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Girlfriend Got raped... Need to Vent.. Updated Information at pg1

post #1 of 536
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Me and my girlfriend have a long distance relationship currently due to her being in Texas and me in NYC in college. She called me crying to tell me about few hours ago that yesterday at her sisters party she got raped by some guy. She is sure of it and was scared at what to do and called me but me listening to it all, I just had my mind blank out and choke up. She was waiting for her sister to talk to mofo with her bf and find out what happened to be sure before my gf officially goes to the cops. I told her to go get a rape kit done and call cops and tell her parents but she said she wants to be sure before doing anything. I got enraged and told her if she was lying to play this off and as an excuse for what she did but with out a doubt im sure she did got raped now. I'm waiting for more info now but I don't know what to do. I feel so bad and powerless now and I feel so bad right now. I just needed to vent guys ....idk what else to do.



Just to add few more details, she was drinking but not wasted type but everyone else was and when she woke up she knew what had happened and was frantic. She tells me now that she is doesn't know what to do and all that.

Update:

It officially is a rape now that her mom knows and today she went to planned parenthood and she was given a Plan B pill and appointment for a medical check up and get tested. She told me though she does not want to press charges and made up her mind to which she told me this morning. I broke down hard and felt like crap and a deep pain when she told me that. I went to my counselor in college and I literally just let it all out and explained to her what happened. She and another head of the counseling department spoke to me for over an hour and made me think and realize everything. She said to understand that many women don't report it to the police because our court system will drag this to well over months or even years and it would be a constant reminder of what happened and how society will label her as a slut and all that crap we hear about in the news. She just brought out facts and after the whole talk I was able to regain my self and walk out with a clear head. I am going to be there for her and support her because there is no doubt my girl is broken by all this and she just wants to let the healing process begin. I wanna thank you guys as well for the positive comments and I know many of you had the same reaction I initially had about her lying to cover up something but there is no doubt now she was raped.


This is how is went down by all accounts of what people told me and parents and herself once she was at planned parenthood.
It was a party/gathering. Drinking was involved but my girl wasn't feeling in the mood but still drank. She took her medicine from her doctor prescription then drank one drink they were giving and went to lay down as she texted me. She tells me this guy was there that has tried in past to hit on her was there and was getting wasted with everyone else including her sister. So she basically knows the **** who did it and he owned up to it and said he was just wasted and out of his mind. Next thing she wakes up with her clothes off and realizes what has happened and tells her sister. She tells her to go check herself in the bathroom for bruises marks and anything that will show rape has occurred. She has no bruises but checks her privates and sees it is sore and has the obvious inside of her to which she breaks down. She tells her sis and they go out to find the guy and confront him while my gf stays home not knowing what to do. She then told those things I wrote initially not being able to think right and confuses me initially and gives me doubts by not wanting to get anything done or telling parents. I threatened her saying if she is lying to cover up some bs excuse and that I will tell her parents myself but she tells me to hold on. She later does tell her mom and her moms goes crazy but then calms down telling her that she is by her side and that it is her decision to what she wants to do, meaning my gf decision. I was upset and basically told her I dont wanna deal with this and she starts to breakdown saying I cant leave her when she needs me now more than ever and cant go through this just with her parents and herself alone. I managed to calm her and she goes to sleep. Today she went with her mom and friend to planned parenthood to get a Plan B pill and they give her an appointment to go get checked up and tested for everything. She now has to get checked every 6 months for HIV for the next 5 years along with any other std. I then get heated again when she tells me she wont press charges because it will only be dragged in court for months and years even which will cause her pain and daily reminders of what happened. That is what she told me and her close friend told me as well to think about it. I then went to my counselor in college and then went to the head and they just broke it down for me as they have dealt with this situations of rape and trying to make me understand why a woman wont go to the cops.

At this point I just wanna get through this as best I can and help her because what started off as a unclear story and suspicions just as you all said, just was confirmed to me by others, her mom and herself.

New edit:
The guy was not there come morning time, he disappeared the next morning and he was the only missing person from all the other people there and is why my gf sis with her bf went out to fin him and confront him. She may as well been have given something as all u said just one drink and then the guy knowing this took advantage of it and then left.

That being said I was already going through some personal family matters that put me in a depression stage and this just put me down in a place where I can never get myself out. You all may say im soft beta and to get out but when a man is kicked this deep down in a hole there is nothing else that matters other than getting my family through with our issues and being a supportive person to a person who is with her mom seeing a counselor at this moment. If i walk away what good will come from it, have this in the back of my mind knowing I walked away from a person I supposedly loved. Im not trying to talk my way into sounding like Im right or convincing myself but depression really hits hard and all i care about is moving forward, getting my degree and helping a person out. You all have right to say im a pussy for being there for a person going through this.
Edited by NLoc - 2/5/13 at 6:26am
post #2 of 536
So what's the story? What does she say happened?
How does she not know if she got raped?
post #3 of 536

What exactly did she tell you about the incident?

