How do you deflect backhanded superiority comments as an adult?

[HIM]

I hve a coworker who does similar things. I could tell her any story and she will harp on a minute detail and judge the hell out of it. I finally had to put the verbal pws on her one day.


She had a baby three days apart from my closest friend's wife. Both babies turned one last October so we were sharing our stories (we were both at disneyland for the babies' bdays). I told her how my friend dressed his daughter as her favorite disney princess and I showed her an instagram pic my friend posted. This woman starts talking about how if she had a daughter she would never have her walking around in public in a skirt because you're just asking for her to get molested


This woman's boyfriend left her like 6 months after the baby is born and she's now a single mother. So finally she got me angry enough where I just said "yea, but she has a dad in her life to protect her from things like that" and continued with my day.

 

[tomdiginson]

I


This woman's boyfriend left her like 6 months after the baby is born and she's now a single mother. So finally she got me angry enough where I just said "yea, but she has a dad in her life to protect her from things like that" and continued with my day.

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LMMMAAAOOOOOOO SAVAGE

 

[richiecotite]

A really good friend? Tell them that's a dickhead thing to say

Work? Hit em with that stoneface.

 

[richiecotite]

I hve a coworker who does similar things. I could tell her any story and she will harp on a minute detail and judge the hell out of it. I finally had to put the verbal pws on her one day.


She had a baby three days apart from my closest friend's wife. Both babies turned one last October so we were sharing our stories (we were both at disneyland for the babies' bdays). I told her how my friend dressed his daughter as her favorite disney princess and I showed her an instagram pic my friend posted. This woman starts talking about how if she had a daughter she would never have her walking around in public in a skirt because you're just asking for her to get molested


This woman's boyfriend left her like 6 months after the baby is born and she's now a single mother. So finally she got me angry enough where I just said "yea, but she has a dad in her life to protect her from things like that" and continued with my day.

That is, quite literally, the most perfect response to that situation.

 

[jape]

I hve a coworker who does similar things. I could tell her any story and she will harp on a minute detail and judge the hell out of it. I finally had to put the verbal pws on her one day.


She had a baby three days apart from my closest friend's wife. Both babies turned one last October so we were sharing our stories (we were both at disneyland for the babies' bdays). I told her how my friend dressed his daughter as her favorite disney princess and I showed her an instagram pic my friend posted. This woman starts talking about how if she had a daughter she would never have her walking around in public in a skirt because you're just asking for her to get molested

This woman's boyfriend left her like 6 months after the baby is born and she's now a single mother. So finally she got me angry enough where I just said "yea, but she has a dad in her life to protect her from things like that" and continued with my day.

you win. lmao

 

[Peep Game]

 

[dathbgboy]

Just let the shots off my goodness

 

[robtoofresco]

Dvhddvdssggssggs

What was her reaction?

 

[Sir San Diego]

I figured something out as a teenager about annoying people. They're insecure. If you find what they're insecure about and comment on it, they usually get furious. You don't even have to insult them, just notice it out loud.

"You gained some weight, huh?"
"Your hair is thinning, huh?"
"Your teeth are really crooked, huh?"
"You really like that shirt, huh?"

Or you take the extremely passive aggressive route and make up something they did and keep repeating it to them when you see them like the only two people who know about are you and that person.

Example:

"Hey. Remember that time you told me you really like ______. I don't know if you were serious, but I keep thinking about it. You're a funny dude."

Them: *confused* I think you have me confused with someone else.

You: Noooo. Come on fam, it's all good. I'm not gonna tell anyone.


And repeat daily, hourly, enough to annoy them until they lose their cool. Act surprised. You win.

 

[dopeness]

I figured something out as a teenager about annoying people. They're insecure. If you find what they're insecure about and comment on it, they usually get furious. You don't even have to insult them, just notice it out loud.

"You gained some weight, huh?"
"Your hair is thinning, huh?"
"Your teeth are really crooked, huh?"
"You really like that shirt, huh?"

Or you take the extremely passive aggressive route and make up something they did and keep repeating it to them when you see them like the only two people who know about are you and that person.

Example:

"Hey. Remember that time you told me you really like ______. I don't know if you were serious, but I keep thinking about it. You're a funny dude."

Them: *confused* I think you have me confused with someone else.

You: Noooo. Come on fam, it's all good. I'm not gonna tell anyone.


And repeat daily, hourly, enough to annoy them until they lose their cool. Act surprised. You win.

You don't feel like this is childish? Or somehow makes you shallow?

 

[mplsdunk]

My friends don't do that to each other.

If it's just a co worker or something yeah I'll just ether them. I have no problem letting people know I'm not cool with them. That's why I don't have fake friends.

 

[Sir San Diego]

You don't feel like this is childish? Or somehow makes you shallow?

As an adult I don't have these kinds of problems. These were teenage tactics. I wouldn't even have a "friend" like OP described around me.

And at work, no one is gonna backhand compliment me. I don't blur the line between personal and professional for starters and I don't give the vibe off that it's ok to go there with me. I set the tone early for none of that to be had.

