Crazy stories from your job.

ModernDarwin said:

 I knew it was a make/break moment with this girl and who knows in this country how many chances I'd get at it. 

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Lightweight Champion said:

Good read but I felt it just ended abruptly. What happened the next day? Did anybody remember anything at all?

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PharelFor3 said:

story just stopped. Ever mess with that chick again.. Get in trouble at work the next day?

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MikeTysontheKiller said:

This is recent brahs. My coworker showed me some texts recently that made me wow. One of our TL's is this lady who is married, has kids and all that family stuff going on. She's teh breadwinner from what I know of her. I don't really like her because we started off on the wrong foot when she started working there, and she just makes my **** tick everytime she opens her mouth. Trying to be all perfect with some petty stuff. Anyways, she doesn't have a car so she we have to give her a ride to bart so she could get home, or I give her a ride to bart and my coworker gives her a ride to her crib since they live in teh same city this depending on who is closing with her. So he told me sometime back that she was texting him random **** and he kept going with it, and she kept doing it till the point where he questioned her motives and stopped replying and tried to distance himself because the broad was getting attached. he said this one time a customer said to her that he was attractive or somethign like that and the broad told him through a text that she didn't like it when they told her that about him. Mind you, dukes told me he never did anything and they usually talk about work on their way back to the city so I actually don't know what's going on or if he's leaving something off or what. Back to the story, everything seems to chill off for a minute and I stop seeing dude due to schedule change's so we fast forward to a couple of days ago. I see him and he brings up L (we're gonna call teh TL, L) and he tells me this broad sent him a text on new years saying soemthing along the lines of "can you come and help me tonight babe" and he said he didn't know if she accidentally sent him that text, but the day I saw him he walked into the lunch room and she said "why didn't you reply to my text?" and the homie was kind of in shock and he walked out the room. He sees me and tells me all this and I couldn't believe it. This broad is acting thristy for the D when she got a husband out there waiting for her *** to get home. Cot damn, that **** pissed me off and kinda made me questions her morals in a way. I immediately thought her mans wasn't piping it or something, but still bruh! What kinda cowboy box **** is this son?! My coworker is grossed by this, cus she isn't the most attractive person and she's ******g weird b. I swear to ******g god, she's weird as hell son. Her demeanor is kinda more serious and **** and one of our other Team Leads is this super laid back I'm gonna treat you like me son type of lady so she goes around calling everybody honey or baby and all that, but it's cool you know? Cus she's like 50 something and she acts like mom with all of us and it doesn't seem off or nothing, that's just how she is and that's alright. But I guess L thought it was cool to copy her and try it out too and the first time she told me that thanks babe after I did somethign around the store, that **** caught me off guard b! It made me feel mad uncomfortable, like what the **** is your problem b. You're verbally molesting me right now, ya know? Some women can go around saying that to everybody and it's good, we're gonna be 3hunna because thats that type of personality, but if you got a serious personality and you're an unrealistic about things and you start calling peopel honey or babe, that **** is gonna be off and make you question her as a whole. what the **** man. Just thinking about it is making me shiver.
Yea, some women be foul out here cuz.
sorry if it's not cohesive, i'm kind of in a hurry.

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MikeTysontheKiller said:

This is recent brahs. My coworker showed me some texts recently that made me wow. One of our TL's is this lady who is married, has kids and all that family stuff going on. She's teh breadwinner from what I know of her. I don't really like her because we started off on the wrong foot when she started working there, and she just makes my **** tick everytime she opens her mouth. Trying to be all perfect with some petty stuff. Anyways, she doesn't have a car so she we have to give her a ride to bart so she could get home, or I give her a ride to bart and my coworker gives her a ride to her crib since they live in teh same city this depending on who is closing with her. So he told me sometime back that she was texting him random **** and he kept going with it, and she kept doing it till the point where he questioned her motives and stopped replying and tried to distance himself because the broad was getting attached. he said this one time a customer said to her that he was attractive or somethign like that and the broad told him through a text that she didn't like it when they told her that about him. Mind you, dukes told me he never did anything and they usually talk about work on their way back to the city so I actually don't know what's going on or if he's leaving something off or what. Back to the story, everything seems to chill off for a minute and I stop seeing dude due to schedule change's so we fast forward to a couple of days ago. I see him and he brings up L (we're gonna call teh TL, L) and he tells me this broad sent him a text on new years saying soemthing along the lines of "can you come and help me tonight babe" and he said he didn't know if she accidentally sent him that text, but the day I saw him he walked into the lunch room and she said "why didn't you reply to my text?" and the homie was kind of in shock and he walked out the room. He sees me and tells me all this and I couldn't believe it. This broad is acting thristy for the D when she got a husband out there waiting for her *** to get home. Cot damn, that **** pissed me off and kinda made me questions her morals in a way. I immediately thought her mans wasn't piping it or something, but still bruh! What kinda cowboy box **** is this son?! My coworker is grossed by this, cus she isn't the most attractive person and she's ******g weird b. I swear to ******g god, she's weird as hell son. Her demeanor is kinda more serious and **** and one of our other Team Leads is this super laid back I'm gonna treat you like me son type of lady so she goes around calling everybody honey or baby and all that, but it's cool you know? Cus she's like 50 something and she acts like mom with all of us and it doesn't seem off or nothing, that's just how she is and that's alright. But I guess L thought it was cool to copy her and try it out too and the first time she told me that thanks babe after I did somethign around the store, that **** caught me off guard b! It made me feel mad uncomfortable, like what the **** is your problem b. You're verbally molesting me right now, ya know? Some women can go around saying that to everybody and it's good, we're gonna be 3hunna because thats that type of personality, but if you got a serious personality and you're an unrealistic about things and you start calling peopel honey or babe, that **** is gonna be off and make you question her as a whole. what the **** man. Just thinking about it is making me shiver.

