Crazy stories from your job. - Page 17

I have a classic story but I'm scared to share it

Share it.

Rusty, please make a thread with all your stories... all these joints are comedy... and your story telling is top notch... reminiscent to old nt stores (harlem shake, dude talking about stripper summit and some others)...

please post them man... love the reads ... Imma be in the hospital and these would be good reading material:smokin


also love how you say... "NEW RUSTY!!!!" (I can hear the horns in my head)

I was working at Shoprite (Eastcoast supermarket for you SoCal heads ) and some lady dropped a 2 liter bottle of coke. Coke exploded, cap hit the women behind her in the head and also drenched her with coke. This happened about 5 feet away from me. Dude who had to clean it had the classic "" look.

...

Oh HE MAD

Rusty came through with another story, haha.

we got a dishwasher at work. he just did 10 years in the slammer. real honest dude, just don't eff with his money or anything. anyways he gave a line cook 60 for an eighth of tree. cook takes 2 weeks to get it and finally just gives him a gram. dishwasher slammed him up against the wall and put the fear of god in dude. it was the funniest thing ever because the cook thinks he's some tough guy too. my chef saw the whole thing and just shrugged his shoulders and said he had it coming.

In High School I worked at a mortgage originator doing Data Entry and got my friends jobs there too:

- They asked us to come in on a Saturday and there was only one other guy in the office who was real cool. So we had a full on office rubber band war. We made forts, shields, etc. Went on for about an hour with numerous fist fights almost occurring. Best part was that we got all the work we needed to do done too.

-Our boss was a pretty attractive early-40s something mixed woman with an enormous donk but she was the most intense germophobe I've ever met. She liked to dance and shake her donk in our faces 'cus we knew if we touched her she'd fire us. One of my boys got fired and he put together his stuff then walked over to her desk and sneezed on his hand and gave her a hug.

-There were five of us Data Entry kids working in one huge office that used to be for the Senior VP in the corner of our office and one day two of my friends started arguing and agreed to have a wrestling match in the office. We played walk-in music for them as they walked down the hall. It ended with one of them getting piledrived onto the ground. How he didn't get brain damage is beyond me.

-Our company had 3x the national average of loan defaults so during my last couple of weeks there the HUD and FHA sent investigators to our office and I had to sit there with them pulling files for a couple of weeks.

-Our boss' assistant was an alcoholic and we're pretty sure she was a dope fiend too. She would be absolutely ripped at work and the stuff she would say was hilarious. One day she was extra hammered and asked us if we wanted anything from KFC, we told her no thanks. She came back with atleast $100 worth of KFC for us and sat there eating KFC Snacker's on the floor in the middle of our office.

There was sexual harassment pretty much every day.

^ That was a good read.

lol'd in real life. hella funny

any updates on Lorenzo? or was that from another thread

More info on that story and about sexual harassment, those are always funny 

Well, i used to be a janitor at Dairy Queen (im only 17) and i used to see a lot of gross stuff but the day i quit i saw something i shouldnt have seen. This one kid always was dirty he was like 5 years old and his parents didnt watch him. I went to do my usual bathroom cleaning routine when i came in the bathroom and there was a chunk of doo doo laying on the floor with the toilet paper he used to wipe his butt im the toilet, i said i wasn't cleaning up and they fired me...

I work as a new born photographer at a local hospital. Every day I go in I get a list with all of the parents on it wit the nurses notes. Last week One parents name was on it and the Nurses note said "12 Y.O. Autistic Mom SMH".... Sad..

RustyShackleford............you stupid.

the note said SMH 

 

 

SMH at the parent for trying to get a new born photographer to take pics of their 12 year old

I thought it meant the mom was 12 and autistic.

This was in 2006 when I was working for Circuit City.

This dude comes in and goes to the TV dept. Dude looks Somalian. He's talking to my boy while I'm goofing around by the customer service counter. All of a sudden I hear "REALLY?" and we all go to see what happened. Somalian pooed himself. It wasn't a log, either. It was runny yellow fragrant egg diarrhea. He's standing there like nothing happened, trying to talk TVs and my dude is all "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU."

Manager walks over, and we see him come around the corner and his face goes from inquisitive to vile disgust. He tells Somalian to go clean himself up. If you remember the freestanding stores, they had a racetrack setup that circled the store. Somalian goes the long way around the racetrack to the bathroom, dripping his runs all along the way. Customers are laughing, yelling, retching, everything. Somalian comes out 10 minutes later... and instead of cleaning off his leg, he SMEARED the squirts around his leg... so he has one dark brown leg and one yellow leg.

His sock is yellow, his shoe is ruined, and he comes back to TVs and tells my boy "I want that one." My boy goes to ring it up, and the whole time this chick that worked the counter is chastising him, talking 'bout "You should be ASHAMED of yourself. Coming in here, soiling yourself, and pretending it's nothing. You smell that on you and you don't even care. You're a grown man and you're soiling yourself like a child. You have problems. You're disgusting and embarrassing." She's just laying into Somalian, and he's giving ZERO dambs. Credit card he tried using was stolen. He messed himself thinking in the distraction no one would notice.

He's leaving, and we're at the door, pointing and laughing at him. He trudges across the parking lot, and sits in his car like it's nothing. Soiled shorts, yellow leg and all.

Most hilarious part is halfway through all that this cat from car audio comes in from lunch with a fresh bag of Subway and immediately asks "WHAT HAPPENED?" We pointed to ground zero, he retches and throws his food in the trash. Somalian comes walking back from the bathroom after painting his leg and dude yells at him "THANKS A LOT YOU ARSEHOLE!"

^

I've never felt so sick reading something before. That's nasty.

I work in an emergency dept and this one patient comes in by EMS with a thumper (automatic cpr) and starts coding in front of the hospital.  So EMS uses a defibrillator on pt and literally BURST into flames.  Something with the thumper must've sparked or something, but pt's back was burnt from back to face, hair singed.  Not sure if the EMS crew is still employed.  Happy new year

Edited by bamez - 1/1/13 at 12:00pm

You're in the right thread, but I've been out from work since mid-December after slicing my finger pretty badly. I go back to work this weekend.  Best believe I'll keep everyone updated if I get a new story.

x

That story is gross

Caught up with the entire thread now. Too many quotables but yall will be repped.

exactly how i felt

It was an everyday thing lol. Sometimes we would do mailings in the middle of the office right by her office and she would throw like Tootsee Roll or something on her little iHome and come out twerking it. To which we would all yell stuff like, "Damn girl! What you got in there?" or "Pull over! That a** is too fat!" And it would always get ruined and super awkward by the kid who sneezed and hugged her in the previous story. He would say something along the lines of, "Damn Val... I'm tryna' put it in your butt." Everyone would get real quiet and she would go back into her office and turn the music off.

Or the Loan Closer who's desk was next to hers... She was in her early 30's, relatively attractive, big fake boobs. Used to tell us on a weekly basis that if she ever gave any of us the opportunity to bang her, she would rock our world. And every Monday she would tell us about her weekend sexcapades with her boyfriend.

I'm sure I'll think of more.