 

[$tatus $ymbol]

The thing that gets me is ppl have no idea what you're capable of. Some ppl aren't gonna verbally spank you, say the wrong thing to the wrong person on the wrong day & it might be your last day period. I always shake my head at the things ppl let come out of their mouths without any thoughts about repercussions.

 

[dopeness]

My friends don't do that to each other.

If it's just a co worker or something yeah I'll just ether them. I have no problem letting people know I'm not cool with them. That's why I don't have fake friends.

THIS...

I know I've always been a jokester with friends and family. I have one younger homie, we're like fam, especially after his big cousin (my original homie) went to prison. I used to pick him up from high school because I'm a few years older than him, drove him to his first day of college. He's like my little brother or cousin, even though we always cracked jokes with one another, I always told him the real too.

There's a difference between tough love and sniping someone...fake people usually have to talk down on people as a coping mechanism to deal with their own failures.


I don't have any failures in my circle...and if there's family that does this without positive intentions, they get the curve.

 

[cashbanks]

As an adult I don't have these kinds of problems. These were teenage tactics. I wouldn't even have a "friend" like OP described around me.

And at work, no one is gonna backhand compliment me. I don't blur the line between personal and professional for starters and I don't give the vibe off that it's ok to go there with me. I set the tone early for none of that to be had.

You have to set the tone in the workplace off the rip, you avoid so much nonsense.

 

[robtoofresco]

The thing that gets me is ppl have no idea what you're capable of. Some ppl aren't gonna verbally spank you, say the wrong thing to the wrong person on the wrong day & it might be your last day period. I always shake my head at the things ppl let come out of their mouths without any thoughts about repercussions.

Yup, that's why I live by the mantra of "the less you say, the less chance of you saying something stupid."

 

[mplsdunk]

Yeah I mean I'll play with my boys and joke. But never mean anything mean or backhanded.

And as far as work goes or any other place you aren't disrespecting me point blank. I will not take it and that's just how I carry myself. I'll make you stand down real quick. Honestly no one even goes there with me. People can see who they can and can't talk slick to just like brolic scholar said. Set that tone and no one is going to try it. I also don't talk slick to people therefore I will never take it.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Does he do this stuff in front of girls?

 

[art vandelay]

I had to snipe my wife once, I didn't feel good about it afterwards, but at the time what she said was random and offensive at the same time, and after she said it I was like if I don't say something, she'll think that this is acceptable, not proud of it, and she was mad, but she got over it and it was never a problem again. Sometimes you just have to say something then to prevent further infractions in the future.

 

[friscostylez]

Just wio thatll show him

 

[moderndarwin]

No, he just is clueless. He doesn't know where the line is. And he is in sales...so he hangs out at work with a bunch of people that cross the line constantly to each other - that frat mentality.

Yeah, he is a good guy deep inside....does stuff for family, tries to keep our circle of friends together, always there if you need something but the past few years he's become so money focused that he is constantly judging stuff by it's monetary/keeping up with the Jones' mentality.

I'll have to talk to him about it. This happened before in high school too...had to give em the 5 minute you are out of line talk. It's just really annoying have to deal with this sort of stuff as an adult. The only part that actually gets to me is that he didn't really understand not to open his mouth about my relationship. It's a difficult situation (my parents don't like her/different ethnicity, she lives in another country, we're legally married (for visa reasons) and he was talking about it in front of other people.

Well, the weekend is here. Time to adult.

 

[harlemtothebronx]

I had to snipe my wife once, I didn't feel good about it afterwards, but at the time what she said was random and offensive at the same time, and after she said it I was like if I don't say something, she'll think that this is acceptable, not proud of it, and she was mad, but she got over it and it was never a problem again. Sometimes you just have to say something then to prevent further infractions in the future.

That's my number one rule.

I can't let it go, because that sets a precedent. I've always tried to nip things in the bud with people as early as possible. That way we can move on respectfully and not have any issues in the future.

Letting things go isn't always the best course of action. Especially with people you deal with regularly.

 

[spiceman80]

One of my really good friends has a habit of making those imbetterthanyou comments. When I was younger it'd basically be an invitation to start smack talking back and forth. As an adult, I'm not really interested in it anymore...especially when in public...its immature. What is a good way to deflect those sort of comments?

Examples
1. Recently bought a new (used car). It's a normal, usable nice looking car. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. He gets in and says, "your door handles suck at opening." In the past this would of started 20 mins of smack talk.

2. Me, him and another friend were reminiscing and we were talking about our parents plans etc and the old, small apartment I grew up in comes up. He says, "that place was such a (edited for methodical), your rents must of saved so much not buying a house."

Tldr; how do u deflect instigators without smack talking back?

By stop calling them my friend...If you talking about coworkers, strangers just ignore it. Not worth spazzing off of dumb ****.

 

[dathbgboy]

I figured something out as a teenager about annoying people. They're insecure. If you find what they're insecure about and comment on it, they usually get furious. You don't even have to insult them, just notice it out loud.

"You gained some weight, huh?"
"Your hair is thinning, huh?"
"Your teeth are really crooked, huh?"
"You really like that shirt, huh?"

Is it wrong that I read this in Juvenile's voice?

 

[Sir San Diego]

No because I wrote it thinking of Juvie. That's about the time I would've been saying stuff like that... When that song was out.