Happy Batman day to everyone on NT

Antidope said:

Gonna play Arkham Origins when I get home.

Waits for Batman vs Ironman.

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Antidope said:

Superman sucks. The worst thing ever.

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Antidope said:

Superman sucks. The worst thing ever.

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#4. Batman & Robin Is About Batman's Homosexuality
Batman & Robin is the most uncontroversially terrible movie I could bring up. I'm talking 12 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Rewatching it for notes and screencaps is the most hazardous thing I've ever done for my career, and I once spent an entire week reading Reddit. It's so bad that when my roommate walked in on me watching this movie, I immediately slammed my laptop shut, and I can only hope she assumed I was watching porn.

I wasn't watching porn. But I was watching a movie that is all about how much Batman loves *****.

The Secret Message

What you have to understand is that gayness has always been a major part of Batman's character. Sure, the higher-ups at DC insist he's straight, but the folks actually writing the character disagree, and when I have to choose between trusting a guy in a fancy tie and a guy who claims to have traveled to other dimensions, I'm always going to pick the latter. Even Frank Miller insists that Batman "would be much healthier if he were gay," and this is Frank Miller talking.


Wikimedia Commons

This is Frank Miller smiling.

From the perspective of a writer preparing to write a story within the existing Batman mythology, the gay subtext is hard to ignore: The guy is a reclusive billionaire leading a double life revolving primarily around other men and fetish gear. Sure, you're not wrong if you write him straight, but it makes more sense to say "Hey, maybe sometimes there are cocks in him."


DC Comics

Obviously I'm using this picture.

Enter Joel Schumacher. Aside from his use of surface-level gay stuff (the celebration of the male form in the outfits with massive codpieces; the fact that every fight scene looks like it was lifted from musical theater), he takes it a step further and makes overcoming heterosexuality a major part of Bruce's story arc.

Sure, Bruce Wayne has a girlfriend in this movie named [didn't catch it] and played by [who gives a **** she has like two minutes of screen time], but she's mostly presented as something he has to figure out how to ignore. Every time they're together, he's making excuses to keep the relationship from moving forward: "I'm not the marrying kind," he says, "There are parts of me you wouldn't understand."


Warner Brothers

Ladies: If a guy says that to you, it's not because he's Batman.

But the more telling part is how Batman deals with Poison Ivy's mind-control pheromones. Through the movie, Wayne manages to overcome not only Ivy's seduction, but the sexual advances of the aforementioned smoking-hot blonde supermodel, and the whole time he seems confused as to why he's sexually attracted to Poison Ivy at all. When Batman explains his suspicions to Robin, the younger hero is all [doofy voice] "You've got some real issues with women!"[/doofy voice] The big scene before the final battle shows Batman convincing Robin to suppress his heterosexuality in order to do battle with her. If that doesn't convince you, there's also the fact that George Clooney said he portrayed Batman as gay on purpose. That might be relevant.

My point is that while Joel Schumacher made a terrible movie, that might only be because he was trying to do something that's almost impossible to pull off. So partial credit for you, Joel Schumacher.


Chris Weeks/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

And good job on House of Cards.

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JayPesoz said:

My Batmen

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Antidope said:

Superman sucks. The worst thing ever.

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Fontaine said:

Superman > ironman >>>>>>>> batman + prep time

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