Relationship Issue: Get Out Now?

mr z · May 21, 2015

Nt, im having some problems with a chick I am dating right now. Whenever we have an argument or disagreement she leaves. Its like the first sign of an issue she completely shuts down and does not want to talk. She tends to act real immature and never communicates her feelings. Whats crazy is she is 10 years older than me (Im 26) but I feel like I am more mature. What would you do in a situation like this? Yes she looks good and no sorry no pics because she still is my girl at the moment.

Here are some examples of arguments:
We just had an argument because I laughed when she snored in her sleep. She got really angry and left. In hindsight i should not have laughed because the snoring is embarrassing to her but she never communicated that to me.

Another time she got mad and told me not to touch her when we were sleeping. I got to close to her and she said I wasn't listening and was trying to control her. She also made a comment about me raping her. She said, "so I'm just supposed to let you touch on me or rape me because we are in a relationship "

I'm begginning to think she has some mental issues. I don't want to break up with her if I'm the problem though.

Whay are your thoughts on this? Ever had a similar situation?

ksteezy · May 21, 2015

Don't mess with a woman's sleep or food bruh....you are asking for it if you do :lol:

DCAllAfrican · May 21, 2015

ONLY positive thing you said about her is that she looked good.

You know the answer to this question

youngwolf · May 21, 2015

Mr Z said:
Nt, im having some problems with a chick I am dating right now. Whenever we have an argument or disagreement she leaves. Its like the first sign of an issue she completely shuts down and does not want to talk. She tends to act real immature and never communicates her feelings. Whats crazy is she is 10 years older than me (Im 26) but I feel like I am more mature. What would you do in a situation like this? Yes she looks good and no sorry no pics because she still is my girl at the moment.

Here are some examples of arguments:
We just had an argument because I laughed when she snored in her sleep. She got really angry and left. In hindsight i should not have laughed because the snoring is embarrassing to her but she never communicated that to me.

Another time she got mad and told me not to touch her when we were sleeping. I got to close to her and she said I wasn't listening and was trying to control her. She also made a comment about me raping her. She said, "so I'm just supposed to let you touch on me or rape me because we are in a relationship "

I'm begginning to think she has some mental issues. I don't want to break up with her if I'm the problem though.

Whay are your thoughts on this? Ever had a similar situation?

Michael-Scott-Closes-The-Door-Awkwardly-On-The-Office.gif

AZwildcats · May 21, 2015

I've always found that if leavings an option, then take it. Especially if you don't have kids together

mr z · May 21, 2015

DCAllAmerican said:
ONLY positive thing you said about her is that she looked good.

You know the answer to this question

There are some positives. When she is not being a super ***** she can make me really happy. We have a good friendship also so its easy to spend alot of time together. She is very intelligent and cooks very well. She does little things around my house like cleaning and decorating. She lets me whip the beamer. Honestly, she is the best looking chick i have ever dated and she is almost 40. I love the allure of having an older chick that looks good. She was NOT easy to get with so im reluctant to give up.

andretti · May 21, 2015

Better check ya lady fam
Tell her to get right or get left

DCAllAfrican · May 21, 2015

Mr Z said:
There are some positives. When she is not being a super ***** she can make me really happy. We have a good friendship also so its easy to spend alot of time together. She is very intelligent and cooks very well. She does little things around my house like cleaning and decorating. She lets me whip the beamer. Honestly, she is the best looking chick i have ever dated and she is almost 40. I love the allure of having an older chick that looks good. She was NOT easy to get with so im reluctant to give up.

Man, you can find someone that looks just as good. Don't let the difficulty of the chase be the main reason why you are staying. You are better than that Big Z.

a blinkin · May 21, 2015

Over the years, I've noticed several threads on NT asking whether a guy should end their relationships. Dudes will get the group consensus to break it off, but will delude themselves that the relationship is worth putting up with. I won't act holier than thou, because I did it too when I was younger. I'm simply trying to make a point. :smh:

You and I are both 26 and are looking at the ending of our 20s draw nearer with each day that passes. Man to man, I'd end it. The woman sounds nuts. Stop to ask yourself why a woman ten yours your senior was still single and gave a relationship with you a chance. That's not a a shot at you, just something to think about. You already know her actions are sporadic and immature. So honestly, what are you doing sticking around? Go out and enjoy your youth fam. Don't let her drain you of it. Especially since she's already had hers.

panaricanretro · May 21, 2015

She sounds crazy high maintenance from an emotional standpoint and def has some maturity and control issues. You seem like you want to keep her happy so she's always gonna act like something ain't right so you always keep trying to correct something or right your wrongs. Problem is, it's not your wrongs she's making you correct,miss whatever issues from her past keep making her so insecure.

