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How would you deal with a good friend falling for you when the feelings aren't mutual? - Page 2

post #31 of 42

"BRO!!! I TOOK SHOWERS WITH YOU"

 

"I LET YOU SHAVE MY BALLS!!"

 

post #32 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by nawghtyhare View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by SFC415 View Post

Man...I got the shock of my life last night mean.gif

One of my best friends last night not only confessed that he liked men as well as women, but that he also had feelings for me since college mean.gif

Look, I've had and still have other gay friends and female friends, but this is completely different cause dude was like a brother to me. Him being bisexual/gay/whatever isn't what changed how I thought of him (it wasn't even a shock really, cause dude always had some feminine tendencies and interests), but the whole idea of someone I considered to be family confessing his real feelings towards me...

I really don't know what to do. I'm not angry or digusted; I'm sad because I feel like a good friendship that I had is gone now. He said "I don't expect you to feel the same since I know you're straight. But I just had to let it out because I don't want to hold on to this anymore. We've gone through some @#$% before and we're still cool today, and I hope we can still be cool even after this, but I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore."

I don't believe it's that easy to just forget it and move on with the friendship like nothing happened. To me, something like that only happens on TV. I've had female friends confess their feelings for me before, and even though we're on good terms today, it's just not the same as before. No serious conversations, no making plans to kick it, only talk when we're at the same party or via FB/IG posts, etc. They basically became acquaintances instead of friends, but like I said, I never minded much cause I wasn't THAT close to them.

So what do you guys suggest I do/say? I know a bunch of idiots will come in here and say "sick.gif" "pepper your angus" and all that other 12 year old BS, but I know there's some mature dudes on here who can give good advice.

And yes, I'm posting this on NT instead of talking to my other friends about it, because they're all cool with him too, and I don't want to stir up any potential drama especially since I'm the only one he told this to.
didnt read
i see u stay in sf though
just send her to me so i can knock em down
she aint gonna be worrying about u anymore fam
Looks like this guy is more than willing to take care of your problem.
post #33 of 42
damb. had this happen to me recently, but with a female.

i was cool with it at first and was gonna just put it aside, but then found out she was lowkey obsessed with me and wouldn't stop talking about me with MY friends. i got weirded out and kinda just went ghost. stopped hitting her up and what not.

now she's being overly dramatic and making it seem as if i'm bad mouthing her to my friends and telling them to not hang out with her laugh.gif

i heard all this from a friend of mine and i was just like

jags.gif

i dont have time for this petty **** mean.gif

i guess if you take something from this, clear the air and let your homie know how it is. if you're weirded out by out, let it be known. it'll take time for it to be normal again, but at least let him know so he doesn't jump to conclusions and become dramatic/butt hurt (no pun intended) about it.
post #34 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by nyzthoro 
Obviously things won't be the same, but let him know you'll still be in his corner regardless of his lifestyle choice. 
THIS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawghtyhare View Post

didnt read
i see u stay in sf though
just send her to me so i can knock em down
she aint gonna be worrying about u anymore fam

Not sure if serious or whimsical method of coming out to NT nerd.gif.
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T E A M N E W Y O R K K N I C K S
And The Only Solution Was To Stand & Fight!
X O T W O D
Real Recognize Real
For Sale: NDS*Worn 2X* 2006 Zoom Lebron 3*sz 9.5
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post #35 of 42

seems like you're confused but it's simple, really.

 

have sex with a girl.

 

have sex with your friend.

 

then compare. 

post #36 of 42

It depends on the person. 

post #37 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by SFC415 View Post

Yea that's what I told him yesterday. "I want us to still be friends but at the same time I can't pretend like this never happened. I don't think of you negatively at all, but you're basically my brother and you're saying this. It's a shock to me and it changes @#$% even though I don't want it to." And he said "you made your point clear, I understand" and I haven't talked to him since.

I don't want to just leave it at that, but I don't know what else to say either.

 

 

Just ask him if he think you guys can still be friends or would it be too uncomfortable for him.  Regardless of what he says you can just leave it at that.  I still don't understand why he just didn't keep it to himself unless he was interpreting your feelings for him differently.

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post #38 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by offbad View Post
 

seems like you're confused but it's simple, really.

 

have sex with a girl.

 

have sex with your friend.

 

then compare. 

:x :rollin

post #39 of 42
If you go out for a drink with him, don't leave your drink unattended laugh.gif
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post #40 of 42
I don't get why he couldn't keep it to himself if he knew you aren't gay, unless he suspected you were on the DL like him. Either way from my standpoint I don't see how he's gonna be able to talk to you about that side of his life without you putting yourself directly into the equation. Furthermore, I don't see how you could hang out together and not second guess any gestures of "niceties" or camaraderie. For example you're playing ball and he gives you a pat on the ___ or a high five and not think that there's something else behind that smile he just flashed you or that he hopes there's more to it. Or say you watching the playoffs and Davis just scored the game winning touchdown, instinctively you go in for a bro hug and his hand go a little too low.......

IDK I just see it as all male bonding situations becoming extra awkward, or you overcompensating for the awkwardness since you guys are such good friends. It's probably why all the females in your situation with them limited their interaction with you after they confessed. I really don't see anything but you having to cut him loose as a friend.
Edited by fac3 tak30v312 - 1/14/14 at 8:08am
post #41 of 42

Weird situation. I came into this thread thinking it was chick being real with you. It's crazy to think that stuff like with will be a lot more common in the future. :lol Like...how do you respond to that? Deal even with that in the back of your mind. I've had 2 past female friends admit this to me, but we were able to keep it moving. This is something different. I'd be stuck. 

post #42 of 42
He should have kept it to himself if he knew you were straight mean.gif

Maybe he thinks you're on the fence, OP.
SRS.
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