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post #61 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by RustyShackleford View Post

Here is a repost of my story from the awkward moments thread, technically happen at my job:

I 'm driving back to my office from a conference, to pick my **** up before heading home for the weekend. Superivosr calls and ask me to pick something up from Chipotle for her. I say cool, but I see my girl calling me so I tell her I'll call her back when I get to the restaurant, in like 10 mins.

Me and my chick haven't seen each other the entire week so we're catching up, I get to the restaurant and park. I continue talking to by girl and lose track of time. Since we haven't smashed in a while she tells me she'll meet me at my place to catch up on things . We start talking **** to each other, funny sexual crap. But after a while my girl's phone drops the call. Couple seconds later the phone rings. I pick up right away thinking it's my girl. Supervisors name is Marylyn, GF's name is Marilyn, the convo goes something like this:

Me: "Imma f the sheet outta your fine *** *** soon has I get there, my meat is already swole"
Supervisor: Ummmmmm, you at the restuarant yet?
Long Silence
More Silence
More Silence
Me: You wanna burrito or a bowl
Supervisor: bowl
Me: what kinda meat, um, I mean, chicken or steak
Supervisor: Chicken
Silence
SIlence
Me: Called back from your cell?
Supervisor: Yep
Me: I see, I see.....What kinda beans?

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post #62 of 802
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RustyShackleford View Post


laugh.gif
post #63 of 802
Ok here is another one some of can relate to.

I used to work electronics at target and they have the usual "buy two get one free" video game deal right before xmas. So right before closing these two guys walk in and buy a boat load of games. I mean over 4 grand worth and they pay CASH. I asked the guy why is he buying all these games and their response was they work for a Christmas charity and give it out to kids for the holidays. Seems legit to me. Being that this is the end of the night and the register has been changed out for day the money won't get counted til the morning. Almost 30 days later I get a huge return of video games and it was the same ones that the two guys bought. Fast forward a year later. I see the same guys when I started working for a shoe store and again they buy a boatload of Jordans and pay cash. Turned out they were doing some money laundering with counterfeit bills. Buying and returning right before the return deadline. My coworker caught them using fake 20s. To cut it short. Secret service got involved and caught these guys.

size 9

and yes she does those kinds of movies

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size 9

and yes she does those kinds of movies

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post #64 of 802

A few years back I volunteered at a local fire department and one evening we were called for a dui accident mean.gif

post #65 of 802
Last year for the Concord release (Finishline) my employees and I witnessed people getting pepper sprayed and punched out by mall security! haha.
One dude was trying to run full force to one of the security guards and then he got clotheslined by a random customer. Greatest morning of my life!! smokin.gif
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post #66 of 802

Crazy **** when I used to work for Washington Mutual's Client Services' call center. This dude I used to work with would go in to random accounts and try to order himself a copy of their credit card. He would then use it for gas, drive throughs, and sometimes bars. I remember when they announced that wamu was filing for bankruptcy. He got a few cards from accounts with a high limit, wen't to a local ATM machine at 1130pm to cash out $500 from each card and cashed another $500 at midnight. laugh.gif dude was shameless 

post #67 of 802
RustyShackleford laugh.gifpimp.gif
post #68 of 802
I work at va bank. People that you'd never expect got mad money.

I've also met people that fell for Nigerian scams. Looking at them, you'd never know they were that dumb.
post #69 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninjaxryder View Post


LOL. you guys pretty much know everything that goes on in the industry. That was my experience here at work. And Ava Devine will suck you off if you're friendly to her.

I've heard it all! happy.gif
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post #70 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninjaxryder View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tr1ll View Post

Bruh, you know damn well you cant come to the porn knowledge capital of the internet saying something like that and then coming with a lame *** story.

MOAR!


LOL. you guys pretty much know everything that goes on in the industry. That was my experience here at work. And Ava Devine will suck you off if you're friendly to her.

