How to deal with a father addicted to Alcohol?

still1rise

still1rise

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My pops has been drinking for years, and his body is really dependant on alcohol/cigarettes. Its a shame. I have nothing against either, but he has bad mood swings if not drunk/buzzin. My mom just accepts or tries to ignore it, but it flat out bothers me. I have my days were I care and other times I'm like
indifferent.gif
toward my pops.

Basically:
-Denies or gets mad if you tell him he needs help.
-Drinks and Drives
-Always borrows or takes $ from my mom or me for his fix.

tired.gif
 
It is sad. My pops is borderline that way as well. Wakes up to some Gin at 8 in the morning. If it is liquor in his house he will drink it no matter what. Maybe he is depressed as well. Whenever I go visit duke he always wants to have a drink. He can support his habit that is the bad thing. If intervention didn't work then something tragic is going to have to happen for him to wake up.
 
Try to find the reason for his alcoholism. It's most likely depression, but it can really stem from just about anything.

Don't trust him until he proves that he's trustworthy. This means when he asks your mother for money, tell him that he can't use it for alcohol. If he does, don't let him have money anymore. Avoid arguing with him. If he tries to argue his case about getting money, just say that he used his money for alcohol, and he can't be depended on until his actions show that he should be.

Once he's been somewhat sober for a little while, try talking to him. You probably won't convince him to stop completely in one sitting, but just let your feelings be known. Maybe you can encourage less drinking, which is tremendous progress if it's been like this for years.

Then try to get him professional help.
 
My father had a problem with alcohol while i was in middle school,  My mom stopped ignoring it and their were some arguments. After a while it was like he was dead to me but then he finally got help and went to two rehab centers and went to AA meetings and he got better by the time i got to high school, their been many situation's where theirs alcohol around him but he wont touch it, now he likes to eat a lot of sweets like cake and ice cream and stuff.

I still get mad about it when i think about it,  but I understand he had to be really strong to actually quit the drinking.
 
What about your extended family, his siblings, are they willing to help you? Reach out to someone because really this shouldn't all be on you. Its got to hurt to see your pops like that and with your mom just accepting it at this point, it certainly isnt helping matters. Have you spoken to her and told her how you felt?
 
i dealt with this with my dad, but his thing was cocaine. one day i got so fed up seeing him that way and we wound u having a serious knock down drag out fist fight.

i didn't speak to him for years and we live in the same building. finally after years of me just walking past him and ignoring him he woke up and stopped doing coke cold turkey. sucks that we lost all those years ( 4 in all ) but to me it had to be done to show him how i really felt. today he's been clean 2 years and we ain't never been closer .......



good luck with your situation ..........
 
Originally Posted by onewearz

i dealt with this with my dad, but his thing was cocaine. one day i got so fed up seeing him that way and we wound u having a serious knock down drag out fist fight.

i didn't speak to him for years and we live in the same building. finally after years of me just walking past him and ignoring him he woke up and stopped doing coke cold turkey. sucks that we lost all those years ( 4 in all ) but to me it had to be done to show him how i really felt. today he's been clean 2 years and we ain't never been closer .......



good luck with your situation ..........
Click to expand...
this....im sure u love him and all, after all he is your father...but u gotta be the dad in this situation, dont talk to him or acknowledge him, hes gotta hit bottom and realize whats most important...my dad was a degenerate gambler and still is, he still owes me upwards of $6K but i stopped talking to him and basically disowned him as my pops and only then did he finally get it together

good luck brother, stay up itll work out
 
Originally Posted by onewearz

i dealt with this with my dad, but his thing was cocaine. one day i got so fed up seeing him that way and we wound u having a serious knock down drag out fist fight.

i didn't speak to him for years and we live in the same building. finally after years of me just walking past him and ignoring him he woke up and stopped doing coke cold turkey. sucks that we lost all those years ( 4 in all ) but to me it had to be done to show him how i really felt. today he's been clean 2 years and we ain't never been closer .......



