Rape victims offer advice to today's college wome

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STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Study: 1 in 5 college women victim of a rape or an attempt, but only 5 percent report crimes
  • A Center for Public Integrity investigation shows schools often fail victims
  • Problem is lack of coordination and understanding of sexual assaults, experts say
  • Trust less and, if assaulted, find adult to protect your interests, former victims say

(CNN) -- If you are already in college or headed there, sit down. If you're the parent or friend of a student, listen up.

One in five college women will be raped, or experience an attempted rape, before graduation. Less than 5 percent will report these crimes to officials on or off campus, and, when they do, there's a good chance the system will let them down.

A handful of former students who spoke out and reported rapes at their schools told CNN they didn't feel protected by their universites. They were initially interviewed as part of an investigative series by the Center for Public Integrity, a Washington-based nonprofit that says it seeks to make institutions more transparent and accountable.

The women welcomed the chance to share their experiences and offer advice to students today.

"I was too young, still in too much shock and too emotionally gone to make decisions on my own," said a woman who, as a freshman, reported a rape in 2001. "I needed an adult I trusted. The school did not provide such a person."

The shocking statistics of rape and attempted rape on campus came to light in a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice nine years ago. But the recently released series published by the Washington center shows that while federal law requires schools to act on sexual assault allegations and look out for the rights of victims, many higher-education institutions aren't making the grade.

"Schools are aware it's a problem, a big problem," said Kristen Lombardi, the center's lead reporter for Sexual Assault on Campus: A Frustrating Search for Justice. She pointed to a "culture of silence" and said critics say, "The biggest sin is one of omission. They're just not dealing with this issue head-on in a public manner with their student bodies."

Over the course of nine months, Lombardi and her colleagues spoke to 33 women who'd reported rapes, interviewed about 50 experts and surveyed more than 150 crisis clinics and programs on or near campuses. They also reviewed cases and combed through 10 years of complaints against institutions that had been filed with the Department of Education.

The alleged rape victims and others shared stories of secretive hearings, administrators who encouraged students to drop complaints and failures to sufficiently pursue the accusations and seek punishments when warranted. Others spoke of gag orders, confidential mediations where women sat across from their attackers and feelings of being revictimized at the institutions they thought would help them.

Many said administrators appeared more concerned with protecting their employer, or the school's reputation, than they were with protecting students. A number of women ended up leaving their universities. One student in the investigative series was written about posthumously, after killing herself.

Part of the problem stems from ignorance, said S. Daniel Carter, the director of public policy for Security on Campus, a national organization committed to advancing safety for students.

For one, he said acquaintance rapes, which dominate campus assaults, are often wrongly dismissed as "misunderstandings." And lack of coordination when it comes to responses isn't helped by the fact that too few school officials are trained to understand the impact of sexual assaults.

"People are going to do the best they can, but they only have limited knowledge based on their profession," said Connie Kirkland of George Mason University in Virginia, a school that's emerged as a model for others.

Kirkland, the school's director of sexual assault services, has held this position since the office was established in 1993, making it among the first of its kind. She said the university jumped to action soon after then-Gov. Douglas Wilder issued in 1992 recommendations regarding campus sexual assaults. And while other Virginia schools made efforts early on, Kirkland said that when Wilder left office in 1994, most schools folded their programs.

Meantime, budgetary woes at schools across the country mean the programs that do exist often come and go, she added.

Kirkland said nothing serves victims better than having a clear point of contact on campus, an office and professionals who are trained -- and can train others -- to understand all aspects of these sexual assault crimes, including legal options, the psychological toll and health concerns.

A compassionate and well-meaning professor, administrator or residential adviser, for example, may listen, but they can't be expected to provide full-fledged therapy or tell a student what it means to file a police report or go to court, she said. And a therapist can't offer legal navigation any better than a law enforcement officer can be responsible for emotional processing.

The women who spoke to CNN described what they would have done differently if they'd known then what they know now. In general practice, CNN does not name sexual assault victims. Here, in their own words, is their advice:

Feeling invincible, an age of denial and disbelief

"I wish I'd been less trusting of my surroundings," said a woman who said she was assaulted as a sophomore in 2007. "In college, you feel as if you are invincible, when in reality, trouble could be hiding behind the façade of a casual get-together or a party where you feel completely safe. Always keep control of yourself and your surroundings, and keep a close eye out for your friends as well.

