best of the best jokes

479
13
Joined Sep 2, 2000
^^^ I am not going to quote that joke but when I saw it was so long I knew it was going to be one of those jokes with a pointless ending. I love telling thosejokes...
 
4,747
34
Joined May 30, 2009
black man...white man....asian man joke

so there were 3 guys black man, white man, asian man.....they went on a camping trip
they had 3 pies.....lemon pie, cherry pie, and chocolate pie
the 3 men ate the cherry and lemon pie
after they ate, all of hem went to sleep except for the black man
he was still hungry....so he took the chocolate pie and ate it
to keep the other guys from knowing.....the back guy took a dump in the pie mold
later he went to sleep
the next morning he saw the white man, and asian man eating the pie
they ask did he want any

the black guy replied naw...I'm good yall full of !%#*
 
17,415
2,478
Joined Mar 14, 2006
Originally Posted by St0mpEr LtD

COT DAMN! I DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO READ IT BUT I LOL'd WHEN I SAW HOW LONG IT WAS
I have a feelin that was the joke cause I lol'ed too
 
2,371
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Joined Nov 6, 2007
i cant believe i sat here and read that long **# "joke" lol!!! hey killed time at work lol
 

de phx jose

Banned
1,997
11
Joined Feb 1, 2009
Originally Posted by pip777

Originally Posted by soltheman

Why don't you buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove.

A man driving a car hits a woman, who gets in his way. Who's fault is it? The mans, for driving in the kitchen.

Wanna hear a joke? Women's suffrage.
Wow. The first made me
I remember hearing that on ESPN
and i was rollin'
 
907
10
Joined Mar 14, 2009
My favorite one liners:

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.
 
1,763
10
Joined Dec 31, 2008
Originally Posted by domdiddydoo

ill start.
a boy walks in on his parents having sex.
the boy asks "What are you guys doing?"
the dad replies, "Were making you a brother or sister!"
the boy then says "Can you do her doggy style, because i wanna puppy."
 
12,709
4,346
Joined Jun 23, 2007
- What do you get when you cross a bowling ball with Magic Johnson?
Rolaids.

- What do you get when you cross a beach with a waffle?
San Diego.
 
4,422
857
Joined Mar 26, 2009
Originally Posted by djaward

So paris hilton was in her garage trying to fix her car. She calls to Sarah Palin to come help. Paris says "LET ME KNOW IF MY BLINKERS ARE WORKING:. She turns them on and asks are they working? PALIN RESPONDS WITH
YES
NO
YES
NO.
i knew the joke and still
 

kdawg

Staff member
7,608
5,814
Joined Jun 25, 2003
A man is driving down a country road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, show him to a room, and even fixes his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound, a sound not like anything he's ever heard before.

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure outwhat could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you.You're not a Monk."

Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answeragain.

The Monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."

The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk."

The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find theanswer to these questions, you will have become a Monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A Monk answers. He is takenbefore a gathering of all the Monks.

"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state ofperpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away selfdeception."

The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." !

The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says,
"The sound is beyond that door."

The Monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and heopens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made ofsolid gold. The sound has now become very clear and definite.

The Monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the sourceof that haunting and seductive sound.....

But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.
 
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