dajondondo
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Small weddings, big weddings, why?
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by toanotherlevel,
- Start date
sillyputty
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Your logic:
Men that aren't in relationships would not understand spending a lot of money on a societal rituals and symbols like rings, outfits, and venues.
Men without fiancees wouldn't understand what it feels like to spend unrestricted funds on a single event?
Is this what you're really saying?
I'm not talking about if you trust Dr. Katz or Tony the Tiger to remove your wisdom teeth here.
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Men without fiancees wouldn't understand what it feels like to spend unrestricted funds on a wedding.... exactly
Gill Baka Esq. LLC.
formerly grimlock
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I mean to each their own but like I said...that 10+g's on doing a normal wedding in your home state...and i'm being very conservative with that price i'd rather go to hawaii and like I said...PAY for my peoples plane tickets out there and most likely accommodation and do a nice wedding on a beach or something of the sort and enjoy something new. You want to keep it simple but oversimplification never gets remembered it embraces regret.
I say spend money your comfortable spending + 5 grand. A lot of people think weddings are just for women but the way I look at it is that if i'm shelling out atleast half...then i'm gonna have my say.
Of course you have to stay within your means...but if theirs an idea that has been brewing between you and your other then you have to understand the need to save up for it and assess if the money your dropping on the wedding is exactly what you want to do versus using it another way.
Gill Baka Esq. LLC.
formerly grimlock
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Silly shut the hell up son...you think your gonna just swoop in a change decades of doing things a certain way...weddings, religion, discourses between man and woman
good luck buddy...sad to say that the world we live in right now wasn't meant for you...time to hop in that dolorean and head to the future...but guys like you will always find something to pick on...it's just part of your nature.
good luck buddy...sad to say that the world we live in right now wasn't meant for you...time to hop in that dolorean and head to the future...but guys like you will always find something to pick on...it's just part of your nature.
sillyputty
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You know what?Originally Posted by GrimlocK
Silly shut the hell up son...you think your gonna just swoop in a change decades of doing things a certain way...weddings, religion, discourses between man and woman
good luck buddy...sad to say that the world we live in right now wasn't meant for you...time to hop in that dolorean and head to the future...but guys like you will always find something to pick on...it's just part of your nature.
Yeah... I do actually.
You're damn right I think I can.
OP is a man who loves his woman enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her, but yet struggles with upholding the ridiculously high and equally pointless standard set before him of providing a wedding and all the accoutrements.
I wasn't aware that finding faults with the system at large and seeking to enact your own changes and improvements the way you see fit, was a problem.
Once again, you all clearly have a problem with the status quo; you just dont have the fortitude to address it.
Stand aside and keep drinking the kool-aid of "standards" and "expectations" while I will do things that I can actually justify beyond the utterly vapid explanations of "tradition" and "its just what we've always done"
According to you, we should go back to stoning non-virgins, having arranged marriages, making our wives come with dowries, force men with property only to marry, and prevent women from working outside of the home. Remember, its not a good idea to change how we USED to do things.
You know whats funny? Yesterday you asked me a basic biology question about evolution a high schooler would have been able to answer but yet I used the kid gloves on you and used it as a teaching moment
...NOW you want to deride me for trying to address certain strains on the inefficiency of society.
http://niketalk.com/topic/325170
The irony.
Go read a science book first before you comment on anything else.
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had 250+ guests
paid ~28k for the reception halll and arrangements (DJ, lighting, food etc)..
luckily got at least 30K back in $ and gifts...but we considered the 28K money already spent... the money in gifts were bonus.
but sacrifices were made for the budget sake. We didn't pick or do certain things.
bottom line....
budget...and don't overspend.. have the experience you can afford.
and don't expect to get back $$
ps. I personally loved my wedding day.. it's not all about the bride
paid ~28k for the reception halll and arrangements (DJ, lighting, food etc)..
luckily got at least 30K back in $ and gifts...but we considered the 28K money already spent... the money in gifts were bonus.
but sacrifices were made for the budget sake. We didn't pick or do certain things.
bottom line....
budget...and don't overspend.. have the experience you can afford.
and don't expect to get back $$
ps. I personally loved my wedding day.. it's not all about the bride
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I got married Feb 2011. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you do not set the tone of your marriage now, you can forget about it.
