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Do you think choosing the woman you decide to have a child with is less of a commitment than marriage?
thoughts on having kids with no intention on marriage?
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by heliumclinton,
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Do you think choosing the woman you decide to have a child with is less of a commitment than marriage?
am1x90xnike
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Man, read through this thread. Plenty of kids born out of wedlock...yea it was hard but is it really that bad? Plenty if kids out of wedlock don't end up blowing dudes for crack money. Honestly, we have created so so many specters creating a false reality of a 'good life' when in fact plenty of kids with two parent households end up on the pipe and plenty of wedlock kids don't. It's all about you're parenting.
Top Boy
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If you get a chick pregnant with a condom and it didn't pop you're doing it wrong.
The only time I ever hear of this happening it's some dude that's been saving his condom in his wallet so long he pulls it out and the wrapper is dusty or keeping them in a car.
The only time I ever hear of this happening it's some dude that's been saving his condom in his wallet so long he pulls it out and the wrapper is dusty or keeping them in a car.
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I don't see myself getting married at all to preface this answer but no in theory it wouldn't be less of a commitment. However, choosing one or several good mothers of my future children is an entirely different task and commitment to "choosing" a wife.
Like I said though, if the level/degree of seriousness is relevant to you all you have to do is simply prepare yourself for the commitment for marriage or becoming a parent. It's how you look at it is all, being responsible for another life is more important for some and for others spending your life with and w/e vows you make with another person is more important.
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All this talk about marriage being the devil and I'm over here vacationing, partying and loving life with my wife, damb bruhs I must have hit the lotto 
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million times ALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.
But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million times
ALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
urbetterthenme
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So why you on NT?All this talk about marriage being the devil and I'm over here vacationing, partying and loving life with my wife, damb bruhs I must have hit the lotto
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million timesALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.
But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
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You really did. From family experience I've kind had a first hand view of when marriage goes wrong so I'm really cautious about the whole endeavor.All this talk about marriage being the devil and I'm over here vacationing, partying and loving life with my wife, damb bruhs I must have hit the lotto
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million timesALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.
But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
fontaine
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Let me step in a reason with the pro-marriage people...
Freakonomics podcast made an excellent point about marriage. It went something along the lines of:
We don't know if its the marriage or the people that skew the stats in favour of marriage. Yes, they may be more happy and get more raises and live longer and have more successful children...
But the argument people rarely make is the human element. What if those people were already on track to do those things? The opposition sex can recognize these traits and the pool of married people is a better selection of quality of people...
Normally, people won't marry a bum that can't raise kids or take care of business
Maybe the better lifestyle and better children are a result of better people.
Take KSteezy. Seems like a super stand up guy that's responsible, handles bizq, and if he had a kid... The youngling would be squared away... Never eem have to question his dad's love.... And from his stories, his wife seems similar.
Now... Steezy is more DESIRABLE by yambs... So if you took out the caveat of him wanting marriage... Would his child still be awesome?
That's the question some of y'all need to think of. Is it CORRELATION or CAUSATION.
Freakonomics podcast made an excellent point about marriage. It went something along the lines of:
We don't know if its the marriage or the people that skew the stats in favour of marriage. Yes, they may be more happy and get more raises and live longer and have more successful children...
But the argument people rarely make is the human element. What if those people were already on track to do those things? The opposition sex can recognize these traits and the pool of married people is a better selection of quality of people...
Normally, people won't marry a bum that can't raise kids or take care of business
Maybe the better lifestyle and better children are a result of better people.
Take KSteezy. Seems like a super stand up guy that's responsible, handles bizq, and if he had a kid... The youngling would be squared away... Never eem have to question his dad's love.... And from his stories, his wife seems similar.
Now... Steezy is more DESIRABLE by yambs... So if you took out the caveat of him wanting marriage... Would his child still be awesome?
That's the question some of y'all need to think of. Is it CORRELATION or CAUSATION.
fontaine
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Oh... And for the record...
I think you'd have a much harder time finding a good wife than a good mother.
Why? People change... But a mother's love tends not to dissipate.
Inb4 #ntextremes ... I'm speaking in generalities.
I think you'd have a much harder time finding a good wife than a good mother.
