Can you tell me if this is grammatically correct?

travis outlaw

travis outlaw

130
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Joined
Jun 27, 2004
Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
 
Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
 
first comma shouldn't be there. only should be there if a FANBOY follows it.

You need parallel structure on the second sentence.
 
first comma shouldn't be there. only should be there if a FANBOY follows it.

You need parallel structure on the second sentence.
 
Yes, but the number of mistakes in minimum.

"I'm a media and marketing professional who's motivated by one question: Why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive asking about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to details, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on in being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways."

Are you working on a job application?
 
Yes, but the number of mistakes in minimum.

"I'm a media and marketing professional who's motivated by one question: Why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive asking about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to details, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on in being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways."

Are you working on a job application?
 
i agree with the parallel structure and i personally think using 'constantly', 'endlessly', and 'always' is a bit redundant. try I'm incessantly reading, learning and (insert word such as asking, inquiring)
 
i agree with the parallel structure and i personally think using 'constantly', 'endlessly', and 'always' is a bit redundant. try I'm incessantly reading, learning and (insert word such as asking, inquiring)
 
OP, if you really want to make that paragraph perfect, or "academic", get rid of the contractions--seriously.

Also, that "s" that was added to "detail" isn't entirely necessary.

...
 
OP, if you really want to make that paragraph perfect, or "academic", get rid of the contractions--seriously.

Also, that "s" that was added to "detail" isn't entirely necessary.

...
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly  and learning (whether it's for work or leisure pleasure), and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve in this ever growing society.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills As a strong writer with a riveting eye and ever honing ear, capable of allotting attention to detail, and a collaborative working style that one may pride himself on as a direct result of his uninhibited mind benefacting from multifaceted cerebral intakes. , I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
Click to expand...
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly  and learning (whether it's for work or leisure pleasure), and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve in this ever growing society.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills As a strong writer with a riveting eye and ever honing ear, capable of allotting attention to detail, and a collaborative working style that one may pride himself on as a direct result of his uninhibited mind benefacting from multifaceted cerebral intakes. , I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
Click to expand...
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Originally Posted by VietStar

Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to details, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on in being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways."
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
are you sure I need an S at the end of details?
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Originally Posted by VietStar

Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to details, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on in being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways."
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
are you sure I need an S at the end of details?
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
Click to expand...
Here is my edited version on this...

I'm a media and marketing professional who is motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, learning, and staying inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve. With a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.

changes
- got rid of the first comma and added "who is"
- got rid of a constantly learning, you don't need to tell someone that, any normal human being, especially with a brain is constantly learning.
- that second sentence you have sucks, it's poorly worded I tried messing with it a bit but you need to revise that on your own with a new idea
- Got rid of "grounded" don't tell people you are grounded, that means you're not moving anywhere else and could make it seem like you are stagnant in your learning.

Overall if this is suppose to describe you on a application or resume, I'd suggest to revise and rethink. Your love for 3 descriptive words with commas stands out like a sore thumb and there is a lot of generalization.

My two cents.
 
Originally Posted by Travis Outlaw

Are there any grammatical errors in this paragraph?

I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve.Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.
Click to expand...
Here is my edited version on this...

I'm a media and marketing professional who is motivated by one question: why do people do what they do? I'm always reading, learning, and staying inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve. With a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways.

changes
- got rid of the first comma and added "who is"
- got rid of a constantly learning, you don't need to tell someone that, any normal human being, especially with a brain is constantly learning.
- that second sentence you have sucks, it's poorly worded I tried messing with it a bit but you need to revise that on your own with a new idea
- Got rid of "grounded" don't tell people you are grounded, that means you're not moving anywhere else and could make it seem like you are stagnant in your learning.

Overall if this is suppose to describe you on a application or resume, I'd suggest to revise and rethink. Your love for 3 descriptive words with commas stands out like a sore thumb and there is a lot of generalization.

My two cents.
 
There are too many run on sentences. You need to split up all of the different ideas with proper punctuation marks. It seems like you are trying to add too many "smart" words. You can say what you need to say, but be more concise. The words and ides could all flow better.

Did you turn this in for homework and it got picked apart by your teacher/professor?

You wrote:
"I'm a media and marketing professional, motivated by one question: why do people do what they do?"
This could be " As a media and marketing professional, I am constantly motivated by one question, "Why do people do what they do?""

You wrote:
" I'm always reading, constantly learning, and endlessly inquisitive about how the interaction between consumers, brands, and products continues to evolve."
Do you really need to say that you are "always reading, constantly learning and endlessly inquisitive?" Constantly learning and endlessly inquisitive are very similar, and both are more powerful than saying "always reading."
How about "I am fascinated by the evolution of consumer, brand and product interaction."

You wrote:
"Grounded in a foundation of strong writing skills, an attention to detail, and a collaborative working style, I pride myself on being a multifaceted thinker who can contribute in a variety of ways."

"Variety of ways?" Which ways? I guarantee whoever checks this will ask you that question.
How are you a "multifaceted" thinker? Also, think about the definition of "thinker." You just said you "pride yourself" on being an intellectual. Is that what you really wanted to say?
Try "My strong writing skills and attention to detail have contributed to my success in both individual and collaborative projects."

I know you really wanted grammar, but I just tried to help you have a stronger overall paragraph. 
I am sure I made my own errors, and its difficult to help not knowing your background and what you are writing it for.

Good luck.
 
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