Yea, some women be foul out here cuz.

sorry if it's not cohesive, i'm kind of in a hurry.

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Space DooDoo Pistols said:

This was in 2006 when I was working for Circuit City.
This dude comes in and goes to the TV dept. Dude looks Somalian. He's talking to my boy while I'm goofing around by the customer service counter. All of a sudden I hear "REALLY?" and we all go to see what happened. Somalian pooed himself. It wasn't a log, either. It was runny yellow fragrant egg diarrhea. He's standing there like nothing happened, trying to talk TVs and my dude is all "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU."
Manager walks over, and we see him come around the corner and his face goes from inquisitive to vile disgust. He tells Somalian to go clean himself up. If you remember the freestanding stores, they had a racetrack setup that circled the store. Somalian goes the long way around the racetrack to the bathroom, dripping his runs all along the way. Customers are laughing, yelling, retching, everything. Somalian comes out 10 minutes later... and instead of cleaning off his leg, he SMEARED the squirts around his leg... so he has one dark brown leg and one yellow leg.
His sock is yellow, his shoe is ruined, and he comes back to TVs and tells my boy "I want that one." My boy goes to ring it up, and the whole time this chick that worked the counter is chastising him, talking 'bout "You should be ASHAMED of yourself. Coming in here, soiling yourself, and pretending it's nothing. You smell that on you and you don't even care. You're a grown man and you're soiling yourself like a child. You have problems. You're disgusting and embarrassing." She's just laying into Somalian, and he's giving ZERO dambs. Credit card he tried using was stolen. He messed himself thinking in the distraction no one would notice.
He's leaving, and we're at the door, pointing and laughing at him. He trudges across the parking lot, and sits in his car like it's nothing. Soiled shorts, yellow leg and all.
Most hilarious part is halfway through all that this cat from car audio comes in from lunch with a fresh bag of Subway and immediately asks "WHAT HAPPENED?" We pointed to ground zero, he retches and throws his food in the trash. Somalian comes walking back from the bathroom after painting his leg and dude yells at him "THANKS A LOT YOU ARSEHOLE!"

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RustyShackleford said:

NEW RUSTY!!! Sorry for the wait brahs. I half way type this out a while ago. Probably not my best work. Hard to think of metaphors now, but actual events are wild enough you guys should enjoy it.

*Edit it for grammar and the spoiler sets the scene now, trying to cut down on the wall of text

Spoiler: Warning: Spoiler!

Set the scene: Evening of a weekday during the spring or summer I can't remember exactly. LP's district manager is in the store doing check ups. The DM be catching people too, and while he was in the store they caught two dudes stealing golf clubs, They got them in the LP's office up front waiting for cops to arrive. The LP himself during the wait for the cops catches a couple stealing, an Asian girl, and an Asian guy how looks like he is mixed with something else (these facts will be important later on). Now I was helping this young cute black chick. She the type that is like a 3, but looks like a 7 because her hair is perfect (dat weave was on point word to Joe Frazier), eyes done, make up fresh, nails done, toes done, braces fixing the grill, and dressed nicely. I was helping her get fitness equipment, she said she wants to get ready for beach season. She tells me she is from Bethesda (rich neighborhood in MD) and goes to Howard. She is talks real proper, using no slang (once again important later on). She is a pain in the asz to deal with though. Asking a million and two questions. But I know this stuff inside out so there are no problems. My coworker was on break

