My Brother Is Getting Married Today and I Don't Know How to Feel

13,829
5,666
Joined
Sep 28, 2004
What’s the worst that can happen? Is he wealthy? She’ll take half of everything if everything falls apart within 5 years? Many people have to learn their life lessons the hard way.
 

Present

Supporter
4,454
10,611
Joined
Apr 15, 2018
Was in a similar situation.

GF was applying marriage pressure heavy.

My brother said the following (after laughing hysterically for 5 minutes straight when I told him).


"I'm with you either way because you're my little brother and I cant tell you what to do...but marry her if you want to, and you'll never be able to say I didn't warn you because she aint it lil Bro."


This is the same big brother that terrorized my childhood / adolescence and had an open rivalry with me my whole life (middle child syndrome).

Could have set me up for a huge L but protected me as a Brother should.

I respect / love him to this day for that.

If its on your heart to tell him, tell him...

Then let it go.
 
Last edited:
21,903
25,107
Joined
Aug 14, 2012
We still getting married?

52D49639-D8D1-483D-88BC-F69D0166D02E.gif
 
14,138
26,665
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Was in a similar situation.

GF was applying marriage pressure heavy.

My brother said the following (after laughing hysterically for 5 minutes strait when I told him).


"I'm with you either way because you're my little brother and I cant tell you what to do...but marry her if you want to, and you'll never be able to say I didn't warn you because she aint it lil Bro."


This is the same big brother that terrorized my childhood / adolescence and had an open rivalry with me my whole life (middle child syndrome).

Could have set me up for a huge L but protected me as a Brother should.

I respect / love him to this day for that.

If its on your heart to tell him, tell him...

Then let it go.
You have a good bigger brother. Don’t sweat the bickering you get from him, that’s just big bro stuff. I know it firsthand.
 

AZwildcats

Supporter
27,265
10,553
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
This SCReeeeams “Oops! I’m pregnant, Let’s get married before my parents disown me!” 💍

Edit: My uncle got married in a rush as well and for the reason I just mentioned. Like you’re brother, OP, he also converted religion before marrying her. We weren’t allowed to enter their church to see the ceremony because we weren’t Mormon.

As a Muslim myself, I’ve seen this same situation play out too many times. That’s exactly where my mind went too.

It’s your brother OP, if you don’t raise a flag about it who will? At least say your piece, let him choose what to do with it after
 
2,614
3,023
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Woat thread. OP hasn’t provided an update. No pics. If he’s converted to Muslimism(sp?) for this girl he’s not turning back for a wedding…that’s much less serious
 
14,532
19,134
Joined
Sep 20, 2014
but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this
No disrespect, but your brother already sounds like a sucker. I doubt sharing your concerns is going to accomplish anything.

Love should be unconditional, and this relationship is filled with nothing but conditions.
 
24,293
16,314
Joined
Aug 10, 2003
I see two sides of it... you should be supportive of your brother and let him worry about that stuff... If he wants to get married to her then let him... but at the same time I see why you would be concerned and should say something... its kinda one those things damn if you damn if you don't... either direction you go whether its telling your bro your true feelings or staying out of it is fine either way imo...
 
13,316
14,929
Joined
Jul 25, 2012
Hey NT, my brother's getting married later today. She's great and they're in love, but I can't help but feel that things are one-sided and my family definitely feels the same.

Despite getting engaged just a few months ago, the whole wedding process is getting expediated due to circumstances with her and her family. While they are getting married today, his bachelor party is later this year and the actual ceremony itself with extended family and friends is at the end of the year. The reason for this is apparently that she doesn't like her new stepdad who'll be moving in to her mom's house (where she lives). I know next to nothing about him so unsure why or how bad it actually is. Because she's Muslim, she's also not allowed to live with my brother until they're married, hence this fast wedding so they can live together and she can be out of her mom's house.

Because of how quickly this is going, details aren't very planned out. It initially was supposed to be a courthouse trip to sign papers and a dinner with immediate family afterwards, but very recently it's now an "approved" wedding and an Imam will preside over a quick 10 minute ceremony. My brother told me I don't even need to go to the brief ceremony at the mosque. I just now got texts from my parents yesterday about updated plans for today and they apologized saying how mum details have been for them. What caught me really off-guard is how my brother's fiancé told my mom about errands I'd be doing (which I don't mind doing to be clear) and the way she said it was as if we actually discussed this beforehand. We hadn't.

To top it all off, while it seems like a majority of all of this is being driven by her (and her family?), I heard her family isn't or is barely contributing financially to any of this so it'll be funded by my family. Seems off to me that her side is calling all the shots while we take care of it. He doesn't mind and I don't mind, but my brother had to convert to Islam to even get the ball rolling on all this. Not that it's a big deal but because of it there will be no church ceremony and also no alcohol at dinner tonight or the big ceremony at the end of the year. Just feels like my brother and family are having to take a lot of steps to get things right for her and her family.

What do you guys think?



Cliffs:
-My brother got engaged a few months ago and is already getting married
-Everything is being expediated because she doesn't want to live with her new stepdad and can't live with my brother until marriage
-His bachelor party and the actual ceremony with extended family isn't until later this year
-Her (and her family?) are calling almost all the shots yet apparently are barely funding anything, if at all
-Details are very mum and my family feels kept in the dark
-Things are happening so fast that it's just now hitting me, but it's not hitting me the way it "should" because it feels off/forced
Cant believe y’all funding that mess
 
2,872
1,942
Joined
May 20, 2013
How long were they together before getting married? If it’s been a while, suggest that they stick with the original court house and dinner move.
About 3-3.5 years with a break of a month or two in the middle. Only was engaged 3 months.

Is he a older or younger brother?
Younger, 25

What’s the worst that can happen? Is he wealthy? She’ll take half of everything if everything falls apart within 5 years? Many people have to learn their life lessons the hard way.
He’s pretty well off…at least as much as you can be at 25. You’re right about the last bit, but I wish him the best.
 
2,872
1,942
Joined
May 20, 2013
My bad on the late update- life got crazy on my end so just now getting on NT. The brief ceremony was super casual (turns out it wasn’t even at a mosque) and part of her fam showed up late which wasn’t a great look. Her stepfather didn’t show up at all which was weird to me, but again I don’t understand their relationship at all.

My mom was obviously supportive, but made me promise never to do anything like this if I get married. :lol: My dad seemed like something was bugging him at the dinner afterwards, but downplayed it blaming my mom for being annoying- I don’t actually think that’s what it was though. On my end never even got a chance to say my bit to my brother because she was at my parents’ house before I even arrived. Since I didn’t/don’t have anything as a direct reason why they shouldn’t be together I didn’t say anything. As I mentioned in here though, quite a few things concern me so next time I’m one-on-one with him in person I’ll express those concerns and tell him to give a shout if anything comes up in regards to them. Like many of you said, trying to be supportive but ready if anything happens.
 
13,316
14,929
Joined
Jul 25, 2012
You’re mom sounds like a trooper. She adores you & your bros happiness.
I bet you’re bros gona deal with drama and ol girls dad issues.
 
5,353
2,699
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
About 3-3.5 years with a break of a month or two in the middle. Only was engaged 3 months.


Younger, 25


He’s pretty well off…at least as much as you can be at 25. You’re right about the last bit, but I wish him the best.
3+ years together is fine then. The rush of the marriage due to circumstances is just an L they’ll have to take. This really just sounds like she don’t want to be around her step dad, but your brother and her have known each long enough where they should have an understanding as to why.

I was under the impression they just met and within months got engaged and are now rushing the wedding.
 
Top Bottom