these stories..Rustys Stories are so damn vivid.
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Damn Rusty your metaphors be killing!!
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Tip of the hat sir and reps for days
 
I never understand these LP dudes and employees that are willing to go on some hero chase or hurt people who steal from a store... Like it's not worth it.. It's some multi million dollar company getting THEIR property stolen why do you care so much?

stockholm syndrome.
 
also like how he mentioned Hot Sauce when he broke ankles, that killed me
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goldberg spear :rofl: :wow:..........would have loved to see that in real life, just picturing is making me laugh
 
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