best of the best jokes

Originally Posted by The Great Hibachi

Originally Posted by razzle dazzle

you so stupid you tried drowning a fish
you so stupid you tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff
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Originally Posted by tee eye ehm


NEWS REPORT: 3 Brazilian children were killed in a burning building.

GEORGE BUSH: Oh my LORD!! How many is a brazilian?!

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This one had me dyin'
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I'll try one out for ya'll:

A man heads off to the bar after work on Friday with his pet giraffe. The two of them do shot after shot after shot. After they pay their tab, they both aretrying to stumble out the bar, the giraffe falls to the ground. The man looks back at the giraffe on the floor and figures that he can make it home by himself,so he takes off. The bartender yells at the man, "Hey dude, you can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies, "It's not a lion,it's a giraffe!"
 
an engineer shows up to work with a new bike. anothee engineer asks "where did you get that?". he responds "it's a funny story. i waswalking to work and a girl stops in front of me on a bike. she takes all her clothes off and stands beside the bike and asks me 'pick what youwant'." the other engineer replies "good call. the clothes would have never fit you."
 
what does hellen kellers room look like? ..... she dosent know either

how do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle? ......... nail it's other hand to the floor
 
Originally Posted by eeBS7eez

an engineer shows up to work with a new bike. anothee engineer asks "where did you get that?". he responds "it's a funny story. i was walking to work and a girl stops in front of me on a bike. she takes all her clothes off and stands beside the bike and asks me 'pick what you want'." the other engineer replies "good call. the clothes would have never fit you."
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That is a smart people joke. On the other hand
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you notbeing here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, noother excuses whatsoever!" A smart %%+ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was sufferingfrom complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowinglyat the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
 
Originally Posted by smoothrick007

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart %%+ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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Originally Posted by RiKaN HaVoK

Two IT guys were talking in a bar after work. "Guess what,"
says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous
blonde in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of
drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me
to take all her clothes off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her
on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop?"
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Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead.

Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was stapled to the koala.

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Originally Posted by theDEEK

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead.

Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was stapled to the koala.

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Originally Posted by theDEEK

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead.

Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
because it was stapled to the koala.

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Originally Posted by CROSSISOM

Originally Posted by Ripfan8I6

Three guys are hanging outside of a brothel, the first goes in and comes out 5 minutes later with a large smile and says, "I gave her $10 and she put 2 pineapple rings on my $%** and ate them off." The second guys goes in and comes back with a smile on his face and says, "I gave her $15 and she put 4 pineapple rings on my $%** and ate them off." The last guy goes in and come out with a frown on his face and said, "I gave her $20 and she put 6 pineapple rings on my $%**, a handful of crushed nuts, a sugar wafer, hot chocolate sauce, and topped off with a beautiful red cherry." Guy 2 says, " So what's the problem?" and he answered, "At first it was great but it looked so good I ate it myself"
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Originally Posted by jw air

Originally Posted by FRANCHISE 55


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i dont get it
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Pretty sure he's comparing salaries.

Brad Lidge's

[table][tr][td]Year-By-Year Salary[/td] [/tr][tr][td]Contract Year[/td] [td]Salary[/td] [td]Contract Year[/td] [td]Salary[/td] [/tr][tr][td]2003[/td] [td]$300,000[/td] [td]2004[/td] [td]$360,000[/td] [/tr][tr][td]2005[/td] [td]$500,000[/td] [td]2006[/td] [td]$3,975,000[/td] [/tr][tr][td]2007[/td] [td]$5,350,000[/td] [td]2008[/td] [td]$6,350,000[/td] [/tr][tr][td]2009[/td] [td]$12,000,000[/td] [/tr][/table]

His

8.00 an hour
 
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