Try this next time she "leaves": take it as a mental break for yourself. Chill with your boys, get away somewhere for the weekend or just spend time doing anything and everything besides chill with her. If you give any attention to her little protest, you give it power. If you act like you couldn't care less, she has no reason to use it. This one is tough though. You gotta act like you don't care even if you do. It also takes patience. You might have to go through this process like 4-5 times before she eases up.

If you still find yourself walking on egg-shells and getting screamed at over benign little issues, just verbally check her, real quick and then you be the one to leave. Just hit her with "You buggin, hit me when you ready to act right" and bounce for a while.

Still keeps up after a few weeks/months of you standing your ground, it's time to move on. They ain't worth that much stress and hassle.

3stheluckynumbe · May 21, 2015

RUN!!!

Seriously though, what kind of relationship is that that you can't cuddle while sleeping? It will only get worse if you can't get through to her and figure out how you two can communicate effectively. Does she have a good relationship with her father? If she doesn't, know that you will always be in a "power struggle" because she doesn't realize how a man should conduct himself.

teamjordan79 · May 21, 2015

stopped reading at the chick being 36

a blinkin · May 21, 2015

PanaRicanRetro just made a good point. Homie is giving up the power in the relationship. At this point, she's doing all that leaving/attitude stuff because she knows she will get away with it. Because for as much as OP may have simplified the issue by asking whether or not he should leave... He won't. And she knows that. :smh:

andretti · May 21, 2015

Next time she leaves tell her don't come back.

ksteezy · May 21, 2015

a blinkin said:
Over the years, I've noticed several threads on NT asking whether a guy should end their relationships. Dudes will get the group consensus to break it off, but will delude themselves that the relationship is worth putting up with. I won't act holier than thou, because I did it too when I was younger. I'm simply trying to make a point.

You and I are both 26 and are looking at the ending of our 20s draw nearer with each day that passes. Man to man, I'd end it. The woman sounds nuts. Stop to ask yourself why a woman ten yours your senior was still single and gave a relationship with you a chance. That's not a a shot at you, just something to think about. You already know her actions are sporadic and immature. So honestly, what are you doing sticking around? Go out and enjoy your youth fam. Don't let her drain you of it. Especially since she's already had hers.

I gotta agree, women that are willing to be in a relationship with a dude THAT much younger have some sort of deep rooted issues, it's ok for a dude to date down in age...but Its weird that a woman nearing her 40's will date a dude in his mid 20's....I get you might be a mature dude...but I feel she's looking to be the shot caller and feels she can't do that to a man her age so she dates down....think about how much of a future you see with her, family?...longevity?...if not, why waste time?...dudes think dating an older chick is winning, it might be cool to get that under your belt, but a relationship with one?...is more than likely an L for the dude....unless she rich :nerd:

mr z · May 21, 2015

Lots of godd advice all around. Reps to those cats. I never sat down and thought about the age issue. I am begginning to not take her seriously. Maybe this is just another "life experience" type of relationship.

@PanaRicanRetro gave some incredible advice but I'm still on the fence about staying around.

A few weks ago she said she "done" and psuedo broke up with me. She ended up recanting and we reconciled that same night. The fight was over her drinking. I told her that i didnt want to date a woman who drank all the time. She got mad and told me she was not a drunk. She felt insulted and was like "you cant control me...im done". I told her i was not trying to control but just telling her what i wanted in a woman. ***** act like i was speaking in tongues.

We also had a fight about cars. I told her one day im not flashy with cars and dont live above my means. She got pissed and insinuated that i was going at her. She drive a 5 series but only makes like 40-50k a year. She cant afford it. I make like 100k and my tahoe is paid off in cash. She got pissed at me when i made a comment about how high her car note is. I wasnt trying to go at her, i was just really shocked she would drop 700 a month on a damn vehicke with her salary....she trips over every thing!

If i do anything over the phone she like "im gonna call you back" lol.

