- 20,872
- 12,101
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2007
You gotta be a cold dude if you willingly walk out. Would be on my mind all the time. And I don't think people realize that there are just as much dead beat moms out there too.
I literally Don't Understand Dead Beat Dads
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by Spectacular23,
- Start date
- 1,655
- 469
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2008
If you don't want children at the time, yes that's an L. Doesn't mean you won't love them.
- 3,398
- 1,612
- Joined
- May 4, 2009
You also have instances where the mother resents the child because "he looks just like his daddy" or neglects the child to hurt the father. Just because a mother is around doesn't mean she raising them.
- 22,094
- 9,980
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2013
having kids with a piece of ish deadbeat female is an l..
I gave my kids a horrible mother. Thats my L...I fd up so ill take my lost like a man and raise my kids. Yeah I struggle but idgaf I handle my kids. My conscious wouldn't let me ditch my kids no matter how much it is an inconvenience and it is a huge one..
That's how I mean it....
Last edited:
- 4,864
- 3,207
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2012
I swear when you view a child as an L, child is doomed before he even started.
- 15,990
- 5,970
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2008
But at the same time I can understand how many fathers are alienated from their children because of BM's like your buddy's.
The laws in this country give women preferential treatment. So much so that most of the time when two people split the children go with the mom because if the cops show up they're going to let her take the kids until the court hashes out custody.
So until then fathers are in limbo, paying child support and being marginalized. They have to see their kids when the mom sees fit, and what's worse is if they were married to their BM and owned a house together she takes the house as well.
So now a dude is probably living in an apartment, working double time to piece together his life while BM has the crib. Imagine how some men feel after barely being able to see their kids, losing their home & then to add insult to injury seeing another man enjoy the fruits of his labor when he moves in with BM.
I can understand and even empathize with some men who end up being "db dads" because at some point it's like what is a man to do?
Working X amount of hours a week to pay CS and rebuild his own savings account, I bet they would miss some weekends with the kids because I would imagine its damned hard to walk up that drive way of your old home seeing another man in it with the mother of your children to pick up your kids.
I don't think all absentee dads meant to be that way. I mean my own mom ripped me from my dad and took me to another state before their divorce was final and he tried his best to visit but when he would my mom would be verbally and physically abusive to him (they later made amends and remarried but that's besides the point).
I don't fault him for not always being there because I know there was more to the story.
And I don't judge others because I don't know their story. All we as fathers can do is try our very best to dedicate our lives to the children we brought into this world.
Sometimes society however, complicates that for some men.
- 7,980
- 2,389
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2007
I've read every post so far and yes there is dead beat moms too.
I'm going to say this as myself then, it was my decision to have sex with my girl, and IF we were separated and she got pregnant, i will not resent her bc as a man i made the choice to have sex, its not the kids fault. So if me and my girl are not on the same page, thats no excuse why the kid should be raised by a single parent. I will be there everyday whenever he/she needs me, you don't have to have a good relationship with the mom, but don't take it out on the kid.
I'm sorry but some of you guys are saying " i don't know the situation of the person" or " i don't know what that person is going through " i can't understand these excuses bc it was a decision by you to lay with her, don't take it out on the kid and walk out.
I'm going to say this as myself then, it was my decision to have sex with my girl, and IF we were separated and she got pregnant, i will not resent her bc as a man i made the choice to have sex, its not the kids fault. So if me and my girl are not on the same page, thats no excuse why the kid should be raised by a single parent. I will be there everyday whenever he/she needs me, you don't have to have a good relationship with the mom, but don't take it out on the kid.
I'm sorry but some of you guys are saying " i don't know the situation of the person" or " i don't know what that person is going through " i can't understand these excuses bc it was a decision by you to lay with her, don't take it out on the kid and walk out.
- 3,996
- 4,930
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2014
not true
- 15,990
- 5,970
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2008
I don't think men choose to be resentful but after the system allows her to take everything, your kids, your house and your money I can understand how they become resentful.
It's a catch 22. The court gives custody to the parent with a more stable household and is able to be more involved on a daily basis.
So now she has the house and you're paying CS of course she has more time to be involved on a daily basis with the kids because dad busy working.
Then he has to agree to see the kids on HER schedule or when the court sees fit.
Of course the court is going to give her primary custody because hell, the kids have been with her since the break-up, she spends more time with them because the dad is busy working (not only to support himself and pay CS, but custody lawyers are EXPENSIVE), and she has the crib, why change anything? The courts stay ******* dads over like that.
