NT true "doo doo" stories

[mr brown]

:x

 

[tr1ll]

Thread has massive potential..

A few years back, I got constipated real bad. I went about 2 weeks without a BM. I was working the late shift at a warehouse so I was getting of at 1am. I had just moved to Houston and was living with some relatives, which was already 10 deep in a 3 bedroom house.

One night, I come home, its all dark and everyones sleep. I try to poop for about 10 minutes, no luck, so I shower and go to bed. I lay down for a few minutes, then I'm like, "Naw eff that! This happening TONIGHT!". I sit on the toilet, pushing my *** off for a good 5 minutes. No go. So I get up and start pacing back and forth in front of the toilet, like im about to max out on the bench press. I did that routine two times. Push, walk it off. Push, walk it off. That third time...it was like breaking through the Berlin wall of my bum. "Relief" would be an understatement. This **** was comin, too boy(no pun intended). Appearently, the tip of the turd had been sitting so long, it got hard. It sounded like someone dropped something metal in the toilet.

If this wasn't the longest turd ever. It so long, I had time to think and get uncomfortable because I shouldn't be getting this much satisfaction out of a long cylinder shaped object coming out of my anus. After I push it all out, I get up and look into the bowl to see this monster I just butt-birthed. This thing didn't even break up in to smaller pieces, its just setting there, curled up like boa constricter. A good portion of the top of it wasnt even in the warter.

Relieved, shocked and admittingly kinda of proud, I try to flush. It gets about half way down and stops.
Im like, "Oh crap!", and start looking for a plunger. No plunger in sight and the water is starting to over flow. "FUUUUUUU", now I have to wake my ucle up to see if they got a plunger. They do and its in the gir room. So now my uncle has to go in their room and wake all 5 othem up. Mind you, I still havent wpied. Im walking around sagging my ball shorts and my underwear, getting towels to get the warter up. Now, its me and 5 of my cousins watching my uncle fight off this monster from mu butt. Embarassing.

 

[slamcity]

I cant believe I'm about to tell this story again but....
Ive run into some pretty horrible things such as Jordanian food (same same jiggy jiggy?). I was so sick from the food in Jordan that I had to use a porta-john. Needless to say there was no toilet paper, except for the used stuff that was on the floor of the bathroom....Do you know how demeaning it is to have to wipe with USED toilet paper?

Nah man, im walking out without my shirt before I ever wipe with used toilet paper.

 

[michael415]

^^ the pics up there had me dead 

 

[jtmatic]

So me and two friends go to Flake in Venice Beach for a breakfast burrito after a wake and bake smoking sesh of kuda. Then we go to the beach, smoke some more and drop like 2 tabs of acid and just start walking. At first we thought we were just going to the Long Beach pier. We were SO high. I was so high that when these people were throwing a frisbee, I had the spider senses to turn around randomly out of no where and catch the frisbee cleanly with my left hand. I then give the frisbee back to some dude and they're all looking at each other like WTF. Anyway we hang out at Long Beach pier for a couple of hours and have lunch - this time hot dogs, fries, and sodas. Then we go back to the beach, smoke more and drop more tabs. Then we walk even more. We get to Pacific Palisades, smoke more, drop more tabs, chill for a bit and take a long walk to Malibu.

Once we finally get to Malibu, we have a heavy sesh, drop more tabs and at this point we were TRIPPING, like crazy. We watch a crazy acid high sunset and start coming down from the acid. At this point, we didn't drop any more tabs but we have another sesh. We reach Pacific Palisades, have another sesh and walk to Long Beach. By the time we get there, our legs are tired so we chilled on these beach chairs they had there, have another sesh and at this point we had the munchies so we decided to go to McDonalds. Before we reach McDonalds, I get the bubble guts out of no where, BAD. So I'm holding it in for a few blocks and I HAD to go, just absolutely HAD to. I was still tripping, so I was paranoid of straight up going on the street 'cause we didn't see any public places to go to and any cars/people walking on the street/police could have seen me. At this point, I could feel the poop coming out, then I see this post office drop off box, hide behind it, crouch down, pull down my shorts and relieve myself. I ask my friends if they have any tissue or something to wipe with and they're just hysterically laughing. I never told them, so I guess it was warranted; I just straight up ran to the post office box, crouched and took a ****. So after they're finally done cracking up, I ask them again and they said no. So I did the only thing I could do and used my boxer briefs to wipe. I didn't know where to put my boxer briefs; certainly not in my backpack so I just threw it in the drop off box. Friends are laughing like the hyenas in Lion King at this point and we never looked back.
 

