Lets be honest, have anyone ever felt so paranoid/insecure when you're talking to a lady?

fdub

fdub

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I don't know, but I'm having one of those moments again. Like, it's this girl I've been hanging out with/talking too since March (Knew her since 2011), but I get so paranoid that all of this invested time could go to waste. What is crazy is, everything is going well such as, she calls me just about everyday during her lunch break and always text me good morning to start off the day, so you might ask, why am I getting paranoid and feeling insecure? Well, earlier this year, I was somewhat in the same boat, but the chick just stop speaking to me after her and I was hanging out and even kissed. She just left me hanging. I honestly don't want that to happen again with this girl i'm speaking. The signs are there as far as a potential relationship down the line, but I'm just paranoid that the same thing could occur again. I'm tired of getting taken for granted and I don't want that same scenario to happen again. I guess it's just me putting my guards up. The thing about thsi girl I'm talking to is, she is very attractive and a lot of dudes always want to talk to her and she doesn't seem to pay them any mind, but I think she likes the attention, but who knows. She is very suportive, but this is my first time really dealing with a girl that SOOOOOOOOOOO many dudes want to holler. I think that's where why my insecurity comes to play, but I am trying to fight it! How do you guys deal with this although, nothing is wrong, yet.
 
Being insecurity is terrible it's only going to hurt you and your relationship. Man up B, take off your skirt.
 
Let them feels go, b.
Keep your roster abundant...
Also, be more assertive, sexually. A kiss doesn't mean ****, especially in this day and age.
 
Just stop thinking and SHOW her what the deal is...


I've learned ******* is either with it or they not... On to the next one...


She probably picks up on how insecure you are and just sees you as a friend because of that.
 
When I was young sure and it's usually at an age when you forget you use to talk to girls all the time before but just not in that way. You get over it when you realize it's not that big of a deal and sometimes they're just as nervous (insecure or paranoid in your case).
 
I only feel paranoid because I was a douchebag in my past life and I been with my woman for damn near 10 years. Still feel like one day she gon wake up, crush my heart, and leave me :lol:
 
"*****, if you ride, ***** you gon' fall.."

You cant be out here scared of getting hurt b, its part of the process.

a NECESSARY part of the process.


Always remember; FDB.
 
OP your setting yourself up for failure in many ways.

But first I think you should honestly post your age and her age.

You have to be objective about this situation. Reading your post I almost threw up with all the subliminal emotions your were putting out.

She likes you....as far as we can tell from your story. Could she possibly not like you? Possibly. But from your story a high majority is saying she's digging you.

She's attractive. That's good....for her. For your insecurity it's not. If you wanna make this thing something you gotta come to grips that if you two become serious....jealousy is gonna rear its ugly head and possibly spell disaster. Instead of promoting her why are you not promoting yourself? Obviously she's into your burger self for some reason right? List them for us so we get a better picture.

You think she likes the attention? No. She does like the attention but if you want this thing to work your gonna have to rein her attention to just you.

Promote yourself son. Become assertive. Know your worth.

You gotta jump in head first. If it doesn't pop off....oh well. That's life son move on.

Assertiveness is expressing your needs and knowing that your in control of your behavior and recognizing that others are in charge of their behavior.
 
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Everyone pretty much hit the needle on the head. If you fear losing her, you more than likely will.

I've found that the best way to overcome that feeling is:

1) Truly embrace the notion of "Plenty of fish in the sea." Because there truly is an abundance of women who look, act and smell exactly like her, or even better. I've subscribed to this notion, and honestly it has been a bit dangerous for me over the past few years. I'm trying to settle down now, and I have to consciously make an effort to keep my roster slim.

2) Stop doubting yourself. This should be #1, now that I think about it. But you have to believe in yourself. Insecurity is a stench to most women. They smell it on guys, and it really turns them off. I often ask women what they like in a guy, and I often hear a lot of BS - but the one thing they're absolutely right about is confidence. I've lost women due to insecurities in the past, and in retrospect, I possessed the qualities they want in a guy. But I didn't believe in my own abilities.

3) Enjoy the experience. As Jay once said "our time together is our time together, our time apart is our time apart." From the sound of it, this chick has built up a whirlpool of anxiety in you. You have to truly be about more than that when you're not together, this will allow you to concentrate on you. Once again, from experience, when I was truly about what was going on in my life, outside of women, the women seem to be right there when I needed them. It just fits into you life/ schedule a bit seamlessly.
 
toast1985 said:
Everyone pretty much hit the needle on the head. If you fear losing her, you more than likely will.

I've found that the best way to overcome that feeling is:

1) Truly embrace the notion of "Plenty of fish in the sea." Because there truly is an abundance of women who look, act and smell exactly like her, or even better. I've subscribed to this notion, and honestly it has been a bit dangerous for me over the past few years. I'm trying to settle down now, and I have to consciously make an effort to keep my roster slim.

2) Stop doubting yourself. This should be #1, now that I think about it. But you have to believe in yourself. Insecurity is a stench to most women. They smell it on guys, and it really turns them off. I often ask women what they like in a guy, and I often hear a lot of BS - but the one thing they're absolutely right about is confidence. I've lost women due to insecurities in the past, and in retrospect, I possessed the qualities they want in a guy. But I didn't believe in my own abilities.

3) Enjoy the experience. As Jay once said "our time together is our time together, our time apart is our time apart." From the sound of it, this chick has built up a whirlpool of anxiety in you. You have to truly be about more than that when you're not together, this will allow you to concentrate on you. Once again, from experience, when I was truly about what was going on in my life, outside of women, the women seem to be right there when I needed them. It just fits into you life/ schedule a bit seamlessly.
Click to expand...
Thanks alot, very true words!
 
FDUB said:
I don't know, but I'm having one of those moments again. Like, it's this girl I've been hanging out with/talking too since March (Knew her since 2011), but I get so paranoid that all of this invested time could go to waste. What is crazy is, everything is going well such as, she calls me just about everyday during her lunch break and always text me good morning to start off the day, so you might ask, why am I getting paranoid and feeling insecure? Well, earlier this year, I was somewhat in the same boat, but the chick just stop speaking to me after her and I was hanging out and even kissed. She just left me hanging. I honestly don't want that to happen again with this girl i'm speaking. The signs are there as far as a potential relationship down the line, but I'm just paranoid that the same thing could occur again. I'm tired of getting taken for granted and I don't want that same scenario to happen again. I guess it's just me putting my guards up. The thing about thsi girl I'm talking to is, she is very attractive and a lot of dudes always want to talk to her and she doesn't seem to pay them any mind, but I think she likes the attention, but who knows. She is very suportive, but this is my first time really dealing with a girl that SOOOOOOOOOOO many dudes want to holler. I think that's where why my insecurity comes to play, but I am trying to fight it! How do you guys deal with this although, nothing is wrong, yet.
Click to expand...
3 years in the friend zone? I'm I reading that right. OP I personally would move on unless this chick is bad, keep her on the team. You've been hanging with this chick since you were 24, don't let you 20's go to waste waiting on one girl. Go out and flourish 

Also you're putting to much value in "hanging out" or "kissing". I've learned from personal experience that making out or going out on a few dates without smashing doesn't really put you in any better position then when you first went out.

If you insist on getting more out of your friendship with this girl, you need to escalate physically. If she's not having it just move on.

Just my two cents. 
 
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