Is NOT Having Children Considered a Selfish Act?

[sea manup]

one of the biggest reasons the education gap between the rich and the poor is so large is because of what the kids learn at home.

kids are naturally curious and observant, they will learn from their parents just from being in the same house. It's not about sitting on a dads lap having a conversation

 

[SoleByThePound]

I'd argue it's more selfish to have kids than to not. We live in a world with finite resources. In my opinion, it's very selfish to bring another life into the world, especially when there are hundreds of thousands of kids who need a home having been given up by or taken from their biological families.

To those who think not having kids is selfish, how do you justify bringing another life into a world where there is already a large amount of children who may spend their entire adolesence in foster care?

 

[DCAllAfrican]

one of the biggest reasons the education gap between the rich and the poor is so large is because of what the kids learn at home.

kids are naturally curious and observant, they will learn from their parents just from being in the same house. It's not about sitting on a dads lap having a conversation

No, it IS about sitting on dad's lap and having a conversation. That is a HUGE part of development. Being exposed to more words through conversation.

Which is why I said IF I had kids, I will make them listen to talk radio / PODCASTS so they can be introduced to even more words without the visual distraction the TV gives.

So don't disregard the value on sitting on daddy's lap having a conversation about ANYTHING

 

[sea manup]

 

one of the biggest reasons the education gap between the rich and the poor is so large is because of what the kids learn at home.

kids are naturally curious and observant, they will learn from their parents just from being in the same house. It's not about sitting on a dads lap having a conversation

No, it IS about sitting on dad's lap and having a conversation. That is a HUGE part of development. Being exposed to more words through conversation.

Which is why I said IF I had kids, I will make them listen to talk radio / PODCASTS so they can be introduced to even more words without the visual distraction the TV gives.

So don't disregard the value on sitting on daddy's lap having a conversation about ANYTHING

im not saying there's no value in that or that its not important. but rather kids learn so much from just observing their parents do their thing, not just during direct interactions. Kids learn as much at home as they do at school, and for me at least what I learned at home has been way more helpful than my education. 

 

[DCAllAfrican]

I disagree. I wouldn't rank one above the other. Communication + Observation = Learning. One isn't "much more" important than the other. What evidence do you have to back that up?

 

[mplsdunk]

My daughter goes to a school in the hood because her mom lives in the hood... The school is fine, it's the parents who don't do a damn thing and don't care if homework gets done, don't care if they go to sleep at 5 am and sleep all class. That kind of thing. Her teacher is actually good. But damn her teacher was ripping the parents apart at conferences. It's sad man.

 

[Deleted member 37467]

Totally off topic but I hate how selfishness is considered negative.

Certain people need to be more selfish, IMO.

Carry on.

 

[PRIME]

F

As a teacher, you should be able to calculate that out of 24 hours a day, you have heir kids 6 of those 24, leaving the remaining 18 hours of that child's time spent with their parents, in addition to the 48 hours on the weekend adding up to 138 hours a week spent parenting.

1. How much influence on a child does a parent have when that child is sleep? If on average, a parents gets off of work at 5, lets say their first contact with their child starts at 6 PM. 6 PM until about 9 (the age group I work in's average bed time); hell even say 10 pm. That is 4 hours of time spent with the child. We aren't counting sleep time. Give them an hour in the morning. I still come out on top as spending more time with the child than the parent.

This isn't even a discussion, it is already know teachers spend more time with kids than their families do. Not even sure why you chose THAT to argue.

2. I clearly wasn't speaking of the weekend.

Nice try though

Of my entire post that's what you singled out. This is really no argument.

I spend more time with my kid over the course of the week than his teacher does. Either way you cut it, the weekend exists. And it's a full 48 hours. 30 if we cut 8-9 hours for sleep

On average we're talking about 1-2 hour difference on weekdays, and you're not counting the morning. Because the child wakes their self up, provides their own food, and I guess they drive to school if they aren't taking the bus or walking. I wake up for work at 6, my kid would have to be ready for school by 7:45 to get to school by at least 8:30. So we're looking at an additional 2-2 1/2 hours making that number 6 hours a day with the child. The same as the teacher.

Let's not factor in if the child can't sleep, or if they're sick and I have to stay up with them, or emergency hospital runs. All constant variables that a teacher doesn't deal with. Because you have set hours with the child. Something a parent doesn't have.

So in reality, we spend about the same amount of time during a weekday with the kid. But remember, I leave out the weekend for your handicap in this "argument" (or lack there of).

But hey, like I said, I respect and agree as to why you don't want to have kids. You're fishing for an argument, and as someone who's got a kid, I know first hand j spend more time with my kid than his teacher. Because no matter how much you try to remove it from the conversation, weekends and Summer's exist. Winter breaks exist. Time that you get away from the kids, the parents don't.