Women have no sense of saving, money, long-term. They want it now. It is your job to be the MAN and set boundaries.
I expressed to my wife that she has a budget. That was it. Anything over I canceled. Write the checks yourself and look at receipts.
If you do not set the tone of your marriage now, you can forget about it.
Women have no sense of saving, money, long-term. They want it now. It is your job to be the MAN and set boundaries.
I expressed to my wife that she has a budget. That was it. Anything over I canceled. Write the checks yourself and look at receipts.
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Funny thing is, we all get caught up in the tradition of the institution of marriage. You do realize if you're caught up in tradition, that it is in fact, the BRIDE and her family that is supposed to pay for the wedding?
See how big she wants that wedding to be when you drop that on her. I know that's changed over time, but again, that is the TRADITION.
I never cared about getting married. I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My parents are divorced. So in my opinion, marriage in and of itself means but so much.
Her parents have been together for damn near 50 years. So it was important to her.
When you love someone, you compromise. THAT is something that someone who hasn't really been in a strong relationship might not understand.
(Keep that in mind when you're taking advice about relationships and marriage from some stranger on a message board who hasn't even told you they have a girlfriend/boyfriend and might be sitting alone in his/her bedroom with a Nasa-style setup of 9 computer screens and 1 enormous box of Kleenex).
But SHE paid for it. My wife wouldn't even accept any money from me for it. She knew she was putting together what SHE wanted. And wasn't trying to project that onto me or force me into anything.
I used some connections to keep costs down on DJ and few other things. I paid for the honeymoon.
50 guest destination wedding. Close friends and family. Inviting every co-worker, everyone you went to college or high school with etc. is just ridiculous. Think of how many people you were close to once that you barely see anymore. Why invite all those types to your wedding?
Honestly, I had a blast. And I didn't expect to.
To this day everyone calls it "just one big %%$@#%! party".
See how big she wants that wedding to be when you drop that on her. I know that's changed over time, but again, that is the TRADITION.
I never cared about getting married. I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My parents are divorced. So in my opinion, marriage in and of itself means but so much.
Her parents have been together for damn near 50 years. So it was important to her.
When you love someone, you compromise. THAT is something that someone who hasn't really been in a strong relationship might not understand.
(Keep that in mind when you're taking advice about relationships and marriage from some stranger on a message board who hasn't even told you they have a girlfriend/boyfriend and might be sitting alone in his/her bedroom with a Nasa-style setup of 9 computer screens and 1 enormous box of Kleenex).
But SHE paid for it. My wife wouldn't even accept any money from me for it. She knew she was putting together what SHE wanted. And wasn't trying to project that onto me or force me into anything.
I used some connections to keep costs down on DJ and few other things. I paid for the honeymoon.
50 guest destination wedding. Close friends and family. Inviting every co-worker, everyone you went to college or high school with etc. is just ridiculous. Think of how many people you were close to once that you barely see anymore. Why invite all those types to your wedding?
Honestly, I had a blast. And I didn't expect to.
To this day everyone calls it "just one big %%$@#%! party".
big j 33
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What an outrageously ignorant statement.
Gill Baka Esq. LLC.
formerly grimlock
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I figured you would pull that card out...your predictable and one-dimensional at best hommie...your like that poster who raps all his postsOriginally Posted by sillyputty
You know what?Originally Posted by GrimlocK
Silly shut the hell up son...you think your gonna just swoop in a change decades of doing things a certain way...weddings, religion, discourses between man and woman
good luck buddy...sad to say that the world we live in right now wasn't meant for you...time to hop in that dolorean and head to the future...but guys like you will always find something to pick on...it's just part of your nature.
