thoughts on having kids with no intention on marriage?

superblyTRIFE said:
tay1 said:
Marriage is overrated. If I love you, I love you. There's truly no reason for an elaborate celebration that cost a **** ton of money.
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You know that marriage isn't the celebration, right? That's called the wedding. And yes I agree...expensive, elaborate weddings are a waste. Unless of course someone else is footing the bill.
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To each his own.

Not everybody feels that way. Wedding IS something to celebrate, with eachother, with family and friends.
 
It's all cool and hip to not get married but have kids till you have a daughter who doesn't know what it means to have a man in the household and she's twerking on the playground
 
@Fantastic4ourif you want to or are married that's cool but you can miss me what that tax benefits talk.

And to answer the second part of your response look up living revocable trust.
 
superblyTRIFE said:
You know that marriage isn't the celebration, right? That's called the wedding. And yes I agree...expensive, elaborate weddings are a waste. Unless of course someone else is footing the bill.
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Eh, people know what I meant.
 
ksteezy said:
but what are kids???.....dawg no matter how you paint the picture if you impregnate a woman, you are tied to said woman for the rest of your childs life, you may keep it at a civil level, but woulnt it be ideal for the kids safety and mental health, that you two are together?....are you as a man ok, with another man having a say in your childs life??..
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that can happen and statistic show that will more then likely happen anyways.... Ideally its sound but realistically not so much... So many ppl aren't even truly in love, and many ppl are married just for that reason alone aka they are conditioned to stay be with a person... be it religious reasons, being constantly beaten and instilled in there head so for and so forth.

Not only that but the idea f having a mother and father in the household is debunked as well seeing as two same sex ppl can and have proven to be able to provide a healthy and stable lifestyle together...

when its all said and done the most healthy thing for a child is a stable loving home...period.. This can be achieved be it the mother and father or just father or just mother.... or separated from one another or both married to other ppl.

Saying what you said implies that pretty much anything outside of the conventional mother and father married and raise kids together is the best solution when statistically half the time actually slightly more then half the time it doesn't.

Marriage isn't the answer the true answer is having to loving stable mature people who put the child/children's best interest first is the answer.

And as its been proven this can be achieved outside of the mother and father being together... With same sex couples raising kids, step mother/fathers raising kids... and single parents raising kids.

And not to mention not even accounting the high divorce rate which causes more issues then even never marrying at all... aka animist towards one another in most cases... far less time/money to be spent with said child due to child support and alimony so forth and so on.

the differentials in marriage and single co parenting in terms of positives are closer then the differentials of the negatives when comparing marriage and co parenting etc...
 
So judging from this thread....

Don't have kids out of wedlock apparently because if you aren't married you won't stay together.

Have kids in wedlock, with statistics pointing out your marriage is more likely to fail than succeed (div rate is higher than 50%) leaving your child with a potentially more broken home anyways or..

Stick around for the kids in a loveless marriage that eventually goes completely south and becomes entirely counterproductive to the child's growth.

I think everyone just needs to realize those fairy tale marriages where you grow old together are long gone. When 60% of the women you interact with is liable to be a dagger instead of a rock it's logical to play it safe whether you're for kids or not.

Being raised by a single parent or bouncing between homes these days is a hell of a lot more common than most people think.

But me myself, I'm good on both.
 
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Jay Patt said:
So judging from this thread....

Don't have kids out of wedlock apparently because if you aren't married you won't stay together.

Have kids in wedlock, with statistics pointing out your marriage is more likely to fail than succeed (div rate is higher than 50%) leaving your child with a potentially more broken home anyways or..

Stick around for the kids in a loveless marriage that eventually goes completely south and becomes entirely counterproductive to the child's growth.

I think everyone just needs to realize those fairy tale marriages where you grow old together are long gone. When 60% of the women you interact with is liable to be a dagger instead of a rock it's logical to play it safe whether you're for kids or not.

Being raised by a single parent or bouncing between homes these days is a hell of a lot more common than most people think.

But me myself, I'm good on both.
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no the lesson should be don't have kids with someone who isn't stable, who isn't self-less... and who isn't going to put the wants, needs, and whats in the child/children's best interest first....
 
My opinion:
Find a woman with great islamic faith
Marry young
Develop career/travel
Kids
 
Wayniac211 said:
Wedding celebrations are some of the best times......get drunk, eat good food, shoot dice, get yambs from in-law side, watching OG's act a fool, looking smooth as fuh,..etc
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you can do all that at a hood party...a ghetto bday/pool party.... a rep your town/hood reunion... and your comfortable.....and its far less expensive.
 
shoelyesses said:
Jay Patt said:
So judging from this thread....


