- 32,619
- 38,227
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2012
Maaaaan you coudda just said Nineteenth Letter and I woudve recognized it, and im not in Chi-Town either. Def heard of your brand before and im in NY.
Much love and good luck with the brand.
Rough Times Y'all Have Been Through?
Much love and good luck with the brand.
- 68
- 26
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2014
Damn my dude... Why I can't fool with motorcycles...
al audi
Banned
- 29,810
- 4,562
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2009
- 11,187
- 5,561
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2007
Yall making appreciate life so much man. Everyone stay up and keep fighting.
- 4,864
- 3,207
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2012
Wow I've came a long way. My life is a total 360 now. I've been a full time therapist for 7 months or so. Although the adversity knocked me down, it made me stronger. I honestly felt like I wasn't gonna make it. It took me 2.5 years to forgive myself. Little things don't bother me anymore. I consider myself very blessed. I thank God for my family and friends.
- 28,445
- 11,691
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2009
I enrolled in college in 2009, and still haven't finished my degree. Through a series of **** ups, academic probation, academic integrity violations and changing of majors I'm still a semester away from graduating 6.5 yrs later. They say every family has a **** up, and it pains me to say I'm that **** up in mine. No idea what I want to do in my life, but I don't want to go to school any longer. Also tired of having no money in my pockets because my valet job doesn't pay well at all, especially after expenses like gas and cell phone bill.
However I am thankful that my parents have supported me this whole time, I don't deserve what they have done for me. Also thankful I'm in good health and a bunch of my close friends are seeing success in their lives. My problems are nowhere near as bad as some of y'all in here and I hope things get better for you guys
However I am thankful that my parents have supported me this whole time, I don't deserve what they have done for me. Also thankful I'm in good health and a bunch of my close friends are seeing success in their lives. My problems are nowhere near as bad as some of y'all in here and I hope things get better for you guys
Belgium
formerly colombia
- 25,958
- 37,256
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2013
Been quite a while since I really vented some of my frustrations so here it goes (beware: long read)
Those here who are familiar with me have probably heard of my medical conditions I've been struggling with for the past 2 years. I am 21 years old now and have been stuck at home for the past 2 years due to my conditions.
It started roughly 2 years ago when I randomly started coughing up small bloodclots. I had coughed up small blood clots before when I had pneumonia a few years before so I didn't think much of it. The next day I threw up pitch black vomit so I went to the ER. The doctors assumed the problem was in my stomach so I had a gastroscopy. My stomach was clean aside from some dried up blood. I then got referred to a lung specialist who found the cause by running a CT scan with contrast fluid after nothing showed up on a regular CT.
I had a very rare lung defect called intra-lobary pulmonary sequestration. My case was particularly complex and I'm actually the worst case of that defect the top lung surgeon in my country has ever treated.
Basically I had an extra bloodflow system branching off from my aorta into my right lung. The artery branching off at the aorta was slightly bigger then the aorta itself.
That giant artery pressured blood into a system of bloodvessels the defect created throughout my entire lower lobe of the right lung.
The pressure from that artery was so high it caused a small tear in my lungs and caused constant bleeding in my lungs.
The malicious artery needed to be removed along with half of my right lung. The top lung surgeon in Belgium was out of the country for a congress so I had to wait a few days to get the surgery.
I chose to wait because my case was so complex I didn't feel confident in letting lesser surgeons handle the surgery. If anything went wrong the immense pressure in that artery would cause near instant death. There was a chance that the tear would further rupture or even explode but I was given strong blood thickener medication to try and prevent that.
It was probably the most scary few days of my life. The surgery went well and I'm somewhat of a milestone in the surgeon's career now but things have only gotten worse since then.
Sometimes lung tissue grows back and the lung capacity grows back to normal levels but unfortunately 2 years later I'm still stuck at 50-60%.
It's not really as bad as it sounds, I have to catch my breath when walking up a set of stairs or when I'm talking a lot but it's very managable.
Despite the surgery taking 4 hours I didn't really have much post-surgery complications. I have permanent nerve damage in my right hand due to the positioning of my arm for the surgery (couldn't be prevented in any way) and I can't actively control my ring and little finger but they tend to slightly move along with my other fingers so it's not really that bothersome.
Fast forward a few months, I chose to drop out of nursing school because I was having trouble adjusting to my new condition and fell into a deep depression for a while.
