Dwelling in the Past

AgentZero

AgentZero

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What are the best ways to keep your mind off the past and to not dwell on it? Usually it takes something new, but what about the time spent waiting for that?

Is it best to try to face and accept it or to avoid it altogether like in conversation, etc?

Does anyone have something they're currently struggling to move on from?
 
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Picasso Swerve said:
Gym.
Work.
Girls.
Time.
Click to expand...

This. But first, I try to come to terms with the situation and accept the disappointment rather than ignore it.

Just broke up with someone? Take a retrospective look at the relationship. See what lead to the demise. accept that it's in the past, learn from that, and begin the heal (ie. gym, work, girls, time).

Just lost your job? Evaluate why that happened. If the circumstances were not preventable, there's nothing to dwell on; you win some you lose some. If the situation was preventable, learn from your mistakes, grind to get another position, and don't let history repeat itself when you land a gig. In the interim, gym, work (to get another job), girls, time.

Just lost someone close to you to death? Take the time to appreciate the time you spent with them, but allow yourself to grieve. We're humans, death affects us all. No sense in keeping that on the inside. And as always, gym, work, girls, time.

It's times like these where people define themselves. Life is one big learning experience. There will be disappointments. Some may rock you to your core. What matters is your resilience when life knocks you down. Get back on your feet, and dust off your crown. You got this fam.

What has helped me through some particularly tough times is the inescapable realization that there are always others in tougher predicaments who would change lives with me in a heartbeat. Appreciate the struggle. You always come out stronger once you make it to the other end.
 
I am HORRIBLE at this. I dwell in the past so much. If someone does me wrong, I hold grudes. I know it isn't healthy man.

I tend to think about it whenever I am face to face with that person. When I am not around them, I am cool.
 
I used to hold grudges too, man. I can give you all a quick story about the one time it became crystal clear to me that it was completely pointless and a waste of time/life to do that.

One of my home boys messed around with a girl I was kicking it with. He never told me, and old girl and I ended up making it official. He would always laugh when I brought up the relationship but I'd never understand why. Things hit the fan, I confront him furious. I hang on to the grudge for months, being bitter at the fact that I was betrayed essentially. The. One day, I get on instagramb, and dude is posted up smiling like life is wonderful. And it hit me as I was there making myself miserable. There was no point in dwelling on events that had already occurred. I deprived myself happiness in favor of being angry with someone. Almost as if I wanted harm to come to him. Then one day, we chopped it up and buried the hatchet. Couple months later, he was hospitalized with his Crohn's disease. That hospital stint lasted two years. He died last July and to this day, I regret not resolving things sooner.

It may be a cliche'... But life is too short for that, man.
 
i am the same way with holding grudges... i dont even hate the person but i do ignore them and not care about that person... this doesnt work well with someone you see everyday especially at work or home... i find it easier to be cordial with the person you dislike because it takes less energy to be fake around someone then to dislike them...but at the same time that lost time when you hold a grudge with that person does make a difference when you finally make up with them because then it feels awkward..
 
Going to be pretty honest, I always dwelled in the past until recently but have always been a pretty happy person; I felt like I could never move forward with people and relationships even though people generally like and want to be around me for whatever reasons

I decided to make my life better by getting back to the gym, writing down things in a notebook to read and learn from, volunteering, not passing on activities with friends because I thought they were stupid and generally just wanting to make my present and future my goal as opposed to thinking I could change my past in the present

I think you really have to come to a point where you become happy with who you are and realize the past isn't an indictment on you
 
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I used to be this way. I've gotten much better at not being that way though. I just focus on what I'm doing
 
I can't lie to you guys, I've been simpin over this one chick. Idk if she's even as amazing as I remember her being, I think she is, but I have found a way to turn it into motivation for me. It angers me and fires me up at work. Now if I go back to the gym It usually comes into mind during my set and I go ham.


Set goals for yourself and accomplish them, by any means necessary.
 
I never try to hold grudges, easier said than done but If i'm really upset with someone i'll give it time for me or the other person to cool off. Maybe a week/two weeks max depending on the incident. If you really love and cherish the relationship and friendship you have with someone you'll find a way to truly forgive them and move on. I also try to go daily telling the people close to me I love them, you can never say that too many times. 
 
