What Could of Been... Vol. Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

[littlepetewrigley]

Have any of y'all met someone who made an IMPRESSION on you (physically, mentally and personality wise - something that hasn't happened in a LOOONG time)
and you felt that things could work out great between the both of y'all...


but it didn't get anywhere?

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Got a dude like...

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Things happen and people try to find a reason to justify why it happened...believe that.

 

[rico x hood]

Pics of said white whale?

 

[queencitysneakerqueen]

March 2010 I "met" the PERFECT guy (you know that list of things you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to have)

 

[vanillagorilladx]

 

[ksteezy]

yeah i think it has happened to all of us, although extremely happy where im at now and who im with, that little thought sometimes emerges from deep within as to what it could have been with a few people in my life....oh wells, im a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason.

 

[woody2626]

In that situation right now. She's moving 4 hours away in january, I've kind of went distant on her lately. Saving myself from the long distance excuses

 

[ksteezy]

Originally Posted by woody2626

In that situation right now. She's moving 4 hours away in january, I've kind of went distant on her lately. Saving myself from the long distance excuses

4 hour drive?.....bro thats not bad at all, fight for it!

 

[littlepetewrigley]

Originally Posted by QueenCitySneakerQueen

March 2010 I "met" the PERFECT guy (you know that list of things you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to have)

Do you STILL think about him (maybe even dwell on "what coulda been" - if even for a moment)?

Also, are you with somebody (serious BF)? If so, did your current BF make you forget about the other guy?

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

If everything does happen for a reason...then the if it is meant to be, it will be cliche applies too.  In due time man, things don't ever make sense as their happening, time and perspective bring understanding to a lot of situations.

 

[Shanegerous]

There are plenty of fish in the sea...but lets move onto what is more important...where da pics at bruh?

 

[queencitysneakerqueen]

Originally Posted by LittlePeteWrigley

Originally Posted by QueenCitySneakerQueen

March 2010 I "met" the PERFECT guy (you know that list of things you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to have)

Do you STILL think about him (maybe even dwell on "what coulda been" - if even for a moment)?

Also, are you with somebody (serious BF)? If so, did your current BF make you forget about the other guy?

I haven't dated since him and I have what if moments

 

I do believe evertyhing happens for a reason and I believe my experience with him truly showed me that I can't keep treating people the way I do/did

I'm like 99.9% certain he was the one though 

 

[littlepetewrigley]

Originally Posted by ksteezy

yeah i think it has happened to all of us, although extremely happy where im at now and who im with, that little thought sometimes emerges from deep within as to what it could have been with a few people in my life....oh wells, im a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason.

Glad you responded ksteezy as you're one of the few mature, GROWN men on the board AND you also happen to be married.

NO disrespect, but do you think you'd still like to see where things with one of those females could be like?

Like do you keep in touch or "know of" any of them?

I meet/talk to a lot of chicks, but this one had me like

within 10 minutes of convo.
Commonalities, interests, etc.
Now I'm like

JesusShuttlesworth: Do you HONESTLY believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason? I'm not so sure on the "everything" part anymore...

 

[woody2626]

Originally Posted by ksteezy

Originally Posted by woody2626

In that situation right now. She's moving 4 hours away in january, I've kind of went distant on her lately. Saving myself from the long distance excuses

4 hour drive?.....bro thats not bad at all, fight for it!

She always asks if i'll visit and all this stuff. Her last relationship messed her up pretty bad apparently so I guess that's also why im being precautious with things.

 

[littlepetewrigley]

Damn QueenCity. May I ask what happened between y'all?

Did he have someone else? Also, what makes you SO sure he was "the one"?

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

After a lot of experiences in my life...I am on the fence. 

Sometimes I feel that things happen...and people try to find a reason to justify why it happened to provide them with closure/peace of mind/or some fantasy happy ending.  Truth of the matter is that some bad things happen sometimes that we cannot control...yes lessons may be learned from that or experience might be gained, but I have a hard time believing that it was necessary to occur.

My brother passed away when I was 17 and I don't feel like it happened for a reason...it just happened and things changed after that.

I met a girl with a child that changed my life when I was 22...I had everything I wanted with her and my career.  She was trying to have another child and get married, as was I....but things imploded and I found myself alone, with a critical work conflict, a car accident, and a legal matter that landed me in the hospital and then in jail.  I had to handle that by myself when I needed or could have used her the most. We have been back and forth since then and I lover her son to death...but I don't know why those things transpired, maybe it is too soon to tell...maybe I am not supposed to be with her.  Good question man.

 

[mplsdunk]

No its a stupid saying people use to put make themselves feel better.

 

[queencitysneakerqueen]

Originally Posted by LittlePeteWrigley

Damn QueenCity. May I ask what happened between y'all?

Did he have someone else? Also, what makes you SO sure he was "the one"?