Now after I'm none helping the young girl with fitness equipment this older (like 35) light skinned black chick comes in looking for a couple fishing licenses. So I go to the back of the store to get her all set up. She was real cool, real polite, and really funny. But I can hear the DC accent in her voice and after trying to speak in proper sentences at first wit me, after a while ole girl got comfortable and started talking slang. Nothing to make her sound uneducated, we were just chopping it up like we're friends. Now the computer is giving me problems so it is taking a while to get the licenses printed. After a while the young chick comes back wanting more help. I say I'm busy and it will be like 5 mins, homegirl was about to get upset, but then I spot my coworker is back on the floor so I page him to help her. Now while I back there getting licenses done ole girl tells me she wants to get a new reel. So I get my hustle man on and show her what I got. She buys a two reals, and picks out some line. I ring her up at the back. Since she bought both reel and line the policy was she gets the reel strung for free. No problem, I'm enjoying her company.

-Now the LP is right behind the counter I'm helping the older lady at, he is in a small stock room that divides the sales floor from the receiving area/larger stock room. He got the couple sitting on the ground in the room and he is going through their belongs, finding **** they stole. He got the door open to he is talking to me while dealing with the thieves

So after I start the first reel the young girl comes back there complaining bout my coworker, talking about don't know **** and I gotta come back to help her. I say I can't, I'm busy, but I'll get a manager. Homegirl is pissed at this point and her neck is rolling like the bish is trying to keep a hoola hoop up. 2 mins don't go by and homegirl comes back to me complaining about my manager trying to sell her extended warranties but don't know ****. I say well if that's the case she gotta wait like 10 mins for me to finish up. She ask why can't something else help the older lady. I say I'm the only one that can string a reel in the store. She gets pissed and says “**** this” and proceeds to walk to the front of the store. I'm thinking she is leaving, but like 8 mins later she comes back talking this “time is up” talk. I say she gonna have to be patient cause it is gonna be like another 5-10 mins. She flips the **** out. Starts cussing at me to hurry up, I try to tell her to calm down, but the older lady had had enough. She says to the young girl “listen, you gonna have to wait, I was here first”. The young girl says “bish, you ain't nobody, ain't nobody talking to your fat asz, I was here before you”. (All proper English is out the door and suddenly this black chick from the burbs is acting like she bout dat life)

From the stockroom, can't see him just hear his voice
LP: OH SNAP, NO SHE DIDN'T

The older lady says “excuse me lil girl, show me some respect, know who you're is talking to”. Young chick's reply “no one was talking to, you so mind your business before you get hurt”. Older chick “By who bish”. The young girl grills the older chick hard for a couple seconds, young girl had the Nick Diaz death stare down pat. Then the young chick tries to bump the older chick out the way to get closer to me, the older chick bumps her back and doesn't let her pass. The young girl gets pissed and smushes the older chick. Older chick smushes her right back. Young chick then fires off a punch.

Big Mistake

For the love of the baby Jesus Big Mistake

The older chick's chin must have been built by Bob Villa cause that joint was mighty sturdy. She doesn't just eat the punch, she devourers it and spit it back up. The younger chick instantly grabs her hand in pain. . The older chick then grabs ole girl, pummels and executes a graceful judo throw, word to the entire Nation of Japan . The young girl's scramble game was Shogun Rua quality, so she gets back to her feet before the older chick can get in any ground and pound.

-ME: LP I NEED HELP!!!!
The LP is now looking through some pics on a camera he found on the guy
LP: WTF IS THIS, THIS YOURS MAN, SHEEEET, THIS THE BIGESST DIKK EVERY SEEN.

Young girl is back on her feet. Now if I were her, judging by how easily she got taken down the first time time she should have cut her loses and headed for the hills. But she didn't. She swings on the older chick again. She connects but the older lady eats da hook like it is a Jack Daniels sampler from Fridays, happily. She takes the punch, ties up the younger chick, pummels again, gets the under hook, ducks under and I **** you not, executes a Rock Bottom on dis young bish.

ME: SUPE C'MON THIS IS SERIOUS!!!
SUPE: I WAS IN THE ARMY SO I SEEN A LOT OF DIKKS, I KNOW DIKKS, BUT DIS SHEET, YOU GOT TWO HANDS ON DIS THING. DAMN BRO! RESPECT

After hitting the ground for the second time the younger girl realizes she is in an Chapelle Show episode of 'when keeping it real goes wrong". So after executing a De La Riva guard sweep to get free, the young girl crawls away to avoided being taken down again. Because at the rate ole girl was going, the choke slam was up next, word to the Undertake. Now I'm scared. I jump over the counter like I got Extreme Conditioning Pro equipped and run to get the LP because only he is allowed to put his hands on customers, so I need him to help me break this thing up. I get in the room and this ***** is still looking at dong picks. Telling me “look at this ****” you ever seen a dikk this big, you should know, you're black.