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post #71 of 802
Dude at one of my jobs was telling us about a situation where he was in court waiting to see the judge for his own DUI. the guy ahead of him was getting scorned by the judge for getting another DUI. the judge said he was going to give the man 90 days for getting a dui. the man then said, 90 days i can do that standing on my head, the judge then hit the gavel and said well you can do 180 and maybe that will get you back on your feet.....
post #72 of 802
i work in a treatment center for alcoholism and addiction. we also take clients that have co-occurring mental illnesses. one day someone complained about a really bad smell in the men's shower. went in there and it smelled like crap and a shower was running. asked if the guy was alright in there and he didn't reply. went in and the guy was eating his own feces.
i did a sick.gif and then a mean.gif
got some assistance and had the guy clean up. he was extremely psychotic and our doc said to get him up to the ER.

there's all kinds of stuff that happens here.
post #73 of 802

I work in the Dietary department at a hospital.  One of my co-workers is the strangest person/biggest pathological liar I've ever encountered....I'll refer to him as "Lorenzo".  Lorenzo has told everyone at work a million different stories about his past (he was in the Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines, he was stationed in Afghanistan, he's a substitute teacher, he has a Master's Degree, etc.). Pretty impressive for someone that isn't even 25 and can barely construct a coherent sentence. The experience of knowing him is like being perpetually stuck in the ending of the movie The Secret Window.  He tells so many lies that you start questioning whether or not he actually told you what you think he told you, and you start thinking that you're imagining things and you're the crazy one. He periodically tells everyone he got accepted into a Police Academy and that he's quitting soon, then he'll spend a week and a half telling everyone about it and gradually start talking about it less and less until he just stops talking about it altogether.  This has been going on for 2 years now.  If you grill him on it, he'll go into hulk-mode and have a meltdown.  I'm slightly convinced that he's a high-functioning autistic, and that the only reasons he hasn't been fired yet is because the supervisors feel bad for him/are amused by his antics/are afraid of what will happen if they do fire him.

 

Speaking of his anger issues: he puts women on a pedestal and gets extremely angry over things that have no impact upon his own life.  A perfect example of this was the time we were sitting in the break room and one of the women in housekeeping was showing off her engagement ring to one of the cooks.  The cook and the woman were flirting pretty heavily, so Lorenzo gets beat red in the face and storms out of the room with the quickness.  I follow him back into the kitchen and he's freaking out...throwing garbage cans, punching food trucks, etc. I ask him what his problem is and he starts screaming about how she's engaged and she's not supposed to be doing that. 

 

By this point you're probably thinking this is all irrelevant and lackluster, but don't fret....it starts coming together in the next part of the story.

 

Lorenzo is currently engaged, and is very protective over his fiancee.  If anyone makes a joke about her, Lorenzo will be up in their face ready to exchange blows.  However, there's a PCA that works on the second floor that took a liking to Lorenzo. I'll refer to her as "Horse Face."  Horse Face would call the kitchen looking for Lorenzo so she could ask him if he wanted to go out with her sometime.  Lorenzo would yell "STOP IT! I'M ENGAGED!" and hang up on her in front of everybody.  

 

However, it turns out Lorenzo was putting on a front for everyone in the kitchen and was actually hitting her up on the down-low.  Lorenzo arranges to meet up with her at an extremely sleazy motel one afternoon.  They both arrive there, and Horse Face explains to Lorenzo that she thinks things are moving too fast and suggests that they go do something else first. Flustered, Lorenzo tells Horse Face to get in his car.  Lorenzo drives her to a nearby pond, pulls his pants down, whips it out and says "put it in your mouth."  Shocked, Horse Face refuses.  Lorenzo then proceeds to jerk it in front of her while talking dirty for the next few minutes.  Upon completion, Lorenzo drives Horse Face back to her car at the motel and they part ways.

 

The next day, Horse Face tells one of the other PCAs and the story spreads like wild fire.  We're too afraid to approach him directly about it, but we've hinted at it and a meltdown/hilarity ensues every time.