Yeah... I do actually.
You're damn right I think I can.
OP is a man who loves his woman enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her, but yet struggles with upholding the ridiculously high and equally pointless standard set before him of providing a wedding and all the accoutrements.
I wasn't aware that finding faults with the system at large and seeking to enact your own changes and improvements the way you see fit, was a problem.
Once again, you all clearly have a problem with the status quo; you just dont have the fortitude to address it.
Stand aside and keep drinking the kool-aid of "standards" and "expectations" while I will do things that I can actually justify beyond the utterly vapid explanations of "tradition" and "its just what we've always done"
According to you, we should go back to stoning non-virgins, having arranged marriages, making our wives come with dowries, force men with property only to marry, and prevent women from working outside of the home. Remember, its not a good idea to change how we USED to do things.
You know whats funny? Yesterday you asked me a basic biology question about evolution a high schooler would have been able to answer but yet I used the kid gloves on you and used it as a teaching moment.
...NOW you want to deride me for trying to address certain strains on the inefficiency of society.
http://niketalk.com/topic/325170
The irony.
Go read a science book first before you comment on anything else.
I have a problem with many things about our society and I do take up arms for them but this is marriage....if OP can't compromise with his s.o. and come up with a plan that appeases the both of them how in gods (
In the end your not gonna accomplish a damb thing sitting behind the computer and spitting out new school rhetoric. You add nothing to the content of NT besides bashing on religion...nothing...but thanks for the reply in that thread though.
Now let me let silly try and make a rebuttal to which i'll probably not respond too because in my head I already won...check and mate. Get mad son
OP I feel you when you say you don't understand the need for a big wedding...but like I said before it's about communication and compromise...don't let an issue like this undermine the years of developing a relationship with someone...I've seen first hand relationships crumble due to weddings. I'm not saying do everything her way but make her understand where your coming from. If she can't then you have to readjust where you stand with this girl and if it's even worth getting mad over. Silly is partially right when he says that women fantasize about this day for a long time....step into those shoes and understand that even though their expectations are almost far-fetched sometimes and they get unruly for this kinda thing...is this the only time she's really getting outta hand? If so then your still a lucky dude...and if you don't have the type of money to get her to his dream wedding...do your best with what you have...can't be mad at yourself for that. She should know she has to shell out her share as well.
Like grizzly said set boundaries...it's necessary but if she's been a great girl to you don't just !%%$ on her parade...let her know where you stand with the money you have and what you can do with it that you feel comfortable doing.
Like another poster said before me...a lot of these pseudo alpha's are gonna tell you to put your foot down on everything but if you get outta hand with it, she will bring this !%%$ back up after your married blee dat.
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Originally Posted by Big J 33
What an outrageously ignorant statement.
I would bet you money that my mom is better at saving, investing, and projecting spending than you ever will be Grizzlyboy. Sure some women are like that, but just an equal amount of men are the same.
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OP, if you're not a traveling Gypsy from Ireland, then you really shouldn't be complaining...
.
One of my senior co-workers put me on to this show, his wife put him on, called "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and I was honestly floored by what I was witnessing.
I watched all six episodes (roughly an hour each) in one sitting...
.
The culture of marriage, among other interesting occasions, in their (traveling Irish gypsy) society is really something else. I highly recommend this show to anyone else who is interested in seeing how "marriage" plays out in other social realms (the Irish gypsy's, in this case). Show apparently airs on TLC, but I watched it online.�
Some of the chicks were kinda�
�too. To bad they don't mess with "outsiders"...
.
Weddings "costing" ~ $216,000...
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[/font]
...
One of my senior co-workers put me on to this show, his wife put him on, called "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and I was honestly floored by what I was witnessing.
I watched all six episodes (roughly an hour each) in one sitting...