good luck with your situation ..........
Click to expand...
and the op thought his dad had a problem
 
Originally Posted by bud dink

Originally Posted by onewearz

i dealt with this with my dad, but his thing was cocaine. one day i got so fed up seeing him that way and we wound u having a serious knock down drag out fist fight.

i didn't speak to him for years and we live in the same building. finally after years of me just walking past him and ignoring him he woke up and stopped doing coke cold turkey. sucks that we lost all those years ( 4 in all ) but to me it had to be done to show him how i really felt. today he's been clean 2 years and we ain't never been closer .......



good luck with your situation ..........
Click to expand...
and the op thought his dad had a problem
Click to expand...


And he is right. Both scenarios are serious, and aren't all that different.

I'd try an intervention, talk to others around him about it who may not be in-the-know, such as siblings. Confront him. Although it is painful for you to watch and embarrassing to talk about, he is the one most embarrassed, and he is the one battling. Open up to him, and maybe that can open him up.
 
My mom and I both expressed how we felt but it helps for a few days then back to normal. My mom always threatens with a divorce, but they been together so long I think she is just scared to be alone.

He is depressed because of his job and because his mom just passed away in Jan., but even before that he was still the same way. Sometimes I really think he is depressed cause he settled for an average life. He used to be a football jock in HS/College but after that he fell off. 

Also my pops has only 1/4 siblings left, but he has schizophrenia and is addicted to the same $!%*.
grin.gif
 
Originally Posted by Still1Rise

My mom and I both expressed how we felt but it helps for a few days then back to normal. My mom always threatens with a divorce, but they been together so long I think she is just scared to be alone.

He is depressed because of his job and because his mom just passed away in Jan., but even before that he was still the same way. Sometimes I really think he is depressed cause he settled for an average life. He used to be a football jock in HS/College but after that he fell off. 

Also my pops has only 1/4 siblings left, but he has schizophrenia and is addicted to the same $!%*.
grin.gif
Click to expand...

not to sound harsh but if he cant realize that he should be happy/is lucky that he has a woman that'll stand by his side and a good son that loves him (when plenty dont have anything in their life close to that) then he really doesnt deserve either
 
Originally Posted by nuggets

Originally Posted by Still1Rise

My mom and I both expressed how we felt but it helps for a few days then back to normal. My mom always threatens with a divorce, but they been together so long I think she is just scared to be alone.

He is depressed because of his job and because his mom just passed away in Jan., but even before that he was still the same way. Sometimes I really think he is depressed cause he settled for an average life. He used to be a football jock in HS/College but after that he fell off. 

Also my pops has only 1/4 siblings left, but he has schizophrenia and is addicted to the same $!%*.
grin.gif
Click to expand...

not to sound harsh but if he cant realize that he should be happy/is lucky that he has a woman that'll stand by his side and a good son that loves him (when plenty dont have anything in their life close to that) then he really doesnt deserve either
Click to expand...
That is exactly how I feel. My mom is a good woman and I know she deserves way better.
 
It's important to know that if he stops drinking cold turkey, he can go into seizures and die. When he is mentally ready to stop drinking, he needs to be taken to a hospital or treatment facility.

Getting him mentally prepared to stop drinking will be much more difficult. Many people need an intervention, or their loved ones telling them that they need to make a choice between the alcohol or the family. They CANNOT have both.

You need to know that by letting him continue to drink is killing him. I KNOW it seems like an impossible task, but you gotta do this to save his life. Too many people die because of addiction.
 
My dad said some wack #!@ !!$* last night while he was faded:

Pops: "If I had to do it all over I wouldnt get married, then I wouldnt have to hear your moms mouth and naggin." 
Me: "So why did decide to have me?"
Pops: " Just to see what I could make."

indifferent.gif
 
Dealt with this with my father. He straighten his act up when he saw he was losing the entire family.
 
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