I eventually recovered from that depression through therapy and medication but a new problem arised shortly after. I started getting constant pain in both of my lower legs.
I tried to treat it with anti-inflammatory meds first like Ibuprofen but they didn't help. The pain gradually got worse and I eventually got a prescription for Tramadol, a medium strength opiate.
The pain continued getting worse so I was eventually put on the maximum daily dosage. Even then I still have constant terrible pain every second of the day.
During this time I also started suffering from nightly psychotic attacks. The first time it happened was the day after my granddad died. I was committed to a mental ward for 2 weeks.
At the ER they ruled out any medication interactions so I was sent to the mental ward for observation. I don't remember anything from the psychosis, the first thing I remember is being in the ER with insects flying everywhere and eventually dancing clowns on the walls.
My symptoms actually faded away a few hours after I arrived in the mental ward, which is very atypical for a psychotic attack.
After 2 weeks I was released and the psychiatrists cleared me of any possible mental illnesses. They did note a large brain cyst (7,5cm x 1,5 x 3,9) as a possible cause but there was no way to link it to the attacks. I've had 4 or 5 similar but less severe nightly terrors since then but they haven't happened in over a year now.
To this day there's still no real explanation on what caused it, the attacks happened with different medications each time so doctors ruled out medication again. At the time I was sampling sleep medications trying to find what works best for me because I also suffer from insomnia. I've been a terrible sleeper since I was a baby but it became unbearable when I was 18.
I started suffering from memory loss during the day, couldn't account for my actions for hours at a time, ... so I was prescribed Ambien.
After a lot of sampling I now use 30mg of Mirtazepam and 2 tabs of Zopiclone 7,5mg to put me to sleep, which works very well for me.
So fast forward to about a year ago, I had my brain monitored for a full week to determine if the cyst was to blame for these attacks.
Since I didn't have any attacks during my stay there the monitoring didn't really show anything out of the ordinary. My cyst needs to be monitored yearly to see if it grows but it's been classified as harmless for now. My brainstem is a little herniated due to the size of the cyst but specialists said it's not a big deal and the cyst does not pressure areas that would cause psychotic attacks.
At the moment I still have some odd peripheral hallucinations but it doesn't really bother me. Like when I'm on the toilet the doorknob starts twisting around after I focus my vision on the door.
I know it's not real though so it doesn't bother me, it's only really noticeable when I'm on the toilet anyway. In my daily activities I don't even notice it unless I really pay attention to it.
So the main problem after that was that I still had terrible chronic leg pains. I've been on the maximum dosage of Tramadol for around 1 year now I believe.
The past year I got all sorts of tests to determine the cause of the pain but nobody could find an answer. My blood was fine, my nerves were fine, my spine was fine, no mental problems, ...
I was still going to the gym at the time but I had to give that up due to the pain becoming too bad. I also started getting muscle cramps, which have gotten significantly worse the past few months. It has gotten to the point a few months ago where I can no longer ride my bicycle due to my muscles completely cramping after like 10 seconds on the bike.
Today I get muscle cramps simply from walking upstairs to my room. Even standing in the shower for too long causes my muscles to cramp.
In August I went to a renowned doctor with a title of both neurologist and psychiatrist. He took my case very seriously and given his titles and reputation has a lot of connections in the medical world. He referred me to a team of elite specialists that was recently started as a project at the university hospital of Ghent. If you've ever watched the tv show House MD, it's basically exactly like House's team. The only way to get an appointment with this team is through a referral of a specialist and sufficient proof of having tried just about everything but nobody has been able to solve the case.
I met them last month and that's when there's been some new developments at long last.
They did some tests like closing my eyes, spread my arms and try to touch the tip of my nose. Turns out I can't do that. I miss my nose almost every time.
I had to make a fist and then spread out my fingers and all of my fingers were slightly moving out of my control, which is apparently a sign of muscle disease.
Based on my symptoms and the small tests they had me do they ordered a blood and urine test with some very specific things they wanted to test that aren't on a regular blood/urine test. I went back home after that and they'd schedule some more tests and appointments later based on the test results.
A few hours after getting home I got a phonecall from one of the specialists asking that I immediately come back to the hospital.
The results of the blood test were in and there was one substance that was astronomically high.
A muscle degenerative substance (forgot the exact name) was so high on the test results the specialists assumed it had to be a lab error.
I had to take a second test to see if it would yield the same results and prove it was not a lab error.
