2015-2016 NBA Regular Season - MDA to HOU - All-NBA - Harden snubbed - Anthony Davis is broke

I just rewatched Jurassic World and couldn’t help but notice that the film is strongly influenced by the Sacramento Kings organization. Let’s begin.

Credits role and the camera opens on Isla Nublar, the birthplace of Jurassic Park and now the home of a new theme park, sort of a Six Flags meets Disney World and has a love child with Godzilla, Jurassic World. Here’s where things get interesting. No longer is the island operated by the flamboyantly arrogant owner and space cadet narcissist, John Hammond, aka the Aloof Brothers, but now is under the control of the equally unstable helicopter enthusiast Simon Masrani, a place holder for Vivek Ranadivé, owner of the Sacramento Kings. Uncanny. Masrani is all about the fireworks. Genetically enhanced dinosaurs, 4 on 5 defense, feeding great white sharks to a mosasaurus and of course Sauce Castillo. The mosasaurus is of course the commissioner of the NBA, Adam Silver, but I’ll get into that later.

So long time Navy Veteran, Owen Grady is brought in to train or rather coach the park’s Velociraptors. He teaches them team work like how to hunt using a Princeton offense which creates better spacing. Owen Grady is a placeholder for George Karl. The first scene where we see the raptors, they are using a textbook George Karl run-and-gun offense to hunt the pig. On a side note: I’m gonna scrap the whole “let’s use dinosaurs in the military” subplot because A) it’s dumb and weak and B) it seems highly unlikely the Kings are part of a military conspiracy theory. I digress. So, owner Masrani want’s Owen Grady to evaluate the park’s newest attraction, a hybrid dinosaur, the INDOMINUS REX. Who is the INDOMINUS REX? Demarcus Cousins of course. This is one hell of a dinosaur. It’s got active camouflage, newly extend 3 point range and can talk to Velociraptors. Damn.

So Owen is asked to assess the INDOMINUS REX. Owen and Claire, the female protagonist who makes high heels look like hiking boots, boogie over to the cage. Claire talks about statistics and data on the car ride, signifying the NBA’s move towards analytics. When they arrive, Owen and Claire discover the INDOMINUS REX has engaged in a game of hide and go seek. Uh oh. The meatball of a security guard who has been put in charge of mentoring this extremely dangerous and valuable specimen is a personification of how the Sacramento Kings have handle Demarcus Cousins. Let’s talk about the INDOMINUS REX and Demarcus Cousins for a second. The INDOMINUS REX and Demarcus Cousins are similar because of their potential. They are an embodiment of perhaps the oldest philosophical dichotomy: good vs. evil. Both have equally as much destructive potential as they do positive. If both are controlled and used for good, ticket sales and the success of both franchises would increase tenfold. The INDOMINUS REX is the coolest dinosaur of all time and Demarcus Cousins is a transcendent talent. But they both have an attitude problem. Onward. The INDOMINUS REX wins the game of hide and go seek and is ready to unleash destruction on the park. The park’s first line of defense is the Asset Containment Unit which is essentially an ill equipped team of rag tag security guards. The ACU comes represent coaches Paul Westphal, Keith Smart and Tyrone Corbin. The INDOMINUS REX quickly eats all of them, just like Demarcus Cousins did in real life. So owner Masrani and company turn to the one thing that can subdue the INDOMINUS REX, a helicopter with a big machine gun on it. I think Mike Malone is the helicopter as he was the one coach that had the ability to tame Demarcus Cousins. And just like Vivek fired Mike Malone, Masrani idiotically crashes the helicopter, destroying any and all hope the park has left.

The patrons of the park, the fans of the Sacramento kings, are now like totally ******. A bunch of Pterodactyls are released and strike bone crushing fear. They represent the sad plight that is being a fan of the Sacramento Kings. Let’s keep going.

IGEN and Owen decide to do a field test of his raptors to take down the INDOMINUS REX. Who are Owen’s raptors? Darren Collison, Rudy Gay, Marco Belinelli and Ben McLemore. Under good coaching, can this skilled group tame the INDOMINUS REX? Well not at first. The INDOMINUS REX speaks velociraptor and using phonics tells the raptors to eat the humans. ****. The INDOMINUS REX is now the alpha. There is now a rift between Owen and his raptors, this is similar to all the internal conflict within the Kings organization this summer. After a quick players meeting the team decides their on Cousins’s side, sorry George Karl. But it isn’t over. Just when all hope is lost, Claire, the king of analytics, pulls the biggest, riskiest offseason signing, the T. Rex a la Rajon Rondo. This veteran carnivore is known for it’s antics, its eaten GOATs and coaches alive, but if the T. Rex can tame the INDOMINUS REX, then Claire’s bold move is a win. Can Rondo and Cousins co-exist?

Owen reestablishes his alpha connection with the raptors and along with the T. Rex an epic battle ensues with the INDOMINUS REX. The T. Rex and raptors overpower the INDOMINUS REX. Using a pick and roll they are able to alley-oop slam dunk INDOMINUS REX into the underwater home of the residential mosasaurus. A buzzer beater for the ages. Now the ending of this film and what it’s trying to say about the Sacramento Kings is up to the audiences interpretation. One lens of analysis looks at the death of the INDOMINUS REX with a cup half empty perspective. The T. Rex and INDOMINUS REX can’t coexist and fight, ultimately the fate of the INDOMINUS REX is at the hands of the mosasaurus, aka Adam Silver. Whether it’s a trade or suspension, the fate of Demarcus Cousins is the hands of Adam Silver. But the cup half full interpretation believes the T. Rex is able to tame the INDOMINUS REX, fixing the parks problems. Rondo and Cousins can coexist in harmony. Either way, it seems clear that the scripture of Jurassic World is heavily influence by the Sacramento Kings. Next week I’ll compare the trajectory of Delonte West’s career and The Graduate.