So stop fishing for an argument

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Oh now you are the victim? You are the one that originally attacked my point and I replied now EYE am fishing for an argument. Nice use of the victim's card Mr. Meridian. 

 

[PRIME]

Did I say I was the victim?

I spent my entire post agreeing with your point and respecting your opinion and made one statement about how you don't spend more time with the children than their parents, you disregard the entire post and point out that excerpt to run with and because I reply to your quote, now I'm claiming to be the victim?



We're talking numbers. Stick to the numbers. Stop straying away from the FAX B. You're adding up static numbers. Your hours don't change. Add up all the hours of the week a child is with their parent vs their teacher, and it's more with their parent.

Thus, there's no argument.

I spend the same amount of time my kid is in school with him on the weekend. Like, is this really even a conversation?

 

[sea manup]

 literally arguing over nothing

no disrespect DC but i dont have time for this 

 

[Master Zik]

Some of you know, I am a teacher. So I deal with kids 50+ hours per week. More than any parent deals with their own child that is of school age.

I need a break from them by time 6 pm comes. Picture me going home and spending time with MORE children. Nah, I need my time. I need to be able to watch wrestling. I need to be able to watch NBA. I need tk be able to play 2K. No, I don't need to grow up. That's how you grow old

I need to keep my sanity. Am I allowed to be selfish or am I not doing enough for the community as it is.

That is why I laughed at the statement of people that don't want them as being selfish.

You chose to be a teacher though and deal with kids like 10 hrs a day.

That's not an excuse really to not want children. Get a different job is what any man would tell you when having kids would be brought up in the relationship.

Also having kids shouldn't be simplified down to how many hours a week you spend with them and then trying to make it seem like dealing with your own kids when you get home is a burden.

Then again I wouldn't expect any less from you since that thread where you said children were nothing but an inconvenience.

If that's how you really feel, that should be your reason for not wanting children not this hrs per week nonsense. You simply find them to be too much of a responsibility and inconvenience especially if you're not being paid to do it.

 

[iamjusayn]

So stupid! In fact bringing a child into this crazy world would be more selfish than not doing so. The child didn't ask to be here and once here could potentially despise this place or this whole "life" thing. That is selfish.

I could go on and on but the answer is No!

 

[therealrell]

Y'all fall for the DC trap every single time. Every. Single. Time.

 

[Coromanti]

Not at all
Some people are not fit to be parents.
As evidenced by the many messed up people on this planet.

therealrell why is substantive debate a bad thing? I think it's good to read and participate in.

 

[andretti]

Y'all fall for the DC trap every single time. Every. Single. Time.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

You chose to be a teacher though and deal with kids like 10 hrs a day.

That's not an excuse really to not want children. Get a different job is what any man would tell you when having kids would be brought up in the relationship.

Also having kids shouldn't be simplified down to how many hours a week you spend with them and then trying to make it seem like dealing with your own kids when you get home is a burden.

Then again I wouldn't expect any less from you since that thread where you said children were nothing but an inconvenience.

If that's how you really feel, that should be your reason for not wanting children not this hrs per week nonsense. You simply find them to be too much of a responsibility and inconvenience especially if you're not being paid to do it.

1. NEVER said kids were NOTHING BUT an inconvenience. They ARE an inconvenience though, that can't be disputed. Of course there is more that comes with them

2. You are either trolling or didn't understand the reason why I brought up the hours issues.

3. I can use whatEVER "justification" I want for not wanting kids. SHow me the rule book that validates excuses. I will wait. Don't tell me my excuse isn't valid

 

[Master Zik]

F

As a teacher, you should be able to calculate that out of 24 hours a day, you have heir kids 6 of those 24, leaving the remaining 18 hours of that child's time spent with their parents, in addition to the 48 hours on the weekend adding up to 138 hours a week spent parenting.

1. How much influence on a child does a parent have when that child is sleep? If on average, a parents gets off of work at 5, lets say their first contact with their child starts at 6 PM. 6 PM until about 9 (the age group I work in's average bed time); hell even say 10 pm. That is 4 hours of time spent with the child. We aren't counting sleep time. Give them an hour in the morning. I still come out on top as spending more time with the child than the parent.

This isn't even a discussion, it is already know teachers spend more time with kids than their families do. Not even sure why you chose THAT to argue.

Even if you did spend more time, you're using "spending more time" in the most general sense though.

Can you say you spend quality time with each and every kid like their parents do? You got a connection with each and every kid? You spend time doing what exactly? Managing and teaching a classroom full of kids on various subjects. You're not raising each and every one of them on your own.

The amount of time you spend may be more than a parent but it doesn't necessarily have the same value.

So what we really talking bout?

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Nothing, we aren't talking about anything at all man. Just re-read what I already said. That is how I feel. Misinterpret it how you see fit. I take no offense.

 

[Master Zik]

You chose to be a teacher though and deal with kids like 10 hrs a day.