Given my symptoms I kind of expected it wasn't gonna be a lab error but regardless I wasn't really prepared for what they told me after the 2nd test results came in.
The average value of that muscle degenerative substance in a healthy human being is ~ 195.
I tested a little over 15000. In other words, almost 75 times the normal amount.
The team ordered an EMG and a muscle biopsy and pulled some strings to move me up the waiting list and get those tests done within a week.
I was told they're certain I have a muscle disease, they just need the biopsy to determine exactly which muscle disease I have.
I had the biopsy done on November 13th. I'm currently waiting for the results to come in. It can take multiple weeks but I should have them within 1 or 2 weeks at the latest.
All muscle diseases are uncurable so I'm screwed for life either way. All I can do now is hope that I have one that's fairly treatable and doesn't result in death or total loss of function. Given my progress the past year and the fact I'm already unable to ride my bicycle anymore I'm expecting to be somewhere in the middle of the pack in terms of how severe the muscle disorder is. If it was one of the really bad ones like ALS I'm sure the team would know already.
I try not to think about it too much and stay strong. I think the therapy I had for my depression ~2 years ago still helps me today.
People who don't know about my conditions would not be able to tell there's anything wrong with me.
It's like life is pulling some sort of sick joke on me piling as many illnesses as it can on a 21 year old but I've kind of made peace with it.
At this point I wouldn't even be surprised if I end up getting cancer as well.
Those here who are familiar with me have probably heard of my medical conditions I've been struggling with for the past 2 years. I am 21 years old now and have been stuck at home for the past 2 years due to my conditions.
It started roughly 2 years ago when I randomly started coughing up small bloodclots. I had coughed up small blood clots before when I had pneumonia a few years before so I didn't think much of it. The next day I threw up pitch black vomit so I went to the ER. The doctors assumed the problem was in my stomach so I had a gastroscopy. My stomach was clean aside from some dried up blood. I then got referred to a lung specialist who found the cause by running a CT scan with contrast fluid after nothing showed up on a regular CT.
I had a very rare lung defect called intra-lobary pulmonary sequestration. My case was particularly complex and I'm actually the worst case of that defect the top lung surgeon in my country has ever treated.
Basically I had an extra bloodflow system branching off from my aorta into my right lung. The artery branching off at the aorta was slightly bigger then the aorta itself.
That giant artery pressured blood into a system of bloodvessels the defect created throughout my entire lower lobe of the right lung.
The pressure from that artery was so high it caused a small tear in my lungs and caused constant bleeding in my lungs.
The malicious artery needed to be removed along with half of my right lung. The top lung surgeon in Belgium was out of the country for a congress so I had to wait a few days to get the surgery.
I chose to wait because my case was so complex I didn't feel confident in letting lesser surgeons handle the surgery. If anything went wrong the immense pressure in that artery would cause near instant death. There was a chance that the tear would further rupture or even explode but I was given strong blood thickener medication to try and prevent that.
It was probably the most scary few days of my life. The surgery went well and I'm somewhat of a milestone in the surgeon's career now but things have only gotten worse since then.
Sometimes lung tissue grows back and the lung capacity grows back to normal levels but unfortunately 2 years later I'm still stuck at 50-60%.
It's not really as bad as it sounds, I have to catch my breath when walking up a set of stairs or when I'm talking a lot but it's very managable.
Despite the surgery taking 4 hours I didn't really have much post-surgery complications. I have permanent nerve damage in my right hand due to the positioning of my arm for the surgery (couldn't be prevented in any way) and I can't actively control my ring and little finger but they tend to slightly move along with my other fingers so it's not really that bothersome.
Fast forward a few months, I chose to drop out of nursing school because I was having trouble adjusting to my new condition and fell into a deep depression for a while.
I eventually recovered from that depression through therapy and medication but a new problem arised shortly after. I started getting constant pain in both of my lower legs.
I tried to treat it with anti-inflammatory meds first like Ibuprofen but they didn't help. The pain gradually got worse and I eventually got a prescription for Tramadol, a medium strength opiate.
The pain continued getting worse so I was eventually put on the maximum daily dosage. Even then I still have constant terrible pain every second of the day.
During this time I also started suffering from nightly psychotic attacks. The first time it happened was the day after my granddad died. I was committed to a mental ward for 2 weeks.
