"Nowhere In The Bible does Jesus Have a Sword Fight" HAHAHHAHAA! Easter Fun

lobotomybeats

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Joined Jan 8, 2004



From:
David Thorne
[h5]Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.As I trust my offspring's ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to 'Jesus' are replaced with the term 'Purportedly Magic Jew.'
Regards, David.[/h5]

[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 9.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Permission Slip

Hello DavidThe tick in the box already was a mistake I noticed after printing them all. I've seen the play and it's not indoctrinating anyone. It's a fun play performed by a great bunch of kids. You do not have to be religious to enjoy it. You are welcome to attend if you have any concerns. Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain[/h5]


[h5]From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 11.02am
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,Thank you for the kind offer, being unable to think of anything more exciting than attending your entertaining and fun filled afternoon, I tried harder and thought of about four hundred things.I was actually in a Bible based play once and played the role of 'Annoyed about having to do this.' My scene involved offering a potplant, as nobody knew what Myrrh was, to a plastic baby Jesus then standing between 'I forgot my costume so am wearing the teachers poncho' and 'I don't feel very well'. Highlights of the play included a nervous donkey with diarrhoea causing 'I don't feel very well' to vomit onto the back of Mary's head, and the lighting system, designed to provide a halo effect around the manger, overheating and setting it alight. The teacher, later criticised for dousing an electrical fire with a bucket of water and endangering the lives of children, left the building in tears and the audience in silence. We only saw her again briefly when she came to the school to collect her poncho.Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your god's promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikkiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry.Regards, David.[/h5]
[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 2.52pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David
While it would be a pity for Seb to miss out on the important message of hope that the story of the resurrection gives, if you don't want him to attend the presentation on Monday then just tick the box that says I do not give my child permission to attend.
Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain[/h5]


[h5]From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 5.09pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,I understand the importance the resurrection story holds in your particular religion. If I too knew some guy that had been killed and placed inside a cave with a rock in front of it and I visited the cave to find the rock moved and his body gone, the only logical assumption would be that he had risen from the dead and is the son of God. Once, my friend Simon was rushed to hospital to have his appendix removed and I visited him the next day to find his bed empty. I immediately sacrificed a goat and burnt a witch in his name but it turned out that he had not had appendicitis, just needed a good poo, and was at home playing Playstation.Someone probably should have asked "So the rock has been moved and he's gone... has anyone checked his house?" I realise Playstation was not around in those days but they probably had the equivalent. A muddy stick or something. I would have said "Can someone please check if Jesus is at home playing with his muddy stick, if not, then and only then should we all assume, logically, that he has risen from the dead and is the son of God."If we accept though, that Jesus was the son of an Infinite Being capable of anything, he probably did have a Playstation. Probably a Playstation 7. I know I have to get my offspring all the latest gadgets. God would probably have said to him, "I was going to wait another two thousand years to give you this but seeing as you have been good... just don't tell your mother about Grand Theft Auto."Also, is it true that Jesus can be stabbed during a sword fight and be ok due to the fact that he can only die if he gets his head chopped off?Regards, David.[/h5]
[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Friday 12 March 2010 10.13am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight. Learning the teachings of the Bible is not just about religion. It teaches a set of ethics that are sadly not taught by parents nowadays.Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain[/h5]


[h5]From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 12 March 2010 2.23pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,You raise a valid point and I appreciate you pointing out my failings as a parent. Practising a system of ethics based on the promise of a reward, in your case an afterlife, is certainly preferable to practising a system of ethics based on it simply being the right thing to do.Many years ago, I lived next door to a Christian named Mr Stevens. You could tell he was a Christian because he had a fish sticker on his Datsun. He used to wave at us kids from his bathroom window on hot summer days as we played in the sprinkler. I learnt a lot from Mr Stevens. Mainly about wrestling holds. The trick is to oil up really well making it hard for the other person to hold you down. I would often lie on his living room rug looking up at the pictures of sunsets behind quotes from Psalms while waiting for him to unwrap his legs from around my torso.Your job would be made much easier if, after making the school children sit through an hour of church youth group teens dancing, singing and re-enacting Jewish magic tricks, you simply told them that it was just a small taste of what hell is like and if they didn't believe in Jesus they would have to sit through it again.When I was at school, we were forced to attend a similar presentation. Herded into the gym under the pretence of free chips, we were assaulted with an hour of hippies playing guitars and a dance routine featuring some kind of colourful coat and a lot of looking upwards. Due to the air-conditioning in the packed gym not working and it being a hot day, the hippie wearing the colourful coat blacked out mid performance and struck his head against the front edge of the stage spraying the first row of cross-legged children with blood. Unconscious, he also urinated. There was a bit of screaming and an ambulance involved and everyone agreed it was the best play they had ever seen.
Regards, David.[/h5]


