Dilemma..vol. Adoption

[thytkerjobs]

Ok NT I have a dilemma.

My parents are seriously considering adopting a child from Haiti. I think it's awesome and I know they could change a child's life and I love them forbeing the selfless, giving people that they are. My initial reaction was YES, OF COURSE!

But now I'm sitting here thinking of all the pros and cons, and I am honestly torn. I feel horrible for even being torn, because this is a homeless,parent-less child.
My main concerns are:
1) Money. They're not poor, but they're not rich. I don't want my parents struggling, and I know a child would put them in a tight situation. Iwant them to live comfortably and not have to worry about money.
2) They are almost 50. That's no age to bring in a young child, IMO. They should be thinking about retirement and such, not about starting the parenthoodcycle over again, right?

ahhh this is hard. Am I just being selfish? What are your thoughts, NT?

 

[cronicmolemolereturns]

I'm sure they have thought about all those issues you have listed..and still decided to adopt the child... you have listed all their reasons for notwanting it but is it possible that you have some reasons for yourself for not wanting another sibling? love lost etc?

 

[thytkerjobs]

Originally Posted by Cronicmolemolereturns

I'm sure they have thought about all those issues you have listed..and still decided to adopt the child... you have listed all their reasons for not wanting it but is it possible that you have some reasons for yourself for not wanting another sibling? love lost etc?

That's what my mom says. I'm an only child, so its very possible. I've never had to share them before. I know I'd fall in love with thepotential kid, though. I always wanted a brother growing up.

They said the money thing would be the hardest part but that they'd rather struggle and know that they're helping a kid who has nothing. I justdon't want to imagine them struggling at all, breaks my heart.

 

[thebachellor]

I never understand why people thing it's selfish if you don't want to adopt. Should you feel sorry for everyone less fortunate thanyou? That's a ridiculous sentiment and my fam is far from rich. I don't ask for anybody to feel sorry for me... I don't wantpeople to feel sorry for me; i'm sure a lot of the people over there feel the same way.

You don't have to feel bad about the way you feel.

edit:

Also, why does it take a tragedy for people to want to commit acts of charity like this? No knocks against your parents; but I think they need to think aboutthis when the coverage over the situation there dies down. The homeless and poor children will still be there after (and were there before the earthquake, mindyou). Something tells me this decision is more emotionally-driven than logically.

There are plenty of ways to help without putting (that much) hardship on yourself and those close to you.
.

 

[i drink your milkshake]

Originally Posted by thytkerjobs

Ok NT I have a dilemma.

My parents are seriously considering adopting a child from Haiti. I think it's awesome and I know they could change a child's life and I love them for being the selfless, giving people that they are. My initial reaction was YES, OF COURSE!

But now I'm sitting here thinking of all the pros and cons, and I am honestly torn. I feel horrible for even being torn, because this is a homeless, parent-less child.
My main concerns are:
1) Money. They're not poor, but they're not rich. I don't want my parents struggling, and I know a child would put them in a tight situation. I want them to live comfortably and not have to worry about money.
2) They are almost 50. That's no age to bring in a young child, IMO. They should be thinking about retirement and such, not about starting the parenthood cycle over again, right?

ahhh this is hard. Am I just being selfish? What are your thoughts, NT?

my parents are in there 50s raising my nephew and it kills me that they have to...

little things like playing with him, going to bday parties, dressing him, making sure he goes to the right schools, teacher conferences, after schoolactivities, being a chaffuer, etc. is ALOT and takes a toll. If they have help, then yes...and I mean like aunts, uncles who can be around to make sure thekid gets out and does "little kid" things. I play a very intracate roll in my nephews life and if they adopt, you would have to as well. If theywanna help out, they're going to help out. It's admirable, but I wouldn't want my parents to do it, mainly because of age.

My nephew is blood though, so wasn't no way we was letting him get caught up in the system

 

[moonmaster3]

Sounds like your parents are basing this off emotions rather than being pragmatic. Give them a few weeks and they will probably change their mind.

 

[kicktionair]

Your parents might be the ultimate hypebeasts

 

[coolnificent]

Why not a kid from the US? Yea I went there

 

[thytkerjobs]

Originally Posted by I Drink Your Milkshake


my parents are in there 50s raising my nephew and it kills me that they have to...

little things like playing with him, going to bday parties, dressing him, making sure he goes to the right schools, teacher conferences, after school activities, being a chaffuer, etc. is ALOT and takes a toll. If they have help, then yes...and I mean like aunts, uncles who can be around to make sure the kid gets out and does "little kid" things. I play a very intracate roll in my nephews life and if they adopt, you would have to as well. If they wanna help out, they're going to help out. It's admirable, but I wouldn't want my parents to do it, mainly because of age.

My nephew is blood though, so wasn't no way we was letting him get caught up in the system

my entire family lives in jamaica, and I live 8 hours from my parents. So it would be all on them to raise the child. If my family all lived hereI'd definitely be more for it. I didn't even think that deep into it in terms of after school activities, parent/teacher stuff, etc.

TheBachellor- You're right. I guess it's ok to feel like this.