That's not an excuse really to not want children. Get a different job is what any man would tell you when having kids would be brought up in the relationship.


Also having kids shouldn't be simplified down to how many hours a week you spend with them and then trying to make it seem like dealing with your own kids when you get home is a burden.


Then again I wouldn't expect any less from you since that thread where you said children were nothing but an inconvenience.


If that's how you really feel, that should be your reason for not wanting children not this hrs per week nonsense. You simply find them to be too much of a responsibility and inconvenience especially if you're not being paid to do it.

1. NEVER said kids were NOTHING BUT an inconvenience. They ARE an inconvenience though, that can't be disputed. Of course there is more that comes with them

2. You are either trolling or didn't understand the reason why I brought up the hours issues.

3. I can use whatEVER "justification" I want for not wanting kids. SHow me the rule book that validates excuses. I will wait. Don't tell me my excuse isn't valid

I remember that thread differently then. You were pretty adamant about the inconvenience and burden of parenthood. That alone was pretty clear why you should probably not be a parent.

I understood quite fine. Don't pull the you don't understand my argument to detract from my reply to your argument.

Yes you can use w/e excuse you want. Doesn't mean they're all equal in reasoning. You can say I spend all day with kids in school I don't want to spend any time coming home to kids but the excuse there isn't about hrs really. You chose to be a teacher. You weren't forced to be one. You are not incapable of getting another job/career (are you?). So the amount of time you spend with children can be cut out simply by getting a different job so you can have children. The solution is right there.

Saying I'm a teacher isn't the impediment you're making it out to be.

 

[PRIME]

Y'all fall for the DC trap every single time. Every. Single. Time.

Man. You right

 

[a mufasa]

 
I remember back when I was dating this one chick and she wanted to have kids. We were together for a couple of years and I thought we could've had a future together and I figured it would happen at some point in the future. Only thing was that she wanted them NOW. As a 21 year old I was like hell no, we are still kids ourselves. I don't know if it was the fact that her mother had her when she was a teenager or if all of her friends were either having kids or getting married, but she was determined to have a kid. She didn't have a plan or anything. Neither of us had any real money or a place to stay; we were just college kids trying to get degrees. Maybe I was selfish, but there was no way I was ready to have a kid without a stable job or a place to live. Plus I still wanted to travel a bit. A year later after we broke up and I moved across country she tells me she's having a kid. In the end we both got what we wanted. I got to travel, grow up and learn about myself and she got a kid.

How were you selfish?

Don't blame yourself because you know what you want. Don't let anyone force you to do something you don't want.

At the time my ex called me selfish for not wanting to have kids let alone try to find a place that we could afford together. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. I just know that 21/22 year old me would've been a bad parent. Not because I wouldn't have loved the kid, but because was so immature. Looking back I made the correct decision. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would've been if we did have a kid back then. Honestly, deep down I probably would've resented both of them at some point.

 

[a mufasa]

My daughter goes to a school in the hood because her mom lives in the hood... The school is fine, it's the parents who don't do a damn thing and don't care if homework gets done, don't care if they go to sleep at 5 am and sleep all class. That kind of thing. Her teacher is actually good. But damn her teacher was ripping the parents apart at conferences. It's sad man.

Good for the teacher. They don't get enough credit sometimes. It's their job to teach, not play parent.

 

[slighted]

 

 
I remember back when I was dating this one chick and she wanted to have kids. We were together for a couple of years and I thought we could've had a future together and I figured it would happen at some point in the future. Only thing was that she wanted them NOW. As a 21 year old I was like hell no, we are still kids ourselves. I don't know if it was the fact that her mother had her when she was a teenager or if all of her friends were either having kids or getting married, but she was determined to have a kid. She didn't have a plan or anything. Neither of us had any real money or a place to stay; we were just college kids trying to get degrees. Maybe I was selfish, but there was no way I was ready to have a kid without a stable job or a place to live. Plus I still wanted to travel a bit. A year later after we broke up and I moved across country she tells me she's having a kid. In the end we both got what we wanted. I got to travel, grow up and learn about myself and she got a kid.

How were you selfish?

Don't blame yourself because you know what you want. Don't let anyone force you to do something you don't want.

At the time my ex called me selfish for not wanting to have kids let alone try to find a place that we could afford together. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. I just know that 21/22 year old me would've been a bad parent. Not because I wouldn't have loved the kid, but because was so immature. Looking back I made the correct decision. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would've been if we did have a kid back then. Honestly, deep down I probably would've resented both of them at some point.

You dodged a bullet. Nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about.

I especially loved the shaming "selfish" insults she used to belittle you. Stick to your guns always.

 

[unkn0wn]

 
yes

i feel people who dont want to have kids are selfish, and knowing people who dont want to have kids they tend to be very selfish individuals.

the most selfish individuals I know have kids. it's a shame for the kids.