Crazy stories from your job.

^^^ Yeah, but the cameras feed to the LP's office. LP controls the cameras, and every camera doesn't t all run everyday, and they are set to different default positions everyday. LP told us only one camera caught the incident. Him going ham on Lil Mama. He deleted the footage. So they didn't have proof. They wrote him up regardless

That incident changed the policy, from then on the video feed went to the the LP's DM's office in VA and the Sports Authority Headquarters in Colorado too. :lol:

So we were covered. To honest I thought we all were going to get fired but we all stuck to a story. Even the one manager that saw some of the incident was down for the team
 
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This happened a couple weeks ago.

I work at a bakery that also serves as a catering party. My job does business with this event center so we can host parties and weddings their.

I cant remember the name of the sorority but we are hosting their bar party. And an hour into it the grossness starts.

It's crazy packed because the girls can bring dates and my event coordinator comes up to me and the other door man and tells us that we need to clean someones vomit :smh: . I wasnt cleaning it so I just held the bag for dude. To make it worse we didn't have any towels so we poured cleaner on it but essentially he was just rubbing it back in the carpet (it still smells to walk by it). It looked like the person had ate some nachos because it looked cheesy and I saw a piece of lettuce in it. Some girl on the dance floor left her heels there and vomit was all on them. Buddy did not clean them though :rofl:

30 minutes later a toilet gets clogged in the women's restroom. Again, so the other doorman with me goes to unclog it. (The significance of this comes in a couple of paragraphs)

Shortly before the party ends this dude is sitting at a table with his date. He throws up on the table like it is nothing. Then him and his date go back to dancing. :smh: Once again I was not cleaning it.

So the party ends at 1am. We eventually get the place cleared and are ready to start cleaning. the guy working the door with me and myself are mopping the dance floor and one of the bartenders came in. Apparently he was taking out the trash and complained about one of the trashbags coming from one of the women's restroom smelt like someone had dropped a mean one in it. Dude working the door with me said "Yeah" like that was normal. I reply "What do you mean yeah?" At this point everyone is in there to hear the story.

He says "I went to unclog the toilet and and some chick took a massive s**t, it was so much that the plunger didn't work and on top of that she threw up on it. So I had to throw the turds away." We pause and look at each other and then I ask "How did you throw it away?" He said he had to legit put his hand in the toilet and take out the turds one by one until the toilet would flush. :x

If that wasn't disgusting enough I hear my event coordinator scream. One of the other bartenders runs in the women's restroom to see what is wrong and in the other stall there is a bloody tampon somehow stuck to the wall. She says she is not taking it off and tries to get one of us to do it and I tell her that she is a woman so she should take it off. Eventually she does.

It's crazy because all of this happened in the women's restroom. For how wasted everyone was, I didn't even have to mop the men's room, all I had to do was wipe the counters off real quick because they were a little wet.

The only conclusion that I could come up with is that women are disgusting creatures.

Worked a bar party
Had to "help" clean up some cheesy vomit
Someone vomited again
Women's toilet got clogged and poop was thrown in the trashcan
Bloody tampon stuck to women's restroom wall
I didn't clean anything
 
Holy **** rusty i was literally in tears laughing at work under my breath.

Yo what kind of work do you do / where you from (if you want to answer) id def wanna work on a few projects in the future :lol:
 
Lol at rusty saying when the door open and he the thought it was stone cold walking in.... Lp taking the hit like a fully loaded burrito from Chipotle with the combo meal
 
The business is about to pick up line made me have to stop reading. I couldnt hold in laughing sitting here at my work computer.

All I pictured was LP kicking the doors open with the glass shatter. And looking back and forth with a crazy look in his eye like "Where the **** are they"
 
We get back there. Now both dudes have managed to get clubs loose, and it is looking like a game of Gears 2 multiplayer. Dave was wall bouncing off of pallets trying to get away from the dudes, Daddy Keef was trying to two piece Dave but Dave had the host advantage so he was able to duck the driver. The netcode was horrible for Lil Mama so that dude wasn't connecting wit sheet.

 
This absolutley destroyed me
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Someone needs to make a "Rusty's Greatest Hits" post/thread to put all his stories in one helpful location..
 
