Bruhs with kids in a different state. I need some testimonials. Come on in.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

Long story short, I've been offered an opportunity in AZ where my state income taxes would be cut to a third of what I currently pay and my cost of living would be half of what it is in San Diego. I can put more money away, eventually buy the type of home that I want and set my daughters up to have a better future (money for college, leave behind some real estate, etc.) but even with a 6 hour drive between us, it's a scary idea.

I'm not sure my relationship with my gf would survive the move as she has no plans of leaving California, but it's bigger than her and I'd just have to take the L.

On top of that, my girls are really close to my gf, so they'd be losing her and my weekly presence. They're getting closer to being teenagers, so I did the heavy lifting regarding their upbringing, but it's still tough imagining going from every week to me driving down every other week and doing summers and alternating holidays.

Is anyone in a similar situation? Thanks.

friscostylez · Nov 13, 2016

Salute famb

Nereyda Vuelve Por Dios · Nov 13, 2016

i aint in your situation but i will give you the perspective of your daughters, as i was a child whose parent worked 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week. Mom dukes never came to a game or any of my art showcases or plays or anything of accomplishment except graduation.

But i wouldnt change her for the world because she emphasized her hardships and her ambition to provide for me in the long run, by being a bit absent in the present.

She made it very clear that i wouldnt be able to have the things i had, opportunities to excel at, and attend an expensive private school from 6-12th grade, if she was taking time off work and not hustling.

Now, if you can relay that message plus make the effort(which im sure you will) and work it out with bm's on making it work no matter the struggle, then they will be fine if they are grounded bright girls.

But as you can see there are many caveats to your predicament.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

Yeah. I hear you man. I've had two talks with my girls in the last month introducing them to the idea and explaining my reasoning.

I think their biggest struggle would be losing my gf as they know I'm here for them. From Girl Scouts to basketball, violin recitals, etc., I've been very consistent with my presence, but now I'm faced with choosing presence or long term financial security and opportunity for them. Thanks for the perspective fam.

willie mcfly22 · Nov 13, 2016

If you have a strong support system in SAN Diego for your dasughter(BM, her parents, your parents, other family) jus to check on her Orr even spend a little time. The main thing tho would be ya BM...if she solid then I think it works out...you gotta do for you first, in order to take care of ya loved ones...

Nereyda Vuelve Por Dios · Nov 13, 2016

Brolic Scholar said:
Yeah. I hear you man. I've had two talks with my girls in the last month introducing them to the idea and explaining my reasoning.

I think their biggest struggle would be losing my gf as they know I'm here for them. From Girl Scouts to basketball, violin recitals, etc., I've been very consistent with my presence, but now I'm faced with choosing presence or long term financial security and opportunity for them. Thanks for the perspective fam.

glad i can be of help.

The gf part is pretty difficult because im sure she is a great influence on your daughters, but maybe if ya dont work out she can still be in there life somehow. Little girls need as many positive role models as possible especially after Tuesday.

They will be mad for a little and grow some sort of resentment for a bit but dont let them forget the ultimate goal and dont let them not feel your presence even if you are a million miles away. Stay up.

frshstunna · Nov 13, 2016

I'm in that boat , my daughter live in ATL...hard not seeing her whenever I want but I'm down there all the time, FaceTime everyday n she be coming up here in the summers round her bday since she still young

If it's a real change in money n your kids will be taken care off while you away then I say go for it ....stack that bread and a six hour drive you can make that trip a good amount of times

Nawzlew · Nov 13, 2016

Can't offer any advice, but whatever decision you make, best of luck to you.

I'm sure you'll make a decision that's best for you and your family.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

frshstunna said:
I'm in that boat , my daughter live in ATL...hard not seeing her whenever I want but I'm down there all the time, FaceTime everyday n she be coming up here in the summers round her bday since she still young

If it's a real change in money n your kids will be taken care off while you away then I say go for it ....stack that bread and a six hour drive you can make that trip a good amount of times

Thanks fam. I'm def gonna be facetiming a few times a week.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

rock steady22 said:
If you have a strong support system in SAN Diego for your dasughter(BM, her parents, your parents, other family) jus to check on her Orr even spend a little time. The main thing tho would be ya BM...if she solid then I think it works out...you gotta do for you first, in order to take care of ya loved ones...