 

TL;DR:

-I work with a strange character known to lie and melt down easily

-He gets particularly upset over people in relationships being unfaithful because he's engaged

-PCA at work wants his D

-He pretends like he doesn't want it but hits her up on the sly

-She has second thoughts, so he takes her to a pond and masturbates in front of her

-Everyone finds out


Edited by Comparison Ford - 11/21/12 at 12:31pm
post #74 of 802
^^^^ Lozeno is f-ing wild laugh.gif

I like homeboy's style, he gave zero dambs smokin.gif
post #75 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

I work in the Dietary department at a hospital.  One of my co-workers is the strangest person/biggest pathological liar I've ever encountered....I'll refer to him as "Lorenzo".  Lorenzo has told everyone at work a million different stories about his past (he was in the Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines, he was stationed in Afghanistan, he's a substitute teacher, he has a Master's Degree, etc.). Pretty impressive for someone that isn't even 25 and can barely construct a coherent sentence. The experience of knowing him is like being perpetually stuck in the ending of the movie The Secret Window.  He tells so many lies that you start questioning whether or not he actually told you what you think he told you, and you start thinking that you're imagining things and you're the crazy one. He periodically tells everyone he got accepted into a Police Academy and that he's quitting soon, then he'll spend a week and a half telling everyone about it and gradually start talking about it less and less until he just stops talking about it altogether.  This has been going on for 2 years now.  If you grill him on it, he'll go into hulk-mode and have a meltdown.  I'm slightly convinced that he's a high-functioning autistic, and that the only reasons he hasn't been fired yet is because the supervisors feel bad for him/are amused by his antics/are afraid of what will happen if they do fire him.

 

Speaking of his anger issues: he puts women on a pedestal and gets extremely angry over things that have no impact upon his own life.  A perfect example of this was the time we were sitting in the break room and one of the women in housekeeping was showing off her engagement ring to one of the cooks.  The cook and the woman were flirting pretty heavily, so Lorenzo gets beat red in the face and storms out of the room with the quickness.  I follow him back into the kitchen and he's freaking out...throwing garbage cans, punching food trucks, etc. I ask him what his problem is and he starts screaming about how she's engaged and she's not supposed to be doing that. 

 

By this point you're probably thinking this is all irrelevant and lackluster, but don't fret....it starts coming together in the next part of the story.

 

Lorenzo is currently engaged, and is very protective over his fiancee.  If anyone makes a joke about her, Lorenzo will be up in their face ready to exchange blows.  However, there's a PCA that works on the second floor that took a liking to Lorenzo. I'll refer to her as "Horse Face."  Horse Face would call the kitchen looking for Lorenzo so she could ask him if he wanted to go out with her sometime.  Lorenzo would yell "STOP IT! I'M ENGAGED!" and hang up on her in front of everybody.  

 

However, it turns out Lorenzo was putting on a front for everyone in the kitchen and was actually hitting her up on the down-low.  Lorenzo arranges to meet up with her and an extremely sleazy motel one afternoon.  They both arrive there, and Horse Face explains to Lorenzo that she thinks things are moving too fast and suggests that they go do something else first. Flustered, Lorenzo tells Horse Face to get in his car.  Lorenzo drives her to a nearby pond, pulls his pants down, whips it out and says "put it in your mouth."  Shocked, Horse Face refuses.  Lorenzo then proceeds to jerk it in front of her while talking dirty for the next few minutes.  Upon completion, Lorenzo drives Horse Face back to her car at the motel and they part ways.

 

The next day, Horse Face tells one of the other PCAs and the story spreads like wild fire.  We're too afraid to approach him directly about it, but we've hinted at it and a meltdown/hilarity ensues every time.

 

TL;DR:

-I work with a strange character known to lie and melt down easily

-He gets particularly upset over people in relationships being unfaithful because he's engaged

-PCA at work wants his D

-He pretends like he doesn't want it but hits her up on the sly

-She has second thoughts, so he takes her to a pond and masturbates in front of her

-Everyone finds out

 

 

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

 

Just talk to enzo about it and see what he has to say? 

 

post #76 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

I work in the Dietary department at a hospital.  One of my co-workers is the strangest person/biggest pathological liar I've ever encountered....I'll refer to him as "Lorenzo".  Lorenzo has told everyone at work a million different stories about his past (he was in the Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines, he was stationed in Afghanistan, he's a substitute teacher, he has a Master's Degree, etc.). Pretty impressive for someone that isn't even 25 and can barely construct a coherent sentence. The experience of knowing him is like being perpetually stuck in the ending of the movie The Secret Window.  He tells so many lies that you start questioning whether or not he actually told you what you think he told you, and you start thinking that you're imagining things and you're the crazy one. He periodically tells everyone he got accepted into a Police Academy and that he's quitting soon, then he'll spend a week and a half telling everyone about it and gradually start talking about it less and less until he just stops talking about it altogether.  This has been going on for 2 years now.  If you grill him on it, he'll go into hulk-mode and have a meltdown.  I'm slightly convinced that he's a high-functioning autistic, and that the only reasons he hasn't been fired yet is because the supervisors feel bad for him/are amused by his antics/are afraid of what will happen if they do fire him.