NEW RUSTY!!!
-Sorry for the crazy delay brahs, this sorry was so wild be itself I struggled to add the secret sauce. Sorry if this doesn't live up to the hype.
-Once again sorry for the length
-The spoilers provide the background info to make the story make more sense,

So one weeknight this couple walks into the store. The guy was a lighted skinned dude who looked like a more feminine Lil Mama, so that's to say he looked really manly. He was wearing a faded We-R-One t-shirt, ashy Girbauds and some dusty Southpole boots. So I knew the last time this ***** gave a damb I was still using Netscape. The chick, the chick, well to put put it this way, if I said she looked like Gabby Sidibe that would be a huge compliment. Homegirl looked like Shabba Ranks in the face (SHABBA!!), had the body of Bam-Bam Bigelow and her breath was some fire, word to Ricky the Dragon Steamboat.

Now they come in and ask for help wit golf clubs, so instantly I know something must be up. I tell one of my coworkers to alert the LP, because it was about to go down word to Yung Joc. Anyway I'm helping them and they are asking stupid question about golf, like if they need a ball pump to pump up golf balls. They where most interested in the Taylor Made Drivers though. We had set up a display at the front of the golf department. We had like 15 drivers displayed all ranging in price from $300 to like $600. Usually I wouldn't worry people stealing the expensive clubs because we zip tie them to the display so people can't just pick them up. However I noticed that whoever setup the display forgot to do it this time. So homeboy is taking drivers off the display and swinging them at will

Now I'm on high alert but I can't tell homeboy don' touch the drivers. If any other customer would have asked I would have had to cut a driver loose for them to try them, it was store policy, so I couldn't discriminate now. But homeboy was swinging the clubs around like crazy so I had to tell him to stop that. But as soon as I say something to Lil Mama, Bam-Bam flips on me. Telling me I'm a self hating negro, screaming racism, and demanding a manager. She is causing such a scene that the manager and LP come out to calm her *** down.

LP comes out and she continues to flip on the LP. She I making such a display that the LP tells her she has to get out the store. She then starts doing this move where she kinda takes a couple steps towards the doors, then turns back and screams at the manager and me again, then takes a couple more and repeats the process. This forces the LP to stay next to her, trying to coax her out the store. LP finally gets her outside but as soon as she gets there, we here the fire alarm for the entire store go off. There was no fire but someone had opened one of the emergency fire escapes. Come to find out, Lil Mama had grabbed like 6 drivers and ran out the back, through the stockroom, through a fire door, into a car waiting at the back of the store. LP runs back in the store, but as soon as he leaves a blacked out Crown Vic pulls up and Bam-Bam runs in the car like a defensive tackle running in for a touchdown after a fumble recovery.

They did it, they outsmarted all of us. They were so dumb, that they were brilliant.

Now from what I have told you guys bout the LP you'll must know he got pride for decades. It takes him days to get over someone tricking him, and he will do whether it takes to make sure the same person never gets him twice.

Fast Forward a couple of weeks

It's a Saturday and I see Bam-Bam walk into the store. So I get on my informer steez, word to Snow, and go alert the LP. Unfortunately the LP wasn't in the store at that time, he hit traffic on his way to work and was going to be crazy late, word to this story. So I'm watching Bam-Bam like a hawk, and I see she got Lil Mama with her and a second dude. The other dude looked like a calabo between Daddy Yankee and Chief Keef. Just imagine Daddy Yankee's faces on Keefs body. Plus homeboy had buzz cut in the middle, dreads on the side and some tight *** clothes (This was the only time I seen a Hispanic dude rocking a greased up mullet). So we'll call him Daddy Keef or Chief Yankee But I digress...... I kept checking to see if the LP has come in yet, and had the entire store on high alert, but it was pointless the Wild Bunch was bout to make their move.

First up, Bam-Bam starts making a scene, cursing up a storm. At this time I was helping a customer so I wasn't watching them anymore, but I as soon as I heard ole girl start yelling I ran towards the golf department. Now I didn't really know I was going to do. But I really hated that chick and wanted her Defensive Tackle, Mr. Loverman (SHABBA!!) looking *** to get caught .They go for the drivers, problem is that this time they were all zip tied down. These dudes were unfazed, they proceed to pick-up the entire driver display, lift it overhead and run to the back. So I follow at a safe distance to see how they would take it out.