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[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject

I will pray for you[/h5]


[h5]From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.19pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: No Subject

Thanks. Mention that I want a Toyota Prado if you get the chance. A white one. With dark grey leather interior and sat nav.
Regards, David.[/h5]


[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 9.20am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject

I've had enough of your nonsense. Dont email me again[/h5]


[h5]From: GOD
Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 10.18am
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Word of God

DARYL, THIS IS GOD. BUY DAVID A TOYOTA PRADO. A WHITE ONE. WITH DARK GREY LEATHER INTERIOR AND SAT NAV.[/h5]


[h5]From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.35pm
To: GOD  Cc: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Word of God

I'm serious. [/h5]


[h5]From: GOD
Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.48pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Word of God

OK.[/h5]
 
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no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
 

lobotomybeats

Supporter
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Joined Jan 8, 2004
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
Well I don't think he would have been quite so snarky had they not already checked his answer for him. That is ridiculous.
 

lobotomybeats

Supporter
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16,409
Joined Jan 8, 2004
also, here is a little back story for the non-Australians, myself included:


Darryl. The kind of friend Jesus would have.
While preaching is not allowed in Australian public schools, it is apparently fine to replace school counsellors with 'Christian Volunteers' such as Darryl.
A few years ago, the government realised that they could hand over school counselling roles to a willing Christian church without having to pay for the privilege. Now almost half of Australian public schools have a Christian volunteer as a full time member of the school community with parents having no direct control of how much their children are exposed to.
Although usually an advocate of people being entitled to their opinions, sexual preferences and beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl's fat head.
 
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Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
I blame the hippies!  No seriously though I do blame the hippie movement for a lot of the pathetic characteristics of this generation.  Not the only cause though. 
 
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Thanks OP, that was pretty funny -- I just printed it out for some people here at the office and everyone's having a laugh.
 
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Joined Oct 27, 2002
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
Get outta here that was awesome...


Imma christian myself but that crap has no place in public schools...
 

lobotomybeats

Supporter
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Joined Jan 8, 2004
People always find a problem with the current generation. It's nothing new. Nothing is wrong with this generation.
 
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Joined May 2, 2001
Originally Posted by lobotomybeats

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
Well I don't think he would have been quite so snarky had they not already checked his answer for him. That is ridiculous.
eh.. if you read the 1st reply by Daryl he doesn't seem like an unreasonable reply ... yet the parent replies back like a whiny brat.
yes...we get it... you don't like religion...but as a person who is non-religious like myself.. all the replies seemed rather rude for what amounts to a simple request and mistake.
 
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Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

Originally Posted by lobotomybeats

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
Well I don't think he would have been quite so snarky had they not already checked his answer for him. That is ridiculous.
... yet the parent replies back like a whiny brat.
This.

the parent was acting like a douche, provoking this Darryl guy. Darryl never once got out of pocket, and yet dude was still sending him these long emails about nonsense.
-The Juice
 

rck2sactown

Banned
28,895
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Joined Dec 30, 2005
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
 
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Joined Aug 23, 2005
Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

Originally Posted by lobotomybeats

Originally Posted by Dirtylicious

no wonder kids are the way they are...with snarky parents like that...it's no surprise they're a raising up a bunch of crybaby whiners
Well I don't think he would have been quite so snarky had they not already checked his answer for him. That is ridiculous.
eh.. if you read the 1st reply by Daryl he doesn't seem like an unreasonable reply ... yet the parent replies back like a whiny brat.
yes...we get it... you don't like religion...but as a person who is non-religious like myself.. all the replies seemed rather rude for what amounts to a simple request and mistake.
qft.

Dude could've just checked the bottom box and be done with it.
 
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