The culture of marriage, among other interesting occasions, in their (traveling Irish gypsy) society is really something else. I highly recommend this show to anyone else who is interested in seeing how "marriage" plays out in other social realms (the Irish gypsy's, in this case). Show apparently airs on TLC, but I watched it online.�
Some of the chicks were kinda�
Weddings "costing" ~ $216,000...
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[/font]
...
sillyputty
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Originally Posted by GrimlocK
I figured you would pull that card out...your predictable and one-dimensional at best hommie...your like that poster who raps all his postsOriginally Posted by sillyputty
You know what?Originally Posted by GrimlocK
Silly shut the hell up son...you think your gonna just swoop in a change decades of doing things a certain way...weddings, religion, discourses between man and woman
good luck buddy...sad to say that the world we live in right now wasn't meant for you...time to hop in that dolorean and head to the future...but guys like you will always find something to pick on...it's just part of your nature.
Yeah... I do actually.
You're damn right I think I can.
OP is a man who loves his woman enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her, but yet struggles with upholding the ridiculously high and equally pointless standard set before him of providing a wedding and all the accoutrements.
I wasn't aware that finding faults with the system at large and seeking to enact your own changes and improvements the way you see fit, was a problem.
Once again, you all clearly have a problem with the status quo; you just dont have the fortitude to address it.
Stand aside and keep drinking the kool-aid of "standards" and "expectations" while I will do things that I can actually justify beyond the utterly vapid explanations of "tradition" and "its just what we've always done"
According to you, we should go back to stoning non-virgins, having arranged marriages, making our wives come with dowries, force men with property only to marry, and prevent women from working outside of the home. Remember, its not a good idea to change how we USED to do things.
You know whats funny? Yesterday you asked me a basic biology question about evolution a high schooler would have been able to answer but yet I used the kid gloves on you and used it as a teaching moment.
...NOW you want to deride me for trying to address certain strains on the inefficiency of society.
http://niketalk.com/topic/325170
The irony.
Go read a science book first before you comment on anything else.
I have a problem with many things about our society and I do take up arms for them but this is marriage....if OP can't compromise with his s.o. and come up with a plan that appeases the both of them how in gods () name are you gonna do anything for him besides for a separation between them. Dude your a snake in disguise, you try and "help" others but you don't really...you force your opinion on them.
In the end your not gonna accomplish a damb thing sitting behind the computer and spitting out new school rhetoric. You add nothing to the content of NT besides bashing on religion...nothing...but thanks for the reply in that thread though.
Now let me let silly try and make a rebuttal to which i'll probably not respond too because in my head I already won...check and mate. Get mad son
OP I feel you when you say you don't understand the need for a big wedding...but like I said before it's about communication and compromise...don't let an issue like this undermine the years of developing a relationship with someone...I've seen first hand relationships crumble due to weddings. I'm not saying do everything her way but make her understand where your coming from. If she can't then you have to readjust where you stand with this girl and if it's even worth getting mad over. Silly is partially right when he says that women fantasize about this day for a long time....step into those shoes and understand that even though their expectations are almost far-fetched sometimes and they get unruly for this kinda thing...is this the only time she's really getting outta hand? If so then your still a lucky dude...and if you don't have the type of money to get her to his dream wedding...do your best with what you have...can't be mad at yourself for that. She should know she has to shell out her share as well.
Like grizzly said set boundaries...it's necessary but if she's been a great girl to you don't just !%%$ on her parade...let her know where you stand with the money you have and what you can do with it that you feel comfortable doing.
Like another poster said before me...a lot of these pseudo alpha's are gonna tell you to put your foot down on everything but if you get outta hand with it, she will bring this !%%$ back up after your married blee dat.
The FIRST thing I told the OP was that I hope his girl respects him enough to want to compromise in order to better secure their future together...Don't act like I was trying to take a massive dump on the dude.
I wished him well, gave him some vague advice (cause he REALLY is on his own at this point, no matter how you twist it) and put my personal thoughts behind a spoiler. Miss me with that.