From the room I could hear the older chick yelling, cursing, and looking for the young chick. Young chick didn't run away, because I guess she didn't want to leave her belongings. I step out because LP gets on the radio to his DM about the cops about to be there for the thieves. When I step back outside and I see the older chick is taking off her wig, jacket, and jewelry. Ole girls must have been working the muscle-ups hard because her arms looked like Eric Bledsoe's. Watching her taking **** off gave me the same feeling I got when I was a kid and saw Goku go Super Saiyan for the first time. I was mesmerized, but I knew sheet was going to get real live when the transformation was done. If ole girl dropped the spirit bomb, the young chick's face would be looking like Veageta's after Frieza got done with him. The young girl had activated the older chick's trap card, and the worst part was the older chick wasn't even in her final form

Now I run up to the older lady and tell her to chill, but she ain't having it. The young girl was hiding between the aisles and under a canopy. The older chicks was talking all this “you don't know me, you wanna act ghetto” trash talk. I can't remember word for word, and it contained so much cussing for me to even type out with it just being a line of ****** symbols, but here is something to get the gist of what was being yelled. The young chick is Batman, older chick is Bane:

'Ohhhh you think ratchetness is your ally, you merely adopted the ratchetness. I was born in it, molded by it, I didn't hear common sense until I was already a woman and by then it was nothing to me but deafening”

At that moment she spots the young chick

-ME:LP C'MON ******G ON
LP: HOLD UP!!....MAN WHAT THE **** YOU BE USING TO SMASH, HEFTY BAGS.....THATS WHY YOUR GIRL GOT A LIMP, SHE BEING HAVING TO TAKING DAT ELEPHANT TUSK.......WTF, AND YOU ASIAN. YOU AIN'T BRINGING NO SHAME TO YOUR FAMILY WITH DIS

I break the rule, I get in between them. The young girl sees she got back up now and begins to fire punches around me. The LP finally appears, he is choosing to let the couple go because I dunno, the **** pics made him change his mind, sees me struggling with these two ratchets and gives me a hand breaking it up. The young chick is talking big sheet now but is pissing off the LP so he puts her modified full nelson and carries her away. Half way up the aisle I see homegirl fighting the LP and I' thinking “oh no, BIG MISTAKE” and it looks like the LP was measuring a DDT, quote the Raven nevermore, but decides against it and just drags her up the aisle out the store. Older chick calms down, get her stuff, I finish stringing the reel and she leaves

TL;DR
-Young chick from the burbs annoys me and older black chick
-Older black chick tells her to calm down
-Younger black chick says she bout dat life
-Older black chick determined that was a lie
-Older Chick is Sports Authority's reckoning
-Young black chick is in a pit somewhere trying to figure out how to make a jump
-LP knows his dongs

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ModernDarwin said:

PharelFor3 said:

story just stopped. Ever mess with that chick again.. Get in trouble at work the next day?

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Nope, nothing happened. No one saw us leaving together/or remembered. I'm sure they gossiped about it though. No one said anything to me about it. And yeah, it isn't hard, not necessarily easy in Korea imo for foreigners. There are chicks that are super down for foreigners but they usually aren't even remotely close to as bad as the sailor moon k-pop likes asian guys only looking girls.

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nawghtyhare said:

MikeTysontheKiller said:

