To my NTers with kids

a blinkin · Oct 16, 2013

Keep it real with me for a minute.

You know how you often hear "the best thing I ever done was have a kid" or "I wouldn't change it for the world". I always find myself wondering "... Really?"

Call me cynical, but I just find it hard to believe that a kid is always the best gift people make it out to be. This isn't necessarily geared to people that have kids they planned for, but moreso those that found themselves on the opposite end of a text message that reads "I'm pregnant."

I can think of several scenarios where having a baby would essentially create major (unfavorable) changes for a person.

Essentially what I'm asking (because I know that was a lot of banter to read through, but I'm on my lunch break and not in the mood to be overly cohesive), is this:

If you could rewrite history, would you have had your kid when you did? At all? A little later on down the road?

Discuss.

stillin729 · Oct 16, 2013

That's a line of BS IMO

Down the line maybe but having a kid unexpected or with someone you don't love is a major set back

a blinkin · Oct 16, 2013

StillIn729 said:
That's a line of BS IMO

Down the line maybe but having a kid unexpected or with someone you don't love is a major set back

One of my chapter brothers left his wife a while back because he realized he got married for the wrong reasons (their kid). After being apart for a while, he's deciding to go back and try to repair the relationship. I aak him if he regrets his decisions (parenthood, marriage, etc), he says nah.

stillin729 · Oct 16, 2013

a blinkin said:
One of my chapter brothers left his wife a while back because he realized he got married for the wrong reasons (their kid). After being apart for a while, he's deciding to go back and try to repair the relationship. I aak him if he regrets his decisions (parenthood, marriage, etc), he says nah.

You can grow to love someone and maybe after the years he no longer regrets it but he clearly did when it all went down

jjs07 · Oct 16, 2013

Not to sound like an ***, but I think you really have to have one to know.

I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Trust me, there are highs and lows...but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

*My child was planned - saw your disclaimer in your post.

Animal Thug · Oct 16, 2013

I want kids because I want to have a father-son relationship that I never had with my father.

I just want to know what that feels like..

huynher · Oct 16, 2013

The real question is, how would you feel if you could never have kids?

ksteezy · Oct 16, 2013

StillIn729 said:
That's a line of BS IMO

Down the line maybe but having a kid unexpected or with someone you don't love is a major set back

Duh....that's why first you scout and choose wisely, then work on starting a family, if done the right way, a kid is the ultimate achievement, I mean it's a natural reward...having trouble conceiving is seriously down right one of the most depressing things ever.

jjs07 · Oct 16, 2013

HUYNHer said:
The real question is, how would you feel if you could never have kids?

I would go the adoption route. It's pricey, but there are a lot of kids out there who do need a good home.

carver · Oct 16, 2013

JJs07 said:
Not to sound like an ***, but I think you really have to have one to know.

I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Trust me, there are highs and lows...but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

*My child was planned - saw your disclaimer in your post.

Top Boy · Oct 16, 2013

Animal Thug said:
I want kids because I want to have a father-son relationship that I never had with my father.

I just want to know what that feels like..

It's pretty cool.

I had the typical black father situation in reverse and I was raised solely by my dad..

Pretty much built an unbreakable connection.

Would let myself get impaled and fall into a bath of lemon juice for my father a thousand times over if it means he doesnt.

Just recently gave him all the money I had so he could go on vacation.. He'll pay me back when he has it. Not even sweating him about it because he's spent multiples of what I gave him raising me.

huynher · Oct 16, 2013

JJs07 said:
I would go the adoption route. It's pricey, but there are a lot of kids out there who do need a good home.

True that. My experience is minimal in this subject, but I would think that anybody that is cynical with regards to having children has not faced the experience of not being able to conceive. I believe that this would burden them/place great weight on them the older they get and the more they come to such a realization.

105950 · Oct 16, 2013

My child was unplanned, and it is the best thing to ever happen to me. Opened the door to a marriage and I have truly never been happier in my life. Sounds pretty cookie cutter I know, but it's the god honest truth. Having my daughter is the best thing I have ever done, I know that because I can truly not imagine life without her.

shaft · Oct 16, 2013

My girlfriend at the time (now wife) of many, many years gave me the I'm pregnant out of no where...had my son. He is a mini-me. He'll be 11 in a few days.

my next 3 are girls....and girlie. it is more nerve wracking with them because my wife won't let me treat them like boys. they are dainty little girls, which I say is bull ****. My oldest daughter wants to be an athlete, but then goes back becasue she thinks the other girls are getting more attention from my wife.

long story short, i think having the boy has kept me sane. if it was only girls, I would be REALLY unhappy.