Good lookin out. Really appreciate everyone replying.

heliumclinton · Nov 13, 2016

You just have to understand whatever decision you make will effect them in the future no matter what.

If you know for sure this move will set you and your daughters up for life, go for it.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

True. I know it'll be rough at first, but the long run is what I'm looking at. Both my parents worked long hours, but it payed off.

$tatus $ymbol · Nov 13, 2016

Got no advice but Brolic peace to you & your lil ones. I know from your posts how much you care about those girls but sometimes as men we gotta do what's for the greater good. Best wishes fam.

frshstunna · Nov 13, 2016

Brolic Scholar said:
True. I know it'll be rough at first, but the long run is what I'm looking at. Both my parents worked long hours, but it payed off.

Go for it mane, u got this ...u a real one so u know this all about the money n the long run ....good luck my guy :pimp:

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

gamble said:
Got no advice but Brolic peace to you & your lil ones. I know from your posts how much you care about those girls but sometimes as men we gotta do what's for the greater good. Best wishes fam.

Yeah man. Protect and provide.

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

frshstunna said:
Go for it mane, u got this ...u a real one so u know this all about the money n the long run ....good luck my guy

Thanks fam.

krazy · Nov 13, 2016

I have not been in your shoes but I know someone who did something similar.

My sis had a kid young with her man. He worked for insurance and had an opportunity to move to AZ for six figures. He stayed there alone for a couple years and they eventually went over, stayed for about 10 years. They're back in Cali now and pretty stable. The long run was worth the investment and distance did not make our family grow apart nor meant anything to us

As long as there is an understanding, for the security of your daughters' future, and also somehow having your gf still spend time with them while you're away, I'm sure it'll work out some how. Good luck bro

wayniac211 · Nov 13, 2016

Famb... SD county is the best county imo in the US..
lived in PHX for 9 years and your gon hate it :lol:

Sir San Diego · Nov 13, 2016

Wayniac211 said:
Famb... SD county is the best county imo in the US..
lived in PHX for 9 years and your gon hate it

But bruh, the cost of living here is ridic. $2100 for a two bed/bath??? Taxes out here are no joke. Mannnnn...

Los Angeles · Nov 13, 2016

do not do it fam, that arizona sun is gonna suck the life outta you.

jape · Nov 14, 2016

so what happens if you stay in SD then you and your girl end up not working out...

Sir San Diego · Nov 14, 2016

I wouldn't stay for that reason. I have kids. She knows they come first. The move is about their future primarily. I'm not romanticizing AZ.

My real concern is how the distance will effect my relationship with my daughters. I told them it's possible that it would be the end of my relationship with my gf. They were upset, but understood.

wayniac211 · Nov 14, 2016

Brolic Scholar said:
But bruh, the cost of living here is ridic. $2100 for a two bed/bath??? Taxes out here are no joke. Mannnnn...

life choices are a mutha yo.....
was making pretty good $ out there in PHX with a big *** house for the longest. Moved back to CA last year and it's been a struggle cause of cost of living and work. Got people I know closely looking at me like this cat fell off.
But my fam is still together and we've been closer then ever even through the struggle. Took me a yr and a half to find a good gig that pays and gives me space to improve my craft. Money will come and go. But family is forever. Especially if your on top of the pyramid.

Sir San Diego · Nov 14, 2016

Wayniac211 said:
life choices are a mutha yo.....
was making pretty good $ out there in PHX with a big *** house for the longest. Moved back to CA last year and it's been a struggle cause of cost of living and work. Got people I know closely looking at me like this cat fell off.
But my fam is still together and we've been closer then ever even through the struggle. Took me a yr and a half to find a good gig that pays and gives me space to improve my craft. Money will come and go. But family is forever. Especially if your on top of the pyramid.

You're still with your wife and hats off to that. Unfortunately, I share custody, so here or there, I still split time. It would just take more effort if I move, which I don't mind.

But you just highlighted what I'm talking about. The cost of living here is dumb.

FThe45th · Nov 14, 2016

Yea I'm a contractor and the older dudes try to stay close to where they live, maybe 6 hours away, do they go back on weekends. Younger contractors with babies is usually like being far cause they can wyl out and visit on weekends. Mostly cause the kid won't remember the lack of their presence. But all in all they miss them so I've seen that grind.

Bruhs with kids in a different state. I need some testimonials. Come on in.

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