How do you deflect backhanded superiority comments as an adult?

I thought this was gonna be in the work place ribbing. I was gonna suggest Jerk store and I had sex with your wife comebacks.

This is from a "friend" who isn't just roasting but is just naturally that way?

gil23 said:
i drop the ether and thats where it ends
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Basically.

Just be just as real as he thinks he's being:

Examples
1. Recently bought a new (used car). It's a normal, usable nice looking car. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. He gets in and says, "your door handles suck at opening." In the past this would of started 20 mins of smack talk.
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Your reply: Yeah they're not as good as the door handles on your car.... Oh wait you don't have a car.

If he does have a car:

Your reply: That reminds me your car sucks at getting you yambs. What do you have to live for? Kill yourself."

2. Me, him and another friend were reminiscing and we were talking about our parents plans etc and the old, small apartment I grew up in comes up. He says, "that place was a s(h)ithole, your rents must of saved so much not buying a house."
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Your reply: True, remember that time we saw your mom naked though? What was up with that? She sure could've spent some money on a boob job.


Plus there's just the timeless reply to anything: "You're whack, you twisted, your girl's a ***. You broke, kid aint yours, and everybody knows. Your old man said you stupid! You be like "So?, I love my baby momma, I'll never let her go."

A good NT reply would be "But why your girl pum pum like the sleeve of a wizard?"
 
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I've dealt with it in two ways

1. Be the bigger man and let it slide/ignore it. This is especially true in the workplace, I've been sent home early from work for getting into it with customers over slick comments. Was it worth it? Nope

2. Telling someone there house is a ****hole is a no go in my opinion, simply telling your buddy this doesn't fly will go a long way. Like you OP, as I've gotten older I've avoided getting into little pissing contests with people
 
RobTooFresco said:
From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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So true. Sometimes you just have to show that you're just unphased by the comment, and keep it pushing. I deal with backhanded compliments or subtle aggressions at work everyone once in a while. As a Black man I have to really take it in stride, because if I react, I'm giving them life, or I'll intimidate the hell out of them.

Or you can be petty. I had this lady at my job (obese, of course), say "if your muscles get any bigger, you're going to have to buy bigger shirts." Not sure if she was being sincere or not, but I had to hit her with "it wouldn't be hard for me to lose weight if I choose to." She got the hint, my coworker of course looked at me like I was the petty one :smh:
 
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toast1985 said:
So true. Sometimes you just have to show that you're just unphased by the comment, and keep it pushing. I deal with backhanded compliments or subtle aggressions at work everyone once in a while. As a Black man I have to really take it in stride, because if I react, I'm giving them life, or I'll intimidate the hell out of them.

Or you can be petty. I had this lady at my job (obese, of course), say "if your muscles get any bigger, you're going to have to buy bigger shirts." Not sure if she was being sincere or not, but I had to hit her with "it wouldn't be hard for me to lose weight if I choose to." She got the hint, my coworker of course looked at me like I was the petty one :smh:
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That was a petty comment.
Thats why people talk about you when youre not around

Ive seen your posts....u seem like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are. The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.
 
Ignoring it is the way to go in most cases, then start to cut off contact and get new friends.

If a line is crossed like that comment about your old appartment, roast them by all means.
 
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sckid20 said:
That was a petty comment.
Thats why people talk about you when youre not around

Ive seen your posts....u seem like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are. The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.
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You seem to have me figured out. I appreciate your care. But that comment was one of the few I've ever said at work, I normally don't have time to engage.
 
sckid20 said:
What that lady said tho....isnt that a compliment?
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Coming from her, no. Some people love to make themselves appear clever and snarky, to the point where everything is saturated in sarcasm and back handed compliments.
 
toast1985 said:
 
RobTooFresco said:
From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Click to expand...
So true. Sometimes you just have to show that you're just unphased by the comment, and keep it pushing. I deal with backhanded compliments or subtle aggressions at work everyone once in a while. As a Black man I have to really take it in stride, because if I react, I'm giving them life, or I'll intimidate the hell out of them.