 

Speaking of his anger issues: he puts women on a pedestal and gets extremely angry over things that have no impact upon his own life.  A perfect example of this was the time we were sitting in the break room and one of the women in housekeeping was showing off her engagement ring to one of the cooks.  The cook and the woman were flirting pretty heavily, so Lorenzo gets beat red in the face and storms out of the room with the quickness.  I follow him back into the kitchen and he's freaking out...throwing garbage cans, punching food trucks, etc. I ask him what his problem is and he starts screaming about how she's engaged and she's not supposed to be doing that. 

 

By this point you're probably thinking this is all irrelevant and lackluster, but don't fret....it starts coming together in the next part of the story.

 

Lorenzo is currently engaged, and is very protective over his fiancee.  If anyone makes a joke about her, Lorenzo will be up in their face ready to exchange blows.  However, there's a PCA that works on the second floor that took a liking to Lorenzo. I'll refer to her as "Horse Face."  Horse Face would call the kitchen looking for Lorenzo so she could ask him if he wanted to go out with her sometime.  Lorenzo would yell "STOP IT! I'M ENGAGED!" and hang up on her in front of everybody.  

 

However, it turns out Lorenzo was putting on a front for everyone in the kitchen and was actually hitting her up on the down-low.  Lorenzo arranges to meet up with her and an extremely sleazy motel one afternoon.  They both arrive there, and Horse Face explains to Lorenzo that she thinks things are moving too fast and suggests that they go do something else first. Flustered, Lorenzo tells Horse Face to get in his car.  Lorenzo drives her to a nearby pond, pulls his pants down, whips it out and says "put it in your mouth."  Shocked, Horse Face refuses.  Lorenzo then proceeds to jerk it in front of her while talking dirty for the next few minutes.  Upon completion, Lorenzo drives Horse Face back to her car at the motel and they part ways.

 

The next day, Horse Face tells one of the other PCAs and the story spreads like wild fire.  We're too afraid to approach him directly about it, but we've hinted at it and a meltdown/hilarity ensues every time.

 

TL;DR:

-I work with a strange character known to lie and melt down easily

-He gets particularly upset over people in relationships being unfaithful because he's engaged

-PCA at work wants his D

-He pretends like he doesn't want it but hits her up on the sly

-She has second thoughts, so he takes her to a pond and masturbates in front of her

-Everyone finds out

Homie Lorenzo sounds like a workplace shooting waiting to happen.  Ford yall better stop F'in with dude, and your in the kitchen around all the knives toomean.gif.  You better make homie your workplace best friend.  Sounds very entertianing tho.

post #77 of 802

Lorenzo story just shut the thread down famb

IG: AC_XO i always follow nt famb back
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post #78 of 802

1000

"I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together."

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"I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together."

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post #79 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by RELLIRELOADED View Post

Homie Lorenzo sounds like a workplace shooting waiting to happen.  Ford yall better stop F'in with dude, and your in the kitchen around all the knives toomean.gif.  You better make homie your workplace best friend.  Sounds very entertianing tho.

We've come to this conclusion a long time ago. I knew I had to get on his good side, so I'm his best bud at work.  He's actually giving me a bunch of money to help him with some online tests that he has to do in order to get into some Police Academy.  Knowing him is putting yourself on an emotional roller coaster.  He brings me to the heights of joy and the depths of sadness.

 

The real messed up part? He asked me to be the best man at his wedding and I said yes.  In the past 2 and a half years of knowing him I've never heard him say a word about any of his friends.  I feel about about that. He hasn't said a word about his wedding in 6 months though, and there's no set date so this could all be one big lie.

post #80 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

We've come to this conclusion a long time ago. I knew I had to get on his good side, so I'm his best bud at work.  He's actually giving me a bunch of money to help him with some online tests that he has to do in order to get into some Police Academy.  Knowing him is putting yourself on an emotional roller coaster.  He brings me to the heights of joy and the depths of sadness.