At the ER they ruled out any medication interactions so I was sent to the mental ward for observation. I don't remember anything from the psychosis, the first thing I remember is being in the ER with insects flying everywhere and eventually dancing clowns on the walls.
My symptoms actually faded away a few hours after I arrived in the mental ward, which is very atypical for a psychotic attack.
After 2 weeks I was released and the psychiatrists cleared me of any possible mental illnesses. They did note a large brain cyst (7,5cm x 1,5 x 3,9) as a possible cause but there was no way to link it to the attacks. I've had 4 or 5 similar but less severe nightly terrors since then but they haven't happened in over a year now.
To this day there's still no real explanation on what caused it, the attacks happened with different medications each time so doctors ruled out medication again. At the time I was sampling sleep medications trying to find what works best for me because I also suffer from insomnia. I've been a terrible sleeper since I was a baby but it became unbearable when I was 18.
I started suffering from memory loss during the day, couldn't account for my actions for hours at a time, ... so I was prescribed Ambien.
After a lot of sampling I now use 30mg of Mirtazepam and 2 tabs of Zopiclone 7,5mg to put me to sleep, which works very well for me.
So fast forward to about a year ago, I had my brain monitored for a full week to determine if the cyst was to blame for these attacks.
Since I didn't have any attacks during my stay there the monitoring didn't really show anything out of the ordinary. My cyst needs to be monitored yearly to see if it grows but it's been classified as harmless for now. My brainstem is a little herniated due to the size of the cyst but specialists said it's not a big deal and the cyst does not pressure areas that would cause psychotic attacks.
At the moment I still have some odd peripheral hallucinations but it doesn't really bother me. Like when I'm on the toilet the doorknob starts twisting around after I focus my vision on the door.
I know it's not real though so it doesn't bother me, it's only really noticeable when I'm on the toilet anyway. In my daily activities I don't even notice it unless I really pay attention to it.
So the main problem after that was that I still had terrible chronic leg pains. I've been on the maximum dosage of Tramadol for around 1 year now I believe.
The past year I got all sorts of tests to determine the cause of the pain but nobody could find an answer. My blood was fine, my nerves were fine, my spine was fine, no mental problems, ...
I was still going to the gym at the time but I had to give that up due to the pain becoming too bad. I also started getting muscle cramps, which have gotten significantly worse the past few months. It has gotten to the point a few months ago where I can no longer ride my bicycle due to my muscles completely cramping after like 10 seconds on the bike.
Today I get muscle cramps simply from walking upstairs to my room. Even standing in the shower for too long causes my muscles to cramp.
In August I went to a renowned doctor with a title of both neurologist and psychiatrist. He took my case very seriously and given his titles and reputation has a lot of connections in the medical world. He referred me to a team of elite specialists that was recently started as a project at the university hospital of Ghent. If you've ever watched the tv show House MD, it's basically exactly like House's team. The only way to get an appointment with this team is through a referral of a specialist and sufficient proof of having tried just about everything but nobody has been able to solve the case.
I met them last month and that's when there's been some new developments at long last.
They did some tests like closing my eyes, spread my arms and try to touch the tip of my nose. Turns out I can't do that. I miss my nose almost every time.
I had to make a fist and then spread out my fingers and all of my fingers were slightly moving out of my control, which is apparently a sign of muscle disease.
Based on my symptoms and the small tests they had me do they ordered a blood and urine test with some very specific things they wanted to test that aren't on a regular blood/urine test. I went back home after that and they'd schedule some more tests and appointments later based on the test results.
A few hours after getting home I got a phonecall from one of the specialists asking that I immediately come back to the hospital.
The results of the blood test were in and there was one substance that was astronomically high.
A muscle degenerative substance (forgot the exact name) was so high on the test results the specialists assumed it had to be a lab error.
I had to take a second test to see if it would yield the same results and prove it was not a lab error.
Given my symptoms I kind of expected it wasn't gonna be a lab error but regardless I wasn't really prepared for what they told me after the 2nd test results came in.
The average value of that muscle degenerative substance in a healthy human being is ~ 195.
I tested a little over 15000. In other words, almost 75 times the normal amount.
The team ordered an EMG and a muscle biopsy and pulled some strings to move me up the waiting list and get those tests done within a week.
I was told they're certain I have a muscle disease, they just need the biopsy to determine exactly which muscle disease I have.
