Tips on dealing with social awkwardness/anxiety?

erupt107th said:

girlslovewaffles said:

Introversion =/= socially awkward.

Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.

I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.

Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

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I don't think you understand what being an introvert means. If you're very outgoing and say hi to 30+ people at a party, who you've never met, then that kind of sort of means you are more of an extrovert. I don't sit in a corner by myself. If someone speaks to me I have no problem holding a conversation with them.


I've performed at clubs before and haven't been nervous at all. I was great at speeches all throughout high school and college. I just naturally prefer sticking to my group of 4 close friends.

Now I realise maybe I should have never posted in this thread since it is more about soial anxiety

I just watned to share a funny tidbit.

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Introversion and extroversion, for the most part, is about where your personality gets its energy from. Yes, introverts prefer to be alone vs larger groups because it's draining on them, but that doesn't mean you still can't do certain things.

Have you ever had to work or study when you were tired? Exhausted? If so, then you can appreciate that you can still show manners, talk to people, and present yourself in social situations in a manner that is socially acceptable despite being an introvert. at anyone who thinks just because they're introvert means it's justified for them to be an ******* at a party or walk around like they're allergic to smiling and have permanent ***** face going on.

I'm just tired of introverts using that label as a way to justify why they're socially awkward. No, you're socially awkward because you're socially awkward. You lack interpersonal skills because you have failed to develop them.

Going back to your original post, you use the word "prefer." That isn't a limitation. Just because you prefer something over another doesn't mean you should avoid it altogether. It's acceptable, but not what you'd exactly like. There in lies the problem with most introverts. People tell them to mingle and they go "well I prefer to be alone, or with smaller groups of people, why don't people understand me" and it's like, dude, that has absolutely nothing to do with me telling you to mingle.

Just because you prefer apples to oranges doesn't mean you can't eat oranges once in awhile when apples aren't available. Especially when you consider that oranges are pretty nutritious and good for you, much like how engaging others in social situations is good for your personal growth.

Stop making excuses and go do things. I don't want to hear about your introvert tendencies.

girlslovewaffles said:

Introversion =/= socially awkward.

Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.

I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.

Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

Click to expand...

Some people say they are Introverts but really aren't. 

You my friend, fall under that category.

CliffordSmith said:

girlslovewaffles said:

Introversion =/= socially awkward.


Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.


I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.


Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

Click to expand...

Some people say they are Introverts but really aren't. 

You my friend, fall under that category.

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Pretty sure I know myself infinitely better than some random stranger on an internet forum. But I digress.

And what kind of person says they're introvert when they really aren't? I have all the classic introvert characteristics. That doesn't stop me from mustering up energy to do the things that are important in society. Yeah, it kind of sucks how our society is geared towards benefiting extroverted behavior, but hey if it needs to be done, then do it. No point wallowing in your introverted ways and whining about how you prefer to be alone so it's hard for you to talk to people.

girlslovewaffles said:

Introversion =/= socially awkward.

Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.

I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.

Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

Click to expand...

Son, how you gonna try an tell us that being introverted can't easily translate into being socially awkward

i'm a born introvert with social skills. the kid in the sandbox who used to fall back and observe, but i have no problem small talking or being social. i'd just rather not be social outside of my circle on most days.

parties and clubs are extrovert circuses. i'm too in my own zone (esp. when lit) to enjoy that kind of environment more than once a month. i thought something was wrong with me as a teen but i realized there's different strokes for different folks. i can't be like everyone else no matter how hard i try. the way to fulfill your potential as a human being is to accept who you are by nature, and be the best you possible.

the best relationship you need to have is with yourself. know yourself inside and out. most extroverts i've known has had poor knowledge of self and it always showed in their shoddy personalities. they usually thrive on outside validation/support, whereas we find that within.

introversion is not an illness, it's a gift you gotta moderate. you have to know when to be assertive and speak up, then when it's time to be alone and introverted. focus on achieving that balance and you'll be proud to be an introvert, not ashamed like some posters in here are pushing you to be.

Tr1ll said:

Im not trying to throw salt or anything, but if you got kids, that means you got laid, which means you not THAT socially awkward. Was your BM ugly, how old are you? You did something right(or maybe not).

I can understand how your situation would slow you down, doe.

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i did nothing right. i fell for a girl that was hella shady. let me hit it on the first night and i wifed in her up after three months. . I'm 30 years old. i have been in two relationships each lasting about four years. Besides that i have slept with three other girls. So im 30 and have slept with 5 girls . all of them  were a solid seven imo. None were fat or ugly. They all approached me and basically made it obvious what theyre intentions were. So i dont know what you'd call my condition. I feel inadequate and like everyone is always better then me. Afraid to talk to people. Hate to be in a room full of people. 