Did something wrong and I got busted lying
It's hard to explain how I know he was the one but I'll try basically when you have two people who are so alike (he was literally the male version of me) and both of yall "break yall rules" and do things you never would have or normally don't do and the way we fit together like puzzle pieces little stuff like how we both lived on the same street our entire lives and didn't met til we were 20 

Anyway I'm moving across the country won't ever see him again hopefully

By the way this was therapeutic thanks  

 

[littlepetewrigley]

Originally Posted by JesusShuttlesworth34

After a lot of experiences in my life...I am on the fence. 

Sometimes I feel that things happen...and people try to find a reason to justify why it happened to provide them with closure/peace of mind/or some fantasy happy ending.  Truth of the matter is that some bad things happen sometimes that we cannot control...yes lessons may be learned from that or experience might be gained, but I have a hard time believing that it was necessary to occur.

My brother passed away when I was 17 and I don't feel like it happened for a reason...it just happened and things changed after that.

I met a girl with a child that changed my life when I was 22...I had everything I wanted with her and my career.  She was trying to have another child and get married, as was I....but things imploded and I found myself alone, with a critical work conflict, a car accident, and a legal matter that landed me in the hospital and then in jail.  I had to handle that by myself when I needed or could have used her the most. We have been back and forth since then and I lover her son to death...but I don't know why those things transpired, maybe it is too soon to tell...maybe I am not supposed to be with her.  Good question man.

Sorry to hear about your brother. I lost a very close relative around that age as well and it sucked.
Knowing what I know now, it didn't have to happen, but it did... Let's just see he was as stubborn as a mule, Lord rest his soul.

As far as everything that transpired with you and her, I'm like speechless.

That's A LOT for anyone to have to face - then add a child to the picture...

Did she leave you or just wasn't there for you throughout that? I couldn't have stuck around afterward, I'd thought she was incredibly selfish.

Yet you guys ARE together... do you think it's because she has a son and that fulfills a need/desire for you?

 

[woody2626]

I dated this girl before and things ended kind of bad. We patched things up a few months later and were really good friends(pretty much friends with benefits) we stopped hooking up because she wanted to start dating this guy(they have been together for 2.5 yrs now) Last summer before she left for college we had gotten alot closer and she was contemplating leaving her boyfriend for me. She ended up cheating on him with me( I know, a mistake, but I didn't make a move until she told me she had feelings for me)


She ended up telling him she had feelings for me, long story short she chose to stay with him and I haven't spoken to her in 8 months.

I've never been that close to a female and had so much in common. +*%$ didn't work out and maybe it wasn't just the right time but she was different from all the others. It was messed up how it ended but at the same time it made me realize what im looking for.

 

[littlepetewrigley]

Originally Posted by QueenCitySneakerQueen

Originally Posted by LittlePeteWrigley

Damn QueenCity. May I ask what happened between y'all?



Did he have someone else? Also, what makes you SO sure he was "the one"?

Did something wrong and I got busted lying
It's hard to explain how I know he was the one but I'll try basically when you have two people who are so alike (he was literally the male version of me) and both of yall "break yall rules" and do things you never would have or normally don't do and the way we fit together like puzzle pieces little stuff like how we both lived on the same street our entire lives and didn't met til we were 20 

Anyway I'm moving across the country won't ever see him again hopefully

By the way this was therapeutic thanks  

Well, I must say I was hoping HE did something

. Honesty is the best policy, at least with me. Like "can't you JUST keep it funky and NOT waste anyone's time?"

I can relate to the bold parts 'cause that's how I felt, guess I'll never know now...

I feel the same and you're welcome.


@ woody2626: I would have DEMANDED that she end it with him. I can't deal with that indecisive B.S.

Do you know WHY she chose him, even though she cheated on him with you? I was in a similar situation, she even got knocked up.
I'm willing to be she now knows who she should've chosen to be with.

Do y'all still keep in touch or is she strictly in the past?

 

[ksteezy]

about 3 years ago, i broke off my engagement with my wife, we had a bad fall out, and all while going through it, i reconnected with someone from high school, girl lived in Florida...somehow someway i got caught up, all we had was convos, texts, emails....i lost myself, maybe because me and my then fiancee were in a really bad time that it made this other girl seem so perfect, so for me....anyway, enageent came to an end after she found some texts, she moved out and i was free to do as i wish, i was single....but completely infatuated with shorty from Florida....i was sprung beyond believe, we spoke about family, she took a couple of trips up to NY, i drove down to Florida, eventually though, the infatuation faded and reality started settling in, bottom-line i didn't have the patience to deal with a long distance relationship.....so i cut it off....started playing the dating game here, met a few chicks and ended up back at square one, with the woman im married to today......she forgave me, she kept it real with me, as she also had her own rebound and didn't hide it from me, we got back together and i guess that experience made me man up and finally after 10 years i said, let get married, when we first got engaged, i did it more because i felt i owed it to her, however it wasn't until after that fall-out that i realized im not really going anywhere even if i meet some fantasy chick....so now that im married i know that if temptation knocks on my door and shorty can be kim kardashian herself, ill know that im where i want to be and ill remind myself of what i went through....hence everything happens for a reason, I nearly fell in love with someone else over a 3 month span to realize that the only person i want to be with is the one that has been by my side for the past 10 years.