Now Just for more background information. The stockroom is is one long room divided into three sections, separate by large plastic swinging doors, with a see through plastic window on each door. It was nearing Black Friday and we had TONS of merchandise back there on pallets. The pallets were lined up in the sides of each room, so there was only a cramped walk area in between the palets. The main entrance goes into the middle room, and has pallets in it, the stockroom to the left has pallets in it all the way down too. The stock room to the right doesn't have pallets but is filled with these glass and metal displays. We where sending them back to corporate because the where the wrong type. We need fiberglass and plastic ones so they wouldn't break. Now we had to make sure the fire exits were no blocked because the Fire Marshall used to do surprise inspection and fine us a couple thousand if we blocked them. So the exits are accessible. Or at least they should be. Keep this info in mind. Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

They had this dude Dave who worked in the store, lil off. He was like over 40, kinda chubby, had no life besides fishing, and work. He always told people bout this dime piece he was talking too online, and how they were so in love, and how he was going to Thailand to marry her. All the while sending this broad money. He showed me a pic of the chick one time, she looked like a Ladyboy too me but I didn't want to burst his bubble. And hey, you know, life's lil surprises is what that makes it worth living. I was cool wit Dave because even though he was a brown noser, he was always good for some lulz and he was a good innocent guy.

Now Dave sees these guys running to the back and instead of moving out the way he trips Lil Mama has he is running by. His causes Mama to G-Slide fall forward through the swinging doors to the stockroom, and drop the display. Now what he also did, when I put the store on alert was block the fire exits with some pallets of merchandise so the dudes couldn’t escape. He then proceeds to walk into the stock room and informs the dudes that all the exist are blocked, and then pulls out his phone to call the cops. In front of the dudes

BIG MISTAKE

Lil Mama and Daddy Keef were heated that Dave tried to play them. They decided that escape was no longer their priority, and started to keep it #3HUNNA wit Dave. Now me and another dude were in the middle of the store looking directly down to the stock room, through the clear plastic windows. We can see dudes jump Dave. Two of the managers where there too. We tell them that Dave is getting jumped and they hold us back saying we can't help, it is against store rules, the cops are on their way, stay outta it. I'm feeling like a bish right now because one of my homies is getting stomped and I'm letting a lil white girl hold me back.

Couple seconds later I'm walking towards the stockroom but my manager keeps pushing me back saying I might get fired if I touch the dudes. Then I notice that one of dudes is swinging a driver, it was Cheif Yankee. He was feeling like he was Kobe Tiger, and was giving Dave dat “Gasolina”. So I'm, like HELL NAWH. I'm not gonna let my homie go out like that, no matter how weird he is. I push my manager aside, get my Ultimate Warrior on, and run to the back. My coworker who was a ole head from DC that claimed he ran the district in the 80s, but did a bid and was trying to get his life together. He did them same and followed me to the back. Dave used to give him rides home so I dunno if he was looking out for his homie, or just didn't want to hop on the bus.

We get back there. Now both dudes have managed to get clubs loose, and it is looking like a game of Gears 2 multiplayer. Dave was wall bouncing off of pallets trying to get away from the dudes, Daddy Keef was trying to two piece Dave but Dave had the host advantage so he was able to duck the driver. The netcode was horrible for Lil Mama so that dude wasn't connecting wit sheet.

So we're back there and we are trying to break hit up but Cheif Yankee was keeping us away. We didn't have space to tackle him, we could one attack one at a time because of the pallets. Daddy Keef had the advantage of forcing us through a choke point, word to 300. But that's not to take anything away from Chief Yankee, last time I seen a Spanish dude swing a golf club that well it was Sergio Garcia.