I did not answer your question...sorry bruh.

aveezythebeast · Oct 16, 2013

For me having a kid was a blessing. Especially because i have a littlle boy who just turned 3. Definitely a fun time. If i look back, yeah im sure i would have done some more fun things in my life time before hand, willin out and traveling but now i think about the memories i will have and create with him and his mom as we are a family together. Im happy when me being 25 at the time i felt ready and not a year sooner.

I think for some men the resentment comes with not being happy with whom their having a baby with. Either its unexpected or he has already decided he isnt going to be marrying this woman.

illonaire2006 · Oct 16, 2013

I have a soon to be 2 year old, me and BM did not like each other from about 6 months into the pregnancy and on.... We split, so my only regret is it happened with her. Otherwise no, my lil dude is a min me. Slowed me down, best thing to ever happen to me... If i could do it all over again i wouldnt, not even if i could....

lobotomybeats · Oct 16, 2013

My kiddo is the best thing that ever happened to me. Hands down. He's made me a better person.

One thing that never gets mentioned, and I don't know why, are abortions. I know plenty of people that having an abortion was the best decision they ever made. Why don't people ever say that? Abortions are amazing.

dontsteponmyshoes · Oct 16, 2013

I would change the circumstances. Not really in the fact of waiting longer/or doing it sooner but the way it all unfolded. I was one of the surprise text victims. Except in this case it wasnt im pregnant, it was youre the father of a 3 month old. Finding out during the pregnancy gives you time to prepare. Finding out after birth makes you a parent INSTANTLY.

It IS the best best thing thats ever happened to me though. When you become a father, especially of a little girl you are more conscious of the world around you, how you treat women, people, makes you think more of your future instead of living day by day or "just going with the flow." Its also made me less selfish. Before I was a parent all my extra income went to weed, liquor and shoes. Now it goes to books, toys, childrens clothes and shoes. Before Id tell stories of random skeezers calling me daddy and how I didnt give a F about them. Now most of my stories are about how I get all mushy inside when my lil girl comes to me and says "daddy my love for you is higher than a birds eye in the sky and keeps on going." I dont know where she got it from or even what it means exactly but I LOVE that ****.

The many positive changes being a parent brought about far outweigh the negative changes that becoming an unexpected parent created.

Stuntman cute kid homie, cant wait for my own lil man, I have to find a woman I can actually tolerate and want to be with this time though.

heres my lil 1
The very first time I got to hold her/keep her overnight
View media item 618608first lakers game
View media item 618561 View media item 618566

stuntman mike · Oct 16, 2013

we had a planned pregnancy. i was not prepared for how amazing it is to have my son and it's been easy to sacrifice my spending habits to pay for everything he needs. he's only 8 months old and i blow one whole paycheck just on his top notch daycare and some other misc bills and his college savings - the second paycheck goes to mortgage and food. i don't miss the shoes and dumbass clothes that i used to buy. we plan our meals and eat at the table as a family. we read to him as much as we can. he's taking "swim" lessons at the pool. i cut off my cable because we don't watch tv at all. we go to the beach, hike, picnic etc on the weekends. having my son has improved the quality of my life immensely and i swear, i look at him and sometimes and get filled with so much emotion, i'm borderline tears.

this paycheck i was going to have about $50 to spend on myself. my gf reminded me that it was picture day at school lol. had to buy new clothes and pay for the pictures. teacher texted us a pic of my little man all dressed up and my day is all smiles.

View media item 618530

the antihype · Oct 16, 2013

Had my kids after marriage. Glad I waited, no baby mama drama here. You have to experience it to know it. Kids help put LIFE in perspective. Just the sheer miracle, and amazement of creation. NOTHING else matters...I feel bad when I see all these people worrying about being a "baller", pushing a rolls, at any cost. Life, and the preservation of it is all that really matters in this world.

