What Are Some Moments In Your Life That Made Life Worth Living For You?

[drew]

Anytime I would step into a plane to travel.

Best feeling ever.



-Drew

 

[slighted]

Seeing my family sit down together for a meal and sharing stories, laughter, and memories

I've always been about enjoying the people around me rather than material things.

 

[W)taps]

when i sucked on some tittes in the backseat of my car b

 

[zapatohead408]

Being accepted in to the apprenticeship in my local. I was driving to my job at Lowe's when I opened the letter while Sweet Home Alabama was playing in the background. Felt so relieved and happy. Then I called my old man who was at work and I heard him yell "**** YEA! THAT'S MY BOY!" Gonna keep striving to someday be even better than him.

Hanging out with her, then losing her #KanyeShrug

Riding my Harley Davidson home for the first time

Graduating high school and hugging my old man after. I know I made my parents worry a lot growing up.

 

[freedmind2015]

 
theres a clear difference between internal and external locus of control

happiness can be both a shared and a solitary experience.

you are not discussing narcissism in an appropriate context

[h2]Why They Can't Feel Joy: Narcissistic Shallow Emotions[/h2]
Narcissists cover up feelings with rage, blame, disdain

Post published by Randi Kreger  on Apr 04, 2012 in Stop Walking on Eggshells

This is part 8 of my second series about the similarities and differences between those with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. For the second series, here is part 1. Here is part 2. Here is part 3. Here is part 4,  part 5 , 6, and 7. T o see a list of the 10 parts of the first series, click here and view the top of the post.

In my last post, part 7,  I explained that Just like people with diabetes have a problem regulating their blood sugar and must test it several times a day, people with BPD find it difficult to be emotionally consistent. This is why you're continually walking on eggshells, never knowing what to expect when you walk in the door.

This post, on the other hand, contrasts those with BPD and those with narcissistic personality disorder  (NPD) While BPs feel too much, narcissists' emotions are too shallow.

Alexander Lowen, M.D., author of Narcissism: Denial of the True Self, believes that the basic disturbance in narcissistic personality  is the denial of feeling. He says (p. 4 that, "The need to project and maintain an image [the False Self that the narcissist wishes to portray] forces the narcissist to prevent any feeling from reaching consciousness that would contradict with the image." Since the False Self is perfect, of course, that means that a lot of feelings have to be suppressed.

Thus, narcissists feel emotions like vulnerability, sadness, empathy and compassion in a shallow way, if at all, and cover them up with rage, blame, manipulation and disdain for others.This coping mechanism has a heavy price: they don't feel secure enough to relax and really feel happiness  and joy, although they may have fleeting moments of those emotions. As therapist Nina Brown says, "They may speak the words, but the feelings behind the words is missing," (p. 27 of Loving the Self Absorbed).

Narcissist and author Sam Vaknin (Malignant Self-Love-Narcissism Revisited), writes, "Deep inside, the narcissist knows that something is amiss. He does not empathise with other people's feelings. Actually, he holds them in contempt and ridicule. He cannot understand how people are so sentimental, so 'irrational' (he identifies being rational with being cool headed and cold blooded). He becomes suspicious, embarrassed, feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or, worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of genuinely expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect and poorly equipped he is."

This pattern of coping may stem from very early childhood, so NPs may be unaware that these deeper feelings may exist. So changing this defensive, protective pattern is very difficult That's why most narcissists don't seek or even comprehend therapy. (Jeffrey Young, founder of Schema Therapy, says that clinicians in his practice try to keep narcissists in therapy by continually reminding them of the negative feelings that brought them there, or the negative outcomes that may occur if they drop out, such as divorcefrom a spouse who is remaining in the marriage  on the condition that the NP seek treatment.)
[h2]The Vulnerable Narcissist[/h2]
There is an important exception to this. Narcissists can be divided into two main subtypes, just like those with borderline personality disorder. While researchers and clinicians have come up with a wide variety and number of subtypes, for simplicity I'll share the two main types: vulnerable narcissists and invulnerable, or grandiose narcissists. Vulnerable NPs share some characteristics with borderline personality disorder; invulnerable NPs share some characteristics with antisocial personality disorder. So far in this series, we've been speaking of grandiose NPs; when it comes to emotions, there is a difference.