The OG I was with caught one to the dome and was done for. Homeboy was laid out, face down, word to Suge Knight. I caught one on the temple and was kinda on dream street. Now Daddy Keef is trying to finish me off put I'm acting like James Toney in the pocket, bobbing weaving, and deflecting the blows. After a while I was getting lit up. Homeboy was Laughing to the Bank on me. And at that time we were playing Top 100 Pop songs over the stores PA system in the store. There was a reggae-ton song playing at that time, and I while my head was ringing, all I could think to myself was “Rompe!, Rompe! Rompe!”. After a couple more shots I was covering my head and was doing what looked like the bogle (SHABBA!!!) to avoid the club. And looking for a opportunity to tie homeboy up

Dave was still running from Lil Mama in the farthest 3rd section and me and Chief Yankee were playing cat and mouse in the middle section. The first section to the right was packed with huge glass displays (like I said before, they were sent to us in error and we had to mail back to corporate for plastic ones) but you could hardly move inside that stockroom. So I'm trying to catch the drive, and on one swing I got it. But homeboy must have been training at the Cobra Kai dojo because he hits a mean leg swept on me, and I I hit the ground.

So I now I'm on the ground and I know that homeboy can **** me up at his will, so I'm working my De La Riva Guard for dear life. He starts trying to head stomp me word to Pride FC and I'm feel like I about to be on an episode of “When Keeping it Real goes Wrong, Big Box Retail Edition”

Suddenly I hear a sound some noise coming from the first stockroom, the one filled wit those glass displays, at first it sounds like metals banging into each other then I hear a ton of glass shatter. At the same time someone violently pushes the swinging doors open. Real talk for a second I thought it was Stone Cold Steve Austin, but then I realized it was the LP. Business was about to pick up, word to Jim Ross.

Daddy Keef “Didn't Know Him” so he swings and gets off one clean shot. The LP didn't eem try to block it. He eat dat thang like a Buritto Bowl wit extra rice, peppers, Barbacoa, tomatoes, corn, light sour cream, lettuce, and cheese, Guac on the side. Last time I saw someone take a shot to the face that cleanly and not be fazed, it was Lisa Ann. He grabs Chief Yankee, hits him wit a mean suplex work to Dean Malenko. Then hog ties his him wit some large zip ties. I tell the LP that Dave it getting his *** whooped down at the last stockroom. He picks up the driver and walks, not runs, not jogs, he walks towards Lil Mama and Dave. Now I usually see homeboy hyped in situation like this, so seeing him so calm was strange.

Dave was hiding behind some pallets screaming for help. When the LPstarts getting near Lil Mama he started whirling the driver like it was a light-saber word. **** WAS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Bout dat life, the LP was, word to Yoda. Lil Mama sees the LP and thinks it is the VMAs all over gain, he starts feeling himself to much and gets lost in the moment. Needless to say, the force was wit the LP and Lil Mama's lip gloss wasn't poppin. The LP made short work of the Lil Mama. Ole boy was getting lit up so much he was trying to G-Slide his way outta there. But the LP snatches him up and slaps the cuffs on him. Cops show up like 10 mins later. LP had Bam-Bam zip tied to a 300 pound weight set in his office. All 3 got locked up

We had to hail the Amber Lamps for Dave because homeboy was leaking. The dudes got charged with assault. They tried to get us all fired for fighting back, and for the LP using the driver too. We all lied and said we had no idea what dem dudes were talking about.

TL;DR
-Bam-Bam, Lil Mama, and Daddy Keef try to pull a heist for a 2nd time
-Dave trys to play hero
-Dats that **** Chief Yankee don't like
-Everyone gets tickets to the Masters
-A new challenger appears
-On No!!! The LP is here
-******* love Sosa
-The LP doesn't
-LP wins the green jacket and brings balance back to the force

SON




"Last time I saw someone take a shot to the face that cleanly and not be fazed, it was Lisa Ann."

:rofl: :rofl: ;rollin
 
I used to work with this smoking hot girl at a certain store chain. She worked the cosmetic counter and only really worked like two days outta the week. She was this black chick with perfect round ***.

Now the manager at the time was a HUGE frat boy type that treated his hiring job like his own eye candy auditions.

I never realized until I got to know him personally that all the chicks that worked there were cute and/or hot.

So he hires this hot black chick and she is pretty much terrible at her job. I had to pretty much coach her in working sales, but nothing I taught her ever sunk in. Despite this her commissions were through the roof. She was selling cosmetics like crazy.

I also noticed that guys came in all the time and spent huge amounts of time in her section. Some flirted, some asked for her help specifically, and some came in the store just to see her.