Or you can be petty. I had this lady at my job (obese, of course), say "if your muscles get any bigger, you're going to have to buy bigger shirts." Not sure if she was being sincere or not, but I had to hit her with "it wouldn't be hard for me to lose weight if I choose to." She got the hint, my coworker of course looked at me like I was the petty one
mean.gif
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It's always the fat and/or ugly ones who have something to say.

They low-key mirin' though and want the deep strokes from the homie, @toast1985
 
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toast1985 said:
Or you can be petty. I had this lady at my job (obese, of course), say "if your muscles get any bigger, you're going to have to buy bigger shirts." Not sure if she was being sincere or not, but I had to hit her with "it wouldn't be hard for me to lose weight if I choose to." She got the hint, my coworker of course looked at me like I was the petty one :smh:
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Dog...who hurt you?
 
"Your momma" jokes. Turn everything he says into a "your momma" joke.


"Your momma sucks AND opens quite well. I hear.."
 
ModernDarwin said:
One of my really good friends has a habit of making those imbetterthanyou comments. When I was younger it'd basically be an invitation to start smack talking back and forth. As an adult, I'm not really interested in it anymore...especially when in public...its immature. What is a good way to deflect those sort of comments?

Examples
1. Recently bought a new (used car). It's a normal, usable nice looking car. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. He gets in and says, "your door handles suck at opening." In the past this would of started 20 mins of smack talk.

2. Me, him and another friend were reminiscing and we were talking about our parents plans etc and the old, small apartment I grew up in comes up. He says, "that place was a s(h)ithole, your rents must of saved so much not buying a house."

Tldr; how do u deflect instigators without smack talking back?
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The only positive I see here is that at least he keeps it 100% and says it to your face. I'd rather deal with this than passive aggressive comments or hearing from a 3rd party about things he says behind your back.
 
As dysfunctional it may sound, they're just telling you how the world works in the most honest way possible.
My aunt just passed away this month of cancer. She took me to exotic places and bought me everything I've ever wanted or needed.

Deep down inside she loved me more than anything but she wasn't very sentimental because she knew the world I was living wasn't gonna be. 

Didn't really get it until she was gone. I am a better man because of it.
People who can't take hearing raw truth and honesty from elders have an inferiority complex.
I wish my aunt was here today...I didn't mind it.



 
 
RobTooFresco said:
From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Click to expand...

This some g **** :smokin
 
You gotta take everything at face value and develop a sling tongue OP. Developing thicker skin enables you to remove the personal sentiments from your reply.
 
RobTooFresco said:
From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Click to expand...
glasses.gif
 
Mark Antony said:
Sometimes you ignore, sometimes you let that heat fly. Just read the situation and what would bother him most. I used to hold back a bit back in my younger HT days because with the practice I had there, I was straight venomous one hitter quitter, but dudes would never understand, thinking I didn't have that work. Till I said **** it, man you could see the hurt in those grown *** men eyes.
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All this is the real :smokin
America has changed. Politeness has been tossed out the window and run over with a Mack truck.
You can't give a person more than two or three times to get fly with you, before you make their heart sank.
Been slicin hearts on the job for the past two weeks.
 
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toast1985 said:
RobTooFresco said:
From the intro of a new book I'm reading...

"The Stoic trains himself to swallow stones & worms, slivers of glass & scorpions w/o nausea: he wants his stomach to become ultimately indifferent to whatever accidents of existence might pour into it." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Click to expand...

So true. Sometimes you just have to show that you're just unphased by the comment, and keep it pushing. I deal with backhanded compliments or subtle aggressions at work everyone once in a while. As a Black man I have to really take it in stride, because if I react, I'm giving them life, or I'll intimidate the hell out of them.

Or you can be petty. I had this lady at my job (obese, of course), say "if your muscles get any bigger, you're going to have to buy bigger shirts." Not sure if she was being sincere or not, but I had to hit her with "it wouldn't be hard for me to lose weight if I choose to." She got the hint, my coworker of course looked at me like I was the petty one :smh:
Click to expand...

Maybe it's me but I would have taken that as a compliment
 
Sometimes you take the insult as a compliment, they hate that even more because they see that your jimmies weren't rustled.
 
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