Why are prenups taboo?

So I'm talking to this girl I use to smash, been with her BF over five years, they broke up for a bit because he was cheating, a few times. They're moving in together, and she wants to get married. I told her 'as a future attorney I suggest you talk about a prenup with your bf.' She, just like everyone else who's contemplating marriage, got offended. I don't get it.


I have spent the last year and a half studying contracts, property and divorce. While I'm not officially qualified, I know a **** load more about marriage than the laymen. My advice should at least be heeded... However I'm looked at as some soulless, heartless monster, which I must admit, after learning the law, I am.

Most don't realize what's going on with property, with kids, with taxes, with alimony, depending on the situation, criminally, civilly.

I don't exactly understand why a prenup is so taboo, since 1960 w/no fault divorce, divorce has been on the rise; I don't ride in a car without a seatbelt I'm not getting married without a prenup.

Because no newlywed likes to think about the end of their relationship before it has really begun.

I'm getting one. It's a requirement for me to get married.

My brother got married last year and it was a requirement for his wife to sign it. They were together 7 years before getting married.

My parents tell my brother and I that we MUST have a prenup if we get married. We have a lot of property in our names and we damn sure won't lose it to somebody outside our family if something goes wrong. My parents think with their brain and not emotional when it comes to things of that nature.

I always get the same response 'that's not going to happen'

Zero, ZERO percent of couples say 'lets get married and in about twenty years go through a bitter divorce hurting ourselves, economically, physically and emotionally; forcing our friends to choose and totally screwing up our kids lives' but...that's what happens.

A prenup doesn't solve everything, and sometimes they're not enforceable. But they do solve the legal issues. I always say 'make an agreement for your seperAtion while you love each other because as much as you love each other now is how much you'll hate each other then'

Kids become pawns, property becomes suddenly meaningful, truths become lies, character is assassinated and overall lives become ruined, all be a use you were hard headed.

Idk what yalk talki bout , bit I'm def getting a pre nub, I'll always love my girl, but when **** hits the fan, she takin half of NOTHIN.!!!

I think marriage is more the issue....maybe she shouldn't be willing to marry a guy that has cheated on her multiple times....maybe marriage should be take more seriously

i am making an agreement for my girl to live in my condo so SHE and I are protected if things dont work out.

Protecting her as in she pays rent, so i cant just kick her out if i get pissed and well she wouldnt be able to get anything out of me...She took it crazy personal. Didnt Give a F!!!

People get offended cause they feel like you dont trust them

I'm no expert either but even if you get a pre nup cant the girl still get a **** load of stuff after a divorce?

jthagreat said:

i am making an agreement for my girl to live in my condo so SHE and I are protected if things dont work out.

Protecting her as in she pays rent, so i cant just kick her out if i get pissed and well she wouldnt be able to get anything out of me...She took it crazy personal. Didnt Give a F!!!

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That's what I'm saying, I wouldn't let a girl move in my house without a cohabitation agreement, because if my names on the lease, when I get mad that ***** can kick rocks, however if she signs an agreement I can't just put her out. People don't want to admit how vindictive they can be, but we all have it in us. Good on you man repped

T Lo Sweater yea, I mean the courts still have the presumption that women need to be protected, so prenup a have to be slightly skewed forward taking care of women, if its to oppressive or otherwise just not fair, the court will throw it out, and you don't want the court dividing your life, they don't know, nor give a **** about you.

am1x90xnike said:

jthagreat said:

i am making an agreement for my girl to live in my condo so SHE and I are protected if things dont work out.

Protecting her as in she pays rent, so i cant just kick her out if i get pissed and well she wouldnt be able to get anything out of me...She took it crazy personal. Didnt Give a F!!!

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That's what I'm saying, I wouldn't let a girl move in my house without a cohabitation agreement, because if my names on the lease, when I get mad that ***** can kick rocks, however if she signs an agreement I can't just put her out. People don't want to admit how vindictive they can be, but we all have it in us. Good on you man repped

.

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She preached and preached how she wouldnt act that way (vindictive) and was in a similar situation and she left behind S!!! that belonged to her...as if that was suppose to make me feel better.

I told her that wasnt 'the smartest thing to do' and still...dont care. SIGN

What if you marry a wealthier lady? would you then want to get a prenup????

Tero said:

What if you marry a wealthier lady? would you then want to get a prenup????

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Can't debate hypotheticals, too many roads t go down.

Tero said:

What if you marry a wealthier lady? would you then want to get a prenup????

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if i dont want to give up my 'things' after its over, why would i fault someone (my lady) for doing the same?

I dont understand why entertainers/athletes dont get prenups from the jump 

Jking0821 said:

I think marriage is more the issue....maybe she shouldn't be willing to marry a guy that has cheated on her multiple times....maybe marriage should be take more seriously

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This is the really the question that needs to be answered.

The only thing I need a prenup for his is two things.

1. 50/50 custody (If childern are involved)
2. No child support payment or alimony..etc.