That creates a recipe for resentfulness in fathers dealing with that reality. It's easy for you or I to brush that off but you and I aren't dealing with that.
Even by me sitting here putting myself in their shoes mentally I have only a limited perspective of what that must be like.
We want an egalitarian society but somehow along the way we decided as a society to give disproportionate power to women to balance out the inequalities.
I think more supposed DB dads would like the opportunity to be their for their children but need the autonomy to be able to see their kids when THEY see fit.
Wouldn't hurt to allow them to keep their assets either. By all means I believe they should pay CS, but why take his property? Also why do women pay disproportionately less child support?
Or are these issues too taboo to examine? Are we as a society just conditioned to be stoic in the face of double standards?
Last edited:
- 1,655
- 469
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2008
Not understanding another man's situation is not an excuse. It isn't even close. This isn't a cut and dry situation. Don't place your expectations/ideals on other people. Simple as that. I don't even condone a man turning his back on his family, and I would never do it myself. Just saying don't be so quick to judge.
- 3,996
- 4,930
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2014
when you have a child you are not financially and mentally ready for it is an L
raising a kids is not about yourself though
- 23,070
- 36,450
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2013
I remember someone had it as their avy for a min and I've been wondering ever since.
- 15,990
- 5,970
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2008
Every time I see that avy I want the *** to belong to the shorty slapping it to create one chick.
That face + that mass = win.
- 24,806
- 11,965
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2012
at least you weren't left In a dumpster
fontaine
Banned
- 8,053
- 6,535
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2013
youcan't legally impregnate a woman without their consent.
If a woman doesn't want a baby, she ain't having a baby.
The same can not be said for men t
- 303
- 54
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2013
Some dead beat dads never had parents growing up so they think that the child be okay with out a father figure....
- 7,980
- 2,389
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2007
- 303
- 54
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2013
LOL
Last edited:
- 1,216
- 386
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2008
Call it a cop out, but I legit think some men out there truly believe their children are better off without them in their lives. Ive got a family member who is/has been in a very dark place for years now (suicidal, mentally terrified, just so concretely hopeless) and he's got a boy about to turn 6 soon. He's been around sporadically, but it's like he can only handle it for so long before he realizes he's a $h*^ dad and gets down in the dumps and falls right back into that deep spiral depression. I've seen him break down like this in front of his son numerous times now, and the look in his eyes makes me think he truly believes his son is better off without him, like he realizes he is a toxic person and nothing beneficial will come for his son if he tries to be a father and so clearly will eventually fail.
I'm not saying that frame of mind isn't cowardise, but to have witnessed that level of depression in a man, you really begin to wonder which side of the coin you think the child would be better off with. Sad world but let's not generalize dead beat dads as all having the same story about being selfish.
I'm not saying that frame of mind isn't cowardise, but to have witnessed that level of depression in a man, you really begin to wonder which side of the coin you think the child would be better off with. Sad world but let's not generalize dead beat dads as all having the same story about being selfish.
Last edited:
- 15,990
- 5,970
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2008
Good thought provoking discussion NT. Its important that we as a society continuously reexamine these issues. These matters are fluid in nature, evolving concurrently with society & policy so for that reason we must keep an open mind and take into account all facets of this complex issue.
- 15,068
- 15,632
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2006
Ppl just selfish.
Some folks look at sex as just fun and a baby is just a negative outcome, like an std.
So when some dudes get that "i think im late text", they pissed cus they wasnt thinking bout
kids, and or dont want a life with that broad, so they don't stick around to preserve their 'fun"current life.
aka, a ***** move
Some folks look at sex as just fun and a baby is just a negative outcome, like an std.
So when some dudes get that "i think im late text", they pissed cus they wasnt thinking bout
kids, and or dont want a life with that broad, so they don't stick around to preserve their 'fun"current life.
aka, a ***** move
- 1,705
- 1,624
- Joined
- May 21, 2004
I can only imagine the regrets one faces after realizing he knocked up a lost or bad mother. crazy.
D
Deleted member 107398
Guest
Ya'll foolsjust needa up your standards and ONLY smash chicks ya'll wouldn't be ashamed bringing around friends/fam
- 3,230
- 681
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2012
- 32,554
- 80,427
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2013
Now where's the fun in that?