No one could figure out what it was about her getting soo many guys and soo much sales.

So this horndog manager looved hitting the bars and picking up chicks. He also loved hitting the clubs and titty bars.

One day he comes into work and acts all weird around her. I notice and ask him what's up. Knowing his reputation I figured he nailed her or something. He denies this but after some badgering he takes me back to the stockroom and explains his story.

Apparently during a drunken binge, he and some buddies decied to go to a strip club. While having a good time the manager sits at the front of the stage and he hears "Please welcome Paris to the stage!"

Manager turns around and sees his cosmetic sales associate twerking on stage and riding the pole like a pro. Manager goes crazy and figures he's seeing things. He gets close to her and pretty much confirms that it is her. After he awkwardly stuffs a $5 in her g string he leaves and tells no one besides me. Apparently the regulars at the club had figured out her day job and decided to give her visits there. Their main objective was to beat. Pretty sure a few guys tried to pay for it too. Guess by buying cosmetics they thought they could get some.

Some people were convinced she was hooking on the side and used this day job as a cover. To this day, no one really knows. Needless to say the hot chick quits a few weeks after the whole thing.

Hilariously guys still came into the store asking for her by name.
One time this young hispanic guy came in with roses and asked if she still worked there. I said no, and then he goes "she was fine huh?"

Rumor has it she got a job at a plastic surgeon's office and got a free boob job.
She's selling p, all strippers escort....
 
Gotta say p4l, going to bed and I can't start a rusty story and not finish it :lol:
 
This happened a couple weeks ago.

I work at a bakery that also serves as a catering party. My job does business with this event center so we can host parties and weddings their.

I cant remember the name of the sorority but we are hosting their bar party. And an hour into it the grossness starts.

It's crazy packed because the girls can bring dates and my event coordinator comes up to me and the other door man and tells us that we need to clean someones vomit :smh: . I wasnt cleaning it so I just held the bag for dude. To make it worse we didn't have any towels so we poured cleaner on it but essentially he was just rubbing it back in the carpet (it still smells to walk by it). It looked like the person had ate some nachos because it looked cheesy and I saw a piece of lettuce in it. Some girl on the dance floor left her heels there and vomit was all on them. Buddy did not clean them though :rofl:

30 minutes later a toilet gets clogged in the women's restroom. Again, so the other doorman with me goes to unclog it. (The significance of this comes in a couple of paragraphs)

Shortly before the party ends this dude is sitting at a table with his date. He throws up on the table like it is nothing. Then him and his date go back to dancing. :smh: Once again I was not cleaning it.

So the party ends at 1am. We eventually get the place cleared and are ready to start cleaning. the guy working the door with me and myself are mopping the dance floor and one of the bartenders came in. Apparently he was taking out the trash and complained about one of the trashbags coming from one of the women's restroom smelt like someone had dropped a mean one in it. Dude working the door with me said "Yeah" like that was normal. I reply "What do you mean yeah?" At this point everyone is in there to hear the story.

He says "I went to unclog the toilet and and some chick took a massive s**t, it was so much that the plunger didn't work and on top of that she threw up on it. So I had to throw the turds away." We pause and look at each other and then I ask "How did you throw it away?" He said he had to legit put his hand in the toilet and take out the turds one by one until the toilet would flush. :x

If that wasn't disgusting enough I hear my event coordinator scream. One of the other bartenders runs in the women's restroom to see what is wrong and in the other stall there is a bloody tampon somehow stuck to the wall. She says she is not taking it off and tries to get one of us to do it and I tell her that she is a woman so she should take it off. Eventually she does.

It's crazy because all of this happened in the women's restroom. For how wasted everyone was, I didn't even have to mop the men's room, all I had to do was wipe the counters off real quick because they were a little wet.

The only conclusion that I could come up with is that women are disgusting creatures.

Worked a bar party
Had to "help" clean up some cheesy vomit
Someone vomited again
Women's toilet got clogged and poop was thrown in the trashcan
Bloody tampon stuck to women's restroom wall
I didn't clean anything
All girls ( from my mom to girlfriends) have told me women's restrooms are the worst
Rusty for nt president... Dude I hope you are a journalism major or plan to write for a living because the ish is always funny
 
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