DeMarco said:

i'm a born introvert with social skills. the kid in the sandbox who used to fall back and observe, but i have no problem small talking or being social. i'd just rather not be social outside of my circle on most days.

parties and clubs are extrovert circuses. i'm too in my own zone (esp. when lit) to enjoy that kind of environment more than once a month. i thought something was wrong with me as a teen but i realized there's different strokes for different folks. i can't be like everyone else no matter how hard i try. the way to fulfill your potential as a human being is to accept who you are by nature, and be the best you possible.

the best relationship you need to have is with yourself. know yourself inside and out. most extroverts i've known has had poor knowledge of self and it always showed in their shoddy personalities. they usually thrive on outside validation/support, whereas we find that within.

introversion is not an illness, it's a gift you gotta moderate. you have to know when to be assertive and speak up, then when it's time to be alone and introverted. focus on achieving that balance and you'll be proud to be an introvert, not ashamed like some posters in here are pushing you to be.

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Quality post

Heat on Daily said:

girlslovewaffles said:

Introversion =/= socially awkward.


Some of y'all are just introvert AND socially awkward. Not introducing yourself to the rest of the party? Awkward. Not making an effort to at least talk to people? Awkward. Not saying a simple hi or hello? Awkward.


I've been introvert my whole life. That doesn't mean you get a pass for being a socially awkward dude. Go out there and mingle. That's how opportunities present themselves, both socially and professionally.


Using introversion as an excuse to not display good manners is laughable.

Click to expand...

Son, how you gonna try an tell us that being introverted can't easily translate into being socially awkward

Click to expand...

It doesn't.

That's a limitation you set for youself.

Learn yourself, leverage your strengths, and develop your weaknesses.

I know plenty of extroverts who are awkward as ****. Some people just don't know when to shut the **** up, while others just don't know when to speak the **** up.

It's a situation that works both ways. I just don't like when introverts claim to be socially awkward because of their introversion. Again, that's a description you set for yourself and frankly, it's extremely limiting and restrictive.

Good info here.

But no one is naturally introverted or naturally extroverted. It's not a gene. These are things that are LEARNED.

"Don't be yourself, be your BEST self."

Great advice, I needed this, thx WLL for making the OG post.

demarco summing up my mentality to a tee.

This is the way to live and be happy. Closer than ever to a lot of my old homies growing up because we have all come to this realization in recent years.

I'm 24.

@mugen81 @HUYNHer appreciate the love, fellas.

DeMarco said:

i'm a born introvert with social skills. the kid in the sandbox who used to fall back and observe, but i have no problem small talking or being social. i'd just rather not be social outside of my circle on most days.

parties and clubs are extrovert circuses. i'm too in my own zone (esp. when lit) to enjoy that kind of environment more than once a month. i thought something was wrong with me as a teen but i realized there's different strokes for different folks. i can't be like everyone else no matter how hard i try. the way to fulfill your potential as a human being is to accept who you are by nature, and be the best you possible.

the best relationship you need to have is with yourself. know yourself inside and out. most extroverts i've known has had poor knowledge of self and it always showed in their shoddy personalities. they usually thrive on outside validation/support, whereas we find that within.

introversion is not an illness, it's a gift you gotta moderate. you have to know when to be assertive and speak up, then when it's time to be alone and introverted. focus on achieving that balance and you'll be proud to be an introvert, not ashamed like some posters in here are pushing you to be.

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I enjoy parties/clubs purely for the sake of random yambs rubbing their cheeks on my johnson. If that's not occuring I'm usually extremely bored and ready to go

But I'm not ashamed to be an introvert, just haven't quite learned the perfect balance while sober (If I could be how I am after 3 shots of Hennessy 24/7 I'd be set tho )

What I do appreciate about being an introvert is the fact I've spent more time observing than talking and I've learned to read ppl/situations a lot better than most. In fact it's probably saved my life on a few occasions.

You gotta take the ups with the downs tho, nobody is perfect. I know people who are completely outgoing, but can't stop talking long enough to pick up on social cues or what's going on around them.

Where you go where they rub Yambs on you?



Yambs is Vag.

DeMarco summed me up to a tee.

CliffordSmith said:

Where you go where they rub Yambs on you?



Yambs is Vag.

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I said yambs (as in women) rubbin their cheeks on me.

Thought yambs was being used for both women and/or the vag. oh well, I'll just stick to sayin biddies

Had a breakthrough today NT fambs!

Had a surprise group project and presentation today in one of my major classes. Did not feel awkward and communicated with people I never met today with no problems. And for the first time in YEARS I spoke in front of my peers without being extremely nervous or stuttering.

I feel DAMN good b. I learned I might flunk out of school today too but ion eem care right now

WhatsLosinLike said:

Had a breakthrough today NT fambs!

Had a surprise group project and presentation today in one of my major classes. Did not feel awkward and communicated with people I never met today with no problems. And for the first time in YEARS I spoke in front of my peers without being extremely nervous or stuttering.