 

The real messed up part? He asked me to be the best man at his wedding and I said yes.  In the past 2 and a half years of knowing him I've never heard him say a word about any of his friends.  I feel about about that. He hasn't said a word about his wedding in 6 months though, and there's no set date so this could all be one big lie.

 

Best man? That's really nice of you sir but do you know this guy like that? I mean, what if he's into some freaky ish, points a gun at you and asks you to wio and have a 3some with him and his wife?

post #81 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by h1n1proof View Post

 

Best man? That's really nice of you sir but do you know this guy like that? I mean, what if he's into some freaky ish, points a gun at you and asks you to wio and have a 3some with him and his wife?

YOLO

post #82 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

Quote: Originally Posted by RELLIRELOADED Homie Lorenzo sounds like a workplace shooting waiting to happen. Ford yall better stop F'in with dude, and your in the kitchen around all the knives too. You better make homie your workplace best friend. Sounds very entertianing tho. We've come to this conclusion a long time ago. I knew I had to get on his good side, so I'm his best bud at work. He's actually giving me a bunch of money to help him with some online tests that he has to do in order to get into some Police Academy. Knowing him is putting yourself on an emotional roller coaster. He brings me to the heights of joy and the depths of sadness. The real messed up part? He asked me to be the best man at his wedding and I said yes. In the past 2 and a half years of knowing him I've never heard him say a word about any of his friends. I feel about about that. He hasn't said a word about his wedding in 6 months though, and there's no set date so this could all be one big lie.

Son your boy isn't marrying anyone.

He's marrying himself.

Lorenzo is a tranny.

Your bout to get raped by Lorenzo and his wife.
post #83 of 802
LMAO!

This guy and the trannies...
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post #84 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMG View Post


Son your boy isn't marrying anyone.
He's marrying himself.
Lorenzo is a tranny.
Your bout to get raped by Lorenzo and his wife.

It's possible.  We've all seen his fiancee, though.  She's no looker, but she's a real person.  They had an engagement party a few months back (even though he's said they've been engaged for over a year), but I'm still doubting that this wedding is actually gonna happen.

post #85 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

We've come to this conclusion a long time ago. I knew I had to get on his good side, so I'm his best bud at work.  He's actually giving me a bunch of money to help him with some online tests that he has to do in order to get into some Police Academy.  Knowing him is putting yourself on an emotional roller coaster.  He brings me to the heights of joy and the depths of sadness.

 

The real messed up part? He asked me to be the best man at his wedding and I said yes.  In the past 2 and a half years of knowing him I've never heard him say a word about any of his friends.  I feel about about that. He hasn't said a word about his wedding in 6 months though, and there's no set date so this could all be one big lie.

Hold him down as a workplace buddy.  Just don't let that guy know where you live. 

 

I know you feel sorry for dude, and I'm sure he would hold someone down as a great friend.  But dealing with someone like that can be a mental and a emotional drain.

post #86 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by MMG View Post


Son your boy isn't marrying anyone.
He's marrying himself.
Lorenzo is a tranny.
Your bout to get raped by Lorenzo and his wife.

It's possible.  We've all seen his fiancee, though.  She's no looker, but she's a real person.  They had an engagement party a few months back (even though he's said they've been engaged for over a year), but I'm still doubting that this wedding is actually gonna happen.


How sure are you she's real?

Were they ever in the room at the same time?

It would Lorenzo walk and out his "wife" walk in?

She isn't a looker?

Maybe he hasn't his mastered his make up game yet nerd.gif
post #87 of 802

I feel like I should take this time to note that he plays The Sims and has made characters that look like everyone we work with, and that he's sent me a text message late at night with a close-up photo of his face and the caption "I'm always watching u."

post #88 of 802
bruh this lorenzo **** is too much roll.gif
post #89 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comparison Ford View Post

I feel like I should take this time to note that he plays The Sims and has made characters that look like everyone we work with, and that he's sent me a text message late at night with a close-up photo of his face and the caption "I'm always watching u."

Son...

RIP
post #90 of 802
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninjaxryder View Post


Ava Devine will suck you off if you're friendly to her.

 

Where do I apply so i can be like:

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