When is it okay to finally turn your back on your family?

BaltimoreLove

BaltimoreLove

formerly peterjamesthe3rd
2,011
393
Joined
May 17, 2006
So the idea of mothers is idealized in our culture. We are taught out mothers do no wrong, we should love them, care for them and look out for them. But some mothers are genuinely bad, evil, and toxic people. I look back and I have a lot of good memories with my father (RIP) but with my mother almost all of my memories of her are bad. Constantly over reacting, putting me down, starting fights , taking advantage of. When is it okay to say enough is enough and cut even your mother off if she treats your poorly constantly.


EDIT so im finally leaving my moms crib, im moving to Baltimore to teach elementary special education.

We dont get paid over the summer and I need some help for living expenses

I set up a go fund me to help me..



if you could donate id appreicate it
 
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Whenever YOU feel like it.

I also hate the idea of, "Love your parents no matter what." Well, sometimes parents do some foul stuff that makes you never want to talk to them again.

If they bring you more pain than joy, you have every right to keep your distance. Family or not.

Going through the same stuff man
So I feel you
 
If it was anyone else, you would have cut them out of your life a long time ago

She's your mother, but that doesn't mean that she's a good person for you to keep in your life

Seems unhealthy
 
DCAllAmerican said:
Whenever YOU feel like it.

I also hate the idea of, "Love your parents no matter what." Well, sometimes parents do some foul stuff that makes you never want to talk to them again.

If they bring you more pain than joy, you have every right to keep your distance. Family or not.

Going through the same stuff man
So I feel you
Click to expand...

So we were redoing the bathroom and I ordered some paint online and she went crazy yelling at me, calling me and idiot because it took 4 days to get here from Benjamin Moore.And she didnt't even pay for it. I try and i try with her and all she does is put me down and start fights with me. It feels almost evil but i dont see any good qualities in her.
 
there is nuttin wrong with cutting off evil/fake people

just like anybody else in life, only diff is they share blood
 
PLVN said:
If it was anyone else, you would have cut them out of your life a long time ago

She's your mother, but that doesn't mean that she's a good person for you to keep in your life

Seems unhealthy
Click to expand...

Yeah if she wasnt my mother she would have been out my life 10 years ago max
 
I'm super close with my mom. But if it was the opposite I would keep my distance, keep my peace.

I cut all contact with my oldest brother bc he chose his wife completely over my brothers and I. We can't even go to his house and his wife put all this false stuff into my niece and nephew's head. I have 2 other nieces and a nephew that I haven't met bc he hasn't invited.
 
**** her man. Remove yourself away from her. Let her know how you feel, how she makes you feel and if nothing changes, get away from her
 
oxpenguin said:
I'm super close with my mom. But if it was the opposite I would keep my distance, keep my peace.

I cut all contact with my oldest brother bc he chose his wife completely over my brothers and I. We can't even go to his house and his wife put all this false stuff into my niece and nephew's head. I have 2 other nieces and a nephew that I haven't met bc he hasn't invited.
Click to expand...

sorry bro
 
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if you have done nothing wrong and they turn their back on you for whatever reason.
 
Keep her at a distance. Call once or twice a month to see if she needs anything or if she's doing ok. No convo, just check in. You don't have to get along with her but respecting her is commendable on your part. Conversation isn't even necessary.

She'll appreciate you when distance yourself. And you're 100% right. People picture all mothers as loving and understanding, but there are some devious, deceitful, conniving women out there that happen to have reproduced.
I'm assuming you don't live with her.
 
Most of its learned behavior. Removing yourself can bandaid the pain but it's always there.
Fixing yourself towards being more forgiving is an option. Sometimes people are not aware of the pain they inflict. Idk.. Keep ure head u OP
 
sooperhooper said:
Keep her at a distance. Call once or twice a month to see if she needs anything or if she's doing ok. No convo, just check in. You don't have to get along with her but respecting her is commendable on your part. Conversation isn't even necessary.

She'll appreciate you when distance yourself. And you're 100% right. People picture all mothers as loving and understanding, but there are some devious, deceitful, conniving women out there that happen to have reproduced.
I'm assuming you don't live with her.
Click to expand...

I actually do and i make very little money... im not opposed to leaving the state

currently on workmans comp cuz i tore my acl
 
PeterJamesThe3rd said:
So the idea of mothers is idealized in our culture. We are taught out mothers do no wrong, we should love them, care for them and look out for them. But some mothers are genuinely bad, evil, and toxic people. I look back and I have a lot of good memories with my father (RIP) but with my mother almost all of my memories of her are bad. Constantly over reacting, putting me down, starting fights , taking advantage of. When is it okay to say enough is enough and cut even your mother off if she treats your poorly constantly.
Click to expand...
Whenever you want, fam.

You choose how you live your life. You choose the decisions you make. You choose the people you surround yourself with.

Don't forget that.
 
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Do you live with her? I would try to move out and hope your relationship gets better. Some parents change when their kids leave. You prolly finessing the DVR storage.

Otherwise you need to have a sit down meeting with her and put all your cards on the table. If she is receptive then you stick it out. If not, there's no guilt on your hands and you go live your life without her.

I think what happens with big decisions like these is later on in life you may look back and second guess how unforgiving and impatient you were. Like maybe the relationship wasn't that bad to completely cut them off.That's why it's very important to express your feelings to the person. Hold nothing back and then the decision will be much easier whichever way it goes.

Good luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I admire your perserverance.
 
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I feel you op. Some days are like that but not all the time.
When that stuff happens you have to stay positive and keep your head up. It's easier said than done . You can't let anyone walk over you even blood. Stand up for yourself and speak your mind. Get yourself in a position to take care of yourself (after you heal up) . It won't happen over night. use that emotion to drive yourself to make a better life for yourself.
 
I feel you OP, this thread is very relevant to me. My mom's used me as the family scapegoat since I was a kid and has always put my brother ahead of me. The time she mocked me limping up the stairs just minutes after I tore my meniscus. 
mean.gif
 The time she called my dad melodramatic when he collapsed to the floor in tears upon hearing that his father passed away. 
mean.gif


Hang in there, I know how it is. Like others have said, keep your distance till you're well enough physically and financially to move out. You're obviously conscious of how a parent's actions or words can negatively affect a child so keep that in mind if you ever have kids and make sure the child's mother does as well. Sometimes abuse can be passed down the family tree so it's up to you to make sure it doesn't continue.
 
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DCAllAmerican said:
Whenever YOU feel like it.

I also hate the idea of, "Love your parents no matter what." Well, sometimes parents do some foul stuff that makes you never want to talk to them again.

If they bring you more pain than joy, you have every right to keep your distance. Family or not.

Going through the same stuff man
So I feel you
Click to expand...

What if the pain was unintentional?
 
Don't talk to my pops at all, it be like that sometimes
 
Haven't spoken to my Mother in 2 years. Probably more. By her choice. Many attempts made on my end to talk to her and move on, but to no avail. She chose her boyfriend over me. Kicked me out when I made $400 / month with no car and no place to go.

Have gone to counseling for how things ended. I needed an outside place to tell me for sure, based on FACTS of what happened, if I was at fault at all.. At the end of it, my counselor sort of shrugged and asked if I was telling her everything. I said yeah, and she was baffled.

I don't want her in my life. I don't want her in my future kids' life.

I learned that if it's not good, get out, man.. Blood doesn't make family to me. Being there and treating people like family makes family to me. If I only chose my family by my bloodline, I'd have a lot less "family".
 
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