 

[wildwayne23]

This has me dying. I shall add one as well. One day in 1st grade I had a major case of the bubble guts. It was pretty early in the day (before lunch) and I knew I had to go right away. So I went up to my teacher and asked her if I could go to the bathroom. She said NO and said I had to wait until lunch time to go. So being in 1st grade I was like and just let it flow. Everywhere I went until lunch I left my mark, my desk and the floor from where we were watching a movie in another teachers room...everywhere. So finally I guess they realized and sent me to the office and I had to change into some left over 5th grader draws :x and they called my Mom. Needless to say my Mom and the principal werent too happy with ole teach.

 

[calikev34]

I have an irrational fear of germs n ****. **** germs, especially
So when I flush, I literally run away- don't want poo poo particles getting on me

Today I took a huge dump
quick flush/door close
but the door took my sandal off and in my scared sweeping motion, it kicked right into the toilet

My sandals are drying in the bathroom right now

 

[baltimoregutta]

dont remember it... but my Mom sure loves telling the family this story


I was 6 my brother was 2. We were taking a bubble bath together with all our toys in the tub (no ayo cause everybody did that as a kid... I hope).

Story goes that my Mom walked in, looked at me, and said "what the heck is that?"...

I look up at her and say "it's my toy"

She screams "GET OUT OF THE TUB RIGHT NOW!"

I guess I was holding my little brothers thick, dark, solid, turd log in my hand thinking it was a toy... she said I started crying and told my brother that I hated him

I just woke my girl up laughing at this ****

 

[albooboo5]

Last Thanksgiving a chick and I went to the casino with group of friends. Everyone is having a good time doing their thing. I ended up get blasted of rum and coke while I am gambling. We all decide to go to a large outdoor shopping area that has bars/restaurants for the beginning of Black Friday. We all meet at a bar before we go shopping, mind you I am still blasted off rum and cokes, and get more drinks in. 

By the time we left the bar to start walking around how I managed to do that is beyond me. Anyways me and this chick are checking out deals walking around outside and I notice a lady selling hot chocolate and coffee. I think hey I get some coffee and it will keep me warm and hopefully have a small sobering effect on me. So I buy three, two for me and one for the chick I was with.  I ending up sucking those things down and not five minutes after I finished I realized my mistake. It felt like Mike Tyson just punched me in the gut.At this point I am just trying to find a place that isn't packed in the hopes there won't be a line for the bathroom. I am power walking cheeks clenched when I spot my target just about 100 yards away. It was a book store going out of business that didn't have much traffic.

I get in lock the door and as soon as I sit down it was like the scene with Harry in Dumb &  Dumber. No lie I was on there for a solid 15 minutes. In all this frantic bomb dropping I never noticed there was no toilet paper. So I look  over and tell myself  what I have to do. I am going to have to duck walk to the paper towels without getting crap on me. I get there start cleaning up but I cant throw the towels in the toilet because I don't want to stop it up coupled with the fact I know there has to be a line outside. So I do the only reasonable thing and throw them in the trashcan. By the time I was done it looked like someone threw away three sacks of greasy cheeseburgers in the trash. I wash my hands while I am talking to myself in the mirror. I tell myself you are going to open the door and quickly but calmly jet the **** out of this store with the funk of death following behind me.

As soon as I opened the door I spotted my victim. It was a cop who looked like he had some coffee as well. I just smirked at him at and laughed in my head at the nastiness he was about to endure. As soon as I got out of the store I bumped into the girl I came with. She looks at me and goes "where the hell did you go"..."are you ready to leave?" All I could do was just bust out laughing. Even on the ride home I couldn't stop laughing. Close call averted!

 

[leroythegreat38]

got taken by surprise once. While taking a routine #1, I ripped a surprisingly bellowing fahrt. It was enough to throw my toilet aim completely off the bowl and worry me. So I pinched the stream, completely removed my pants/draws off, turned around and sat down. I continued the pee after sitting down, but then my gut exploded and it sounded like a fishing boat dumping a 10 gallon bucket of chum into a still lake. Not even sure where that came from, but that toilet needed a double flush to clear out all the murkiness.

lol

 

[liquidswords]

 

[meek meals]

dat non wireless controller lyfe?

 

[liquidswords]

dat non wireless controller lyfe?