I had the biopsy done on November 13th. I'm currently waiting for the results to come in. It can take multiple weeks but I should have them within 1 or 2 weeks at the latest.
All muscle diseases are uncurable so I'm screwed for life either way. All I can do now is hope that I have one that's fairly treatable and doesn't result in death or total loss of function. Given my progress the past year and the fact I'm already unable to ride my bicycle anymore I'm expecting to be somewhere in the middle of the pack in terms of how severe the muscle disorder is. If it was one of the really bad ones like ALS I'm sure the team would know already.
I try not to think about it too much and stay strong. I think the therapy I had for my depression ~2 years ago still helps me today.
People who don't know about my conditions would not be able to tell there's anything wrong with me.
It's like life is pulling some sort of sick joke on me piling as many illnesses as it can on a 21 year old but I've kind of made peace with it.
At this point I wouldn't even be surprised if I end up getting cancer as well.
Last edited:
- 930
- 357
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2005
Hey man @colombia stay strong my dude, I'm going through some medical issues as well since the end of October.. Every time I go to the doctor it seems like it's bad news. But keep your head up and don't give up. I know it's easier said then done, but you have your youth and you are still somewhat independent, I'm back at my parents so they can watch me and help, and man let me tell you it's weird. Can't drive or walk long distances I literally get super tired and sleepy after walking around a grocery store. Anyways try and keep yourself busy, my girl and family buy me Lego sets or puzzles to help the time go by, or else I'd be going crazy. The Lego sets help me stay calm and focus through all the cloudiness of the medications.
Belgium
formerly colombia
- 25,958
- 37,256
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2013
My mom has always disliked my lack of empathy but I think that's what helps me a lot to stay strong and deal with my situation the way I do now.
My father was/is an alcoholic and I developed a strong lack of empathy as a mental self defense mechanism according to my psychologist.
It's not in the way that I can't identify others' emotions or can't place myself in someone else's position but there is very little that really affects me emotionally.
I literally never get angry and I'm generally calm and collected. Even during those few days where I had to wait for the lung surgeon to get back in the country I just continued going to class like it was a normal day of school.
After my lung surgery I was in a very bad place mentally but therapy and medication helped me and I came back stronger than before.
I haven't shed a tear since then. Honestly if I didn't develop that lack of empathy in my early childhood I would probably be an emotional wreck right now.
It also helps that I can have just as much fun being at home alone than at a party or just hanging with my friends.
In a way I'm still happy. I'm still a positive and warm personality despite everything I'm going through and if people didn't know about my conditions (I'm very open about that) they wouldn't be able to tell I have all this going on.
I live with my mom still. I'm legally not allowed to drive a car because I have very bad depth perception (I can literally miss catching a basketball) so I have to rely on my mom or my friends for transport on many occasions. My online business not only helps keeping me busy every day, it also earns me enough to provide 100% for myself and some luxury but that's about where my independence ends. Having something that you can do every day and is entertaining and rewarding is definitely a necessity.
Like you I can't really run my own errands much anymore. I rarely go outside these days.
I'm lucky to have a tight group of friends that I talk to daily over xbox or skype and also visit me frequently.
Stay strong man, definitely make it a priority to stay in touch with your close friends on a daily basis, whether it's in person or over skype, it helps.
I wish you the best and hope you'll get better.
Last edited:
- 6,437
- 4,651
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2015
Watching my father die a slow death over the course of six months due to brain cancer when I was an adolescent was rough, but honestly I learned a lot going through that experience.
Like anyone been through some hard times financially. Was financially independent at 18 in the immediate Bay Area a lot of people not gonna understand how hard that is. Had to learn many financial lessons the hard way. The discipline acquired and teaching myself to become financially literate was invaluable.
OP brought up bank accounts, I kept this screen shot for a few years now as a reminder of where I've been. Funny enough this was years removed from rock bottom.
View media item 1811532
Like anyone been through some hard times financially. Was financially independent at 18 in the immediate Bay Area a lot of people not gonna understand how hard that is. Had to learn many financial lessons the hard way. The discipline acquired and teaching myself to become financially literate was invaluable.
OP brought up bank accounts, I kept this screen shot for a few years now as a reminder of where I've been. Funny enough this was years removed from rock bottom.
View media item 1811532
- 457
- 437
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2012
Survived Hurricane Katrina in '05 and had to relocate to SC (I was 12). Recently lost my car in October in Hurricane Joaquin. Now carless. And broke