Civil Rights...all that new age rhetoric. Getting rid of arranged marriages...that silly liberal stuff.
Again, you're acting like society can't progress beyond these outdated rituals.
Of course not...you once again want to free to assert your own opinion without really taking the time to assess other views. You support the very system you have problems with. Yet you have no problems being abused by it.
Wait...is this a justification for temporary fiscal irrationality and assumed dominance over your soon-to-be wife? ...the audacity of this dude right here.
My point exactly...if shes going to bring it back up later, that just goes to show how illogical the whole system is. Shes not even happy with what she gets...not the fact she gets to live with you for the rest of her life...but the damn MARRIAGE CEREMONY.
Its flying over your heads at this point.
Gill Baka Esq. LLC.
formerly grimlock
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thats too dope...good for you man.
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Thank you sir.
What I did there...you seent it! And here I am thinking I'm being subtle......HA!
What I did there...you seent it! And here I am thinking I'm being subtle......HA!
sillyputty
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GrimlocK wrote:
illphillip wrote:
When you love someone, you compromise. THAT is something that someone who hasn't really been in a strong relationship might not understand.
(Keep that in mind when you're taking advice about relationships and marriage from SillyPutty on a message board who hasn't even told you they have a girlfriend/boyfriend and might be sitting alone in his/her bedroom with a Nasa-style setup of 9 computer screens and 1 enormous box of Kleenex).
But SHE paid for it. My wife wouldn't even accept any money from me for it. She knew she was putting together what SHE wanted. And wasn't trying to project that onto me or force me into anything.
I used some connections to keep costs down on DJ and few other things. I paid for the honeymoon.
50 guest destination wedding. Close friends and family. Inviting every co-worker, everyone you went to college or high school with etc. is just ridiculous. Think of how many people you were close to once that you barely see anymore. Why invite all those types to your wedding?
Honestly, I had a blast. And I didn't expect to.
To this day everyone calls it "just one big %%$@#%! party".
thats too dope...good for you man.
Do either of you actually make points and address the central topic OR do you all find solace in making personal jokes, of which neither of you can substantiate anything you've said?
EDIT:
Again, i can't imagine you all trading goats for your wives or traditionally kidnapping them and forcing them to marry you which are both very real things people STILL do...so why go through the pain of plopping down a bunch of dough just so other people know how much you love someone?
Its funny how you all treat someone who just does not understand WHY you do the things you do...and when you ask why, they start calling you names and getting defensive.
Thus the system reinforces itself. You're doing the bidding of the very bridal shows and industries you've grown to loathe.
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If I could add my two sense/ cents, keep it personal and practical. We have to focus on this bachelor party.
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Touché my friend, touché.
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OP im in the same position as your are. I engaged on new years eve. My girl has been talking about the wedding since day one. We've set a date for next February. My concern is that I have a ton of family that would like to take part in the ceremony or in other words, would like to just be in attendance. But, my girl doesn't have alot of family that would come to it. Im worried that if we have a small wedding, that my fam will hate me or something cause they couldn't be apart of it. My family is traditional and their ways have rubbed off on me so its hard to try to be able to please them as well as make the right decision for ourselves.
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thats too dope...good for you man.
Do either of you actually make points and address the central topic OR do you all find solace in making personal jokes, of which neither of you can substantiate anything you've said?
EDIT:
Again, i can't imagine you all trading goats for your wives or traditionally kidnapping them and forcing them to marry you which are both very real things people STILL do...so why go through the pain of plopping down a bunch of dough just so other people know how much you love someone?
Its funny how you all treat someone who just does not understand WHY you do the things you do...and when you ask why, they start calling you names and getting defensive.
Thus the system reinforces itself. You're doing the bidding of the very bridal shows and industries you've grown to loathe.
No buddy. Guess we just don't take the internet as seriously as you do.
Didn't I make points and address the central topic in my first response?
Do you just see what you want to see and believe what you want to believe regardless of the reality that surrounds you?