"And if you are a friend of a person who has been assaulted, all I can say is that though it might be hard, please listen and support that person," continued the former student, who said she was "met with a response that I never expected -- laughter and disbelief. Because of that, I kept silent until my attacker assaulted a friend of mine almost a year later."

Said another rape victim: "Do not binge drink or leave drinks unattended."

Reaching out elsewhere, protecting your interests

"I wish I'd told my parents sooner," said a woman who reported a campus rape that happened in her dorm room in 2003. "My parents now know about it, but when it initially happened, they did not. I was just so ashamed.

"You're too inhibited to make rational decisions, to understand emotionally what's going on," she added. "Whether it's outside counsel, law enforcement, a friend or a parent, do not rely on the university to serve your best interests. And don't sign anything."

Seeking out professionals who understand

"Get help from a professional as soon as possible. I spoke with a counselor at Victim's Assistance a few days after my assault, and that was crucial in helping me overcome this. There are a lot of different emotions after you are assaulted, and speaking with someone who really understands sexual assault is imperative," said a woman who reported a gang rape by athletes in 2001 when she was a sophomore.

Furthermore, she said, "Family members and friends are also victims when this happens to someone they care about. The technical term is 'secondary survivors.' Sometimes it is difficult for them to deal with their own emotions and still be supportive to the primary survivor. Secondary survivors should not be afraid to get professional help, or to speak with a counselor about their own feelings. That way, they are not projecting their emotions onto the primary survivor. Seeking professional help also gives you options, and it is important to know all of your options after you are assaulted so you can choose how to overcome this."


Good article. This should be preached like the gospel to young women going to college for the first time. Happens every weekend at schoolsand its especially sad when the administration does nothing about it. Some of you may have unknowingly done this to someone that is heavily intoxicated hencethe rule you don't mess with drunk girls. Had a friend of a friend almost get raped at a frat house when they put cat tranquilizers in her drink; she gother stomach pumped after her friends got her out of the house. Guys get raped too. My RA told me that her friend who happened to be gay was found with hispants down in a hallway. Just be careful and aware of your surroundings regardless if you are male or female. If something happens find the will and strengthto report it. Too many people in our classrooms get away with stuff like this because the girl doesn't want to be ostracized and embarrassed for whathappened.
 
They had these facts posted around the dorm I use to work in. I still cant believe it... 1 out of 5?
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DONT MESS WITH DRUNK GIRLS


Very true.
 
the article focuses too much on putting the bulk of the blame on the schools for unreported rapes

but you said it best in your commentary on the whole piece

DONT MESS WITH DRUNK GIRLS
 
Wish more females knew this. It's cool to have fun but
you gotta be responsible. I don't know what I'd do if this happened to one of my friends.
 
1/5...
thats mighty high. I bet guys get raped more "by definition" but dont report/dont care that it happened. im talking strictly sex/rape when one partyis blacked out and doesnt remember it.
 
Do chicks themselves consider it rape?

If she's drunk and you too then whats the deal

guess if she moans "no"

then you better bounce
 
Originally Posted by Kicktionair

Do chicks themselves consider it rape?

If she's drunk and you too then whats the deal
i thought the same thing fam.

i really do wonder how many of these rapes are the she was drunk, but he wasnt as drunk as her so he took advantage of her kind of rape.
 
it really is disgusting what goes down when 1 or both parties are blacked out. they need to teach this stuff in a freshman seminar or something
 
Originally Posted by bjamez20

it really is disgusting what goes down when 1 or both parties are blacked out. they need to teach this stuff in a freshman seminar or something

they probably do.
 
Originally Posted by oidreez

Originally Posted by bjamez20

it really is disgusting what goes down when 1 or both parties are blacked out. they need to teach this stuff in a freshman seminar or something

they probably do.
they don't teach it at ASU. they have a big assembly that they make all of greek life go to that talks about it, but that counts for what, 5%of the student body?
 