She be like "all you want to do is have sex with me". Im in my head trippin bc thats our main thing. If we not banging she usually quiet...she is a cancer.

harlemtothebronx · May 21, 2015

PanaRicanRetro said:
She sounds crazy high maintenance from an emotional standpoint and def has some maturity and control issues. You seem like you want to keep her happy so she's always gonna act like something ain't right so you always keep trying to correct something or right your wrongs. Problem is, it's not your wrongs she's making you correct,miss whatever issues from her past keep making her so insecure.

Try this next time she "leaves": take it as a mental break for yourself. Chill with your boys, get away somewhere for the weekend or just spend time doing anything and everything besides chill with her. If you give any attention to her little protest, you give it power. If you act like you couldn't care less, she has no reason to use it. This one is tough though. You gotta act like you don't care even if you do. It also takes patience. You might have to go through this process like 4-5 times before she eases up.

If you still find yourself walking on egg-shells and getting screamed at over benign little issues, just verbally check her, real quick and then you be the one to leave. Just hit her with "You buggin, hit me when you ready to act right" and bounce for a while.

Still keeps up after a few weeks/months of you standing your ground, it's time to move on. They ain't worth that much stress and hassle.

Best advice in here.

blastercombo · May 21, 2015

I'm sorry but if you're not even married and someone gives you these types of problems break up immediately. Do not trade in your time for something you don't even see going long term

ognikehead85 · May 21, 2015

PanaRicanRetro said:
She sounds crazy high maintenance from an emotional standpoint and def has some maturity and control issues. You seem like you want to keep her happy so she's always gonna act like something ain't right so you always keep trying to correct something or right your wrongs. Problem is, it's not your wrongs she's making you correct,miss whatever issues from her past keep making her so insecure.

Try this next time she "leaves": take it as a mental break for yourself. Chill with your boys, get away somewhere for the weekend or just spend time doing anything and everything besides chill with her. If you give any attention to her little protest, you give it power. If you act like you couldn't care less, she has no reason to use it. This one is tough though. You gotta act like you don't care even if you do. It also takes patience. You might have to go through this process like 4-5 times before she eases up.

If you still find yourself walking on egg-shells and getting screamed at over benign little issues, just verbally check her, real quick and then you be the one to leave. Just hit her with "You buggin, hit me when you ready to act right" and bounce for a while.

Still keeps up after a few weeks/months of you standing your ground, it's time to move on. They ain't worth that much stress and hassle.

THIS...

PRIME · May 21, 2015

DCAllAmerican said:
ONLY positive thing you said about her is that she looked good.

You know the answer to this question

I mean, at what point does one really need to ask for advice? :lol:

OP c'mon, b. You shoulda been gone.

mr z · May 21, 2015

Nt brethren....yall doin a good job. Keep me straight and lay into me if i ****** up.

I got so many storeies about this broad..real stuff no rusty shackleford. Im gonna keep this short bc i have to go to work.

Her dad beat her mom and cheated on her. Dad still around but he's a drunk.

One time we were playing Never Have I Ever with shots with some friends and she spazzed. We went one round and she was like "i dont want to play this stupid game" so she stopped playing but CONTINUED to take shots! Lmao

She also told me one time she stabbed her ex bf with a steak knife. He didnt press charges. Lol

She never talks about her past. Talks in real vague terms alot.

She also dated a woman before. She is an all out freak but gets tight when i talk about sex too much. Lol

georgescorewell · May 21, 2015

DCAllAmerican said:
ONLY positive thing you said about her is that she looked good.

You know the answer to this question

Remy LeBeau · May 21, 2015

Bruh, you clearly don't see why you never had to make this thread in the first place :x All the info you need has been right there in your face.

babyface34 · May 21, 2015

From the sound of things, she's definitely been through some things that you might have yet to discover. Personally, I would get outta dodge.

49ersaaron8 · May 21, 2015

Certified mentally ill. Let this bird fly away OP.

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Relationship Issue: Get Out Now?

mr z

ksteezy

DCAllAfrican

youngwolf

AZwildcats

mr z

andretti

DCAllAfrican

a blinkin

panaricanretro

3stheluckynumbe

teamjordan79

a blinkin

andretti

ksteezy

mr z

harlemtothebronx

blastercombo

ognikehead85

PRIME

mr z

georgescorewell

Remy LeBeau

formerly carbon16

babyface34

49ersaaron8

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