Vulnerable narcissists can better access feelings like insecurity and weakness, whereas grandiose NPs better shield themselves with confidence and high self-worth. Vulnerable NPs appear to be overcompensating for low self-esteem  and a deep-seated sense ofshame  that may have emerged during early childhood as a coping mechanism to deal with parental neglect or abuse. (Typically, grandiose NPs were not neglected; instead, they were treated like mommy and daddy's little prince or princess. As adults, they still expect to be treated as special, superior and powerful.)

Vulnerable NPs see themselves as victims of those who don't understand how superior they are, and  unlike grandiose NPs, they actually care about how their partners see them. They also have some different behaviors: they: 

• Tend to swing back and forth between acting superior and feeling hurt
• May get self-destructive when partners point out their vulnerabilities
• Accuse the other partner of having affairs and may be obsessive about preventing that from happening
• Have a pattern of looking for a perfect mate and demanding that she tells him he's important and loved

But the main difference between vulnerable NPs and invulnerable NPs is in the way they feel (or don't feel). Specifically,

• With their fragile self-esteem, vulnerable narcissists experience helplessness, anxiety, and depression when people don't treat them as they desire.
• They feel shamed and humiliated by negative feedback or when others challenge their superior self-image. They also experience anxiousness, bitterness, dissatisfaction, and disempowerment.
• They suffer from many BPD-like emotions, like feelings of emptiness and inadequacy. Others find them sensitive and emotional; preoccupied with fears of rejection and abandonment. They are touchy, quick to be offended, and easily provoked.

Cut off from their true feelings, narcissists don't find intimacy and true sharing within their comfort zones. (This is a big topic; I'll talk about it more in depth in another blog post.)

Family members say:

• My NP told me that emotions are for weak people, and weak people are inferior to him. I think talking about any feelings makes his mind give that ERROR 404 message.
• She reminded me of Data, the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation  who lacked the understanding  of emotions. Except Data was striving to understand them while the she didn't even feign an interest in something that most humans hold in such high regard.
•  During our first round of marriage counseling, it came out that my husband only had one emotion--anger. At the time we tried to joke about it because it was just too big an issue to deal with directly. After getting some more perspective, I would say in addition to anger he has self-pity, shame, fear, and worry. He'll say that he's happy about something, but it seems to be extremely fleeting and shallow. I've never seen him at peace or joyful.
• He never gets enthusiastic or excited about anything. When I go to a new place or on holiday I feel excited and happy. But I have never seen him exhibit these emotions like I do. 
•  Whenever the situation required an emotional type of response (someone died, for example) his vocabulary seemed tragically limited. He could only muster two phrases: "This sucks," or, "This is awesome."
•  My husband hardly showed emotion except a few months ago when he had a rage fit at me and I threatened to leave. I walked away and he left a voicemail on my phone crying and apologizing. I have never seen him cry before, not even when his dad was sick or his friend died.
• Oh hell no, he couldn't talk about emotions. OK, I take that back--he could talk about my emotions and how they were all wrong.

 

[mugen81]

My Daughter being born...
No matter what happened before her, she and my wife are why I grind and live everyday.
She brings balance and peace to my life.

 

[mr marcus]

It was about 3 am some time in 2006, i was in an emergency room bed and the doctor woke me up and said all the tests were fine. Previous to that night, and prolly 2 months worth of nights, i would stay up all night not trying to go to sleep cause i felt like i was dying. After doing this over and over, i finally went with my gf at the time to the ER to get checked out. Like he said everything was fine and that flat out ask if i was depressed?

In the 8 or so months after my friend/brother had passed away(RIP Stubbs) and i thought everything was alright. I didnt know until that moment how bad i was truly hurting from his passing. It was weird but the question just made so much sense cause it was true, i was depressed.

Thought about his question hard that night, went home with my girl, and after a few more nights driving around, listening to MM2 and The Lost Tapes, i started the journey of healing.

brought tears to my eyes.

good first post man.