 

[mangudai954]

Originally Posted by COOLnificent

Why not a kid from the US? Yea I went there

lol

 

[soltheman]

Originally Posted by Kicktionair

Your parents might be the ultimate hypebeasts

But honestly, it might take a huge toll on them, especially because of their age.

They are much older and wiser than I, though. So I'm sure they've (or they will, once they look into it further) weighed the pros and cons of raising achild at their age. If they think they can do it and go ahead with it, I'm sure they'll find a way to make it work.

 

[mytmouse76]

It seems the emotions from watching tv are getting to them. Only reason I saw that is cuz of their age. They should probably wait until coverage dies down tosee if that's what they really want to do. If they do still move forward more power to them. I def plan to adopt when I start a family.

 

[thytkerjobs]

COOLnificent wrote:

---

Why not a kid from the US? Yea I went there

Well for one, they'd probably adopt a kid from Jamaica before adopting a kid from the US.

But it's actually a good question, and I did ask them this. The main reason is because I guess the are expediting the adoption process and their church isgoing to bring a lot of kids over who need immediate homes. I know the fact that it has to do with their church asking for help is a big factor for my mom.

(please spare me the religious/atheist battle in this thread)

 

[thytkerjobs]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

It seems the emotions from watching tv are getting to them. Only reason I saw that is cuz of their age. They should probably wait until coverage dies down to see if that's what they really want to do. If they do still move forward more power to them. I def plan to adopt when I start a family.

I would think that it was all because of the media coverage, but honestly they talked about adoption before when I was growing up. Just never this seriously.

 

[dman14]

had your parents ever thought about adopting in the past?

 

[sonunox34]

I think it would be too much. If the kid was a baby, he'd be graduating from high school when they are in their mid-late 60's. No way.

Originally Posted by soltheman

Originally Posted by Kicktionair

Your parents might be the ultimate hypebeasts

I lol'd

 

[sundoobie]

Not that easy to adopt kids especially from another country. Legal process. Dealing with adoption agency who determines whether you're financially stable,healthy and young enough to adopt. Court fees, attorney costs, all adds up and this is before you adopt. Then you have to deal with the length of the adoptionprocess. It's tough so I wouldn't worry about it much because most parents don't want to deal with all this.

 

[i drink your milkshake]

Originally Posted by thytkerjobs

Originally Posted by I Drink Your Milkshake


my parents are in there 50s raising my nephew and it kills me that they have to...

little things like playing with him, going to bday parties, dressing him, making sure he goes to the right schools, teacher conferences, after school activities, being a chaffuer, etc. is ALOT and takes a toll. If they have help, then yes...and I mean like aunts, uncles who can be around to make sure the kid gets out and does "little kid" things. I play a very intracate roll in my nephews life and if they adopt, you would have to as well. If they wanna help out, they're going to help out. It's admirable, but I wouldn't want my parents to do it, mainly because of age.

My nephew is blood though, so wasn't no way we was letting him get caught up in the system

my entire family lives in jamaica, and I live 8 hours from my parents. So it would be all on them to raise the child. If my family all lived here I'd definitely be more for it. I didn't even think that deep into it in terms of after school activities, parent/teacher stuff, etc.

yea...I mean, that's what we going through now. When my mom told me she was taking care of him, I moved down to dallas to be close to them. Truth be told, I had my sights on either staying in DC with my friends of moving to NY...but family comes first, you know? Now that I'm here, I see NO WAYcould they have done this without me, and I wouldn't want them to. Right now our issue is he is getting older and should play with other kids. I say heshould do this and that but I mean, who gonna take him? My mom and stepdad is BOTH in mid to late 50s...they don't want a bunch of kids in their house. SoI know that'll prolly be on auntie to drop him off and host "playdates" I was the one who had to teach him how to catch and what not. I knoweventually I will have to take on full custody though, and that's something I am ok with and look forward to.

I don't know, I honestly wouldn't advise your parents to do it

There are PLENTY of ways they can help out though and not feel bad.

 

[marionthebarberian]

just make sure the kid picks up soccer.

 

[visualmusic]

Originally Posted by Kicktionair

Your parents might be the ultimate hypebeasts

That's soo funny.

But as for the topic, I agree with moonmaster. They're thinking with their emotions. Hopefully, after thinking it through they'll have a differentopinion. Have you tried speaking to them?

 

[thytkerjobs]

Originally Posted by DMan14

had your parents ever thought about adopting in the past?

yea but they never did much follow up.


IDYM- wow well i tip my hat to you. i know at the end of the day if they go through with this ill have to rearrange some things to help. I hope they don'tthough

 

[phil le0tard0]

wow my parents just said they're rconsidering about adopting one too

I dont know how I feel about this

hope the baby's not ugly

 

[cronicmolemolereturns]

Originally Posted by Kicktionair

Your parents might be the ultimate hypebeasts

 

[38816]

a.) rasing a haitain orphan wouldn't HAVE to be expensive, think about it, they're from haiti.

b.) my pops was 60 when I was born....so being 50 isn't that old.

p.s., you sure your opinion in the matter has nothing to do with you?