This is recent brahs. My coworker showed me some texts recently that made me wow. One of our TL's is this lady who is married, has kids and all that family stuff going on. She's teh breadwinner from what I know of her. I don't really like her because we started off on the wrong foot when she started working there, and she just makes my **** tick everytime she opens her mouth. Trying to be all perfect with some petty stuff. Anyways, she doesn't have a car so she we have to give her a ride to bart so she could get home, or I give her a ride to bart and my coworker gives her a ride to her crib since they live in teh same city this depending on who is closing with her. So he told me sometime back that she was texting him random **** and he kept going with it, and she kept doing it till the point where he questioned her motives and stopped replying and tried to distance himself because the broad was getting attached. he said this one time a customer said to her that he was attractive or somethign like that and the broad told him through a text that she didn't like it when they told her that about him. Mind you, dukes told me he never did anything and they usually talk about work on their way back to the city so I actually don't know what's going on or if he's leaving something off or what. Back to the story, everything seems to chill off for a minute and I stop seeing dude due to schedule change's so we fast forward to a couple of days ago. I see him and he brings up L (we're gonna call teh TL, L) and he tells me this broad sent him a text on new years saying soemthing along the lines of "can you come and help me tonight babe" and he said he didn't know if she accidentally sent him that text, but the day I saw him he walked into the lunch room and she said "why didn't you reply to my text?" and the homie was kind of in shock and he walked out the room. He sees me and tells me all this and I couldn't believe it. This broad is acting thristy for the D when she got a husband out there waiting for her *** to get home. Cot damn, that **** pissed me off and kinda made me questions her morals in a way. I immediately thought her mans wasn't piping it or something, but still bruh! What kinda cowboy box **** is this son?! My coworker is grossed by this, cus she isn't the most attractive person and she's ******g weird b. I swear to ******g god, she's weird as hell son. Her demeanor is kinda more serious and **** and one of our other Team Leads is this super laid back I'm gonna treat you like me son type of lady so she goes around calling everybody honey or baby and all that, but it's cool you know? Cus she's like 50 something and she acts like mom with all of us and it doesn't seem off or nothing, that's just how she is and that's alright. But I guess L thought it was cool to copy her and try it out too and the first time she told me that thanks babe after I did somethign around the store, that **** caught me off guard b! It made me feel mad uncomfortable, like what the **** is your problem b. You're verbally molesting me right now, ya know? Some women can go around saying that to everybody and it's good, we're gonna be 3hunna because thats that type of personality, but if you got a serious personality and you're an unrealistic about things and you start calling peopel honey or babe, that **** is gonna be off and make you question her as a whole. what the **** man. Just thinking about it is making me shiver.

Yea, some women be foul out here cuz.

sorry if it's not cohesive, i'm kind of in a hurry.

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Ok u said bart so u stay in the bay. I stay out here too so pm me where u work and the lady and ill gladly come there and pipe the old broad to get her to ease up. Btw im dead serious i wil drill pipe her old *** guts out. Pm me bruh

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nawghtyhare said:

Ok u said bart so u stay in the bay. I stay out here too so pm me where u work and the lady and ill gladly come there and pipe the old broad to get her to ease up. Btw im dead serious i wil drill pipe her old *** guts out. Pm me bruh

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blakep267 said:

I have some sorta crazy stories from working at Mcdonalds when i was 16. Anyway, 1 day I went on my break and the way the store was set up, it was 2 levels but people rarely ate upstairs, so I was just by myself. So I put my headphones in and zoned out for a half hour. As Im coming downstairs from lunch, I see a few cops standing downstairs and like stuff is all disheveled. I look over and see 1 of my manager's has his shirt torn and is just chilling. I come to find out there was an all out battle royale happening while I was upstairs. Apparently some people came in starting trouble and the manager gave one of the guys a 2 piece and fighting ensued etc. On 1 hand I was pissed that I missed it an I wondered how come I didnt hear anything. But on the other hand, on the other hand, I was sorta relieved. Because we had like 5 female workers and only 3 guys that day. And I know damn sure I wasnt jumping in on that fight. I probably wouldve hid in the walk in

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Willchamberlain said:

Another time, I worked at panera bread n it was this bop named chris who was jus ****** up in the head. Chick was so ugly, we used to call her mr. popo like the dbz character cuz she was short, black, fat n ugly. I mean she was a few big boys away from precious. Some reason tho she had the confidence of kim k. I mean randomly she would flash her big black sad excuse for ******* to all us dudes. So on the 4th of july one year, its me her n 2 of my boys there n it was slow so we tellin stories n kicking it.
She gets to telling all these freaky stories about giving top, catching trains etc. do one of my boys, lets call him yolo. Yolo don't gaf I mean son use to pay fiends on 7 mile for top, hes like a back page gold card member. The other is the complete opposite n didn't really smash alot n loved big girls seein he was big himself. After we closed I noticed her n yolo was outta sight so I walk in the bathroom all I c is dude gettin domed up. Im cracking up n she like"what? U want next?" I decline off the strength of dude get topped by js ain't no tellin what he got. Fast forward to a hour later, other dude goes to the frezer to put up some food. He forgot a bad of soup n 10 mins gp by n I say f it n.take it to the freezer. I open the door n see dude straight kissin her in the mouth n she wackin dude lil wee wee. She like omg again n he look lost. Long story short hebasically kissed yolo ****. Dude got roasted the rest of his time there smh

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Picasso Swerve said:

Are Rusty's stories even real?

Dude be pulling stories out of nowhere like "OH wait yeah, that one time...".

Sus.

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