Why? People change... But a mother's love tends not to dissipate.
Inb4 #ntextremes ... I'm speaking in generalities.
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This.
And why do most people assume its mandatory that dude get put on child support, beef with his baby momma, and/or loses custody?
Let's be real, there are a lot of women out there who will make better moms than wives.
If I got married, divorced and she got with someone else, am I supposed to make dude disappear because he's now a part of my child's life? How about being a grown up and having conversations with dude instead of being salty and seeing where his head is at. If you don't like it then address it with the ex and most importantly stay active in your child's life.
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Exactly what I just said.
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This thread is kinda sad, though. Basically this is what ya'll are saying:
"I'm never gonna find the woman that I can trust and spend the rest of my life with, but I DO want to spread my seed."
"I'm never gonna find the woman that I can trust and spend the rest of my life with, but I DO want to spread my seed."
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shoelyesses
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same with me without the marriage so... im not seeing your point outside of justifying something you had to do with whatever the case may have been ie... she wouldn't have stayed with you had you not married her, religion or the ever so common excuse "i was raised that way" I believe that way... "my opinion"All this talk about marriage being the devil and I'm over here vacationing, partying and loving life with my wife, damb bruhs I must have hit the lotto
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million timesALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.
But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
fact remains two ppl can raise a kid and produce/provide a healthy environment for a child... it has been proven time and time again....does it have a 100% track record NO... but neither does being married...
your taking the fact that you couldn't do it for whatever reason...be it cause that's not how you was raised, that's not how you feel, religious, society conformities etc... and suggesting it is the better option solution, because it was the ONLY option for you... and it worked out for you.
End of the day all opinions and beliefs etc... aside their is a much more downside to it then upside... for all the positives you described and named the same can occur and has occurred with ppl who have a kid/children and are not married... Just cause you didn't or couldn't pull it off... or you don't like it or whatever the case may be doesn't make that it doesn't exist...
Your basically indirectly saying the only way is the way you did it ie its the right way, no it was the right way (and possibly the only way that would have worked for you)....... because as you word it its working great for you... Life family happiness etc.. isn't just some single road path... just because you chose the more common, more praised and well received....doesn't mean its the only way.
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Agreed 100%. More often than not, young fools grow into old fools. So that young guy a woman sees who has 3 kids by 3 different women isn't going to change heading into his mid 30's just because you think so. You will just be the #4 goof who fell right in that vortex. And the women walking around with multiple kids are just searching for a guy to throw a sad story on and dupe as well. Sad all around folks. The only thing you can do is try to do your best decisions when selecting a mate, whether it's long term or that night (sounds contradictory but you get my drift). If you do happen to have an accident, at least make it be someone you were legit interested in who doesn't have previous baggage, and wouldn't be embarrassed about it when you tell your family.
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on the real i agree bout everybody being hella dumb. having kids wit no intention on m is not normal. acceptable but that ish is backwards.All this talk about marriage being the devil and I'm over here vacationing, partying and loving life with my wife, damb bruhs I must have hit the lotto
Building on something special with 1 woman has it's benefits and please stop the talks of the "one" THATS THE REAL FAIRYTALE, it's an unrealistic goal and that's why things fail, because you focus more on what you can find that's better and lose focus on what's right in front of you and the things you both need to fix to bring it back to normal, when you figure out how to solve problems within your relationship instead of wanting to walk away, that's when you know you are in this for good....if I got up and said "***** IT" each time we get into it, It would have been over a million timesALL women got issues and grass is not always greener bros.
But anyways bruhs, good luck...from the looks of it I see a lot of 50+ year old bachelors hunting for a young wife on NT some years down the line, hopefully ya got them George Clooney genes/charm and wallet.
i already had kids and as ive stated the g dipped.hurt cuz of my kids. my kids never gon have what i had and thats bull**** but it is what it is.
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this post.... is real life.Everytime I hit the mall I see young dudes like that. Obese wife eating a Cinnabon, kid crying, dude looking like he wanna off himself right then and there
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Fam you are so stubborn, you failed to realize I'm not pushing the agenda of marriage, yeah I'm happily married but I never said marriage is the end it all of commitment, so I don't even know where you come off with this condescending tone about "I HAD TO DO IT" I didn't have to do **** I WANTED TO MARRY MY WOMAN, I wanted everything that came with that, if you find it silly...that's you, I loved the celebration of our marriage and I love calling her MY WIFE....but hey, that's me...I'm not pushing that on anybody.
