Crazy stories from your job.

When this happened 5 years ago it meant ending a 25 year career, leaving the place I thought I was going to stay forever. I worked as a manager for a bank notorious for housing the Mafia's funds. It was a day much like today, warm and sunny. I just had my daily coffee and for some reason, I was pretending playing the piano as I type on the keyboard.., then I heard shots fired. There were three masked men. One of them kept on screaming: "Hands up, heads down". As the crooks were busy scaring people, I clicked on the panic button meant to warn the mob instead of calling 911. 





I didn't cry, I panicked just a little bit. I was actually more scared of what the mobsters would do to me once they found out their money got stolen than these ***-clowns. Because of that, I didn't react in the way that the majority would have done in the same situation. I said to myself. **** this. I was gonna die anyway, so might as well take these fools down with me. So I took off my glasses, grabbed my shotgun and shot one of them at the back. Bingo. The thug was down in an instant. Cocked my gun like Sylvester Stallone and walked towards the other clown like a boss. I began firing at him while screaming: "Do you have any idea who you're stealing form?" "You and your friends are dead!"





This genius figured I was out so he shot me. I was down. This dude stared at me for awhile as his partner carried away the cash. The two thugs had an argument and threatened to shoot the guy who shot me. Then all of a sudden a ******g school bus rammed his ***! It didn't even hit him but for some reason, the dude was knocked out cold. Divine intervention? Maybe.





After loading all the cash on the bus, the psycho who shot me sprayed bullets at the driver, without even looking at him. Crazy.





I didn't want to die like a ***** so I mocked the clown and as I was on my final breath. I lectured him on criminals having honor and respect. Asked him what he believed in! Then this psycho placed a grenade on my mouth and told me that whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you.....





*He then removes his mask and low and behold, he was wearing makeup.*





".... Stranger." The pin was stringed to his pants, the pin got pulled as he was driving off. I pissed on my pants then I prayed to the one God: "Not today... Not today... Not today..."





I felt so desperate at the moment that it felt like my whole life has been destroyed.I thought of my wife. My children. My Jordan 3 Crimson.





...Smoke came out of the grenade.





I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I got trolled and it was only a smoke grenade. 





Then I was both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be... Then I fainted.





I have never been the same again. 





Went to police school and joined the SWAT after that.





Got stuck underground for a few months, but that story's for another day.
 
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***LORENZO UPDATE***

So Lorenzo quit a few months back, but a few weeks ago one of the cooks at our job saw him at a restaurant with his fiancee.  The cook asked him how the police academy was going. Lorenzo told the cook that he wasn't in the police academy anymore and that he's currently a postmaster at the post office. I don't know if it's true, but it's fitting.  If anyone's gonna "go postal", it's him. Oh, Lorenzo...when will you learn?
 
That story above can't be real. Or is it?
Pretty sure no bank has a Mafia button. 
roll.gif
 
When this happened 5 years ago it meant ending a 25 year career, leaving the place I thought I was going to stay forever. I worked as a manager for a bank notorious for housing the Mafia's funds. It was a day much like today, warm and sunny. I just had my daily coffee and for some reason, I was pretending playing the piano as I type on the keyboard.., then I heard shots fired. There were three masked men. One of them kept on screaming: "Hands up, heads down". As the crooks were busy scaring people, I clicked on the panic button meant to warn the mob instead of calling 911. 

I didn't cry, I panicked just a little bit. I was actually more scared of what the mobsters would do to me once they found out their money got stolen than these ***-clowns. Because of that, I didn't react in the way that the majority would have done in the same situation. I said to myself. **** this. I was gonna die anyway, so might as well take these fools down with me. So I took off my glasses, grabbed my shotgun and shot one of them at the back. Bingo. The thug was down in an instant. Cocked my gun like Sylvester Stallone and walked towards the other clown like a boss. I began firing at him while screaming: "Do you have any idea who you're stealing form?" "You and your friends are dead!"

This genius figured I was out so he shot me. I was down. This dude stared at me for awhile as his partner carried away the cash. The two thugs had an argument and threatened to shoot the guy who shot me. Then all of a sudden a ******g school bus rammed his ***! It didn't even hit him but for some reason, the dude was knocked out cold. Divine intervention? Maybe.

After loading all the cash on the bus, the psycho who shot me killed the driver without even looking at him. Crazy.

I didn't want to die like a ***** so I mocked the clown as I was on my final breath. I lectured him on criminals having honor and respect. Asked him what he believed in! Then this psycho placed a grenade on my mouth and told me that whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you.....

*He then removes his mask and low and behold, he was wearing makeup.*

".... Stranger." The pin was stringed to his pants, the pin got pulled as he was driving off. I pissed on my pants then I prayed to the one God: "Not today... Not today... Not today..."

I feltso desperate at the moment that it felt like my whole life has been destroyed.I thought of my wife. My children. My Jordan 3 Crimson.

...Smoke came out of the grenade.

I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I got trolled and it was only a smoke grenade. 

Then I was both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be... Then I fainted.

I have never been the same again. 

Went to police school then became a police officer after that incident.

I promised to uphold justice so that no one would ever have to suffer the same fate as I did.

Got stuck underground for a few months, but that story's for ano
 
The stories would be a lot funnier if y'all didn't try so hard with the simalies.
 
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Might have some new stories for you guys if I land this Nordstrom gig.

Other than that, I don't think I've told any of my LP stories here have I?

I work at a call center now and it ******* blows so there's nothing to be told.
 
Might have some new stories for you guys if I land this Nordstrom gig.

Other than that, I don't think I've told any of my LP stories here have I?

I work at a call center now and it ******* blows so there's nothing to be told.
When I worked at a call center me and my homie from high school would talk about how we wanted to smash our manager/coworkers..

Funny thing is, that same manager would be the one listening to our calls day in and day out. Never brought it up once
laugh.gif
 
When I worked at a call center me and my homie from high school would talk about how we wanted to smash our manager/coworkers..

Funny thing is, that same manager would be the one listening to our calls day in and day out. Never brought it up once :lol:

Y'all must be ugly.
 
Op you worked in loss prevention? I use to work lp for burlington and seen a dope fiend walk into the main isle pull down her pants and take the biggest doodoo I have ever seen. Shorty pulled her pants up no wipe or nothing.
 
Op you worked in loss prevention? I use to work lp for burlington and seen a dope fiend walk into the main isle pull down her pants and take the biggest doodoo I have ever seen. Shorty pulled her pants up no wipe or nothing.
:lol:
 
 
When I worked at a call center me and my homie from high school would talk about how we wanted to smash our manager/coworkers..

Funny thing is, that same manager would be the one listening to our calls day in and day out. Never brought it up once
laugh.gif
Y'all must be ugly.
Sometimes I just dont get NT.

Same dude who said he rocks a mutton chop beard. You get a pass for today.
 
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