 

The whole "wanting to be sure" thing sounds off.

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post #4 of 536
Wow.... I'm really sorry to hear that and while I have no real answer for this just do your best to be there for her and that life can go on past this.
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post #5 of 536

was she drunk or passed out or something?  Is that why she doesn't know for sure?

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post #6 of 536
Seems sketch fam. On one hand I want to sympathize but on the other I know what slimeballs these women can truly be. She really got raped at her SISTERS party? I just don't know. Will stay tuned for deets.
post #7 of 536

Was she drunk. If so I'm sorry bro. 

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post #8 of 536

Damn, why would she be hesitant to file a report though? 

post #9 of 536
Why wait to see "what really happened".

If she does think she was raped, she needs to go to the police ASAP.
post #10 of 536
She wants to make sure she got raped?

both outcomes are devastating
post #11 of 536

Was she ruffied or drunk?

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post #12 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrBrown View Post

She wants to make sure she got raped?

both outcomes are devastating

 

either she got raped or she cheated..

 

catch 22.

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post #13 of 536
Sounds like she is not sure if it was consensual or rape.

Don't call her a liar, just support her
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post #14 of 536

So she was drinking, didn't get "wasted", somehow passed out to the point where she didn't wake up if she were getting raped? 

 

Something ain't right

post #15 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by ServeChilled81 View Post

was she drunk or passed out or something?  Is that why she doesn't know for sure?

Must've been.

So sorry to hear that man. Nothing worse than taking advantage of someone. Can't imagine what she or you are going through right now. Remember, it's not your fault...nothing you could've done. Whatever you do, above all else, be there for her.
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post #16 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pythagoras View Post

Damn, why would she be hesitant to file a report though? 

Scared, ashamed, thinking its her fault. sometimes cops really don't even do **** about rape.

OP I don't eem know what you're going through right now. But don't accuse her or anything like that until you know 100% what's going on.

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post #17 of 536
did dude slip something in her drink?
post #18 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by a blinkin View Post

What exactly did she tell you about the incident?

The whole "wanting to be sure" thing sounds off.


That's what alerts me.
post #19 of 536
OP you know what you gotta do now





































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post #20 of 536
Keep your head up fam. What has happened has happened. Move forward and beat him in court. Take all his money and ruin him for the rest of his life
post #21 of 536
Hate to be that guy, but she cheated story just doesn't make sense.


I still feel for OP either way.
post #22 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pythagoras View Post

Damn, why would she be hesitant to file a report though? 
some ppl dont like the cops
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post #23 of 536
Shes either telling the truth and you might have to catch a body.... or shes lying and you might have to catch a body...

either way, this is a bad hand but stay strong...
post #24 of 536

I want to say you should already be on your way to Texas ready to catch a body but her "wanting to be sure" . . . 

 

Idk man. As much as she coulda gotten raped, she also coulda just gotten drunk and let some dude smash and now she feels guilty.

 

Either way, things like this is why I can't date someone halfway across the nation. If something really did happen, you're essentially powerless and if she's letting other dudes smash . . . then . . . welp . . .

 

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post #25 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by Young ThunderCat View Post

Hate to be that guy, but she cheated story just doesn't make sense.


I still feel for OP either way.
post #26 of 536
-So she was drinking
-Didn't get wasted
-But don't remember a man on top of her?
-Where was everybody else at, at this party?
-So she gets raped and don't wanna go to the cops?
post #27 of 536
Unless you are blackout drunk then how do you get raped then go to sleep until the morning? If she was super drunk and memory was hazy then why lie and say she wasn't "wasted"? It would make more sense if she said she was wasted. So she wasn't wasted, remembers something but has to make sure through other parties that she was raped?

If by raped she means she realized in the morning she wished she said no then i'm sure that definitely happened. Anything outside of that needs to be reported asap. They have hotlines for this sort of thing, she can figure it out with a professional as opposed to her accusatory boyfriend.
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post #28 of 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by NLoc View Post



Just to add few more details, she was drinking but not wasted type but everyone else was and when she woke up she knew what had happened and was frantic. She tells me now that she is doesn't know what to do and all that.



grin.gif I hate to be skeptical but it really sounds like shes lying.

Who the hell gets raped at their sisters party and then goes to sleep and waits until the next day to say a thing ?


Also... EVERYONE was very drunk?... except her... yet shes the only one that gets raped ? and nobody heard her scream for help?



Something isnt adding up... at the very least shes lying about being not drunk lastnight... which probably means she just cheated and now shes trying to off the blame on some poor sap.





Then she calls you first thing the next morning when you live in NY instead of the cops in TX...? IMO she called you because she knowingly cheated lastnight and feels incredibly guilty so it was the first thing she had to do.
post #29 of 536
Wow OP try to stay calm and level headed. Get all the details and be there for her. Be prepared because this could go many different ways.
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post #30 of 536
missed that edit...definitely an odd scenario. What makes you sure she was raped?
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