Originally Posted by bjamez20

Originally Posted by oidreez

Originally Posted by bjamez20

it really is disgusting what goes down when 1 or both parties are blacked out. they need to teach this stuff in a freshman seminar or something

they probably do.
they don't teach it at ASU. they have a big assembly that they make all of greek life go to that talks about it, but that counts for what, 5% of the student body?
They don't teach stuff like this at freshman forums. The only information that they use is posted on fliers but who really looks at them? Theyexpect the parents to teach them this.
 
this subject angers me more than any others.

i drink i have the common sense that nobody is going to convince me to jump off a building.

drinking should not mean you are a helpless irresponsible out of control of your body.

rape = regret next morning. we do things we don't normally do when we drink.

if i talk to have sex with an ugly or fat girl because I was drunk it was still me, I didn't get raped.

i may wake up and cant believe my actions / regret it but again it all falls on me, clouded judgment and in the end I wanted sex however it may be. You dontwant to do something your not gonna do it.

Drunk or not.

I'm not smoking drunk, doing any drugs, or being convinced to be an idiot.

Most people dont go to parties solo anyway so they have a buddy system.
 
Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

rape = regret next morning. we do things we don't normally do when we drink.

if i talk to have sex with an ugly or fat girl because I was drunk it was still me, I didn't get raped. Most people dont go to parties solo anyway.
i learned this in philosophy class. that there's a low chance for conviction if alcohol was involved and the female reported the crime to hadhappen in the defendant's home.
 
Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

rape = regret next morning. we do things we don't normally do when we drink.
.


I'm flabbergasted... Is this really how your mind processes this topic?
smh.gif
 
I just think too many females put themselves in unsafe situations.

Not placing the blame on them because I personally know some folks that have been touched in ways that weren't cool. But the situations I HAVE HEARD OF, Ialways seem to think to myself, "Girl what were you thinking to even put yourself in that situation in the first place." Constant teasing and leadingdudes on. You can do things like that.

PLEASE I am NOT condoning rape at all so don't come at me funny.
 
Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

rape = regret next morning.
I have read some outlandish idiotic stuff on nt in the 6 years I have been a member, but this here takes the cake as the stupidest !%@@ ever saidon nt.
 
This is why it goes unreported so much. Assuming it's regret or she some how asked for it. The fact that women have had to sit across from their attackeris absolutely ridiculous. I agree you have to responsible and aware of your surroundings but no one ever asks to be raped.
 
man i dont even initiate hugs with girls im friends with. my biggest fear is one day some snow flake i messed with hitting me with the rape story cause ipissed her off. rape is horrible, the only thing worst than raping a chick though is a chick tell tall stories on dudes.

also whoever said that you dont do things you dont want to do drunk, thats not true at all. you know how many times ive wanted to blow a chicks back out andshes willing and able but i dont specifically because she is drunk? i dont care if 100 people hear her proclaim she wants me to D her down, i dont mess withdrunk chicks at all.
 
Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

I just think too many females put themselves in unsafe situations.

Not placing the blame on them because I personally know some folks that have been touched in ways that weren't cool. But the situations I HAVE HEARD OF, I always seem to think to myself, "Girl what were you thinking to even put yourself in that situation in the first place." Constant teasing and leading dudes on. You can do things like that.

PLEASE I am NOT condoning rape at all so don't come at me funny.
I didn't bother reading the rest but its like throwing meat for the wolves and expecting them not to eat...
 
Originally Posted by FIRST B0RN

Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

rape = regret next morning.
I have read some outlandish idiotic stuff on nt in the 6 years I have been a member, but this here takes the cake as the stupidest !%@@ ever said on nt.
ehh. Rape was originally in my mind some violent forced sexual assault. I just can't rock with having fun for a night, both parties drinking,both parties enjoying and ecouraging each others company and the next morning someone is crying rape.

If a girl can't walk straight from drinking or is stumbling over the place, roofied, or is violently forced I see that as rape. Crazy that the same chicksmiling while you're having sex, telling you to call tomorrow can flip the script the next morning and change your whole life. and the whole don't messwith drunk girls, because somehow I'm responsible for all of my actions as well as all of the girls actions is stupid. I dont know too many sober people atparties preying on drunks.
 
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