I have wireless controllers. I gripped one so hard the case cracked and I threw the other one at the wall.

money down the drain

 

[Hahahaha]

I AM ******G CRYING READING THIS THREAD

This Madden 2010 post, the cat dropping Acid and my man betting during the Super Bowl and loser has to **** their pants.

 

[dunknforce]

I got blackout drunk at my cousins house one friday night. Way to drunk, i was sitting in the shower, trying to sober up. that kinda drunk. Thought i had to fart..... guess not, **** in his tub, one long brown skid mark in his tub!!! we still bring it up to this day

I recently had surgery and have been popping m pain killers to help the pain, well apparently something they dont tell you is that pain killers can back you up. 2 days ago, the 27th, I tried dooking for 4 hours, 8am - noon I took 6 laxatives and was about to have my wife run and get prune juice, but at roughly 1230, i gave birth to a monster!!! It didnt even flush! i had to grab the plunger and break it up! This thing was the size of your wrist and about 20 inches long! unbelievable! SO MUCH PAIN!!! SO MUCH RELIEF!!

 

[aceofjays]

One summer, back when I was like 10, my mom decided me and my brother were gonna spend a month during the summer with my grandma. One of the most boring summers ever, but it had a few gems.

So it's the our last day there and me and my bro are amped. We're headed home then my grandma says she has to make a stop. Come to find out its a wake. She asks us if we have to use the bathroom, I don't but she makes me go in the bathroom anyway, so i basically walk in and walk out. She has us wait in the car and says she'll only be a minute(which had to be at 45 mins). We had just crushed a cheeseburger happy meal and mine wasnt sitting right with me. I'm sittin there in the back seat rockin and rollin in a cold sweat trying not release this demon and I was too scared to go back in the building and tell my grandma I REALLY had to go this time. So I tell my brother to give me is napkins from his happy meal and I start searching for a suitable place to dump. At first I was gonna go behind the building between these two dumpsets, but there were people around. So I go back to the car and tell my brother to wait outside, because I gotta doo-doo in the car. Of course he's lookin at me crazy, but he must have seen and smelled my desperation.

As soon as he gets out i start to search for where the doo-doo is gonna go. I tried to go in my happy meal box but the edges were too sharp, luckily I find a plastic grocery bag under the seat. I proceed to place the bag on the floor between the front and back seat and let it go. Most of it lands in the bag, but a few brown bits drop on my underwear and as I'm wiping I get some on my hand and unknowingly wipe it on the seat. All the while my little brother is peaking through the window from the outside of the car in an amused-disgusted-disbelief. I clean up the best I could with the 4 napkins I had, ditch my tighty-whities, tie the bag up and drop it in the dumpster like nothing happened. I get back to the car feelin nice a exorcised, my brothers lookin at me like, "I can't believe this ***** just did this". Everything is all good until mad flies start appearing and I find a few smudges of poo on backseat and floor. I'm shook because I know my grandmother is gonna flip if she finds out I took $#!% and got $#!% on her seats. I try and clean the stains, but it was no use, it had already worked its way into fibers and got stained.

My grandma finally comes back to the car, i tell my brother not to say anything, but as soon as she sits down, her face scrunches up. She goes, "which one of yall passed gas" and my brother breaks and says "Yannick doo-dooed in the car!" She looks back at me and I just give her the weary eyes like . Needless to say, we didnt go home that day.

 

[mmg]

not my story really but i lived it

in the 4th / 5th grade.... walk into the bathroom....some exchange student is doing his **** in the urinal

promptly walked out and never looked back

 

[Ofc.Phan]

based on a true story

So as you guys may or may not be aware, it is summer time here in the bay and it is hot as ####.
So i thought i would walk to the gym and get some sun while i'm at it

My gym is close to a mile away from my apartment
So i finally get there and it's closed because it is the 4th of July and it was only open for a portion of the day. At this point i'm pissed cause i have to walk all the way home + it's hot as hell outside.

Now i'm sipping on some Jack3d on the way home cause i already prepared it for the gym and took my preworkout supps and everything.

So I run to get home, tired and sweaty and need to do a massive poop. And took my clothes off completely butt naked cause it was hot

I get to the toilet and let loose and the sensation was incredible.

All of sudden my leg starts shaking like an excited pedophile at a justin bieber concert but yet at the same time I get this tingly sensation that was indescribable. It was a euphoric feeling like seeing the white light at the end of the tunnel

Next thing I realise i'm butt naked lying on the floor? wtf???? I think I temporarily fainted for a couple seconds???

