How do you deflect backhanded superiority comments as an adult?

moderndarwin

moderndarwin

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One of my really good friends has a habit of making those imbetterthanyou comments. When I was younger it'd basically be an invitation to start smack talking back and forth. As an adult, I'm not really interested in it anymore...especially when in public...its immature. What is a good way to deflect those sort of comments?

Examples
1. Recently bought a new (used car). It's a normal, usable nice looking car. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. He gets in and says, "your door handles suck at opening." In the past this would of started 20 mins of smack talk.

2. Me, him and another friend were reminiscing and we were talking about our parents plans etc and the old, small apartment I grew up in comes up. He says, "that place was such a (edited for methodical), your rents must of saved so much not buying a house."

Tldr; how do u deflect instigators without smack talking back?
 
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Bruh i have a cousin just like this, dude will nitpick at the smallest things just have something negative to say. dude stays critiquing my physique telling me what sections i need to improve on, homeboy doesnt even lift.


i respond by being a smart ***, asking him to show me how its done. he usually shuts up then.


theres just some folks out there who hate seeing others doing better than them.
 
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Sometimes you ignore, sometimes you let that heat fly. Just read the situation and what would bother him most. I used to hold back a bit back in my younger HT days because with the practice I had there, I was straight venomous one hitter quitter, but dudes would never understand, thinking I didn't have that work. Till I said **** it, man you could see the hurt in those grown *** men eyes.
 
Mark Antony said:
Sometimes you ignore, sometimes you let that heat fly. Just read the situation and what would bother him most. I used to hold back a bit back in my younger HT days because with the practice I had there, I was straight venomous one hitter quitter, but dudes would never understand, thinking I didn't have that work. Till I said **** it, man you could see the hurt in those grown *** men eyes.
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This sort of stuff happens at work too. It's the pseudo racism\throwing shade to be funny sort of comment people make when they feel "in power". If it is the sort of thing that riles you up but so minor that you look bad for making a fuss out of it.

It is how the world/people are. Not many people but enough that there has to be a simple way to deal with it.

With my friend I usually say, "ah it's personal attacks time I see". If it is at work a safe thing to say (besides being quiet) is "Good one" with a bit of a smirk.

Open to suggestions though. Tiring dealing with it/thinking bout it.
 
ModernDarwin said:
This sort of stuff happens at work too. It's the pseudo racism\throwing shade to be funny sort of comment people make when they feel "in power". If it is the sort of thing that riles you up but so minor that you look bad for making a fuss out of it.

It is how the world/people are. Not many people but enough that there has to be a simple way to deal with it.

With my friend I usually say, "ah it's personal attacks time I see". If it is at work a safe thing to say (besides being quiet) is "Good one" with a bit of a smirk.

Open to suggestions though. Tiring dealing with it/thinking bout it.
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Ahh naw, don't be that target, stand up for yourself b, just use some common sense and don't let keepin it real go wrong.
 
ModernDarwin said:
This sort of stuff happens at work too. It's the pseudo racism\throwing shade to be funny sort of comment people make when they feel "in power". If it is the sort of thing that riles you up but so minor that you look bad for making a fuss out of it.

It is how the world/people are. Not many people but enough that there has to be a simple way to deal with it.

With my friend I usually say, "ah it's personal attacks time I see". If it is at work a safe thing to say (besides being quiet) is "Good one" with a bit of a smirk.

Open to suggestions though. Tiring dealing with it/thinking bout it.
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Are you clever at all bro. You need to break that **** out,

Im very reserved, but I can spit calm flames if needed
 
ModernDarwin said:
This sort of stuff happens at work too. It's the pseudo racism\throwing shade to be funny sort of comment people make when they feel "in power". If it is the sort of thing that riles you up but so minor that you look bad for making a fuss out of it.

It is how the world/people are. Not many people but enough that there has to be a simple way to deal with it.

With my friend I usually say, "ah it's personal attacks time I see". If it is at work a safe thing to say (besides being quiet) is "Good one" with a bit of a smirk.

Open to suggestions though. Tiring dealing with it/thinking bout it.
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Your response to homie next time: "I hope your parents outlive you."
 
aNYone said:
Are you clever at all bro. You need to break that **** out,

Im very reserved, but I can spit calm flames if needed
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Sure, can leave most people tyronne lu'd if necessary. But don't want to need cleverness etc. He does it for that pure reason - he truly enjoys competition and smack talking. He instigates. I used to enjoy it when I was young but now I just want to skip that nonsense. It's draining now. I'm not trying to win...just deflect. I like what someone above said. Going to switch my response up to, get outta here with that passive aggressive bs.
 
ModernDarwin said:
Sure, can leave most people tyronne lu'd if necessary. But don't want to need cleverness etc. He does it for that pure reason - he truly enjoys competition and smack talking. He instigates. I used to enjoy it when I was young but now I just want to skip that nonsense. It's draining now. I'm not trying to win...just deflect. I like what someone above said. Going to switch my response up to, get outta here with that passive aggressive bs.
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Then just have a real convo about it with him, if he cant adjust ultimately youve just outgrown the friendship.
 
aNYone said:
Then just have a real convo about it with him, if he cant adjust ultimately youve just outgrown the friendship.
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I want him to stay the way he is. It's funny. In a world of people close to me all acting too serious and adult constantly he's a breath of fresh air. We've gone through stuff like parents cancers etc together - this is nothing but a minor annoyance.
 
Idk why you can't just tell him what you just wrote. It's cool, u think he's funny but u not really interested in all the back and forth. U not trying to beat him anymore.

You gotta realize ur the one who changed as far as how u want to interact. He probably just doing what yall always did.
 
it's called negging.

Make him/her realize that they are negging.

Try your best not to neg back.

Remember that sometimes its in fun, and try not to be so serious 24/7.
 
Legit...just show him this thread on your phone.
If you don't want to admit you're OP, just smirk at your phone, pass it to him and say, "Ha, this sounds like you."
 
ModernDarwin said:
Examples
1. Recently bought a new (used car). It's a normal, usable nice looking car. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. He gets in and says, "your door handles suck at opening." In the past this would of started 20 mins of smack talk.

2. Me, him and another friend were reminiscing and we were talking about our parents plans etc and the old, small apartment I grew up in comes up. He says, "that place was a s(h)ithole, your rents must of saved so much not buying a house."

Tldr; how do u deflect instigators without smack talking back?
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I'll bring the topic to something esoteric and make em look silly. As for people who are notorious for making sly comments. I'll think ahead of what possible backhanded comments/scenarios they'll make. I'll have comments ready to shut em down. Not smack talk but a valid response without raising your voice. People with inflated ego's usually check everyone but themselves so it shouldn't be so hard to shut em down. Understand that their ego and need for conflict is to hide their own insecurities. 

As for your examples. 

1. Ignore. That was a childish comment. 

2. Calling another man's home, a ****hole? Nah, I don't hang with people like that. The rational response is to 
 
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From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
 
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