Pretty sure the answer is the same for both questions.
And did this response in any way make a point or address the central topic? No, you say? Oh.
Oh look, I can EDIT way after the fact too. Of course you don't understand WHY we do the things we do. You would actually need to be in a similar situation to understand it. You would actually need to EXPERIENCE these things yourself to come close to understanding them.
Yet all of your rants seem based more in theory than any firsthand experience. You like to take this academic train of thought and apply it to life matters, which involve human emotion and feeling. Not going to work. Sorry to break it to you, but life is not a textbook experience.
If my wife wants to have a wedding because it's important to her, then that is her right. If you want to judge her because you feel she's been brainwashed by tradition, feel free. I love my wife for who she is. Tradition, in it's own way, influenced her to be the beautiful person she is. I wasn't trying to reprogram her. You can do all that with whatever woman is willing to date you.
Anyone can question for the sake of questioning. I'd much rather listen to someone who can provide perspective based on experience. Isn't that what OP asked for?
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That's what my fiancee and I are doing. Even with that, we have 40+ cabins booked on the Cruise ship. Smh. It would have been even worse, 700+ people if we did the wedding anywhere State side due to the size of our families and family friendships.
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One thing I forgot to mention before. I talked to a lot of cats right before I got married.
One thing I was always amazed by is the fact that many couple can seem so happy for so long, just to have their marriages end in divorce.
How are you dating for 10 years, but married for 2? My now wife and I were always happy as a couple. So I wondered what it was about marriage that derails things.
Obviously children can complicate things. Or any number of other issues. But my boy made a great point.
So many people spend so much money that they don't have on their wedding, that they are now starting this new phase of their lives together in DEBT. And that can certainly complicate things.
Don't be that guy/girl.
One thing I was always amazed by is the fact that many couple can seem so happy for so long, just to have their marriages end in divorce.
How are you dating for 10 years, but married for 2? My now wife and I were always happy as a couple. So I wondered what it was about marriage that derails things.
Obviously children can complicate things. Or any number of other issues. But my boy made a great point.
So many people spend so much money that they don't have on their wedding, that they are now starting this new phase of their lives together in DEBT. And that can certainly complicate things.
Don't be that guy/girl.
sillyputty
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OF COURSE...
Now I agree with you!
You see how it works when you leave out the flagrant ad-hominems about your GUESSES of my personal life and stick to the topic at hand?
Amazing concept.
Spoiler [+]
Don't resort to sneak disses then act like you didn't get called out on it. None of your thinly veiled shots or your GUESSES about my personal life had anything to do with your thoughts on marriage OR your personal experiences with it. And don't act like I'm "taking the internet more seriously" than you either. You're on the NikeTalk at 4PM (EST) in the afternoon in a thread about marriage (a topic you relate to), looking for people who quote and respond to your Username, only to attempt to make additional comments. I'd say you were taking this pretty seriously. You don't have to be emotional about a topic to be taking it "seriously"...but i'll leave it to you to do what you always do an redefine the words and move the goalposts. Stop acting like you're above the conversation if all you're doing is contributing to it.
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^^illphillip
I think that's one of the points sillyputy is trying to make. People go will go WAYYY beyond their means for a ceremony that lasts a few hours at most. Why not take that money and go somewhere with your girl, or put it down on a house? I'm not even saying don't get married, don't put yourself in a situation that will you leave you in debt.
I think that's one of the points sillyputy is trying to make. People go will go WAYYY beyond their means for a ceremony that lasts a few hours at most. Why not take that money and go somewhere with your girl, or put it down on a house? I'm not even saying don't get married, don't put yourself in a situation that will you leave you in debt.
Spoiler [+]
Silly makes great points, but you guys just view him as someone who bashes everything for no reason, but every point he made is valid, and he uses logic to back it up, instead of just accepting things the way they are. I respect and agree with silly's view personally I just wish you guys could be more open minded and see his POV, instead of labeling him as the guy who doesn't like religion.