Welcome to NT

I feel like I'm going through this with my grandmothers death. I do fall asleep but the past few months my mind runs crazy thinking about death and what's after death. It's weird and I told my girl that I think I need to talk to someone because the feeling hasn't gone away. I'm 28 but I feel like Ima wake up and be 73 on my death bed tomorrow smh


But when my daughter was born was the greatest moment of my life. I love that girl to death

 

[HEATHEN]

1. 2001, chic fil a manager blessed me and my man steve with 31 free chicken sandwich coupons
2. 2007, raw dog for the first time
3. 2008, the birth of my first child

 

[nikeskywalker]

Whenever the SS & FW Supreme look book drops

 

[AZwildcats]

Honestly, my niece wrote her hero report for her class about me. Your boy had to walk outside for a sec after and dry them eyes

 

[illwill8710]

Honestly, my niece wrote her hero report for her class about me. Your boy had to walk outside for a sec after and dry them eyes

I bet that hit you right in the feels

View media item 1568321

 

[shotsrangout]

dont have any 

im ready to die

 

[T Lo Sweater]

Posting in this thread

 

[Coromanti]

The moment I knew what my future aims were.

 

[zapatohead408]

Bump, I wanna see other NTer's answers.

 

[hoosierdaddy317]

Seeing my daughter being born

Leasing a new Mercedes last year when I was only 23 years old 

 

[sneaker savant]

this is a good thread...lemme see if i can contribute anything interesting. Here's a few highlights: 

2015 is shaping up to be a good year - my first son was born back in January...I started my business (http://thesneakersavant.com) and after 30+ years of rooting for the Warriors they're finally in the Finals.

2012 - married in jamaica, travelled throughout Africa and Europe for 2.5 months (travelling via backpack is tough), but the greatest memories there: Kruger park in South Africa, the beach in Jambiani on Zanzibar (and The Rock restaurant), trekking through the mountains of Ethiopia...

2010 - left my high stress job on Wall Street and went traveling with my gf (now wife) throughout SouthEast Asia for 3 months...then we drove across the United States on our move to California...way too many memories to re-count.

pre-2010 - sitting courtside at a TON of knicks games (wall street did have its perks - like free tickets)...I sat like 3 seats over from MJ during one game...that was surreal (this was the game: ). It was a crappy non-important regular season game but the garden was just absolutely electric. Eating and drinking at plenty of New Yorks finest dining establishments. And, overall, living in New York was just amazing...terrible weather but when things are going good for you there they REALLY go good.

Throughout these experiences, I definitely remember thinking...several times...'this is the life...i can't believe how unbelievably lucky i am'. Traveling, though, there's also those times when you're like 'everything about this sucks right now' (ie: Dar Es Salaam, Bangkok)

 

[zapatohead408]

this is a good thread...lemme see if i can contribute anything interesting. Here's a few highlights: 

2015 is shaping up to be a good year - my first son was born back in January...I started my business (http://thesneakersavant.com) and after 30+ years of rooting for the Warriors they're finally in the Finals.

2012 - married in jamaica, travelled throughout Africa and Europe for 2.5 months (travelling via backpack is tough), but the greatest memories there: Kruger park in South Africa, the beach in Jambiani on Zanzibar (and The Rock restaurant), trekking through the mountains of Ethiopia...

2010 - left my high stress job on Wall Street and went traveling with my gf (now wife) throughout SouthEast Asia for 3 months...then we drove across the United States on our move to California...way too many memories to re-count.

pre-2010 - sitting courtside at a TON of knicks games (wall street did have its perks - like free tickets)...I sat like 3 seats over from MJ during one game...that was surreal (this was the game: ). It was a crappy non-important regular season game but the garden was just absolutely electric. Eating and drinking at plenty of New Yorks finest dining establishments. And, overall, living in New York was just amazing...terrible weather but when things are going good for you there they REALLY go good.

Throughout these experiences, I definitely remember thinking...several times...'this is the life...i can't believe how unbelievably lucky i am'. Traveling, though, there's also those times when you're like 'everything about this sucks right now' (ie: Dar Es Salaam, Bangkok)

Man, it seems like you've had a whole lot of fun and awesome experiences. I hope I can someday come in with a post like this.

I salute you!

 

[sneaker savant]

Man, it seems like you've had a whole lot of fun and awesome experiences. I hope I can someday come in with a post like this.

I salute you!

thanks man!

if I could offer any unsolicited advice - trust your instincts and put your fears in the backseat!

 

[7ate9]

****, waking up everyday. Lord knows I could have died in my sleep a thousand times over and yet here I am. 

 

[htg designs]

****, waking up everyday. Lord knows I could have died in my sleep a thousand times over and yet here I am. 

existing