Crazy stories from your job.

RustyShackleford said:

The young chick is Batman, older chick is Bane:
'Ohhhh you think ratchetness is you ally, you merely adopted the ratchetness. I was born in it, molded by it, I didn't hear common sense until I was already a woman and by then it was nothing to me but deafening”

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RustyShackleford said:

-Younger black chick says she bout dat life
-Older black chick determines that was a lie

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you go boy said:

the LP too busy looking at dong pics instead of breaking up the fight

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Picasso Swerve said:

Are Rusty's stories even real?

Dude be pulling stories out of nowhere like "OH wait yeah, that one time...".

Sus.

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RustyShackleford said:

NEW RUSTY!!! Sorry for the wait brahs. I half way type this out a while ago. Probably not my best work. Hard to think of metaphors now, but actual events are wild enough you guys should enjoy it.
Set the scene: Evening of a weekday during the spring or summer I can't remember exactly. LP's district manager is in the store doing check ups. The DM be catching people too and while he was in the store they caught two dudes stealing golf clubs so they got them in the LP's office up front waiting for cops to arrive. The LP himself during the wait for the cops catches a couple stealing, an Asian girl, Asian guy how looks like he is mixed with something else (these facts will be important later on). Now I was helping this young cute black chick. She the type that is like a 3 but looks like a 7 because her hair is perfect (dat weave was on point word to Joe Frazier), eyes done, make up fresh, nails done, toes done, braces fixing the grill, and dressed nicely. I was helping her get fitness equipment, she said she wants to get ready for beach season. She tells me she is from Bethesda (rich neighborhood in MD) and goes to Howard. She is talks real proper, using no slang (once again important later on). She is a pain in the asz to deal with though. Asking a million and two questions. But I know this stuff inside out so there are no problems.
Now after I'm none helping the young girl with fitness equipment this older (like 35) light skinned black chick comes in looking for a couple fishing licenses. So I go to the back of the store to get her all set up. She was real cool, real polite and really funny. But I can hear the DC accent in her voice and after trying to speak in proper sentences at first wit me, after a while homegirl got comfortable and is talking slang. Nothing to make her sound uneducated, just chopping it up like we friends. Now the computer is giving me problems so it is taking a while to get the licenses printed. After a while the young chick comes back wanting more help. I say I'm busy and it will be like 5 mins, homegirl was about to get upset then I spot my coworker is back on the floor so I page him to help her. Now while I back there getting licenses done ole girl tells me she wants to get a new reel. So I get my hustle man on and show her what I got. She buys a two reals, and picks out some line. I ring her up at the back. Since she bought both reel and line the policy was she gets the reel strung for free. No problem, I'm enjoying her company.
-Now the LP is right behind the counter I'm helping the older lady at, he is in a small stock room that divides the sales floor from the receiving area/larger stock room. He got the couple sitting on the ground in the room and he is going through he belongs, finding **** they stole. He got the door open to he is talking to me while dealing with the thieves
So after I start the first reel the young girl comes back there complaining bout my coworker, talking about don't know **** and I gotta come back to help her. I say I can't, I'm busy but I'll get a manager. Homegirl is pissed at this point and her neck is rolling like the bish is trying to keep a hoola hoop up. 2 mins don't go by and ole girl comes back to me complaining about my manager trying to sell her extended warranties but don't know ****. I say well if that's the case she gotta wait like 10 mins for me to finish up. She ask why can't something else help the older lady. I say I'm the only one that can string a reel in the store. She gets pissed and says “**** this” and walk to the front of the store. I thinking she is leaving but like 8 mins later she comes back talking this “time is up” talk. I say she gonna have to be patient cause it is gonna be like another 5-10 mins. She flips the **** out. Starts cussing at me to hurry up, I try to tell her to calm down and the older lady had had enough. She says to the young girl “listen, you gonna have to wait, I was here first”. The young girl says “bish, you aint' nobody, ain't nobody talking to your fat asz, I was here before you”. (All proper English is out the door and suddenly this black chick from the burbs is acting like she bout dat life)
From the stockroom, can't see him just hear his voice
LP: OH SNAP, NO SHE DIDN'T
The older lady says “excuse me lil girl, show me some respect, know who you're is talking to”. Young chick's reply “no one was talking to, you so mind your business before you get hurt”. Older chick “By who bish”. The young girl grills her hard for a couple seconds, homegirl had the Nick Diaz death stare down pat. Then the young chick trys to bump the older chick out the way to get closer to me, the older chick bumps her back and doesn't let her pass. The young girl gets pissed and smushes the older chick. Older chick smushes her right back. Young chick then fires off a punch.
Big Mistake
For the love of the baby Jesus Big Mistake
The older chick's chin must have been built by Bob Villa cause that joint was mighty sturdy. She doesn't just eat the punch, he devourers it and spit it back up. The younger chick instantly grabs her hand in pain. . The older chick then grabs ole girl, pummels and executes a graceful judo throw, word to the entire Nation of Japan . The young girl's scramble game was Shogun Rua quality, so she gets back to her feet before the older chick can get in any ground and pound.
-ME: LP I NEED HELP!!!!
The LP is now looking through some pics on a camera he found on the guy
LP: WTF IS THIS, THIS YOURS MAN, SHEEEET, THIS THE BIGESST DIKK I EVERY SEEN.
Young girl is back on her feet. Now if I were her, judging by how easily she got taken down the first time time she should have cut her loses and headed for the hills. But she didn't. She swings on the older chick again. She connects but the older lady eats da hook like it is a Jack Daniels sampler from Fridays, happily. She takes the punch, ties up the younger chick, pummels again, gets the under hook, ducks under and I **** you not, executes a Rock Bottom on dis young bish.
ME: SUPE C'MON THIS IS SERIOUS!!!
SUPE: I WAS IN THE ARMY SO I SEEN A LOT OF DIKKS, I KNOW DIKKS, BUT DIS SHEET, YOU GOT TWO HANDS ON DIS THING. DAMN BRO! RESPECT




















