I work in the Dietary department at a hospital. One of my co-workers is the strangest person/biggest pathological liar I've ever encountered....I'll refer to him as "Lorenzo". Lorenzo has told everyone at work a million different stories about his past (he was in the Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines, he was stationed in Afghanistan, he's a substitute teacher, he has a Master's Degree, etc.). Pretty impressive for someone that isn't even 25 and can barely construct a coherent sentence. The experience of knowing him is like being perpetually stuck in the ending of the movie The Secret Window. He tells so many lies that you start questioning whether or not he actually told you what you think he told you, and you start thinking that you're imagining things and you're the crazy one. He periodically tells everyone he got accepted into a Police Academy and that he's quitting soon, then he'll spend a week and a half telling everyone about it and gradually start talking about it less and less until he just stops talking about it altogether. This has been going on for 2 years now. If you grill him on it, he'll go into hulk-mode and have a meltdown. I'm slightly convinced that he's a high-functioning autistic, and that the only reasons he hasn't been fired yet is because the supervisors feel bad for him/are amused by his antics/are afraid of what will happen if they do fire him.
Speaking of his anger issues: he puts women on a pedestal and gets extremely angry over things that have no impact upon his own life. A perfect example of this was the time we were sitting in the break room and one of the women in housekeeping was showing off her engagement ring to one of the cooks. The cook and the woman were flirting pretty heavily, so Lorenzo gets beat red in the face and storms out of the room with the quickness. I follow him back into the kitchen and he's freaking out...throwing garbage cans, punching food trucks, etc. I ask him what his problem is and he starts screaming about how she's engaged and she's not supposed to be doing that.
By this point you're probably thinking this is all irrelevant and lackluster, but don't fret....it starts coming together in the next part of the story.
Lorenzo is currently engaged, and is very protective over his fiancee. If anyone makes a joke about her, Lorenzo will be up in their face ready to exchange blows. However, there's a PCA that works on the second floor that took a liking to Lorenzo. I'll refer to her as "Horse Face." Horse Face would call the kitchen looking for Lorenzo so she could ask him if he wanted to go out with her sometime. Lorenzo would yell "STOP IT! I'M ENGAGED!" and hang up on her in front of everybody.
However, it turns out Lorenzo was putting on a front for everyone in the kitchen and was actually hitting her up on the down-low. Lorenzo arranges to meet up with her at an extremely sleazy motel one afternoon. They both arrive there, and Horse Face explains to Lorenzo that she thinks things are moving too fast and suggests that they go do something else first. Flustered, Lorenzo tells Horse Face to get in his car. Lorenzo drives her to a nearby pond, pulls his pants down, whips it out and says "put it in your mouth." Shocked, Horse Face refuses. Lorenzo then proceeds to jerk it in front of her while talking dirty for the next few minutes. Upon completion, Lorenzo drives Horse Face back to her car at the motel and they part ways.
The next day, Horse Face tells one of the other PCAs and the story spreads like wild fire. We're too afraid to approach him directly about it, but we've hinted at it and a meltdown/hilarity ensues every time.
-I work with a strange character known to lie and melt down easily
-He gets particularly upset over people in relationships being unfaithful because he's engaged
-PCA at work wants his D
-He pretends like he doesn't want it but hits her up on the sly
-She has second thoughts, so he takes her to a pond and masturbates in front of her
-Everyone finds out
Edited by Comparison Ford - 11/21/12 at 12:31pm