Yeah yeah I know, please save all the "broke boi, M.O.B., you can still ball and be a dad comments. It's just an opinion.

nawghtyhare · Oct 16, 2013

i honestly believe its the best thing i ever done
my kids actually saved me
i would probably be in jail or even worse if my kids hadnt come along
not to mention being able to help mold and shape someone that u had a hand in creating is a wonderful filling
seeing my kids come home with A's on their spelling and math tests
and just watching them progress as they have been growing older makes me feel good and i HOPE AND PRAY
that i can help them become whatever it is in life they want to be
my son was not planned and RIGHT after my son was born she got pregnant with my daughter
i remember being in the doctors office waiting for the doctor to come in.
We were gonna abort my daughter because we felt like we werent ready for 2.
But the doctor was taking a long time and me and their mother are just sitting in the waiting room
quite as can be not saying anything to each other
20 minutes pass i ask her what she thinking
and we are both thinking the same thing
we both just got up and left
we both couldnt stand to get that abortion
my son and daughter are my joy
TRUTHFULLY they are who i do it for day in and day out

the antihype · Oct 16, 2013

Stuntman Mike said:
we had a planned pregnancy. i was not prepared for how amazing it is to have my son and it's been easy to sacrifice my spending habits to pay for everything he needs. he's only 8 months old and i blow one whole paycheck just on his top notch daycare and some other misc bills and his college savings - the second paycheck goes to mortgage and food. i don't miss the shoes and dumbass clothes that i used to buy. we plan our meals and eat at the table as a family. we read to him as much as we can. he's taking "swim" lessons at the pool. i cut off my cable because we don't watch tv at all. we go to the beach, hike, picnic etc on the weekends. having my son has improved the quality of my life immensely and i swear, i look at him and sometimes and get filled with so much emotion, i'm borderline tears.

this paycheck i was going to have about $50 to spend on myself. my gf reminded me that it was picture day at school lol. had to buy new clothes and pay for the pictures. teacher texted us a pic of my little man all dressed up and my day is all smiles.

View media item 618530

Just read your post...you sir are "doing it"...congratulations.

stuntman mike · Oct 16, 2013

the ANTIhype said:
Had my kids after marriage. Glad I waited, no baby mama drama here. You have to experience it to know it. Kids help put LIFE in perspective. Just the sheer miracle, and amazement of creation. NOTHING else matters...I feel bad when I see all these people worrying about being a "baller", pushing a rolls, at any cost. Life, and the preservation of it is all that really matters in this world.

Yeah yeah I know, please save all the "broke boi, M.O.B., you can still ball and be a dad comments. It's just an opinion.

this EXACTLY :nthat:

$tacy · Oct 16, 2013

my son def wasnt planned and i didn't want kids at all. But he is really the best thing that happened to me. I stay my *** outta trouble, i drink every blue moon now, more responsible with my money and makes me grind 100x harder. Of course its alot of **** i wanted to do but these memories> anything.

The_Isomotion31 · Oct 16, 2013

the ANTIhype said:
Had my kids after marriage. Glad I waited, no baby mama drama here. You have to experience it to know it. Kids help put LIFE in perspective. Just the sheer miracle, and amazement of creation. NOTHING else matters...I feel bad when I see all these people worrying about being a "baller", pushing a rolls, at any cost. Life, and the preservation of it is all that really matters in this world.

Yeah yeah I know, please save all the "broke boi, M.O.B., you can still ball and be a dad comments. It's just an opinion.

My kids were not planned but conceived after marriage.

I understand this. I remember when I was looking for a family vehicle. My friends were all getting SUVs and such. I looked into them and just thought, it is way more practical to get a minivan. Sure I get made fun of, but I know it is in good fun.

I remember taking them to Disneyland and staying at the Disneyland hotel. I myself never got to stay at the hotel, but always dreamed of it. On everything, that trip and the look on their faces is ranked up there if not higher than any trip I have taken with my friends.

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To my NTers with kids

a blinkin

stillin729

a blinkin

stillin729

jjs07

Animal Thug

huynher

ksteezy

jjs07

carver

Top Boy

formerly jay patt

huynher

105950

Guest

shaft

aveezythebeast

illonaire2006

lobotomybeats

dontsteponmyshoes

stuntman mike

the antihype

nawghtyhare

the antihype

stuntman mike

$tacy

formerly willchamberlain

The_Isomotion31

formerly thewindscar31

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