I feel DAMN good b. I learned I might flunk out of school today too but ion eem care right now

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that's great to hear. Like I dont think anybody should have to fight social anxiety like it really holds you back from having a really fun life

Same way OP. Still kinda awkward, but I think I've progressed a lot since my high school days where some people thought I was mute.

For me, one way I deal with it is just trying to keep conversations as long as possible. Before I was told that I would have abrupt conversations and I didn't know how to keep one going. When I talk to people, I usually try and either expand upon the subject we're talking about or diverge from that a little. Also, say what's on your mind whenever possible. If you have a thought going on, don't be hesitant to tell someone around you about it. Maybe not strangers, but friends and family. I don't spark up conversations with randoms now but if I do get into a conversation with one I can keep it going longer than I was able to before. This may or may not apply to everybody, but for me I always thank people even for the smallest gestures (getting papers handed back, whenever people excuse themselves when you're trying to get through, etc.) - it gets me to talk just a little more and feel comfortable and it shows others a lot about your character.

One other note of advice: when meeting new people, introduce yourself accordingly by projecting your voice and giving a firm handshake. These type of people always give good first impressions. Dead fish handshake = no bueno.

If you are uncomfortable being who you are, it means that something inside you wants to change. That's all that it really means. I always observe my emotions to see what they are really trying to lead to. There is a difference between observing your natural emotions and letting your natural emotions be in control. I've always felt that you can trust your emotions to give you some sort of insight one way or the other.

WhatsLosinLike said:

Had a breakthrough today NT fambs!

Had a surprise group project and presentation today in one of my major classes. Did not feel awkward and communicated with people I never met today with no problems. And for the first time in YEARS I spoke in front of my peers without being extremely nervous or stuttering.

I feel DAMN good b. I learned I might flunk out of school today too but ion eem care right now

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To be honest with myself... I'm only going to school to meet new people and break out of this social awkwardness... and it's working a little but it's better than nothing.

Truballa101 said:

Good info here.

But no one is naturally introverted or naturally extroverted. It's not a gene. These are things that are LEARNED.

"Don't be yourself, be your BEST self."

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There is definitely a genetic factor when it comes to being introverted or extroverted as witnessed in twin babies studies. Depending on the study it ranges from 39% to 58%.

http://psych.colorado.edu/~carey/pdfFiles/Personality_Tellegen.pdf

OP isnt socially awkward, hes just shy/insecure


i know someone who suffers from anxiety and has social problems and its hard to get him to talk literally, dude can go a whole day without saying a word and he walks around in public with his head down

Black Migo said:

OP isnt socially awkward, hes just shy/insecure


i know someone who suffers from anxiety and has social problems and its hard to get him to talk literally, dude can go a whole day without saying a word and he walks around in public with his head down

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^used to be me. except i was on my phone 24/7 as my safety net

Great exercise I did a few years back to help me with my social anxiety.....

Let's face it, we are all superficial to some degree. Probably moreso as NTers on a shoe forum. So when we think of social success, we think of striking up conversations with very attractive women, having sex with 8s, 9s, or 10s. Making out with a white girl. Etc etc.........

So naturally, if we are not socializing with attractive women, we think we failed. So what happens is we go out, and ignore everyone, and instead, focus on obsess over women only, and then, when we see an attractive women, and put her on this pedastal, with an incredible amount of pressure, and just come out as awkward, back out of it, or just give up. We go home feeling terrible.

What changed for me is forgetting about my old idea of success, about the concept of socializing with attractive people only....and just started socializing with EVERYONE. Not just the opposite sex you find attractive. I'm talking men, women, old people, kids, everyone. When I did that, I opened up to a lot of people, just saying hello, or walking past someone and smiling at someone, and that person smiling back, even if its a dude , just that "whats up, im having a good day and I hope you are too" grin on your face and projecting it on everyone, I swear it makes everyone around you feel a little better about themselves, and it will make you feel a lot better about yourself too. 

Start off with easy targets in every day scenarios:

1) The cashier at the Grocery

2) The Barista at Starbucks

3) The receptionist at the front desk of your office building

4) People walking to their classes in between your classes in college

Just say "Hi" and smile to one of the random people above, if they are not that busy, compliment them on something very light hearted (non sexual,) and most importantly, SMILE when you do it. It's important too, that you have the mindset of not expecting anything in return from them, (so you don't come off as creepy.) you did it because you wanted to. 

Started doing that and soon you will see most of the time people reciprocate it positively. They will usually smile back, or appreciate your kind gesture, however small it is. Do all of this without any sexual expectations. If you are doing it to women, just do it with the intention of just being positive. Even if you don't look like Brad Pitt or Trey Songz, people, men, women, children, kids, and senior citizens, (NOT JUST FEMALES YOU WANT TO SLAY)  will think you are charming. 

NATURALLY,.....

the above positive attitude will just flow to all other facets of life......including the opposite sex You will no longer approach women with expectations and anxiety. You won't put them on a pedastal and therefore you won't burden yourself with the feeling of FAILURE if say, a women rejects your sexual advances.