anyways as a token of the long read, ill share with you guys shorty from Florida.......

i guess is hard not to sometimes get caught in the thought of  "what if" specially when the connection was so much more than just physical, but as long as you stay grounded and true to yourself, the thought goes as easy as it came 

 and you realize where you are at now is all that matters.

Being in a committed relationship is tough bros, who's gonna front like temptation doesn't test us daily, if you open up yourself to it, you will lose sight of whats really real, trust your decisions and never regret. 

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Appreciate it man.  I hate to say it, but I try to use his passing to put things into perspective or not seem so significant although I find myself caring about my personal situations far more than reflecting on that loss.  Maybe it happened over time or I too am selfishly thinking of myself.

I never imagined that any of that would happen to me of all people, but it did.  Some of it was circumstance, bad timing, wrong place, bad decisions/reactions....whatever the case is it happened.  We lived together and had a disagreement about her son's father falsely claiming her son on his tax return.  I always tried to respect that situation and support the decisions she made regarding that....no matter how indecisive and stupid some of them may have been as it was not my place to really speak on his lack of involvement.  Even though the biological father was a worthless piece of garbage who wanted next to no involvement in his own son's life...I guess I admired how she never spoke badly about him to her son and tried to facilitate some sort of relationship with her son and him...even if it was a couple of days a month.  My mother never did that and I never knew anything about my father growing up.  We had gotten into a pretty bad arguement about the tax return issue and that is when we tried to take some time off to let things cool down....I tried to occupy my now free time with work and basketball and this new found freedom of not being a father.  Everything I touched and tried to use as a stronghold to keep me focused and crumbled.  We were in contact and I kept her in the loop when I cracked my hip playing basketball and when my job was giving me heat on some discrimination type of deal.  When her son had seizures and stopped breathing I was the only one besides her mom that came to the hospital...and that shook me up and put things in perspective, that we needed to put our differences aside and be together. 

Then the job stress got too much and I quit/left/separated thinking I had other opportunites lined up...that same week I was in a car accident and then found myself in the hospital via a helicopter ride and in jail with no bond.  She was the first person to get called while en rotue to the hospital and from jail....and her selfishness/self absorbed interior was on full display.  She definitely was not there in anyway shape or form...granted there were a lot of other factors....but she should have been there, as I would have been there regardless.  I hated her for a long time and while taking care of my personal situations...it was probably a miracle that we ever even spoke again. 

I don't think the timing is right for us...yes her son definitely fills a desire for me and I fill that desire for a father for him and for her.  She is still influenced by the opinions of others and has a follower mentality.  If I had that mentality I would have never dated a girl with a child when I was 22.  So as I sit here...I am still not sure why those things occurred, but I lean to believing that it showed me this person is not a good person to have my back as a girlfriend/significant other....imagine as a wife if something even more serious had happened.  I will think about it some more.  Not sure if this story helps you in anyway man, but I have learned the following:


Less is more...I used to always think I could fix or explain things and they would work out.  No...just let them be and fall in to place naturally.  Sometimes things do not need to be said or done, just let it happen.

Don't place a period where a comma should be.  Don't place finite endings on infinite possibilities.  I used to think if a person did XYZ I would never speak to them or something of that nature, but I have definitely seen a change in that. 

It is late...a long night of taking pictures and editing them with a night out right down the street from the place we shared.  Normally I would be at home...living the family life, but since last year...it is up and down man.  Just buckle up for the ride I guess.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

I am going to read that post ksteezy in the am...I can definitely relate to that.  4 am curtain call.

 

[woody2626]

I wanted to just tell her to leave him but its easier said then done. Kind of a weird situation.

IMO its because they were going to the same college(she's a year younger than me) but her reason was that she "realized that she was in love with him" some bs excuse. You don't cheat on someone you're in love with.

When she told him she had feelings for me he said he was gonna stay around unless she had cheated on him(she lied to him and said she hadn't)

After a month of her being away she came back and we hungout and we still clicked right away.

The next week someone ended up telling her bf that she had cheated on him with me(she accused me of it when it was one of her friends who told him). She never apologized to me for accusing me, pretty much turned all her attention to being up his %** 24/7 and fix things. They took a long break and she waited on him for 3 months. They ended up getting back together and she knows she doesn't want to hear what I have to say and also if he found out she was talking to me at all he'd leave her. He's got her locked down tight now.

Honestly I don't see there ever being a time where we will speak again