Arranged marriages?

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Joined Apr 5, 2012
I really am just posting to let some thoughts out. Whatever follows is good with me...NT always delivers.

I'm Indian, if that matters.

So my family, and a lot of my extended family has gotten married through arranged matches. Not an 'arranged' marriage but similar. Most recently, my cousin (He's 29) that moved to the US from India a few years ago just got engaged. I was asking my mom who the girl is and how he met her etc. She tells me that his parents were looking for some matches for him, and one of their family friend's daughters in India was a good match for him . I guess they talked on Skype a few months here and there, and he is going to India next month to meet her (in person) for the first time and have an engagement ceremony.

This kind of hit me in the stomach. I knew my family, and extended family for the most part has done this and/or at least married another Indian person from a 'good family'. And this isn't like 3 or 4 people, I'm talking like 45-60 people that have married, have stayed married (no divorces) and all have good education etc.

Now, I'm in a serious relationship with an Asian girl from Korea (I'm 27 btw). I live in Korea right now but we plan to move to Cali in the next two years. I just feel a bit overwhelmed at the thought of even bringing up this girl to my family. Shock is the only word I can think of. To top it off, I don't even know 100% if she's the one. I like her/love her and all but she is just not as focused etc as I am. I'm just a little like ...lkdoADMwd right now. I don't know how she would even handle all this sort of stuff. Her maturity is a bit off, and her social skills. She's my first relationship so that makes this even more difficult for me to objectively think about (i've 'had' plenty of girls, just never had a serious serious gf till now).
 
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Joined Jun 1, 2013
I don't even know 100% if she's the one. I like her/love her and all but she is just not as focused etc as I am.  
Sounds like you guys need to have a conversation.

I don't know how she would even handle all this sort of stuff. Her maturity is a bit off, and her social skills. 

 Koreans do be like that....can't even lie.

[color= rgb(255, 255, 255)]She's my first relationship so that makes this even more difficult for me to objectively think about (i've 'had' plenty of girls, just never had a serious serious gf till now).[/color]

Hmmm....this doesn't sound too good.
 

bhergh

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First response... rockclapping.gif

Seems like you don't love her if ur gonna day like/lve at dis point or maybe u two haven't dated long..
 
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Joined Apr 5, 2012
It's not a like/love thing. I've had my 'first love' back in college, and I know this is different. I do love her. I'm just not a kid anymore and know that it isn't just that one person in the world for me romance movie. I love her to the point that I don't know if a life with me is what's best for her.

Though this is a post about me I just was wondering what people think about arranged marriages/matches? Based on the success rate I've seen from it firsthand I can't knock it. It's a maturity thing. Most arranged matches seem (that I've seen) match up people of approximately equal levels of looks and educational status. It has seemed to work pretty well from what I've seen.

I'm not familiar with it at all beside this though. Does it happen in other cultures? Do any of you have any personal experience with it?

Edit: We've been together for 2 years now. We lived together for 1 year. We just moved to a new city for her job and now I'm back to having my own place (her family is from this town so she has to live with her rents). So, we have spent a significant amount of time around each other.
 
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