This is the weirdest **** that has ever happened to me. (literally) wtf
I'm guessing it was the combination of extreme body temperature + exertion whilst trying to poop

 

[ragerx10]

lmao I can't stop laughing at all of this

 

[cs02132]

I decided to walk to Taco Bell from my house (good 30-45 minutes walking) with my boy. Got a cheesy gordita crunch and a crunchwrap supreme with extra sour cream on the side . everythings good were walking home until it hit me about 10 minutes from my house. Couldnt even talk to tell my boy what was going on i just started running .. worst idea of the day was to run..i didnt make it


now that i think about it i never threw away those shorts and my brother always wears them


another time i was at this old house where we would always burn outside. I went to chipotle earlier in the day and when i was there i decided to stock up on napkins for my car. Were about halfway through the sesh and the BGs were SINGING!! i had to bow out and go around the corner of the house and squat. Thanks to all those chipotle napkins i was good though this was like 2-3 years ago and it still gets brought up

 

[jones23me]

at the thread

 

[publicprivacy]

So i was in the shower with my babymama playing grownup. Just previous to getting in I had to get a load off, so in the adjacent toilet I did my thugthizzle. So we washing up in the shower and playing playfully. I don't know about yall, but I do a thorough cleaning of my body including my butt. So i spread the cheeks and set my shower head to jet, and let it go to work. What I seemingly thought was a clean crack, was far from that. So at some point I almost fell down, and was holding around my thigh cheek butt area, and the wall for balance. So as I get all the way up, baby mama eyes start flaring up, like a overheated engine. I look down, and I have the doo doo finger. All that she says is 
 "im tired of you and your ****"

 

[Renaldo Balkman]

while still in college me and a bunch of friends went camping in Colorado...

we stay up all night boozing and cruising...

I wake up in the morning, HUNG OVER as can be :x I try to drink water, and all of a sudden it sounds like the grudge in my stomach... I walk away from the camp site, dig a small hole, squat and unleash hell...

after I am done wiping, I look back at the ish pile I just created. I guess I am not used to seeing pure duke when it's not dissolved in water, because that greenish/brown warm frostie doo doo pie made me sick to my stomach...

I look at the poo poo pile, and then the wind waffed the smell up to my face... already being ridiculously hung over, I was already weak and started to spray vomit directly on top of the doo doo...

I remember tearing up being so disgusted with myself and thinking "this is it, I am never drinking again"...

I walk back to the camp to tell all my boys what happened... they couldn't stop laughing, but were laughing a little too much so I thought something was up. right then one of the guys has a girl come out of his tent (it was all dudes there when I went to sleep) and politely introduces me to her

triple L, and yes, brought up every single time we are all together

 

[sooperhooper]

Ya'll nasty.
@ son who utilized used toilet paper. I would have torn ANY item of clothing off. Walking away with one sleeve> walking away with hepatitis.


-6th grade, we're all posted up outside just chilling, waiting for the morning bell to ring. All of a sudden, I start feeling a gang fight erupting in my stomach. I clenched my cheeks together to the point that them joints almost fused together in a sort of a uni-cheek. No dice. I don't know why I didn't try to run inside. I attempt to bargain with myself "I'll let one nibblet out just to relieve the pressure and save the rest for when I get inside. why did I do that. Come one, come all. I started leaking like a fire hydrant. At this point I didn't care and was just letting it ride like a G I was in toddler mode. All of a sudden, the stench goes public and one of the guys says "ugh ****, somebody STANK!" And everyone starts making the :x face... including me. I was on my Denzel steez, denying being the creator of such a foul odor, and then the bell rings. I run towards the gym and tell the female PE teacher that I had an accident. Thank God we had a washer and dryer in the back. Yet Disgusted, she still helped me out and loaded the soiled clothes and gave me a pair of shorts to wear until my clothes were finished. Almost twenty years later, and I still think about it when I see her around town.

-Me and my boys were in the tuxedo shop picking out our attire for prom. I feel a little uneasy in the midsection so I start looking for the restroom. That joint is in the MIDDLE of the store. I didn't want to be bored in there so I asked my homeboy if I could use his cell phone to play snake reluctantly, he obliged. I let out some of the most ghastly scents sanctioned in this municipality within that tiny latrine. When I was done, My dudes were disgusted, and told me that it was lingering around the store, I didn't even care. Gave my boy his phone back and proceeded to pick my tux.