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After hitting the ground for the second time the younger girl realizes she is in an Chapelle Show episode of when keeping it real goes wrong. So after executing a De La Riva guard sweep to get free, the young girl crawls away to avoided being taken down again. Because at the rate ole girl was going, the choke slam was up next word to the Undertake. Now I'm scared. I jump over the counter like I got Extreme Conditioning Pro equipped and run to get the LP because only he is allowed to put his hands on customers and I need him to help me break this thing up. I get in the room and this ***** is still looking at dong picks. Telling me “look at this ****” you ever seen a dikk this big, you should know, you're black.
From the room I could here the older chick yelling, cursing and looking for the young chick. Young chick didn't run away I guess because she didn't want to leave her belongings. I step out because LP gets on the radio to his DM about the cops about to be there for the thieves. When I step back outside and I see the older chick is taking off her wig, taking off her jacket, and jewelry. Ole girls must have been working the muscle-ups hard because her arms looked like Eric Bledsoe's. Watching her taking **** off gave me the same feeling I got when I was a kid and saw Goku go Super Saiyan for the first time. I was mesmerized, and I knew **** was going to get real live when the transformation was done. If ole girl dropped the spirit bomb, the young chick's face would be looking like Veageta's after Frieza got done with him. The young girl add activated the older chicks trap card, and the worst part he older chick wasn't even in her final form
Now I run up to the older lady and tell her to chill, but she ain'tt having it. The young girl was hiding between the aisles and under a canopy and the older chicks was talking all this “you don't know me, you wanna act ghetto” trash talk. I can't remember word for word, and I contained so much cussing for me to even type out with it just being a line of ****** symbols but here is something to get the gist of what was being yelled. The young chick is Batman, older chick is Bane:
'Ohhhh you think ratchetness is you ally, you merely adopted the ratchetness. I was born in it, molded by it, I didn't hear common sense until I was already a woman and by then it was nothing to me but deafening”
At that moment she spots the young chick
-ME:LP C'MON ******G ON
LP: HOLD UP!!....MAN WHAT THE **** YOU BE USING TO SMASH, HEFTY BAGS.....THATS WHY YOUR GIRL GOT A LIMP, SHE BEING HAVING TO TAKING DAT ELEPHANT TUSK.......WTF, AND YOU ASIAN. YOU AIN'T BRINGING NO SHAME TO YOUR FAMILY WITH DIS
I break the rule, I get in between them. The young girl sees she got back up now and begins to fire punches around me. The LP finally appears, he is choosing to let the couple go because I dunno, the **** pics made him change his mind, sees me struggling with these two ratchets and gives me a hand breaking it up. The young chick is talking big sheet now but is pissing off the LP so he puts her modified full nelson and carries her away. Half way up the aisle I see homegirl fighting the LP and I' thinking “oh no, BIG MISTAKE” and it looks like the LP was measuring a DDT, quote the Raven nevermore, but decides against it and just drags her up the aisle out the store. Older chick calms down, get her stuff, I finish stringing the reel and she leaves
TL;DR
-Young chick from the burbs annoys me and older black chick
-Older black chick tells her to calm down
-Younger black chick says she bout dat life
-Older black chick determined that was a lie
-Older Chick is Sports Authority's reckoning
-Young black chick is in a pit somewhere trying to figure out how to make a jump
-LP knows his dongs

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RustyShackleford said:

So i got crazy work stories
Crazy travelling stories
Crazy relationship stories
Embarrassing sex stories: Like the time I started to wear boots to bed wit girls to see what the they would say, word to Justin Slayer. Didn't want to drop money on some timbs so I got some knock out South Pole construction boots.
Tons of awkward convo with me and strangers

I wanted to be a comic but couldn't write so i would use my life as material, document everything and put myself in weird situations.

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supa vegetto said:

RustyShackleford said:

The young chick is Batman, older chick is Bane:
'Ohhhh you think ratchetness is you ally, you merely adopted the ratchetness. I was born in it, molded by it, I didn't hear common sense until I was already a woman and by then it was nothing to me but deafening”

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you are a fool.

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Picasso Swerve said:

Are Rusty's stories even real?

Dude be pulling stories out of nowhere like "OH wait yeah, that one time...".

Sus.

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bamez said:

he said activated her trap card and she wasnt even in her final form 

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