Don't have kids out of wedlock apparently because if you aren't married you won't stay together.


Have kids in wedlock, with statistics pointing out your marriage is more likely to fail than succeed (div rate is higher than 50%) leaving your child with a potentially more broken home anyways or..


Stick around for the kids in a loveless marriage that eventually goes completely south and becomes entirely counterproductive to the child's growth.


I think everyone just needs to realize those fairy tale marriages where you grow old together are long gone. When 60% of the women you interact with is liable to be a dagger instead of a rock it's logical to play it safe whether you're for kids or not.


Being raised by a single parent or bouncing between homes these days is a hell of a lot more common than most people think.


But me myself, I'm good on both.
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no the lesson should be don't have kids with someone who isn't stable, who isn't self-less... and who isn't going to put the wants, needs, and whats in the child/children's best interest first....
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Is this what they've been arguing about the entire time? :lol:

That's obvious
 
Some of ya'll set yourselves up for failure.

On almost all accounts in this thread. From both points of views.
 
ksteezy said:
Mangudai954 said:
Shouldn't you make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her before you two have children?
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this is what i dont understand.....

and i seriously would like someone to explain the logic, how do you view a woman you can PLAN A PREGNANCY with, but for some reason you are unsure you can marry her....

unless you dont believe in the institution of marriage at all.
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Alonzogif



Also possible papi/maim issues in da future ? Any nters have a situation like dis? :nerd:
 
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I married my lady 14 yrs ago when she was preggo and now we have 5.
In ways I feel that I could of became better "financially" but wouldn't trade it to have another man step in and raise my kids.
 
Folks are doing too much in this thread:

1. Marriage isn't necessary in any way. Nobody can convince me that it is. Having a piece of paper, along with an elaborate celebration isn't going to make me love you more in any way.

2. If you love the person you're with, and she loves you also, then it's perfectly fine to have kids without being married.

3. Now if two are having kids with each other and there's no chemistry, love for each other, and a plan to be together, then that's wrong IMO.I know that things happen, and people fall apart, but both parties need to be close no matter what, if they're having kids.
 
shoelyesses said:
you can do all that at a hood party...a ghetto bday/pool party.... a rep your town/hood reunion... and your comfortable.....and its far less expensive.
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Weddings are more formal. You need to RSVP and fams from outta town won't show up to no hood party. You're at a 4/5 star resort and you have a free invite to turn up.
My wedding cost a grip but still til this day I got fambs and friends talking bout how live they was on that day...



.....but low key we could've use that wedding $$ on a down payment on something. You kind of get reimbursed from all the gifts and presents though.
 
Still no explanation why dudes think choosing a woman to have a kid with is less of a bind, commitment, or tie down than being married to the chick.
 
heLiumcLinton said:
Still no explanation why dudes think choosing a woman to have a kid with is less of a bind, commitment, or tie down than being married to the chick.
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i dont think Many intentionally have kids tho. yes you have sex, but not to have a kid, it just results and you have to deal with that for 18.

no one SHOULD set out to have a kid with someone they are not married to and are unsure of.
 
Wayniac211 said:
Weddings are more formal. You need to RSVP and fams from outta town won't show up to no hood party. You're at a 4/5 star resort and you have a free invite to turn up.
My wedding cost a grip but still til this day I got fambs and friends talking bout how live they was on that day...



.....but low key we could've use that wedding $$ on a down payment on something. You kind of get reimbursed from all the gifts and presents though.
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that's my point its more formal... tbh im more comfortable in tshirts shorts etc... burning it down...with a brew or something nice and stout; vs wearing a suit tuxedo... elegance etc...

And yea that money can go to a house... and to stay on topic...kids future education...

I might not of had a wedding but I own a house...(shoutouts to only paying property taxes) and due to tsp and funds provided by the army my kids pretty much can go to any college they so choose...

not knocking anyone but....no mortgage/401k/kids college paid> a wedding, rings, 20-30 yrs of house notes, one day of big hoopla any day.
 
jthagreat said:
i dont think Many guys intentionally have kids tho. yes you have sex, but not to have a kid, it just results and you have to deal with that for 18.

no one SHOULD set out to have a kid with someone they are not married to and are unsure of.
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often times girls do it for a myriad of mainly psychological issues... aka daddy issues, wanting to have someone in your life forever, prove love, filling a emptiness/void in life... having something to love them unconditionally, that they perhaps never had growing up...etc... so many more.

And you can still have those issues in a women regardless if you marry them or not.
 
Having kids with no intention of a marriage might be the norm soon enough :smh: .
 
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