She can have my pokemon cards.

I'm gonna hand her a clicky pen....

Ca

Miniojw said:

The only thing I need a prenup for his is two things.

1. 50/50 custody (If childern are involved)
2. No child support payment or alimony..etc.

She can have my pokemon cards.

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Can she have 30% of your estate from now until she dies? Even if she gets remarried?

What about the tax deductions?

How bout the house? She could get one of your cars.

Like trust, it's not just about what you have now, but what you'll have in the future because they def award women **** you don't have, the 'impute' income, which means they make up what you should have and give her half. Honestly, it's not fair.

Ol girl got offended because your boy is clearly a sucka, and you ****** up the lick.

OP you seriously need to ask why prenups are taboo?  Should be pretty obvious.

95% of people think a pre-nup only concerns gold-digging, money is involved and who gets what if someone cheats or dies.

A pre-nup is just a contract made before marriage. You can contract away almost anything, and it's not really that different from a contract between both parties during marriage. The problem is that in many states, especially in NY, the EPTL or whatever equivalent statute is heavily defaulted in favor of one's spouse (to the extent that it overrides one's will) so it's best to explicitly contract away the NY default rules so that, at death, your will gets full meaning, or upon divorce, your property doesn't "wrongfully" go into the hands of your ex-spouse.

It's stupid not to have a pre-nup. There are default rules already in place in your state so once you marry, you're automatically subjecting yourself to a bunch of rules (most of which no one bothers to read and many of which are antiquated, IMO).

what if marriages were like car registrations?

Where you have to renew it every year?

I wouldn't say taboo, because those that are knowledgeable about their assets and their worth go through various lengths to protect them. With that said, the reason why some women get offended and are reluctant to sign because they feel as if the spouse doesn't truly love them or trust them. Also, no prenuptial is concrete. Depending on how biased your judge is, they could nullify various parts of the agreement. If I had a lot to lose, there wouldn't be any alternative before a marriage.

iYen said:

what if marriages were like car registrations?
Where you have to renew it every year?

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Man I propose ten year renewal with automatic asset splits, 'alimony,'and child custody/support agreements, . A three year 'trial period' before full affects of marriage with a will required to be written within the first three years; along with mandatory counseling/confidential marriage review as part of the full marriage application process

am1x90xnike said:

Ca
Can she have 30% of your estate from now until she dies? Even if she gets remarried?

What about the tax deductions?

How bout the house? She could get one of your cars.

Like trust, it's not just about what you have now, but what you'll have in the future because they def award women **** you don't have, the 'impute' income, which means they make up what you should have and give her half. Honestly, it's not fair.

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It depends.

See, the problem with a lot of people's thinking on this is that they focus too much on the individual. A marriage is a legal union - when you get married you are giving up an amount of absolute - for lack of better word - control over every aspect of your personal life in favor creating a union from which you are supposed to benefit - you also receive very strong influence in the life of your partner in exchange. Things aren't YOURS anymore; they're OURS. ...You don't want that, don't get married - nobody forces you to do so. That's the bargain you make - pre-nup or not.

I know the 50s nuclear family model isn't a reality for many, but let's say you have children and after one parent decides to be a stay at home mom or dad. That person is making no income (or little income), but there is tremendous value - economic value as well as social value - to you and to the family for that person doing so. That person is also sacrificing years of work experience, skills generation, etc. so that if that person does decide to go back to work later - maybe after a divorce - that person's earning potential and very hire-ability has been seriously damaged, set back for years - possibly irrevocably.

The person who did continue to work did not suffer that - that person directly benefited in many ways short and long term from the willingness of the other to sacrifice as part of a union for the betterment of the whole unit. Once that unit isn't in tact, it's not unreasonable for the previous beneficiary to pay reparations of sorts to the other one who made practical sacrifices that tangibly impacted his/her life. That person not only got to continue his/her career and get promotions, raises, etc., but that person did not have to pay for child care in order to retain their professional upward mobility. And, those dynamics do not go away simply because a party enters another relationship. If I quit my job to raise the kids I have with my wife and we then divorce, what the hell does who I then date or re-marry have to do with the huge hole I've dug myself as a professional?

So, I don't think it's absolute. My wife and I have no kids, etc. I don't think you could make a credible argument that, up until this point, our union has prevented either of us from progressing in individual ways for the betterment of the union. Maintaining our personal independence as much as possible while reaping the legal and financial benefits of marriage is one of the ideals on which my marriage rests. But, there are plenty of cases when it happens. So, yes, there are cases in which it could be justified for one person to get reparations from the other for an extended period of time, regardless of remarriage, etc.


...The other thing that rubs people the wrong way about pre-nups is the "who do you think you are aspect of it" People who I know who have money, they either sign agreements or they don't, but it's a behind closed doors thing and they don't talk about. It's always the bums who don't have jack in the first place who talk about - that b- ain't getting half of nuthin. ...It's like relax, bruh, ain't nobody trying to trap you for you "VVVVNDS" Space Jams.