I think the point of clarity should be made that eliminating someone from your life because they're detrimental isn't the same as holding grudges. I think you can let go of someone without harboring negative sentiments towards them at all. Once you realize that their behavior isn't condusive to your happiness, or growth/development as a better person, they've got to go. Sucks sometimes but that's life, man.
 
You need to have a goal in mind. Worry about what your future is going to look like if you don't care of business. That'll definitely will keep your mind off the past.
 
I must admit that I'm bad with this. I attempt to make things go as smoothly as possible and whenever something disrupts that, my mind analyzes the situation from every angle.

I've noticed that I'm bad with holding grudges and not quick to let things go, although I know that's a toxic mentality to have. The thing is, it's not exclusive to others, I'm extremely critical on myself. If I mess something up, I'm bad about judging the situation, trying to understand why I made the decision, replaying the event on my mind etc.

I think it's because I have high expectations of myself and if I fail to meet those standards, I have to understand why (that's something else about me, I like to get to the bottom of things and understand why it happened).

Oddly, an interesting group of posters have replied in this thread so far, some of which I relate to either through personal background that they've shared, or I see similar character traits. I may be reaching, or there could be a correlation.

All in all, I have to remind myself that I'm not perfect and people aren't perfect. People try hard to do things the right way, but everyone messes up. I'm certain that that's where the problem lies with me, I hold people to a high standard and feel as if they should "know better."

I once heard a quote that seemed so divine: You can live your life at peace when you learn to accept the apologies that you never receive.

It makes so much sense. Zen-esque.

Idk if it's pride/ego or what, but the toxic mentality makes it seem as if 'you lost' if you let something go without checking someone or retaliating,which is not always warranted. Idk. I know that I'm growing as a person and getting better with certain aspects of life, especially pertaining to forgiveness.
 
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If you pay attention, a good 90% of your time is spent thinking about the past or worrying about the future. The key is to increase the 10% you spend focusing on what's in front of you, right now.
 
There's a lot of **** I wish I could just block from my memory. You can't though so just gotta deal with it I guess. Easier said than done sometimes, I don't forget much. Some stuff I can barely remember though even though I should because it's life changing stuff.
 
live in the present and think about the future. If you have so much time to think about the past, it means you're not busy enough.
 
I've had this problem before with big and little things in my past. The best way to get out of your own head is to constantly socialize.  Be around people 24/7 and eventually whatever is bothering you will start to fade.

When you ruminate on memories and thoughts, you're living in your own head more than in the world if that makes sense. The more you interact with the world, the less you'll be in your own head. Just keep doing things is what I'm trying to say. Acknowledge what happened, but the more you think about it, the more your brain will make a habit out of thinking about it, so don't let the thoughts linger too long.
 
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..I sometimes clown on myself for thinking about stupid **** that brings me down.
Then I get better..
 
when you dwell on negative things, It creates a vicious circle of depression... At least that is what I was going through & no matter how good things were going for me I just couldnt appreciate it or get over the things i was dwelling on
 
StillIn729 said:
I decided to make my life better by getting back to the gym, writing down things in a notebook to read and learn from, volunteering, not passing on activities with friends because I thought they were stupid and generally just wanting to make my present and future my goal as opposed to thinking I could change my past in the present
Click to expand...
What types of things did you write down? Important things you've learned and things to remember to do differently in future situations?
 
I don't suggest this but what I do now is just get some weed and chill by myself then take a nap. My nerves calm down, I think a whole lot less about things I can't change, and my overall mood is better. I also don't down myself like I used to.

Another thing that has helped me is talking to my 1 friend about things that have happened recently. It really helps, in my case, to just get the thoughts out verbally, that keep recurring in my mind. You might need to do that so everything doesn't pile up and make you frustrated my guy. I don't know what you've done or tried but I wish you the best getting over this hump. :Nthat
 
I think everybody does(well yea, I'm pretty sure everyone does), no real advice: just put your head down and get through it. try not to think of it as a problem, your past is your own personal history in which no one can ever experience, glass-half-full it and figure out what's bugging you. Can't change a lot of things, accepting it (or finding a way to) and just moving on is the only way
 
I'm currently dwelling on enlisting as a reserve just to get the 90k schooling I don't mind getting deployed, at my age (28) and nothing going on still living at parents I think it's time I need to straighten my life before it kicks me. Been thinking about this for the last 2 years smh
 
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