What I am pushing is the agenda of commitment to 1 woman, SPECIALLY if you are thinking of having kids, so relax homie...it seems like to me, you fall in that category, marriage is not for everyone, neither is commitment and kids shouldn't even cross your mind if you don't believe in COMMITMENT.
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Exactly.
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Clap for this man
shoelyesses
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I never said u did what I said is ur implying that it is the best situation for kids...you re-enforced it by suggesting deadbeat dads and marriage etc.. has some sort of ties to one another. And what I was saying is everything you can say you have others can say without the courthouse... everything that you says come with it can still be had... As far as if you wanted to or not we truly don't know... for all we know whose to say if you told your old lady we just gonna be together and that's that and she would've been with that....
Hell do you even know if that is a option.. again you still never said I you wanted to outside of the examples things you said you have do with your wife...which has been proven that can still be had W/O marriage.... Ppl call ppl they woman/wife everyday and outside of the things a mention legal/religious etc.. have the same thing you have...including myself. So by saying this your implying that its the only way you can have these things and that is simply not true.
And again you emphasized commitment to a women is needed or is advised in terms of having kids...and again that has been debunked and proven wrong... So tbh im not even getting what your saying outside of I love having a legal court document saying im with a person. Other then that your basically saying/giving examples of the so called benefits of being married/having a kid with wife... that many ppl have/has had/and can have with out going the route you chose.
Again non of us, or even you may not truly no the truth, in regards of whether if you didn't have a ceremony... marriage etc.. in order for you to have a lifetime relationship with the one you with.. I mean you already apparently have the papers so its an unanswered question that can never be answered. My point is many ppl do this,fell this way because of belief, again what they were told raised to think, religion who knows...and I don't know urs since u never said outside of again stating the benefits and joys...again things that can be had w/o marriage.
Im just curious what is it that differentiate lets say your situation and lets say mines outside a piece of paper? The question is can you have healthy stable etc.. for kids w/o commitment to women. Hell even my parents who eventually divorced... there was a skip of the beat... my dad didn't care for us,treat us any worse or different from being with my mom vs.. being single, vs..re marrying.
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Yeah that's my personal situation and it has nothing to do with a courthouse and yes everything I do can be done without being married and just being committed, I never said otherwise...
IMO it is an optimal household where father and mother are happily married and raising their kids in harmony....that TO ME is optimal, but yeah, there are other ways to go about it....so long as there is that thing called COMMITMENT
To some women is not important to hold the "wife" title, to some men is not important to call the woman they love "my wife" to many is not important at all to see their woman in a wedding dress or to ever hear the words "I do" because let's face it, it's old school, it has been capitalized on, it's now a joke...but kudos to those who still believe in these things.
IMO it is an optimal household where father and mother are happily married and raising their kids in harmony....that TO ME is optimal, but yeah, there are other ways to go about it....so long as there is that thing called COMMITMENT
To some women is not important to hold the "wife" title, to some men is not important to call the woman they love "my wife" to many is not important at all to see their woman in a wedding dress or to ever hear the words "I do" because let's face it, it's old school, it has been capitalized on, it's now a joke...but kudos to those who still believe in these things.
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And hold up, you are agreeing that you should plan a family with a woman even though you don't want to be with that woman?...
Can someone seriously explain that logic to me?...I'm totally missing the point of a man, wanting kids, but not wanting to be with the woman that gives you those kids...WHY?
Can someone seriously explain that logic to me?...I'm totally missing the point of a man, wanting kids, but not wanting to be with the woman that gives you those kids...WHY?
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i dont get having the intention on marriage if you want kids
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Is not about marriage, like said earlier you can COMMIT to a woman and plan a family without marriage, the crazies in here tho, think is perfectly to pick out a woman, know you are not ready or want to be committed to her but hey "let's have kids"
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My homeboy works 3 jobs, and does ALL the ot possible just to get a regular check. That child support from his 4 babys mommas coming off top. WHO THE **** WANTS THIS?
